LA, Music, Tokio Hotel & My Life A Sequel To LAMTH
by themusiclife
Summary: Sometimes there is a happy ending.But everytime,unlike all the other times in the world,you have to pay a price.What if the price was a fast emotion,something you cared about more than your own life,remnants of love you lost? What then? What do you do?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, although I wrote some of this before the even I'm now going to mention - there have been a few changes in this fic and it's OFFICIALLY based on my perception of the song "Heart's A Mess" by Gotye ;) I got that as my song-inspiration for a friend's fanfiction contest. [she's on .com, and her screen name is wolfchildsarah and she's cool. Add her ;P].**

**YAY! ****LOL, enjoy, and leave a review if you can because that would be AWESOME ;D**

NIKI

PROLOGUE

Sometimes there is a happy ending, sometimes there is that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But every time, unlike all the other sometimes in the world, you have to pay a price.  
But when the price means fast forwarding to a new era, to so many adjustments that you might never be able to handle? What if the price was something you cared about more than your own life, but something that remains a constant reminder of the love you lost? What then? What do you do?

Chapter One

"Niki? Hey?" two fingers snapped in front of my face, and then as I blinked that wide innocent smile seemed to sharpen from what had been a distant blur. I had fazed out of it again.  
"I'm sorry, I'm just so tired." I said, rubbing my eyes. Thank god the eyeliner I had on was waterproof. He stroked my hair, placing a finger under my chin, but I turned away, yawning and covering my mouth.  
"You should have said something," he said softly, pulling me by the hand so that my head rested comfortably on his chest. Bill wasn't the most well built guy on earth, but that wasn't my concern. In fact I had never been one for muscly guys. Not even the lean and toned type. They all just ticked me off in all their typicalities. I sighed, satisfied, and snuggled even closer to him and he ran a soothing hand down my back.  
"Hmmm, you sure you still want me here? I could get up you know." but I was so unwilling to do so. I adjusted myself a little more in his lap, and he snorted.  
"Yeah, right." he muttered playfully, and I smiled. I admit, it had been uncomfortable to sit the first few times in his lap. I wasn't used to being physical with someone, and I never thought I would be like that some day. I just found it hard to express my feelings, to say what I felt as openly as he did. But he just smiled every time I would look up at him and bite my lip. It made me guilty, because I knew he felt the teensiest bit hurt when I wouldn't say anything when he said something completely sweet, but on the other hand I would feel so shy that I wouldn't be able to look into his face. Thus I felt a little smug at the affect I had achieved with my words today. I guess I really was getting warmed up to the idea of this sweet talk, don't care if the paparazzi are staring while you make out with your boyfriend thing.  
At that last one I shifted uncomfortably. Guess I wasn't all that comfortable.  
Don't get me wrong, I'm a hopeless cheesy sucker for love.  
But at the same time I happen to be, well, shy.  
"Niki?" he whispered softly, and I looked up at him. We were sitting on the plush loveseat in a ginormous plane, and my hair was stuck to his shirt with static. It wouldn't be wrong for my ears to ring with "stay there guys that's the PERFECT shot." and a dozen camera clicks going off as he looked into my eyes and eased the hair off my face.  
He raised an eyebrow, face full of playful skepticism. I shook my head, resting against his chest once again. He sighed softly, hand moving away and resting on the leather of the arm in agitation.  
"I do not get upset about... About all of that."  
"You can't even say it out loud." I muttered dully, and I felt him shift the slightest bit uncomfortably. I stood up, ignoring the protests of his arms, and walked around, stretching as I avoided him completely. Yes, I felt so guilty, but it would ease everything out if he would just admit how much it affected him. I tugged at the scrunchy in my hair, and the thick brown mass that were my supposedly 'beautiful' curly locks spilled all around my face in an untidy mess. I scooped them to one side, and they fell all the way down to my waist, and then I adjusted my olive green shorts as I made my way to the little cabinet filled with colas. I grabbed a Ginger ale out of there, cracking the can open. A pair of arms wound around my waist, and a pair of lips brushed past the back of my neck.  
"Admit it." I felt the directness in my voice to my very core. I had hardly learned to curb my anger like my mother had hoped I would be able to ever since I was born; more so I had just lowered the intensity of my outward reaction. But Bill knew this well.  
He sighed, "There's nothing to admit." he said softly, forehead resting against the back of my skull. I turned around, hands rested on the high table top behind me as I looked carefully into his lying eyes.  
"You're really no good at this lying business. Just say it and save yourself the pretending. I'm incapable of being -"  
"Not true at -"  
"- as open as you and that's the truth. I just can't express myself and yes, you have a problem with it." I had overridden him once again.  
He looked on as I downed the contents of the can. We were alone, headed for a photo-shoot that didn't require anyone else. But now the quiet enjoyable afternoon had become turbulent - there were ripples in the calmness of the sea that swelled below us.  
I looked down at our legs, they met at a vertex not far from me, and as I did so the silence continued. Suddenly a finger found it's way below my chin, lifting it up.  
"It's not true." he said softly, but his words were making me feel worse.  
"Yes it is, I can see it in your eyes," my hand reached forward to stroke his face gently. I wanted him so bad. All the time, that too. And in the most explicit way possible.  
But I just couldn't express myself!  
"I can see it every single time I can't say shit after the many things that you do." I looked up at him, a hand reaching for his, and he caught it by the wrist and jerked me forward so that I was close as before, "And I wish I could fix it. It's just -"  
He leaned forward suddenly, kissing me softly.  
"You don't need to." he whispered softly as he broke away. "It affects me, maybe. But I guess I'm happy you finally seem to have a flaw." he said, smirking cockily, and I shoved him away, irritated that he wouldn't see the aggravation I was feeling, but he caught my arm, pulling me closer once again.  
"All I know is that you're warming up to the idea, whether you like it or not." and then he winked, which made me smile once again and I leaned in to kiss him, and he pulled me closer as he drew little circles into the small of my back.  
He smiled, letting me go, "I love you," he whispered, still smiling softly.  
**CRRRRRASHH!**  
I woke with a jolt, and Bill caught my arm to keep me from falling. I looked around, befuddled at the fact that the setting of this reality mimicked the setting of the dream, or the other way around. I wasn't even awake enough to know that.  
I leaned back into Bill as my head began to hurt with the sudden rush.  
"That had to be the weirdest dream ever, where I fought with you since you wouldn't admit that -"  
"Yeah, that wasn't a dream." he said, a laugh evident in his voice.  
"Oh," I said stupidly, and he hummed as he massaged my upper arms. I tilted my head to one side, thinking it through.  
"But in reality nothing crashed like glass and woke me up." And as soon as I said that I felt stupid.  
"Yeah, and in reality it wasn't six in the evening over a Spanish bay. We got delayed. Turbulence." Bill stroked my hair gently as I looked into his eyes. I took support of the loveseat's arms as I sat up straight and sideways in his lap.  
He smirked at my dazedness, "Go freshen up. We're landing in some."  
Fifteen minutes later saw me leaving the supposedly 'mini' jet with Bill right by my side, and two bodyguards before and after us.  
"Wait, how long is the shoot thing? I got the brief that it was going to 'depend on the 'atmosphere'." I said sarcastically, air quotes added for benefit to explain the photographer's 'caring' choice of words. Bill smirked slyly, and I couldn't help but wink at him.  
"Let's just say we're gonna be 'exhausted' by the end of it." he said cockily, and I giggled at the intended implications.  
"Bring it. I have stamina."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"Okay take two guys that was great. Fabulous. We may even finish on time!"  
I relaxed out of my position with a sigh, I think my arm was beginning to hurt it had rested so long on Bill's shoulder.  
He grabbed my hand, pulling me to the tray of treats some way off. This was a typical old style photo-shoot for us - the candy, the crazy clothes.  
The beach.  
It was somewhere around five in the morning, and the sun seemed half way up in the sky by some miracle. This is what seemed to be the only irritating point for me in Europe - their long, long days that started WAY too early.  
I grabbed a glass of water, gulping it down while Em chatted at me. We'd met her here in Barca along with her sister.  
"Auds WHEN are you coming back to LA? I mean I need someone to fix me up with an outfit, the VMAs are coming closer!"  
She winked back at me. She'd been here for about 2 months now, staying with her new boyfriend. They really did seem so serious. I hadn't seen her so happy since the opening of her little boutique.  
Em played with my hair, tugging a red streak. I had switched back to the same hairstyle I had had when I was eighteen, but in the time between then and now the humidity levels in California and India had rocketed sky high by my standards. So much so my thick, coffee brown hair had begun to curl softly, and it hadn't done so in a year or two now.  
I heard Em giggle as Bill poked her side, and she crawled into my lap. She was about ten years old now, and so pretty. She'd gone on her mother as far as looks went, I knew from a picture I had seen of her.  
"I'll be there next week. But only for you." Audrey said, pointing her cigarette in my face, and I coughed.  
"Don't know why you smoke those things." I said, disgusted as I continued to cough, and she pulled it back and put it out. I immediately felt better.  
"Well you made me stop, are you going to try that on Auds too now?" Bill said sulkily from the side, and I looked at him in agitation.  
"Those things cause lung cancer. And they ruin your voice. Idiot."  
He shook his head, but winked at me anyway, and I smiled back. Right now I was far from exhausted. I had managed to gulp down three cups of hot black coffee.  
"Alright you two, you're back on!" one of the dudes up ahead shouted. And me and Bill huffed as we got up once again.  
"Ready to get physical in Sherlock Holmes' era?" Bill said slyly, and then winked at me as he snaked an arm around my waist, but I swatted the hand away playfully, kissing him on the cheek as I caught his shocked expression.  
"Shut up. Lions hunt us phoenixes, they never court them." I said in a noble British accent, and he chuckled.  
"Every rule has an exception." he whispered as we took our places among the ruffles of the fabric on the sand, and I raised my eyebrows skeptically. He smirked, and so it began again.  
By the end of that sunny day I was quite sick of the makeup painted on my face. So when we got back on the plane that evening, and I trudged up to the sofa and plopped down with a bucket full of nachos and cheese and a blanket that I refused to share with Bill just to get a reaction out of him, I found my eyes closing slowly of their own accord. An hour later the both of us seemed to wake well rested although we knew that was not the case. The lifestyle had taught us to believe that what we felt wasn't always reality.  
I tap tapped on my phone as Bill continued to watch The Colour Purple on the flat screen. Out of the blue I seemed to realize that the volume had been muted, and I looked up to see Bill pulling out a Budweiser from the mini fridge by his side. He looked at me and smiled, passing me a tiny wine bottle. (Hey, I liked the drink way too much. So kill me.) I pulled out a suitable wine glass from one of the corner cabinets and poured myself some of the red liquid.  
"I've got something to tell you."  
I looked up to find Bill fidgeting with his nails once again, and my eyebrows rose up. He had a habit of doing so only when he was unsure of my reaction regarding something he'd done.  
"Yeah?" I asked him, sitting up straight.  
He didn't answer, but continued to fidget with the rings on his fingers.  
"I... You remember yesterday afternoon we spoke about -"  
"Me being my idiotic self, yeah. What about that?"  
"Euhm... And me denying it?"  
I couldn't understand where this was headed.  
"Er, yeah?"  
"Well, I feel guilty, but you have to hear me out! I didn't mean to not tell you! I just, I didn't know how to - I just couldn't -"  
"Wait, back up a second, WHAT is this about in the first place?" I said, walking up to him and plopping down.  
"Euhm... Remember last month Tom would keep bugging me how I 'loved my fans way too much' and he would snicker...?"  
"Yeah...?" I said, trying hard to look into his face, but his head was bent far too low in embarrassment.  
"Well it was because... This girl she... She was in my room and she just jumped on me! And I didn't know what was happening and -"  
"OH. MY. GOD. OH MY - AHAHAHAHAHA WHAT? Oh sweet baby Jesus... Gosh I'm so sorry it's just - oh... Oh my..." he looked at me, an incredulous expression on his face, and I stopped, looking at him as I tried to keep a straight face.  
"I just meant that - oh my God you thought I would get upset? Bill you -" my giggles new no bounds as I imagined his reaction to the imaginary fangirl in my head. He looked away now, sulking, and I scooted closer, forcing his face towards me.  
"And here I actually thought I was guilty." he muttered dully. I sighed.  
"I don't see how in hell you could have prevented a fangirl throwing herself at you." My voice was quiet as I spoke, and he looked at me carefully.  
"Look, we're both idiots that way! I blamed myself and you did the same thing! We need to get over ourselves on that, that's it." I smirked, giggling slightly at the childish nature of most of our disputes and counting myself lucky, and, hesitantly, he smirked back.  
"Now c'mon, finish that beer. But no getting drunk!" I said, getting up and walking up to the bathroom. I heard him snicker behind me.

_**REVIEW BITTE?**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Sorry I didn't update in mad long! But enjoy this one ;P**_

_**REVIEW BITTE? **_

_**:D**_

Chapter Three

"'Hmmmm."  
"I don't wanna get up."  
"No choice."  
"Even musicians don't get to pick their deadlines? I don't like -"  
A hand pulled me up to my feet, pulling me in to prevent me getting a head rush.  
"You're really babysitting me since yesterday."  
"No." Bill said softly.  
"Yes." a cocky voice answered from across the room  
My head snapped as I caught my brother-in-law sitting with a newspaper in his hand; he winked at me and I high fived him in response.  
"Thought you gave up on those." I said as I settled right next to him, Bill lounging on the sofa.  
"You haven't even been back on the road a day and you've begun with the questions already!" he said, grumbling playfully.  
"Shut up!" I replied just before I drained my coffee.  
"All o' y'all shut up." Payal muttered as she walked in rubbing her eye, agitated and sleepy.  
I turned to Tom again, "Did you throw water on her again?" the staged fear evident in my voice.  
"Two whole buckets." he said proudly. And I shook my head, having seen the lost cause.  
"What?" he exclaimed in defense, "I was getting bored!"  
"Idiot." I heard my sister mutter from next to my boyfriend, and I couldn't help but snicker.  
"Okay I have to admit she's a laugh when she's sleepy." I said between bouts of the same, and she stuck her tongue out with a frown painted on her face. Tom blew her an uncharacteristic but teasing kiss in response and he and I only laughed harder. She mimicked us (which seemed to me to be an utter failure) and then stalked off to the bathroom just as the bus halted and Stella, Geo and Gusti got on board.  
"Where're the two divas?" I asked as Tom continued to laugh on my shoulder. They smiled, Gusti still half asleep and as grumpy as ever.  
"Still sleeping."  
"You're way too nice with them." I told Geo and he moved toward me, ruffling my hair.  
"Maybe you're way too rude." he said, and I play-fought him off.  
I grabbed a cucumber stick from the little basket I had arranged just last night, and bit into the crunchy fruit.  
"What's on the news today!" I asked grandly, Criminal Minds style. Tom rubbed his hands together as he picked up the abandoned newspaper once again.  
"Well, you and Bill got the biggest picture -"  
"Haha!" Bill exclaimed, head turned sideways to look at his brother who acknowledged him with a smile and a nod (not something fans would see often on the camera, to them the twins were always play-fighting).  
"- and Stella and Georg you guys got the same size as me and my unbelievably sleepy wife -"  
Payal grumbled in the corner and Gusti rubbed her arm out of pure courtesy as he continued to hold back sleepy laughter.  
"- AND Gusti you got a full page article! Congrats my man!"  
Everyone oohed and aahed in correlation with our daily performing act, and then the usual giggles followed which I was very much affiliated to. Tom snickered and Geo shook his head, while the rest giggled (including my ridiculously agitated twin sister), and Bill pretended to be indifferent but winked as he caught mine and Tom's eye, out of which the latter wolf whistled, resulting in me blushing, but then smacking him upside the head, causing him to mutter unintelligibly which only made everyone laugh.  
This was a normal day on tour with Tokio Hotel and The Thirteen Moons of Demetria: everyday, of every week, for about eight months a year - this is what we did. We had fun, then we got to a hotel, dressed up and then we performed on stage or did an interview or something along those lines (well we weren't always together... In fact this was a rarity, but you get the point).  
It sounds boring to most people but it was my whole life. It was music, it was all I'd ever dreamed of doing since age fourteen.  
And here I was doing it with my favorite people of all time.  
My phone rung on the linoleum counter top, and I snapped out of my babbling mind narrative. I picked it up, walking closer towards the door differentiating the driver from us and pressed the call button.  
"Yep?"  
"Hey, sweets whatcha up to?" the sexy voice of my gay best friend greeted me across the line. So much had changed over the years since I entered the music biz abroad. I'd gotten a drama saga out of my love life, my sister had gotten married and hadn't turned lesbian like our bet had entailed from when we were fifteen (she had still looked - if you know what I mean - but only until she met dear Tom... I had always predicted she'd fall for some guy like him, since they were her weakness, to put it sweetly.) and I had now acquired a hot gay best friend (namely THE Adam Lambert). Top that off with the fact that my boyfriend has acquired the title of Sexiest Man Alive too many times to bother counting anymore (try telling anyone anymore that he's gay. They'll just laugh at you, no matter what they themselves think) and (miraculously) that was the case for me as well.  
Jeez.  
So all in all I was pretty successful as far as achieving my career plans went, and I had received unexpected love (and of different kinds too) along the way.  
Hence, despite the ups and the downs, I could conclude that the years following up to today (which was exactly a month from my 23rd birthday) seemed to be some of the most influential years of my life, and it made me even more happy to think of the fact that my relationship with Bill had finally stabilized. It hadn't been long since we got back together, but it didn't matter.  
Well, at least not to us.  
I grimaced, but snapped out and away from the train of thought as the bus leaped and caused me to trip and then regain my balance.  
"Good morning Adam." I sung, realizing next that I was still on the phone.  
He laughed across the line.  
"Someone sounds happy."  
"Nah, content with the whole package."  
"Oooh nice. Then dig this - I'm coming over next weekend."  
I smirked, "You self invited yourself again?"  
"Yeah! I'm not missing your birthday!"  
I chuckled, turning around and answering Bill's questioning expression with a wink as a mouthed my second best friend's name.  
"Oh, and guess who's coming with me?"  
I paused in between playing visual footsie with my boyfriend and turned around, focusing solely on ADD's sly tone of voice.  
"Who?"  
"Tatadada! DRUM ROLL! TANZINAAA!"  
My breath caught, I hadn't spoken to the girl in quite a while. She had been in England and I had been much too busy here. But I had missed her. We had texted a few times but not enough, not to my liking.  
"Oh."  
"Shocked? Yeah, this happening baby." a smile crept up my face - both at the enthusiasm in ADD's voice and also at the prospect of meeting my sister once again.  
"Okay, okay now that the news is delivered - I have to go. I will see you next weekend, and I'm here to stay till your birthdays done. Say hi to everyone for me babe!"  
"Bye ADD."  
I turned around, even more pleased with my line of thought this morning.  
"ADAM SAYS HI EVERYONE!"  
"Hi back - even though he's off the phone... but still."  
Laughter broke out once again, and was soon taken over by a tidal wave of chatter so high that I soon lost myself in the surge. I felt a hand tug on my fingers, and looked up to find Bill looking straight into my eyes. I raised my eyebrows; no one was wolf whistling at us this time.  
"What?" I mouthed.  
He shook his head, just squeezed my hand and placed a kiss upon my forehead. I had no idea why, but somehow the time I spent with Bill seemed little even now. And it wasn't even a stupid claim - on average I met him once a month for about five days, and almost all five were spent with the whole gang.  
So basically in a year I hung with him alone for not more than two weeks.  
There goes my good mood down the gutter.  
I sighed, "I wanna get out of here." I said to him, but softly enough that only he heard. He let out a long breath.  
"I know." Resignation. I could hear it clearly. It made me slump in hopelessness, but he caught my face by the chin and gave me a quick kiss before anyone caught us. He turned the other way then, plopping down on the sofa, and for the first time ever, I plopped down into his lap without being pulled or lured into it. He looked down at me, bemused and mildly surprised, but his arms locked around me anyway, and I leaned into his warm frame as he nosed into my hair. It made me feel better, and it calmed my suddenly sensitive nerves. I could hear his heart, and I loved the sound, and soon I could laugh with the rest of the gang again.  
This is how I healed every day.  
It was in these little rivulets of happiness that I found my modified Anne of Green Gables moment, and these made me so happy.  
"I love you." the voice tickled my ear, and my heart thudded happily - and even louder than it usually did when I was around him - as I heard the words.  
"I love you too."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"FUCK! FUCK YOU FUCKING BITCH OF BITCHTOWN FUCK YOU'RE -"  
"TOM I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS BUT SHUT YOUR FUCKING HOLE BEFORE SOMEONE SHOVES A DICK IN THERE! Lazy fuck in life... Who the fuck abuses their amp and guitar?" A few unintelligible words followed, but I didn't follow, I was too busy giggling as Nath tried doing my hair while holding back her own crazy laughter.  
"BITCH!" Tom shouted one last time, sounding completely creepy (and euhm... wrong) and it just made me giggle harder.  
"Crazy fuck -"  
"TOM SIE ARSCHLOCH DU BIST -"  
"Okay break it up!" as usual - and unlike what most people would think - Geo stepped in like I'd seen Gordon do every time when we were in Germany. He always played the father, and right now it was quite necessary, for we couldn't have the twins roaming around with black eyes if we were to be on stage in front of 60,000 people and answering an interview after performing 3 songs.  
Yep, they were still kids.  
People would have you think that I or Payal should step into the two idiots' fighting, but truth be told (and since all of us were involved in the 'twin thing' as Gustav always called it) we'd given up on the two babies and their ridiculously competitive mind babble. They were so bad sometimes they'd literally lunge at each other's throats.  
"Bill, get a life and get BACK to your eyeliner." I sighed as I tilted my head back to help Nath with her work. She smirked at me in the mirror, and so did Geo as Bill huffed back to his spot inches away from the bathroom mirror.  
"Idiot." I heard Gustav mutter, and I snickered, pausing only to pick up my vibrating cell phone, and as I caught my mother's number on the screen I sighed; she was still on my case. Even after all these months.  
"Yes mum."  
"Hi, can you talk?"  
"No, um, I have to go on stage in some time."  
I heard her sigh across the line as she heard Bill laugh again, and the sound made me clench my fists in agitation.  
"I'll talk to you some other time then. Love you."  
"Bye mom." teeth gritted, I turned the other way, only to start laughing again at Toms freaky faces. He frowned at me, giving me the bird, which ended in Bill pinching his ear fast and hard. I didn't even understand how he got so superhuman as to babysit his own elder brother. It was such a paradox.  
"Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry -"  
"Direct that there." and my own boyfriend nodded in my direction. And Tom turned to me in all his pre - stage, angry glory.  
"- sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry."  
"Better. Now shut that fucking hole!"  
There was silence for a moment; then the really grumpy kid who spoke and looked like my brother-in-law said "Fine." and everyone snickered.  
"Idiot." Gusti muttered again.  
"I'm just glad you stopped putting lip gloss." Geo said, winking at me, and I heard Bill huff and look up from the mirror he was bending in front of.  
"THAT used to look back then."  
"No." everyone worked unanimously to make it clear to the poor, poor boy. I giggled some more, agreeing completely with everyone's opinion, but I knew I dare not voice it. I knew Bill was looking right back at me, but I ignored him teasingly and smirked on. As we got out of the large, sound-proof room he caught my hand, but I teasingly brushed it away, answering his questioning look with a wink of my own. I was just having a ball, and to think next week some of my favorite people would be back for my birthday. This was bliss.  
"What's go-"  
But then we stepped onto the stage, and the screams of 60,000 fans that were here from all over the world were overwhelming us, and everything was forgotten.  
"_We are dogs unleashed -_  
_Numb, so when I hear you say it_  
_Out of control_  
_Or are you_  
_Full of dreams nobody knows_  
_Unleashed_  
_And numb_  
_We are dogs unleashed_  
_Tonight_  
_Tonight!_  
_We are numb..._"  
Face to face, we looked into each other's eyes, sharing a breath and loosing sense of everything else. But then as the screams finally broke through to our intertwined souls, I smiled, and he blinked as if awakening from a beautiful daze.  
I winked at him as we sat down center stage to answer the questions, but not once could my eyes meet his. As we got off the stage, into the sea of fans and then finally to the bus, all the others were already taking a raincheck.  
As I stood there, the crowd's adrenaline pumped encourages still zinging in my ears, a pair of arms wound their way around my waist, and although we weren't the driest people on earth in that moment (in fact we were quite soaked in our own sweat), I turned around to lean into him. As I looked up into his face and took a step back since it was getting slightly uncomfortable he smirked slyly at me, pulling me in where I couldn't move and my heart thudded louder than ever.  
"I think that bedroom at the back's empty tonight." I blushed, looking down, but I looked back up and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.  
"You picked the wrong night for the first."  
He groaned, letting loose a little and holding my hand.  
"How the hell was I supposed to know? You weren't even grumpy!"  
I smiled softly, looking sideways at his frowning face as I led him to the bunks at the back of the bus.  
"I've had 11 years of experience in my arsenal that's taught me to cover up."  
He muttered something unintelligible in his native tongue.  
I led him to the main bedroom anyway, seeing as all the others were boarded. I sat him down, and trudged back to change into something more comfortable than the sweaty skin tight clothes I was currently in. My hair came loose from the numerous braids I had placed it in that night, and I breathed out an assured breath.  
I walked back to the room, only to find Bill lounging on the bed in his favorite black tee and lose boxers. It was the only time either of us seemed to wear loose clothes. I pulled out the extra large light sheet that I usually slept in, and he crept right under it - eyes alert and Kohl spreading in every possible direction. He patted the spot right next to him, and I crept right in too.  
"Baby." I muttered teasingly, but as he pinned me to the bed and kissed me deeply in response I knew he wasn't just doing all of this to complete some kind of whim or something; it seemed to him the only way to express how he was feeling.  
I pulled him closer gently, and our noses nudged each other suddenly. He kissed my forehead, and as he backed up to look into my face I realized there would be nowhere else I'd ever want to be. I smiled at the thought, and he did too, and as he kissed me once again before pulling my curled form into him into our regular sleeping position, he had managed to tell me exactly what was on his mind -  
"Let's just stay this way forever."


	5. Chapter 5

BILL

PROLOGUE  
When things cannot stand up with the help of these two hands intertwined to form a single body, there's nothing you think you can do except hold her and cry. But, maybe, there's a way. Maybe there is a dark tunnel with light at it's end. Maybe you just have to find it.  
But maybe you just feel you aren't trying hard enough.

Chapter Five

"Get up lovebirds! Time to move it!"  
"Hmmmmm no I'm not gonna -"  
"Shut up, BEFORE I WHOOP YOUR ASS!"  
"Oh good God there she goes."  
I cracked an eye open and watched her get up and walk away, and the site made me sit up as she stretched and followed her sister out the room. I wished she wouldn't leave.  
I lay there, lethargic and dazed, until she re-entered the room with my brother and a cup of black coffee and another of green tea. She handed over the second one to me, while stirring the first and then handing it over to my brother.  
"It's five in the morning. We need to get ready and move out. Lots of interviews."  
I sighed, rolling over in sleepy agitation, and Tom stuck his tongue out as he plopped down next to me. I waved a hand at him in response.  
An hour and a half later saw all eight of us along with our crew - waiting for the brief from Saki before we walked out into the crowd.  
"Okay, the fans are gonna be pushing and pulling from here, here, and here, ja? So we're just gonna take the back route, give them a glimpse of you, and then move in. On the inside you guys gotta take the lift on the left, and we're moving to the third floor. Interview starts in 1 and a half hours." pointing to the different areas on the map as he mentioned them.  
Why does it take so long to get to the interview if we escape the confines of our tour buses so early? Well, I got one word for you guys - actually two: excited fans.  
Yep, those loyal people who I owe my whole career to can't help but get in the way of an artist and the interview venue.  
Ironic, eh?  
As I nodded, and we all got up and prepared to head out, the door opened and the screams outside got louder. Some screamed of love, some of heartbreak, but they were all for us. As usual the fear seeped into my pores as I came face to face with all of the people who had been waiting right here for all of us since the past 2 days. I managed to pull out a sharpie and sign a few articles, and so did the others, and just as the sun was becoming quite evident in the sky we got to the inside. I huffed in relief, but resisted running a hand through my hair, I didn't want to mess it up now. I turned to look around, and noticed Niki's hair was wavy-straight again; the moderate humidity levels had done her good. She seemed slightly happier, but of course we all took note if this. But there was something else that had resulted in this sudden exhilaration since last night.  
After the usual hand swatting and teasing (that I was always a crucial part of) we finally reached a stop as we got to the set of the interview. A sullen looking man sat behind the camera, and didn't even manage a smile as we wished him a good morning, and the contrastingly lively interviewer shook each of our hands and made light conversation as people came around checking on our makeup, and until it was time for the cameras to roll. Our audience - which filed in a while later - wasn't large, since the room couldn't hold a sizable number, but the warm smiles greeting us were good enough for my heart to rest comfortably against my chest.  
"So," Tom muttered in my ear, "did you two do it yet?" I groaned. There goes my good mood.  
"Tomi!" I half whined-half snapped at him, and my girlfriend raised a freaked out eyebrow at me, causing me to turn a delicate shade of pink. She shook her head in defeat and turned back to the cameraman, who was now giving the countdown.  
The cameras had begun to roll, and everybody put on a smile. I don't think even one out of the eight of us was paying any attention to the hosts introduction. Well, except Niki. She took the first cue for a reason.  
"So, guys - tough few months?"  
Niki rambled a little in Spanish, and so did Payal - and only moments later a translation reached my ear piece, just like it had for the question -  
"With the media, yes. With the fans, not really, they've been very, very supportive."  
The host nodded, slightly surprised.  
"So are you two like the translators or interceptors or something?"  
She laughed slightly, and I couldn't help but gaze fondly at her, the love of my life. I thought I heard a few 'awww's in the audience.  
"No, euhm, I just find it nice to speak the native tongue wherever we go. It's not like the rest of us don't talk, you just need to ask a question and they'll fire away."  
Some in the audience giggled nervously, and the show host winked at me and the boys.  
"Actually we have some questions from the audience you know..." she trailed off in weak English, and we all nodded our heads and said our 'yes'. Soon the mike was passed on to a decent looking guy in the back row.  
"Euhm, this one's for Niki," he didn't seem to have much of an accent, and his eyes burned with excitement. I think I already knew the question, and I watched her turn completely to face him, and he seemed to melt. I held in a bark of laughter.  
"If you hadn't fallen in love with Bill, was there a chance for me?" some in the audience laughed, the others cheered him on. I watched as she laughed softly, and then begun to reply in Spanish.  
"Would you have a chance...? Eh, let's see, euhm... Are you talking like, if I didn't know him at all, or -"  
"Both." the boy said quickly, and she giggled a little more.  
"Yeah... Let's see euhm, if I still knew him - it was an inevitability that I sort of you know fell in love with him"- a lot of 'whoop!'s and I smirked at the crowd-" but if I hadn't met him or known him at all... Hmmm"- she sized him up in a flirtatious manner, but only I knew well enough to tell she was trying to tease me. Maybe I would tell her later that she had succeeded completely-"then maybe... Knick-knack! Who knows? I think... Yeah! Maybe, yeah."  
She winked at him, and he seemed to burst with happiness. The tease was definitely working; all I wanted to do now was pull her close and declare in front of everybody how I wouldn't let that happen.  
"Bill, what would you do if they asked you that question?" another fan asked. I snapped out of my day dream, and looked up.  
"I would say I'm her's any which way. So... You can't really change that. Yeah..." the crowd giggled, and the hostess smirked.  
"So I think we know who's the boss in this relationship!"  
"Oh, you have no idea." I said, winking as I played along, and Niki laughed once again.  
"Nice one!" she said, and the audience laughed too now.  
"It's true," I said, still playing the damsel, but then I smirked as an obvious give-away.  
A few more questions followed, and then they proceeded to ask us more about our joint tour and the new albums. Then came the point where the questions came from online fans.  
"Okay, this one in from Caramel -"  
"Uh-huh."  
"-she says 'Bill are you still a' okay no forget that one." and everyone laughed. I did too, but as the laughter died I heard my brother say "Yeah I'm not allowed to comment on that anymore so... Yeah... That's why they have to ask, you know, to know better."  
I glared at him playfully from time to time for the rest of the morning.  
10:30 that morning saw us leaving the venue, but only for another two interviews. On the way the girls seemed to have updated their Myspace page.  
By afternoon we all seemed quite exhausted, but as we gulped some lukewarm coffee and grabbed a completely unhealthy (and that's why it tastes so good) burger, we seemed to have fallen down our chairs poking fun at Gustav or Georg or someone else. We even pulled on Nathalie's leg for a while, until she just stopped responding. That's when Jost walked in, holding a cell phone and balancing his baby nephew in his two calloused hands.  
"Your sister's gonna kill you if she catches you like that Dave."  
"Huh? Oh, yeah... But listen guys. GUYS! you have the rest of today off. The other channels cancelled. Apparently they're going on some kind of strike 3 o'clock onwards."  
So it was then as we checked into the hotel early and goofed around the lobby that I REALLY got some sleep. See, all last night I was secretly on the phone with my girlfriend and my sister-in-law's brother.  
There were complications.  
But then, in that moment, I couldn't have bothered less. As I awoke around an hour later (which was when they managed to load all our luggage up and allot us rooms) I found my arm linked with Payal's and Niki's on either side.  
"Hey, lady's man." Tom said, smirking to look at me and tipping his cap in supposed respect. Payal kicked him, and he blew her a kiss. She snorted sarcastically.  
"Alright Niki you're in room 1033 -"  
"Great, that's where all the guitars will be then!" the person in question said, changing route to stand hand in hand with me in the huge hallway. In regard to her culture and her mum and dad we'd tried not being together when it came to bed and boarding, but then we just compromised and took the sneaky route. The only reason Niki didn't feel bad about it was because we weren't doing anything, if you know what I mean.  
"- and Payal and Tom take 1035."  
"Great. Goodnight. See ya." Payal ran off and out of my brother's waiting grasp.  
"Isn't she moody." my brother said, smirking jokingly.  
"I'm headed to the pool. Anyone coming?"  
There was a lot of muttering about swimming trunks and costumes as everyone agreed on the second pool on the beach.  
I looked up as I watched her walk ahead, and leave the door open as she left her luggage in and called after Gustavo for some steak. When she walked in half an hour later I was ready for her, and I scooped her in as I pinned her against the door. She smiled at me, her eyes twinkling.  
"Bill, are you still a-"  
"Yeah maybe I'll change that today." I said hurriedly, stopping her mockery, and she laughed. I let her go, barring any exit anyway with my arm against the wood, and she looked straight into my eyes, obviously trying to guess what I planned to do with blocking her there.  
"How do you like that idea?" I said softly, leaning in, and she glanced down before looking back up at me with a part smirk on her face. The mischief glinted in her eyes, and I played along to it. We often had these stupid games at least once in the day; sometimes we even played them in front of the others just to make them laugh too.  
But never was it played with such intensity as now.  
She broke out into a smirk, and as her hand came to rest on my chest and she leaned in and kissed me, one of her nails stroked their way down the side of my neck, causing me to moan helplessly.  
"I thought you were vegetarian." she whispered in the moment before we kissed again, not realizing just how inviting she sounded, and I shivered at the effect she had on me.  
"Maybe I'll change that too."  
She chuckled, and I suddenly longed for more, but just as I planned to pull her closer she pushed me away with a light laugh and a wink, but I pulled her close once more. Pinning her to the wall, my arms wound around her waist, and she seemed to try desperately to pull me closer.  
"Maybe I'll change a lot of other things today as well." I whispered in her ear as a hand drifted up towards her hair and braided itself there. She chuckled softly, but the sound was rendered incomplete as I pulled her into me and kissed her once again. I just couldn't seem to stop, and it seemed to me a miracle that I hadn't let my hands roam yet. At the thought they seemed to grip her tighter for a second of their own accord.  
"Like?" she whispered back in late response to my earlier statement; I looked into her face - deep into her coffee brown irises, and I watched her blush softly as she was reduced to her shy side once again. I leaned further in, leaving barely any airspace between us, and as my lips brushed close to her ear, I felt the grip that she had on my neck tighten the slightest bit.  
"You'll have to find out." but as I leaned even closer to pin her once again, she pushed me away once more and managed to escape this time, laughing playfully as she went.  
I watched her move, so graceful, and I couldn't help but feel that in that moment I had actually wanted the 'idea' to be 'approved'. I sighed, trying to control my hormones and my emotions.  
But who can control involuntary mating impulses.  
"And I don't think you're a virgin." she called out in the same seductive tone that had been present in her voice all this while, and my hands shook, begging me to let them tell her that maybe she was right.  
I have no control over my stupid man-ness.  
I don't even think that's a damn word!  
Great.  
"Oi! Okay you need to either change or grab your trunks. Should I wait, or otherwise I'll head down."  
I shook my head, and she stood there, hands on hips - confused.  
"Stay." I said, unable to manage anything else. She made her way back to where I stood, hands shaking slightly, and I looked into her beautiful, soulful eyes.  
"What?" she said softly, and it only made my situation worse.  
"N-nothing." I uttered with quite a lot of difficulty. The effects she had on me - their degree was worsening, I was incapable of any kind of control.  
I wanted to be incapable of any kind of control.  
She raised an eyebrow, so innocent and clueless.  
"I'll go get them trunks and clean up then." I muttered painstakingly, and stumbled across the spacious room and towards the huge dresser in the bathroom. I heard her sigh behind me. I looked up at my face, I was slightly flushed, and sweating bullets. No wonder she asked me what was up.  
I sighed, getting the Kohl off my face with a wet wipe. Lately that was the only thing I had been applying. Magazines kept talking about how 'manly yet chic' I was now. That was one burden off my back.  
Taking off all the rings (I wasn't going to part with those. Ever.), I took a deep breath and ran a wary hand through my loose shoulder length hair. The blonde highlights were back in it, and I'd begun to wear checked shirts with a pair of jeans. The accessories remained the same. I just had a thing for more 'normal looking' clothes now, but I was still rockstar, only with the slightest hint that I had muscles and wasn't just skin and a skeleton.  
Yes, Tomi forced me to work out.  
But maybe the only reason I did it was because I finally wanted people to know I was a guy.  
Like a straight guy.  
I grabbed my swimming trunks from the corner and got out, only to find her tap tapping as she waited. She was looking down at her phone and frowning, but as she acknowledged my presence she shut the device off and dropped it on the bed while she swung the door open. I followed her out, but was silent the lift ride down. We caught one of the camera men in the lobby, and as he waved, we waved back.  
As we made our way to the pool we heard the laughter.  
"ANNNDDDDD HE SCORES AND HE'S WON IT! TOM KAULITZ DOES IT AGAIN!"  
"Oi SHUT UP!"  
There was a camera filming in the corner and I couldn't help but smile as we walked forward, hand in hand. She leaned into me, and I savored it, for the guys would start poking fun soon. She let me go, moving towards the corner and into the changing rooms, and I strode forward and snatched the volleyball right out of Tom's hands.  
"Hey!"  
"Aw, BITCH! Tom you're outta luck!"  
I smirked at Geo, and served my twin brother a slam dunk across the net.  
"Go Billi! Uh-huh! Go Billi!"  
"Oi bitch you turning into a girl or something? Stella your dude's a goner!"  
"Like the power puff rangers -"  
"You mean the power puff GIRLS?"  
"No I mean rangers as in 50-50."  
"OH. MY. GOD. YOU DID NOT JUST-"  
"Yep, I did!"  
"Fuck you bitches!" Zoey shouted, and I snickered as I threw her into the pool, and then jumped right in after her. She laughed and splashed at me. I heard a splash, but didn't notice my girlfriend until she pulled me down into the water, and flashed me a quirky smile while we were still under.  
I gasped for air as I got to the surface, drenched and still in my clothes as everyone laughed at the sight. A few more splashes - everyone was jumping right in, and they arranged the volleyball net across the pool. Tom did the 'gangsta' dance where he stood in the water.  
"Bring it!" he said, puckering his lips.  
We played, but after a while the game collapsed to an easy banter, and then reconstructed itself in the form of Truth and Dare.  
"Okay, here's a good one," Zoe said, turning towards me, and I shrunk a little into Niki instinctively. I felt her stiffen as well. We both knew what was coming, and we didn't think we were exactly comfortable with it. I looked around. At least the cameras were gone.  
"Mack. Right here right now. I wanna see what you got."  
I blinked a few times, "I'm sorry...?"  
"She means grope. Right here right now." Tom said, sounding fed up, and me and Niki sprung apart like like poles of a magnet.  
"Not grope!" Zoe clarified, disgusted. "Make out!"  
Niki huffed in agitation, "Yeah... Real mature guys like that's better than Tom's suggestion." she said sarcastically, sidling back next to me, and my hand wound back around her waist gently.  
But they all just stared back.  
"NO!" she shouted from next to me, but they still looked on. I admit, I felt like slapping all of them too.  
"Mack... What's wrong with macking?"  
Niki raised her eyebrows, and everyone was silent for a while.  
"You're seriously asking me that? Well here's my answer - I'm sorry I like to keep wherever my hands roam whenever I kiss my boyfriend between him and me. I'm so sorry I'm freaking orthodox."  
And that's when she got up and left.  
There was a silence in which no one seemed to feel ashamed. I turned reproachfully towards Tom, but he just shrugged, and I felt infuriated.  
"What are you - ?" but I couldn't even find the right word to use. I got up too, disgusted for the first time with my friends.  
Soaking and wet, I got into the lift, ignoring the stares I was receiving. I was used to them anyway. As I stood in there and closed my eyes her face from last night, just after I'd kissed her - that happy face - it flashed behind my lids, and I felt even worse. My fists clenched of their own accord, but as I reached the door of the room my heart broke, and she continued to let out two more heart wrenching sobs even after I had heard the first one.  
"Niki -"  
"I told you you shouldn't have fallen in love with me!" she cried out, and I slipped to the floor on my side of the door.  
"Don't say that." I whispered. I knew it sounded like the smallest thing to someone else, but it was IN her, it was a part of who she was and her culture. Unlike her sister who was a complete rule breaker, she just couldn't do it.  
"Why not? Because you love me? Because I love you? Well what difference does it make when I can't handle anything? When I can't even face that? I'm not meant to be with you in any way! Not with anyone! Don't you see? Don't you understand?"  
And that's when I snapped.  
"Please open the door." I said softly, aching to hold her close, to explain to her exactly how much I cared about her and not the rest of the world.  
"Just... Leave me alone! I'll shift out in the evening..."  
I sighed, heart breaking and fixing and breaking again like it always did when she was hurting.  
"I don't want you to shift."  
"I'll say otherwise," she muttered as she sniffed, and then there was no response.  
I had been sitting there for at least 20 minutes, and that's when I began to sing softly. It was then that her sobs became louder, but began to break more often than not. I heard footsteps, and as I looked I caught sight of the rest of the gang walking up to where I was with a sheepish expression on each of their faces.  
They didn't even feel remorse.  
But before I could react, or even get up the door opened behind me, and I resisted the fall.  
"If they're here to talk I don't want to." she said, head bowed to hide her face, and as I caught her hand and glared at them all she pulled me in and shut the door.  
What happened next was as unexpected as Michael Jackson's death.  
She pinned me up against the door, kissing me like she'd never kissed me before, and as I pulled her closer I switched our positions - forgetting in the heat of the moment what this was all about. I moaned softly as she tried her hardest to unpin herself and bring us closer, but as I did my mind snapped.  
I pushed myself away, looking carefully into her tear stained face.  
"What?" she asked innocently, but I knew otherwise.  
"No." I said firmly, and she turned away from me in defeat.  
"I swore," I said softly, "I swore to myself I wouldn't go against who you were and where you came from."  
She let out a broken sob, and I pulled her in immediately. Before I knew my recently dried (and exposed) chest was wet again, and every now and then I planted a soft kiss on her lips, forehead, chin, neck - anything that would keep her stabilized, and as I did I kept whispering 'I love you' over and over, and she whispered an 'I love you too' back every single time.  
There were voices on the other side of the door - mumbled apologies and pleas, but today I wasn't going to listen. Today I'd drawn a line.  
We might have been there for an hour, for the digital clock by the bed beeped once, and she looked up at me, hair still damp and limp, still sitting in her costume, her eyes glimmering and her nose slightly red. Some would say it wasn't a pretty image, but for me even in her tears I saw another side of her - I saw the child she'd managed to keep alive in her heart: something most people just couldn't do.  
I stroked her face gently, "Let's go out?" I suggested softly, but she immediately shook her head in disagreement, and then stiffened, trying to slip away from me.  
But I wouldn't let her go.  
"We promised each other something."  
"I'm not breaking any promises by going to sleep."  
I sighed, knowing better than to believe that she would sleep, although I knew she wasn't going to leave ever again.  
"I think we both know you aren't going to sleep. Maybe going out will do you some good. Do us some good." I said, stressing on the plural. She looked around, and then looked back up at me, and I knew she meant it as a yes.  
"So... Let's change, grab a coat, and get out of here." I have to admit, I was relieved I was leaving the rest of them - those jerks - right here.  
It took her sometime, but as she walked out completely ready I had to suck in a startled breath. Even in a simple dress whose white fabric creased diagonally in two strips over the bust to form a small, simple bow at the back, even with just a hint of Kohl around her eyes and a plain lip-gloss, her hair pulled back into a messy pony and one of those artistically stained white cloth bands over her coffee brown head - even then she looked something else. I looked down - a pair of silver heels.  
"They aren't really big." she said, noticing my gaze and blushing slightly as she shifted from foot to foot, and I looked back up and into her face as I reached forward and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.  
"I feel underdressed now." I said, winking even through my sullen expression as I teased her, and her worried face broke out into laugh lines as she giggled, and once again I stood admiring the child in her. She put a smile on my face every time.  
"Now c'mon, we gotta go!"  
"Where?"  
I smirked.  
"I know a place."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

"Hmmm you were right, this is nice."  
"Yeah?"  
"M-hm. Where'd you find it?"  
I looked over at her as she gazed up at the sky that had been lit up with fire and sparks for so long now. The fiesta had been quite fulfilling to watch.  
"I used to wander the cities when we weren't so well known. I still remember this place. And I read about the fiesta in yesterday's newspaper." I added, smiling and satisfied. She flashed a smile, still gazing skyward as she continued to lean on the support of her taut arms that lay on the dry soft grass. I had never known grass to be soft, but here it was.  
She seemed to have left all of today behind, and I felt immediately better at the thought. I scooted closer, catching her hands in my own and letting her head fall softly into my lap. She lay there, now looking up into my face.  
"Was it stupid of me?" she said softly, but I knew from the look in her eyes she had already let it go.  
"Holding the stand for your morals, culture and heritage is not stupid." I said, pulling on her fingers as I played with her hands. She curled to the side, clearly content, and I leaned back, looking upward now at the dissolving smoke that was lit pink by the firecrackers. She hummed softly, and a sudden movement told me she had whipped out her phone, probably writing another song. Occasionally she paused, and then hummed, only to write again.

_'Sweet sober dreams_  
_Cut to pieces in my mind:_  
_I see paintings sewn at broken seams._  
_Experiences of that jolt_  
_We're left far behind:_  
_I see a lock on the bolt_  
_And you're the sleeping angel guarding the beginning._  
_I wonder when you'll wake up -_  
_And blow unto me the kiss of completion._  
_Everything you believe in._  
_Oh, oh_

_Because_  
_You've got the eyes of a stranger_  
_You make me feel like a butterfly_  
_Touching the leaves and moving away_  
_I'd rather stop by your beautiful petals and stare_

_So are you_  
_Giving me a little time_  
_To fly to where you are_  
_Cause I'm watching from afar_  
_And wondering whether it'd be_  
_Alright to_  
_Stop and stare_  
_Alright to give it the rare option_  
_For a butterfly to sit still -_  
_Sit still_  
_And stop and stare._

_Fatigue and sorrow_  
_Can't take me_  
_Anywhere_  
_Anywhere without hope._  
_Maybe tomorrow_  
_Can bring me_  
_Can bring me_  
_Under the wings_  
_Under the shadows_  
_And help me_  
_Fly_

_Fly over the mountain tops_  
_Over my dreams and fantasies_  
_To neverland, to neverland._  
_Fly over to where I remember the beach, the sand_  
_Feeling your hand_  
_Right in mine_  
_Every time and you make me_  
_Fly..._  
_Everything passes me by..._

_So are you_  
_Giving me a little time_  
_To fly to where you are_  
_Cause I'm watching from afar_  
_And wondering whether it'd be_  
_Alright to_  
_Stop and stare_  
_Alright to give it the rare option_  
_For a butterfly to sit still -_  
_Sit still_  
_And stop and stare._

_So stop and stare_  
_At me_  
_So stop and stare_  
_At you_  
_So stop and stare_  
_At us_  
_At us_  
_And pass me by.'_

She sung soft and slow, playing with my hand, making it cup her cheek, laying it palm down on the grass, removing my rings only to wear them herself, and then smirking up at me after she did so. I bent down, but she was quicker as she sat up and kissed me, and I cupped her face in a hand, pulling her closer, so that before I knew it she sat, precariously balanced, in my lap.  
"We should probably head back." she whispered softly, her hair coming out of it's simple prison as my hand braided in it.  
"Why, I thought you put our phones on flight mode?" I whispered back, nudging her nose with my own, and then placing a soft kiss and a nibble on her neck. She pushed me away playfully, and the same mischievous smirk played on her face.  
"That's exactly why. Before I'm tempted to let you lose control..." she winked, and I looked down, not even a tad ashamed or blushing, and looked back up.  
"Let's not go then." I whispered, a hand gliding effortlessly down and to her waist and waiting dangerously above her hips. She bit her lip, looking down, but I eased her face back up gently with a finger. I smiled, nudging her nose with mine once again, "I was kidding liebe."  
But my instincts said otherwise.  
Soon she smiled back too.  
She stood up, brushing the hem of her dress and then adjusting her hair so that it lay open with only the white cloth pressing it down, and it was knotted at the back of her neck. I stood up after watching her for a while, and took her hand.  
"Payal's going to be mad." she said, smirking as she imitated Luna Lovegood, and I snickered too.  
"Yep, she is."


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter is insightful, I promise ;D**

Chapter Seven

"WHERE IN HELL WERE YOU?"  
"Ask your beloved husband." I muttered, and my sister-in-law turned her angry glare towards my brother, who shifted uncomfortably.  
"Yeah, none of you ever learnt the word apology?" I said out loud to the whole room as I waited for Niki to return with a guitar, the song she had written and a voice recorder.  
"Anyone bother to tell me what the heck the problem is?" Payal said, turning to all of them as well. "All I know is I've been irritable ever since I woke up mid-nap. Now you better not have said something stupid to her."  
They all shifted uncomfortably. I crossed my arms over my chest. Their faces when Niki had first walked in and flashed them a dangerously sweet smile had been priceless.  
"I'll tell you," I said, sneering at their idiocy, "They thought it would be so cool to ask us to mack in front of everyone. Like it was a compulsion. Way to go guys." I said sarcastically.  
"Don't you remember the stress she and I are under, or have you forgotten how everyone is just trying to prove to us that she's not made for love?" I hissed, and they all looked down, finally ashamed. "Nice one." I said, tempted to flick a cigarette butt in my brother's face for going along with this. I just couldn't believe it.  
Payal stood there, disgusted.  
"You... Better apologize. That's disgusting! How could you-? I have no -"  
"Words?" I added helpfully, "Yeah. Me neither."  
"Look we're sorry we -"  
"Forgot to take into account that I had feelings and boundaries? Yeah, you got that right."  
Everyone looked up at her as she walked into the room. She passed the guitar on to her sister.  
"Coming?" she asked her, ignoring everyone else but me as she caught my hand in her own and squeezed it before letting it go. Payal nodded, and they both began toward the door.  
"Anyone willing to join is welcome!" she called out behind herself, and I immediately followed. I heard two pairs of footsteps behind me, and caught Gustav and Tom trailing along. The twin sisters chattered animatedly as they strode forward toward the spare room, and as I turned my head the right way again they caught a hand each and pulled me forward, linking their fingers with mine; I was used to it. They were always half minds, two puzzles of a soul.  
"Did you convince them?" she asked me from my right, and I smiled fondly at her mischievous smirk.  
"Always."  
She let out a bark of laughter.  
"Bill, sie Idiot!"  
"Nein!" I whined playfully, and Payal giggled too, causing me to flash them both my signature million-mile-wide smile.  
"Aye! There comes his million-mile-wide smile!"  
"Or what I'd call 'they finally like me!'."  
"Yeah, I like yours better."  
"You do? Why thank you sis, that was a pleasure you know-"  
"I know. I definitely know. And my answer to your thoughts, sugar, is go for it!"  
"Yeah, not that question, the OTHER question!"  
"Oh that... That's a no brainer; I have NO CLUE what we're going to do on our birthday, like, serious blank cheque!"  
"I know right maybe we should -"  
"Oh OH OR -"  
"Ooh I like that! And then we could -"  
"Yeah yeah yeah yeah!"  
"Okay it's decided then! Martini party it is! Although give me a Rosemary wine with that thing okay?"  
"Yeah yeah you and your wine!" Payal said as she tuned the guitar and sat down on the bed, and I sat too as I heard them record the whole making of a new song.  
As always, when I watched her sing the whole world vanished, and when I heard her voice it was like my heart beat ten times more blood to my body with every heart beat, whose rate had doubled once again, and I felt alive, and her voice was all I wanted to hear. This time she sung only to me as she looked into my eyes and ended the melody with a delicate solo of her own. I knew Gusti and Tom were smiling but it didn't matter to me.  
All that mattered was her.

-x-

"Hmmm."  
"We're not supposed to be doing this..."  
"I don't care." her tone was dismissive as she flipped me over and kissed me once again, but I wasn't one to give in to submission. I flipped us again, pinning her down as I trailed a teasing line down her neck and back up, causing her to moan softly once again. My shirt had been thrown off quite a while ago, but the shiver I experienced now was quite different from that of any cold draft I ever knew of, and it worsened every time she picked and played on my tongue piercing or let her hands roam free to trace the many tattoos on my upper body. A moan escaped my lips as she played with the tongue piercing again, teasing me as her hand reached back to trace the TH logo on my neck.  
"Is this why you called it a night so early?" I asked her in between another stolen kiss on those petals.  
She smirked, biting her lip invitingly, and thus I ended up kissing her once again as my hands lay intertwined with her own.  
"Maybe." she said, admitting in a rather playful manner exactly how much she was getting better at expressing herself. I could never recollect us doing anything like this before.  
"Maybe we should call it an early night more often then. At least for the rest of the world." I whispered teasingly in her ear, and she let out a throaty chuckle as I nibbled lightly on a spot on her neck once again.  
I admit, I wished for more than these stolen (albeit steamy) sessions - my... Instincts... Asked for more. But as I placed a fervent hand on her waist and pulled her closer I was quite happy with the outcome tonight.  
She moaned softly once again, but as we broke apart from another heated kiss she looked into my eyes like she had something to say.  
"Hmmm?" I asked her softly, clearing the strands of hair that had landed in her face. She looked up into my face carefully, and I looked down into her's, and then she shook her head, and I bent forward, our noses gliding against each other.  
"How do you put everything you've ever felt into words?" she asked softly as she intertwined her fingers with my own once again, and I smiled as she did so.  
"You don't always need to speak." I whispered, kissing her softly, and she pulled me closer once again, humming gently as I wrapped us both under the comfort of the covers.  
"Bill..."  
"Hmmm?"  
"Are you still a -"  
And as I kissed her and we parted once again I said teasingly, "What option did you leave me liebe?"  
She chuckled softly, and I finally let her go and curl up against my frame. She snuggled closer.  
"I can't sleep." she said softly.  
"When can you ever?" I asked her teasingly, and she poked me square in the chest.  
"Oi! That hurts!"  
She chuckled, giggling suddenly, and kissed the spot softly.  
"All better." I said sarcastically, playing along, but she pushed me away and attempted to turn the other way, but I flipped her over.  
"Jerk." she muttered, looking everywhere but into my face. I held it up with a finger anyway, bemused with her teasing.  
"Excuse me?"  
She leaned in closer, not even a breath's distance away from me, and looked directly into my eyes.  
"I said... Jerk." she repeated playfully.  
"Oh, you're paying for that one." Hands at the ready, my fingers immediately began to poke at her sides, and as she squirmed and tried to wiggle her way out I watched the little crinkles on her face and smiled at the sight.  
"So am I a jerk?" I asked her after enough attacking to extract tears from the laughter. She looked up at me and stuck her tongue out. My eyebrows lowered.  
"That's not fair!" I said, still frowning as I looked into her face.  
"Life isn't fair." she said, giggling, and then she buried her face in her hair, curling sideways once again. I gazed at her fondly; she was all mine to keep.  
"Every minute of every day in every year that I have ever spent with you... It cannot express how beautiful you are, or how much I care."  
The words were soft, the voice that left me even softer. I guess I was taking advantage of the fact that we seemed to have more time together this year than the last.  
She stiffened, turning over to look into my face, unable to say a word.  
"I know you're not good at this," I said quickly, "but I just wanted to say... What I just did." I finished, and I thought I sounded sort of lame in a way. She continued to look up at me, but a while later a smile broke out onto her face. She shifted to make space and I lay beside her as she curled into a loose fetal position. I pulled her closer.

"I love you." she whispered softly, and I smiled to myself as I watched her play with a blonde streak in my hair.  
"And I've loved you for longer than I can remember now." the smile widened, I admit, with shock as well as another feeling I found hard to distinguish from that of complete and utter trust and love. "And maybe one day I'll be able to explain exactly what I saw in your ridiculously gorgeous eyes," I chuckled, "but all I remember is the immediate longing to know you. Not your soul, but you, because it was like I already knew that soul. And it scared me in the beginning, the way I felt. I had stopped believing in this mushy nonsense, it apparently didn't work that way for most couples."  
Suddenly I realized how hard it was for her to admit these things, and I was immediately conscious that the only reason she was making an effort was for me.  
"But I believe it because I've always believed that there's something that runs far deeper than all logical reasoning and the five senses. I always believed in belief. So I guess I took a leap of faith. And guess what, I don't regret any of the experiences along the way."  
It would probably have been the first time that I was at a loss of words, that I could not find my footing and felt like I was falling and falling. Finally I knew how she felt, and why she was comfortable with this feeling; it seemed to bring to me a strange sense of satisfaction - a feeling I could not describe but only enjoy as each wave of it hit me like a tornado, and in these moments of realization there was silence between us.  
"You feel it." she said a short while later, "How I feel every time you say these kind if things? You feel it. Your heart's beating as crazily as mine does whenever I even think of you." and I kissed the top if her head as a yes, causing her to look up into my face and smile as she planted a soft kiss on my lips.  
"And you love it."  
"Yeah."  
"Just like me."  
I smiled, finally understanding how it felt.  
"Yes. Just like you."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"Shhh."

"Bill! You woke up and fell asleep all over again? Wake up!" she whisper shouted, and I could sense that she was standing at the edge of the bed. I turned over.

A thud; she crawled over next to me and slipped her hand into mine and tried pulling me, but I pulled her back and ended up pulling her into me. She started at first, resisting as she tried to wake me up, but she knew I would not budge, and so stopped soon enough.

"You need to wake up now." But her voice shook as my finger swept down her spine tantalizingly. She gasped softly, but managed to break out of my grasp, but only because I was lethargic. I grumbled a bit, an eye popping open, and she slithered a little closer on the bed again; I took her hand and placed it on my forehead, but she brought it down to pat my cheek again lightly.

"Billi!" she sighed quietly as she gave up, and stood up and stretched.

"I'm calling Tomi then... To wake you up." and as she said the words I could hear the smirk in her voice.

"Nein!" I half screamed half shouted, and she giggled, pulling me up by the hand.

"Cmon it's just a bath and then put on some Kohl and we can go. I pulled out today's clothes, since you'd put in everything in order."

I looked around, and found the clothing she was talking about - a pair of black skinny jeans, a slim fit casual white and thin layer blazer with the thinnest of black stripes all over, and a plain grey v-neck tee to go with it. I smirked; she had mix and matched my clothing again, but of course I loved what she had picked this time round anyway. She sat down in front of me, and I leaned forward and pulled her closer teasingly.

"You're getting better at picking my clothes." I whispered, and she smirked back playfully, getting up and wandering off to the first half of the suite.

"Your shades are on the dresser in the bathroom along with your rings." she called out behind herself, and I smirked wider than before. Running a hand through my messy hair, I sauntered over to the bathroom, clothes in hand, and stripped down and stood in the shower, letting the water relax my mind. 15 minutes later I stood there with everything done and my hair almost dry, but not dry enough for my blonde streaks to look as white as they actually were. I had to admit i had gotten faster at getting ready. Satisfied with how I looked, I walked out, relishing my girlfriend's choice in men's wear. All that I wore today consisted mainly of items of clothing that she had picked out for me.

I always made the face, and she would sigh and say "just try it!", and when I did I usually DID end up buying it. Her motto seemed simple enough - "you won't know until you try it on."

I smiled, putting on the shades and grabbing her by the hand as I walked her out the door.

"Bill where are you taking me?"

I stopped in my tracks, and she tumbled into my arms.

"What d'you mean?"

She looked at me like she couldn't believe her ears.

"Can't believe you forgot." and as I stared on at her she sighed, "I'm leaving today evening, remember?"

"You mean WE'RE leaving today."

"No. I am. Along with the girls. You guys have to stay here." she said, managing to pull me till the door of our suite.

"Was?"

"Ja Billi; you heard me."

"I thought we decided I'm going to be there for your and Payal's 23rd...?"

She turned to look at me and sighed.

"Dave has other plans love. He'd told you about that just a day or two before along with the rest of the boys."

I stared at her, blinking but not understanding or liking this.

"But -"

"But nothing. Everyone's going to be there and I'm going to miss you and Tom and the G's, but I can't tell you to drop everything and come, and I won't let you do that either." she leaned in, her hands going round my neck as she placed a quick kiss on my lips. I held on, deepening it and snaking an arm around her waist.

"Stop trying to convince me." she whispered as we broke apart for a breather before going back to it again, despite what she'd just said. I pinned her up against the passage wall.

"Is it working?" I whispered before I kissed her again, hoping against hope that she would say yes, for I had a plan of my own for her birthday.

She chuckled softly, "Maybe."

I groaned as she pushed me away, and internally all hopes sunk just like the Titanic. I couldn't (and wouldn't) have my plan fail.

"I'll be right back I forgot something in the room." I said, grumbling a little, and she smiled teasingly.

Opening the door to the suite, I navigated my way to the bedroom and opened my second suitcase and fished out the little black box that had been kept nestled among two pairs of jeans and a perfume bottle.

This was the reason I was on the phone with her brother.

I sighed softly, "I have to get you on her ring finger sometime, my friend." I muttered longingly.

Yes, I wanted to get married.

Yes, I wanted her to be my wife.

Yes, I wanted to do this on her birthday.

I huffed agitatedly.

"All in good time."


	9. Chapter 9

NIKI

Chapter Nine

I stood there in the passage, and a sigh escaped my lips as I leaned against the passage wall and waited for him to come back out. I knew he would be upset, and that I would have to remind him today, which would make everything ten times worse, but I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't make the guys just leave their tour in the middle of nowhere and come along with us. In fact, the girls and I had been lucky ourselves to have found a 3 day off.

I heard the door unlock, and I stood up straight as he walked out once again.

"What?" I asked him; I thought he'd forgotten something... Hadn't he?

"Nothing," he said quickly, and then muttered something about his cell phone before taking my hand and striding forward once again.

"Where are we going NOW?" I asked, completely confused.

"Jost's room." he muttered and then added "We'll get everyone along the way."

Half an hour later saw a very tired Georg, Stella, Gustav, Payal, Tom, Zoe, Twisha, Nath, and even Dunja grouped together (and hardly made up - they only had the chance to shower with Bill's screaming) in Dave's room. Bill was giving some sort of speech on how they should be let go for Friday, which was the day after tomorrow.

"... I mean we can fly back in Saturday morning, and we don't even have anything to do on Friday! If we can't go all three days then why not the day that matters?"

I shrunk smaller and smaller, and Nath patted my back sympathetically with a perfectly manicured hand. I caught hold of it, cringing into her side.

"Way to go for the overboard. What, am I dying or something?"

"Shh! Don't say that!" she giggled as Bill looked around at his band mates for a solution. "He's cute when he's like that about you."

"He's NUTS when he's like that about me." I muttered unintelligibly. She giggled a little more.

"He just doesn't want to miss the opportunity of being with you." but her smirk told me she knew something I didn't.

"Nath...?" I asked her, eyebrows raised.

She stuck her tongue out teasingly.

"You'll know in good time sweet cheeks."

"Not fair."

"Trust me, it is."

"Hmph."

She giggled some more, but by the end of the afternoon I had no say in anything, for Bill had convinced EVERYONE that they had to attend Payal and my birthday.

Talk about will power.

But I couldn't help but be happy in secret, finally for once the family would only miss Gordon and Simone, and not everyone else. I wished they could come too, but I didn't think it nice to ask so much of them (although Simone would really take my case if I told her that, she kept telling me I was the daughter she'd never had. When Payal had whined teasingly while overhearing her, all Simone said was that Payal was like a third son. She was only teasing of course, but for the first time Payal sulked on that one.)

I sighed, and walked out of the room with everyone else.

"He's only trying to keep everything in sync with everything." Tom whispered in my ear.

"He has an easier way and he refuses to pick it." I muttered as I walked with him. His jaw clenched in agitation.

"I haven't suggested it." I said quickly, "That sort of thing just doesn't come to mind when -"

"When you look into his eyes." I looked up into those similar golden brown pools; they could never be the same, because with each pair the emotion locked behind was different, and what I could pick up as the strongest vibe now was the brotherly understanding Tom seemed to have discovered towards me.

I sighed, not yet accustomed to the way he just got me.

"Yeah."

We were the last pair walking, and thus Tom conveniently stopped him and me short.

"Tell me... What do you feel whenever he touches you?" I bowed my head as I blushed, but felt the need to answer.

"I feel... God, just thinking about it messes up the way I work, see, hear, everything! I feel... I feel like he isn't touching me. I feel like he's touching my soul." and as I said the last sentence I looked up into his eyes once again. Tom's smile radiated all the warmth in the world, and as he caught my hand and squeezed it he said, "Then forget everything else, because it's not worth all the over-thinking."

I looked up into his face, and he ruffled my hair as he smirked. I knew he was right, but I had to say the dreaded sentence out loud.

"How can someone love me?" I whispered, shocked that I had managed to utter the sentence. Up ahead someone called out for us to hurry up, but Tom continued to look into my face.

"Because you're beautiful inside out." he said, face serious and voice too.

"Whatever you say." I muttered, walking ahead to avoid temptation and reply with a 'I don't believe you', because I really didn't have the energy to keep up this same old argument right now.

He sighed, "Let's just get going."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

"You have two new messages."

I sighed, staring at the screen, and took note of the two names flashing across even though my phone was reading out the names to me at the same time.

"Kaulitz, Bill. And Mehta, Swati."

The aircraft was quiet - everyone was asleep. We had been joined by Auds and Em, both of whom sat next to me. I inhaled deeply, tapping on my mother's name and expecting the worst.

"Message received at 4:30 p.m -

Hi baby," there was a pause where I heard my mom sigh across the line, "look, I know you're upset with the way I've been badgering you about this relationship, and I truly am sorry; it's just... I worry for you sweetheart. I don't want you to get hurt, I mean you guys were always on and off even as friends! I know you're really happy, and that you've given everything I'm saying right now a thought... I just want you to know that it's not like I don't trust you or him... I can see how happy he makes you and the other way round and how balanced you both are now. I just want you to understand... That no matter how much you feel that you aren't worth this relationship, as someone who has had experiences of her own I can say you completely are. I'll see you in LA tomorrow. Love you. Mom."

A tear ran down my cheek, and as I heard her sign off almost like she had written me a letter I chuckled weakly. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as it had been earlier - when she had made it a point to tell me that this was pretty much foolish no matter how much I loved him.

Wiping away the lone tear, I moved on to the next message, and it begun to play in my earphones.

"Message received at 8:30 p.m -

Okay, don't kill me but I spoke to mom (I mean your mom) about... Well you and me and Tom and what really happened. And I cleared some air. I couldn't help it liebe you should have told her something! Anyway," he sighed too, just like mom, but the sound was melancholic, "gosh, I miss you already. It's going to be quiet again at night." another sigh, "I love you. I hope you sleep well. To me you will be forever sacred."

I sighed, rewinding his voice mail to the last three sentences and playing them on repeat, but when I tired of a part of the whole, I played the whole message again.

By the end of an hour that consisted of nothing but listening to his angel voice I decided that I had to call him.

I picked up the phone attached to the seat in front of me, and after inserting my seat number and the local code and then his number, I waited as the phone rung, and when he picked it up his voice sounded wary like it always did with an unknown number.

"Hello?" I sighed softly, relishing the sound of his voice live and reaching me there in that plane.

"I love you too." I whispered, and I heard him chuckle across the line. I smiled at the sound as I relaxed in my seat.

"You could've called when you landed liebe." I smiled softly. My heart thudded loudly like it always did when he called me the love of his life.

"Yeah, I know... But I couldn't help it."

"You should sleep now." he said softly, and I hummed lightly.

"Maybe..." I said, wanting to talk to him a little longer.

"Nacht schöne." he said gently, and I sighed.

"Can't we talk a little longer?"

"Sie brauchen den Schlaf, Liebe." he said, voice slightly wary.

I groaned, agitated that he had to be logical now.

"Es ist was das Beste für Dich."

"Das ist wirklich nicht recht von dir." I said irritably as I finally succumbed to the language. He sighed across the line, but the sound was amused.

"Nacht schöne." he repeated, and thus I sighed too as I gave up to his request.

"Nacht Geisterfahrer." I said teasingly - it was a usual way for us to sign off across the phone or while texting to use each other's songs as a pet name.

"Ex." he corrected softly, and I blushed where I sat.

"I love you."

I could almost see him sitting there, playing with his hair as he smiled and signed another autograph out of the heaps that must surely be in front if him.

"Ich liebe dich auch."

"Niki? Oi, kid! Wake up!"

I stirred restlessly, the word 'kid' had done it for me.

"Don't. Ever. Call me that!" I huffed as I sat up, and Auds giggled as I swatted my hand in indication that my twin get out of my face.

"What time is it?" I asked as I ran a sleepy hand through my hair. I hadn't slept for this long in quite a while now. I guessed it to have been at least 10 hours now.

"Time enough for us to get off this plane, chicka get up!" Zoey said in her typical black way of talking. Sometimes I really could not understand why she still used that.

I rubbed an eye, unclasping my seat belt and standing up to give my legs a good stretch. I yawned lazily, and quickly popped a Listrene into my mouth.

"Happy day, happy day!" I sung, and Twisha laughed as she got off with my hand in her own.

"Hap-hap-happy day!" I continued as we walked along and into the airport and towards the sea of screaming fans. I raised my hands to the sky theatrically as I got into my usual hyper mode.

"Praise the lord for Skittles and jelly - fa la la la la, la la la la!" Payal tried to keep a straight face, but failed and begun to cackle once again.

"Praise him for keeping all things smelly - to himself la la la la! Praise him for booze and for candy - fa la la, la la la! La la la la! Praise him for pots and underbellies - fa la la la la, la la la... LAAA!"

By now the whole crew was giggling, and as I waved and said 'thank you' to all the fans who screamed 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!' at me and my sister, the latter found it hard to do the same as she bent over with laughter. All this time the TMOD camera had been rolling, and had captured everything. I stuck my tongue out at the crew member behind the lens, and he laughed too.

"Mom!" I exclaimed childishly, as I met her at the entrance and hugged her.

"Apology accepted." I whispered in her ear before letting her go, and we both laughed as we let go of each other.

"Well, welcome home!"


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

"Okay, how about now?" they asked me as I sat there with my eyes closed. We were playing some sort of telekinesis game or something and the message was being sent to me.

"Nothing." I sighed, slightly irritated with the bunch of my girlfriends. It was eight in the evening in LA and we were had been waiting for quite a while now for Tanz's delayed plane to land. Thank God I already finished booking my dress for tomorrow and the VMAs earlier in the day. Suddenly I felt something vibrate against my side, and I was glad to find an opportunity to open my eyes. My phone had lit up like the 4th of July, and so had I as I saw the name flash across the screen. But Adam beat me to the punch as he snatched the phone right out of my hands.

"Hey?" I said helplessly as he chatted at my boyfriend teasingly. I stared on, exasperated, and soon a blushing Adam gave me the phone back muttering "he wants to talk to you."

"Thanks ADD!" I said sarcastically. I sighed, putting the phone to my ear and walking away a few steps as I leaned against a pillar.

"Hello." his voice was soft, a smile evident in his tone. I smiled back instinctively as my heart continued to thud unevenly and tried to break out of my ribcage.

"Good evening Monsieur." I replied back and I heard him chuckle, and I strode ahead a bit more as a camera started rolling in my face. I sighed as I waved it away.

"Come soon. Two weeks with you every year is definitely not enough." I said as I relived how weird it felt to lie in a bed alone like I had to today.

I could hear his unsteady breathing, the scratching of his worn out sharpie as he scribbled across yet another picture of the band or himself.

"I'll be there tomorrow; just a little after midnight." he whispered, slightly distracted; but surprisingly that didn't anger me. We both had to do what we had to do. Speaking of which - I could now see Tanz wheeling out a ton of luggage, and as I rushed towards her and out of the VIP lounge I said, "Hold on, there's going to be a lot of screaming. She's here."

"Oh, call me when you get to the car, I wanna talk to her too!" he said hurriedly.

"Kay."

"Love you," we both said at the same time - one in English while the other in German, and thus the call ended.

One look at her face had me running towards her, only to gather her up as I hugged her tightly.

"I. Have. Missed. You! 'restayinguptonightright? Obviouslyweare,Iwon'tletyou -"

"Jesus Christ, sweetheart slow down! You're going to go mad talking like that!" and I admit, I was slightly shocked at the fully reinforced British accent (staying with us she'd lost most of it, although she hadn't had much of it before anyway).

"I love you!" I giggled as I hugged her again.

"Gosh, I called her here, get off my surprise!"

"ADD, that is SO wrong."

"Well, thank you darling, I love you too!"

We all giggled as we dragged off the various suitcases that she had brought along and walked out with body guards covering each and every side of us.

As we got into the car, my cell vibrated again, and I passed it along to my dear darling adopted sister.

I heard her squeal her hello, and I could even hear him laugh, but after the first fifteen minutes the conversation that I witnessed had become all quiet and whispers, and twenty minutes after I had handed her the phone, she cut it off with the same sly grin that Nath had had just thus morning.

"I'll know in good time?" I guessed as she opened her mouth to justify her behavior, and she giggled in response.

"Yup!"

"Do I have to explain this?"

"Oh, come one what's so hard?"

"Cmon Lambs you're asking me to tell you in what style he dirty talks? Seriously?"

"Yeah!" he said enthusiastically, and everyone else laughed. I couldn't believe how much I had missed hanging out with my international buddies. There I was, standing in the midst of Adam and his boyfriend Erice, Auds, Tanz, my bandmates, Sara, Kristy (who finally got a book published and was - by the grace of God - on an American book tour) and a few others.

"Oh God... No take another question from your list."

"Okay, then tell us something about him that no one knows!"

I sat there, thinking of something interesting I might tell them.

"Hmmm, okay I have a few things to say." and I winked conspiratorially as we all readjusted ourselves on the huge mattresses we'd lain on the floor of our LA home's hall.

"Let's see... Okay he... um he often sneezes in his sleep." Sara giggled, and I smirked, "When he first applies Kohl in the morning, he rubs so hard that it smudges, and then he has to wash his face and put it on all over again. Then... Oh, yeah, most times his sharpie sticks out the wrong end of his pocket and he ends up having marks on his left elbow, and then he frowns like he can't understand what's wrong." I smiled softly with each word I spoke, my head slightly bent as I relived all of it, and I heard them all laugh softly from time to time. "He hates it when I call him by his surname, and he thinks it cute when I do anything at all in a sleepy daze. He's a sucker for love stories, and he'll never admit how many out of my own collection he's read." I heard Adam and SarSar hum approvingly, and I shared a smirk and a snicker with Kristy.

"He talks in his sleep, and if he's angry before he lay to bed, he'll cry, even, and then never remember that he did. Every time he holds my hand he smells my wrist - just like he does my hair. Says I smell different, comforting, like home." my voice was quiet now, and I suddenly missed his arms around my waist, his face nosing into my hair as I lay there on my stomach. My head instinctively bent lower, and I knew Erice was still swooning from next to me. In my head I could replay the many memories I'd ever had with him.

"My heart thuds every time he calls me 'liebe'... I hate that I only see him a month out of a year." I whispered softly.

I looked up at them all, sharing something unique with each of them as we all made eye contact. But it was Tanz I looked at last, and as she wiped away a tear and mouthed 'I love you' I knew she knew exactly how lucky I thought myself, and in that moment we both shone.

Adam smirked cockily at me, sitting up as he did.

"I think... THIS CALLS FOR ICE CREAM!"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"His name... is Tosh!" she announced, giggling, and I watched as her stick straight hair tumbled down her side as she shook lightly.

"Tosh... TOSH!"

"I like Tosh."

"Yeah Tosh is great!"

"I don't like Tosh! Sounds like candy!"

"THAT was a bad visual."

"Oh, shush!"

"Is he cute?" I asked.

"Baby blue eyes?" Zoë questioned.

"Overrated!" I shouted.

"He's my cousin!" she wailed, and presently we all cried out in amusement and burst out into giggles, which we then suppressed on account of my family sleeping upstairs.

"He's still supposed to be hot." I said as I smirked.

"You're still supposed to be UNAVAILABLE." she replied pointedly, and I stuck my tongue out as a playful gesture.

"I think we should all be allowed to get our flirt on once in a while..." said Erice to general agreement. "Unless you're married." he added pointedly, and as Payal smacked him with a pillow we all giggled once again.

"Okay... I have a plan." Adam said after we all had had out fill of laughter at my dear twin sister's expense.

"And that is...?" Sara said James Bond style. He smirked right at her.

"I think we need to get our flirt on on these two nut jobs' birthday."

But even as ADD formulated his plan, everyone including himself seemed to be dozing off, and soon Tanz and me were the only ones awake.

"So... What's the surprise?" I finally asked her, and she giggled conspiratorially.

"Not telling!"

I sighed, raising my hands palms up in a gesture of surrender.

"So what's been up back in England?" I asked her as we snuggled under the ginormous quilt on the hall floor that seemed completely laden with mattresses. She looked up at me with a smirk which was clearly meant for my swift allusion from the topic.

"Well mum's sort of sore I'm coming on tour with you' guys again now as crew. But she's okay with it since I'm heading the whole stage set up department. Eh... Relatives keep asking me about Bill - but you know how that's always pissed me off, so I never answer." I giggled at the last bit. We had already decided with her return that Tanz would be working with us again. She'd worked on a few courses back home, and they seemed quite interesting. The plan now was that during the album making process she wanted to help in the studio, and on tour as head of a department of the crew. Everyone deemed it the perfect situation.

She smiled back at me now, leaning in like she was about to ask for a secret; but of course I would tell her anything.

"What about mum and the family, how are they holding up."

I sighed out of habit at the mention of the question, but as her face puckered into a worried frown I waved a hand to clear the air.

"Mum may take time but she admitted she's finally coming around. Although she says we have a lot to talk about. Dad's always said that he trusts me, and he's happy that I've proved that I made the right move by -"

"Getting back together with the guy you love." Tanz completed for me. I smiled softly at her. I had missed her so much.

"Yeah. And bhai always thought we would end up just fine so that's that! Dhruv was wary, but he's fine too now."

There was silence for a moment.

"And Bill?"

I looked away, because even though Bill had been sweet about it, it was only because he didn't have time to be angry. I knew it now that when and if he would get the time he would be breaking his head over why I hadn't told mum before about the situation that had tormented me almost five years ago.

"He didn't know I hadn't told mum the... The whole situation."

She sighed, and I was glad I didn't have to explain everything.

"Was he angry?"

"He didn't have the time to be." I replied. "But I know he'll be upset for sure when and if he has time to himself."

I sighed, upset with myself, and even though Tanz wasn't saying anything or judging me, I felt a confession was in order.

"I didn't want a judgement passed on Tom." I said as I sighed again, "I just don't want to ruin perfectly good relationships just so that the truth be out about mine!" I said exasperated.

"You have to realize you can't fix everything." she said firmly as she adjusted herself on the mattress again. I turned away guiltily.

"I know."

"You know, why don't you try talking to him right now?"

"Who, Bill?"

"Mhm."

"Think it'll work?"

"You can give it a try! Still worth the try..."

"Okay..." I said hesitantly, not in the mood for a protest. I picked up my phone, and stood up as Tanz flashed me an encouraging smile. I walked over to the kitchen as the phone rung, and I fidgeted with nervousness and paranoia.

"Hello?" my voice sounded frantic and high pitched to my own ears.

"Are you okay?" his velvet voice was troubled, but nevertheless the sound of it calmed some of my nerves. My heart slowed it's superhuman rate, and I exhaled in relief.

"I'm fine I just... I needed to talk you."

I could feel the tension.

"Well that's nice, because I have something to say to you too." I waited, but nothing came. So I asked the obvious.

"What's that?"

He laughed softly, my favorite laugh, for it seemed like he always reserved the sound for my ears.

"I wanted... To ask you... To turn around."

And as I turned around to face the kitchen window I heard the digital clock on the counter beep twelve, and my boyfriend climbed up and then down the side of the mid sized wall that ran around my house and waved at me.

"Happy birthday my love." he whispered softly as he walked right towards me.


	13. Chapter 13

BILL

Chapter Thirteen

As soon as I looked at her a lot of things seem to rush my head and heart, and I smiled at the self control I was able to exercise. She had looked shocked to see me, but as I smiled back at her and walked onwards she blinked, and then began to rush towards the door like she hadn't seen me in years on end. As the whole house and it's inhabitants watched she ran out onto the lawn and crashed into me. The briefcase I had been dragging along toppled over, and I laughed softly as she hugged me tight. Her arms wrapped right around my neck, and she stretched up on her toes as she tried in vain to pull me closer - like she'd committed a crime that I'd punish her for. Suddenly worried, I held her an arm's distance from myself (but I also did so because everyone seemed to have peeked out the windows to look down at us). I knew that some distance behind me Tom would be smirking.

"Was ist es, liebe?" and for a minute I saw myself through her eyes - and she seemed to feel so lucky to just stand there before me, lucky to know me. In my reality it just seemed to be the opposite. She and Tom combined to be my Sun.

In answer to my previous question she shook her head vigorously, and quite a few of her wavy-curly coffee locks brushed along the breadth of my face. I seemed to ignore the impact they had against my skin, and took in her vanilla-musk-sandalwood-home fragrance; suddenly I couldn't help but smile.

"Then let's get in, shall we? I still have to wish my dear sister-in-law."

The night seemed to pass in a blur, and the girls seemed even more pleasantly shocked to have seen Gordon and Mutti here as well. Payal seemed to have pulled Tom's leg hard enough for it to have come off, and everyone sat in the hall till just before 3 that chilly night.

I stood now in the kitchen, munching on a left over chicken leg before I suddenly realized that I was vegetarian. The leg skittered across the kitchen table as I threw it away, repulsed at my idiocy.

"Why so serious?" I looked up at the soft teasing voice and caught her carrying the plates in, I wrapped a clammy hand around her waist and pulled her into me, picking up the stack of plates from her hands and placing it in the sink. The more I thought about the question I was going to pose just now the more I felt skitterish, like everything was going to topple over and bury me under...

It was not until she stopped talking that I realize she had been saying something. I blinked, clearing my nervous head as she frowned at me, concerned. As I stared on blankly she sighed guiltily.

"I KNEW you'd be angry with me about not telling mum and -"

I didn't let her finish, cutting her off as I coaxed her face up by the chin and kissed her softly. Even though she started at first, she eventually relaxed and pulled me closer. But I knew I'd have to pull away before I got carried on with the tide of fantastical happiness.

"Just... listen, okay?" I whispered softly as I pushed the hair out of her face. My heart thudded loudly, and as I took in the expression on her face I knew that her's was too. I tried to speak, but not a sound seemed to come out of my mouth. It was like my heart was competing with my Adam's apple to fall out of my mouth.

I shifted, unsure of what to do now.

"Let's go out for a walk?" I could hear the tension and nervousness in my own voice. She frowned slightly, confused, but I reached forward and exercised a finger and thumb across her forehead to erase the crease. She looked positively relieved, and thus I took her hand and we walked out the front door.

We seemed to have wound up - unconsciously - on a familiar, long forgotten road and she turned to me with a soft smile on her face.

"D'you remember?" she asked softly, and I squeezed her hand in response and smiled back easily.

"Of course."

We both looked onwards, and that little jutting of rock, that little rock that we had sat at all those years ago - our favorite rock - still stood, just waiting for us in that cold, breezy November night. I slowed my pace down, walking behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist as I lifted her and placed her feet over my own. She giggled a bit, and a hand reached out to stroke my face once before returning to graze my arm. She leaned into me a little and then untangled herself and took my hand once again. We sat down, her head resting on my shoulder and my head resting atop her's. We seemed to have calmed down, sitting there as my leather jacket squeaked once in a while as we adjusted against the sitting surface.

"What did you wanna say again?"

We both froze, me first, and then her as she remembered the tension that had suddenly zapped between us. I untangled our arms, and then turned to face her where I sat. I took her hand, but she didn't seem to see the significance. She must have thought I would play with it like I usually did.

"You remember when we sat here last?"

She smiled softly and leaned in to rest her forehead against mine.

"I reminded you of it just now, remember smarty-pants?" I laughed softly as I shut my eyes.

"Exactly." I paused for good measure, "What did I look like to you back then?"

I felt her eyelashes against the terrain of my cheeks as she blinked.

"Yeah." She sighed softly, as if unable to explain what she felt, as if the walls were up again.

My eyes opened and I looked carefully into her face. She had pulled away, and was looking into her lap.

"You made my heart go crazy. Made me say things I'd never normally tell anyone at first meet. You made me blush just like now." She looked out to sea just like she had that night, and then looked slowly at my face. I nudged her nose with my own gently, and then smiled at her.

"Tell me how about right this minute." I whispered as I placed a quick kiss on her lips.

"Much more. Too much to put-" I kissed her once again, "-into words."

I kissed her once more, pulling her close and she complied even more readily than I expected her to.

"How about tomorrow?" I said softly.

"Even more."

"And the day after that?"

"What is it, Billi?" she said as she backed up a bit. By now I felt confident enough to ask the question before the last.

"How are you sure you'll feel the same?" I asked softly.

"Because that feeling grows everyday of every week of every year ever since I've known you."

She was looking me straight in the eye now, reaching out to bury a fervent hand in my hair. I leaned forward and rested my forehead against her's.

"Guess what?"

"Hmmm?"

"Me too."

She smirked slightly as she continued to look into my face, and the expression soon turned into a wide smile.

I took her left hand in my right one, wrapping a thumb and finger around the ring finger, and as she looked below she gasped as she finally saw where I was heading. She looked back up at my face, her eyes questioning the nature of my silent request.

"No strings attached liebe. It's your pick."

She looked back down at her hand enclosed in my own, and then back up as if she couldn't believe what she had just perceived.

"Will you be mine, Niki?"

Spoken, the words sounded perfect, and even though I knew I might try to find faults in my ways later on I also knew I never would - this moment, all of it was perfect as it is.

She continued to look at me like she couldn't believe her ears. Then, as if unfreezing from an era of numb denial, she nodded - first just an unnoticeable bob, but then a vigorous but graceful jerk that seemed to have catalyzed my heartbeat - helping that little beating thing to break free of my rib cage and reside in her joyous eyes. I smiled disbelievingly, but as she whispered her answer and leaned in towards me I had to believe that this journey of ours could have a piece of it's fairytale ending.

She kissed me, our noses nudging together and then moving away only to meet again, and I smiled softly into it all.

"I'm glad I've been selfish for once." I heard her whisper, and couldn't help but laugh as I caught her joyous face in my two hands.

"Am I dreaming?" I asked her, and we both shook our heads as we looked at each other in an innocent daze and chuckled and kissed once again.

But it was in this moment that I felt an alteration -

"Of course you are."

I woke up with a jolt, looking around only to find myself in utter darkness; a movement nearby caught my attention, and I thus noticed that my hand lay entwined with another, but the two arms seemed twisted.

I rolled over, undoing the uncomfortable position into which I had been placed; as I looked down at our intertwined fingers I caught a glint of blue and ruby pink - the ring lying there on her finger - and a happy tear slipped down my cheek.

"You dreamed it all over again, didn't you?" she whispered into the dark, and even though I should have started that she was awake, I only smiled. I felt her sit up close to me, and I looked sideways into her glowing face.

"I'm not supposed to be down here." she said sleepily into the room. None of the others seem to stir here in what I now acknowledged to be the hall. I noticed Tom sleeping all the way on the other end - near the sofa that had been pushed up against the wall.

"Payal's covering for me upstairs." she whispered as I literally lifted her and balanced her precariously in my lap. Her head came to rest gently against my chest and her legs stretched out over the side of the mattress and onto the wood. She pulled them in, folding them up, and I heard her sigh contently.

"I can't believe you got everyone in on this." she said, and I smiled again as I drew an abstract design into her left shoulder.

"Wasn't that hard, really."

"Yeah? But my family IS Indian..." she contemplated, readjusting herself as she supported her face in her hand as she thought. I frowned, not completely understanding what her words meant.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, slightly incredulous. She looked up at me as though she couldn't believe her ears.

"Please don't tell me you don't know." she said, sounding incredulous herself. I shook my head in response. She sighed.

"You know at least how Europeans - and well basically all of the Western world - are ridiculously labelled way too modern when it comes to the romantic sub category of relationships?" I nodded, I'd never been comfortable with that generalized stereotype, and I could see she was uncomfortable with it too.

She took a deep breath in, and then exhaled.

"And then you know how Indian families are known to be more on the extreme traditional side." I nodded, and she continued, "But you know how mum and dad seemed to find a good balance. They always accepted that I may not end up getting serious with someone 'of my own kind' as the West thinks the Indian community would put it." I smirked at the sarcasm in her voice as she air-quoted the words.

"Yeah."

"Well, they still aren't completely modernistic in their ways. And you know that because neither am I." My expression softened as I heard what she had to say and thus understood her concerns.

"I guess you were just a little too paranoid about their attitude towards me." I said, but then frowned as I remembered something - "But some of your aunts are-"

"Pretty off. I know. They'll come around by the end of tonight, I promise." There was a short pause, and then we broke into a smirk each, and I laughed softly, placing a finger under her chin as I kissed her forehead.

"And here I thought I'd be so scared." she said, her tone disbelievingly, the emotion joyous.

"And here I thought neither of us was the type to choose to go down this road."

"I always said I WOULDN'T get married not that I didn't WANT to get married." she said, turning to look at me with teasing eyes. I smirked.

"Let the record show the same." I said as I mimicked her tone and expression, and her smirk only widened.

There was a slight rustling at the top of the stairs and, panicking, Niki placed a quick kiss on my cheek and stood up.

"See you tomorrow morning Humanoid."

I smiled, yanking on her hand and pulling her down for a quick kiss of my own before letting her go.

"Nacht schöne. Liebe dich."

"Liebe dich auch."

A rush of cloth, and then she was gone, and I succumbed to an easy slumber.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

I woke that morning to the sound of wooden drawers against metal pans, and the tantalizing aroma of browning onions and garlic.

"Hmmm what's for lunch?" Adam asked sleepily from some way away from me.

Niki's head popped out the side if the large pillar like structure separating the kitchen from the hall, and a smirk played on her face. she caught my eye and winked, and I smirked back in a way that caused her to blush, and look down.

"You mean morning?" she said, her tone deviating from the humorous tease it was supposed to have been. My smirk only widened. Tom turned to look at me, and mouthed 'good one' before picking up his pillow and aiming it at his wife, who only ducked, kneeled and then whacked him upside the head as she giggled and then walked away, looking at him over her shoulder teasingly. He winked at her, and she pretended to ignore him and acted disgusted. Erice laughed at them as he looked from one to the other and went back to whatever he was doing in the kitchen along with the two moms, and Adam still seemed ridiculously confused. I crawled over Gusti and poked the side of his head, and he groaned in irritation, and I heard the women standing in the kitchen laugh at the ensuing comic strip in the hall.

I stood up, stretching as I did. Grabbing my little suitcase from the corner, I made my way up the stairs, catching Niki's eye as I went. She held my gaze for a while, before dropping it to the carrots she was shredding.

As I wandered around the first floor I noticed Niki's relatives seemed to have left.

"They're staying at my aunt's because this place is now over crowded." I turned around to look into those deep coffee eyes framed with those thick brown lashes. We stood in her room, and still looking at me she tossed me a towel.

"You forgot to take this," she said as I grabbed her by the waist; a smirk appeared on her face.

"Why do you always pick the wrong days?" she whispered teasingly, and I moaned softly as I pulled her even closer. Lately my thoughts hadn't been coherent around her; there was a certain NEED that played with my mind, and I was sure this was quite evident to her too.

She looked down before looking back up and resting her forehead against my own.

"Wait a while." she said quietly as she registered my reactions. I have to admit her reaction shocked me more than anything else.

"What happened to 'it's hard for me to do this'?" I asked her as I kept her hand against my shoulder. She continued to look at me for a while.

"I never said I'm ready," she sighed softly, eyes suddenly downcast, "But I'm trying."

I lifted her face up again.

"Don't -"

"I'm not, I want this." she replied before I could complete my plea, caressing my face as she did. Her expression was indescribable - something I could only process slowly.

"Why -"

"Bill." She stopped me short again, and I searched her eyes carefully - trying to find in that topography that spot that I always needed as comfort, and when I found it I relaxed.

"I love you." she said softly, and I broke out into a relieved smile and pulled her even closer, "Liebe dich auch." I whispered as I kissed her, and her hands clasped my arms as mine did her's, our bodies seemingly intertwined until we broke apart from each other.

She blushed, shying away from me, but I held on.

"You remember the third leg?" I asked her, and she looked up with a tentative smirk on her face.

"Yeah."

"Mine really doesn't get stuck you know." I said as I teased her, burning a pattern into the small of her back as I spoke. It wasn't until I had burned it into her skin that I realized that I had just etched in the words 'be mine' all over again. She bit her lip, and - tempted - I reached forward to kiss the hollow below her ear. She hesitated, trying to pull away and then not; I pulled back.

"I didn't mean to make you conscious." I whispered guiltily. She looked up into my eyes, almost begging that I understand.

"I'm trying." she said, her voice strained, but I shook my head, refusing to listen.

"Don't push yourself so hard that it hurts." I whispered. She wore the same indescribable expression again, and tried to speak once more.

"I'm not going to make you someone you aren't." I said, overriding her once again.

"It's just so hard." she whispered softly, and then - "You'd better go shower."

And just like that, she left the room before I could utter another word.

I sighed, shaking my head a little as I tried to shake of the thoughts in my head at that moment. Stepping into the shower, I closed my eyes as I tried to forget what she had just said, but it was all in vain.

When I caught her alone again it was evening, and the moment only gave us fifteen minutes to ourselves.

"What did you mean in the morning?" I asked her as she threw yet another dress onto her bed. I picked it up - silver net and satin flowing under my fingers. "And what's wrong with this one?" I asked as I held it up. She gave it a glance and then shook her head.

"Looking for something else." she muttered. I stared on as she obviously avoided my question.

"You still haven't answered the main question." I said as I pointed out the obvious out loud. She sighed, turning around to look at me with a resigned look on her face. Walking up to me, she sat down in front of me, next to my dangling legs.

"Not now Billi, okay?"

"Please don't talk like I won't get it. I did that day."

She sighed again, and her dilemma clawed at my insides.

"I didn't mean to - it's just that - oh Bill."

I turned to look at her, but before I knew it her face was so close to mine and our foreheads met with a gentle bump. She took my face in her hands, and looked into my eyes with a wistful smile on her face.

"If you hadn't gotten that promise out of me... If you hadn't FINALLY made me selfish enough to... To live for myself."

Suddenly I was scared, nervous.

"Then what?" I asked in the breathiest of whispers.

"Then I would have told you that you need to take the second road, but I already tried." she laughed humorlessly, pain in her voice, "You deserve it my stubborn love."

I searched her face for a clue, but her eyes were shut - the windows had been temporarily tinted.

"Please stop talking in riddles." I begged softly as I reached forward to caress her face in a hand. She leaned into my touch, kissing my palm, and I pulled her in.

"You're not going anywhere." I stated, voice shaking, and her eyes flashed open.

"Wouldn't dream of it." and I knew her answer to be honest by the look in her eyes. "All I'm saying is that I wish I could give you someone better than who I am. And if not that then a me that isn't someone stuck in her shell." I looked into her pleading eyes, "I just wish I could get out, because I honestly want to but it's so hard and -"

"Shush..." I said softly as I cradled her, her outfit draped over both her arms. She looked up at me as I ran a finger down her nose, and a frown appeared on her brow.

"Maybe someone your age would do the trick."

"Stop, please." I nudged her nose with my own, my grip tightening unnoticeably.

"It would do you good. No jokes. You always preferred older women anyway. Guess they're smarter at all this... And then again -"

"No, stop. Now."

She looked startled at my expression, my gritted teeth and stubborn eyes.

"I just -"

"You just what? Thought that I'd need - no, want - someone who could be 'modern'? Some girl who can tell the whole world everything about me, the things I do to her, the way she makes me feel? Some chick who can value the way I touch her but not the way I talk, who can't cherish the smallest most childish moments of happiness whenever she's down but would turn to me for yet another physical token of love?"

I looked restlessly into her eyes; she seemed frozen there, my arms wound around her lovingly, but I was in a mild fit of anger at that moment.

"That's not what I -" she sighed, pausing. She looked down and then placed a hand quite deliberately on my chest as she looked back up - just where my heart thudded unevenly like it always did when I was with her, it made me feel more alive.

"I can feel this, and I know it's what you want - to be right here. But every human has... Needs... And they require fulfillment. What if I'm not ready for those kind of things? All I'm saying is that sometimes when I reflect on my... My retreats, I just think that maybe... What if I were able to go ahead and forget the stupid boundary for just a while? But then sixth sense pulls me down and I know I should follow it but I just feel like for once I should have just tried to put a stopper to my goody-two-shoes behavior and -"

She paused to breathe, refusing to look up into my face again, and just then we heard her mum in the passage, and she hastened to get up and rushed towards the bathroom door. Before I had had the chance to blink the door had been locked and her mother had passed by without a second glance.

I sat there, the silver net and silk dress falling to the floor as I suddenly stood up. I walked up to the bathroom door, standing with my head rested against the wood.

"I'd wait for you. You should've known that."

Although my body screamed the complete opposite, I knew that my heart couldn't have agreed further with my statement. Even though my patience was wearing away, I knew I had the will and love to withstand the temptation a little longer.

And yet, I knew it wouldn't be very long before I would give in.

There was a sigh from the other end of the wood as the words left my lips. I thought I imagined her hand up against the wood on the exact spot where mine was now. I stood there for a minute or two, and then began to walk away.

"I know," I stopped at the sound of the voice, "I just don't like or want to be making you do that."

I turned to face the door, and she walked out of there in a deep mauve dress, the sleeves leading from the v-neck and falling down the back to form a fold-emphasized low backed design.

"A relationship consists of filling in the missing pieces and relishing the ones you can't, schöne. You said it yourself."

She shrugged, but then smirked as she noticed my sweeping gaze and then as it lingered tantalizingly over her frame, taking it all in.

"I know it's a nice dress, and that's just saying it innocently." she whispered after winding her arms around my neck teasingly. I growled in serious impatience and irritation, and her smirk only widened. I wound my arms securely around her waist, my hands softly caressing her perfectly curved sides, and she shivered lightly. "Your hands are cold." a whisper again, and this time goosebumps rose up my arms. And then - "It's tailor made, I can't have it ripped." and her eyes almost gave her away - I could see desire trapped behind those cultural norms, and I had to suppress a soft moan that promised to be both of longing and aggravation.

"Don't tempt me."

She smirked, leaning forward only to peck me - yet teasing in her manner, her eyes yet narrating the actual truth to mine, and I allowed her that luxury, savoring her touch.

"I'll try not to."

I winked, in on the act, this new unspoken truth calming me down and yet leaving me with a feeling of longing that seemed worse than before. "Don't promise me a word, love."

She laughed, her head thrown back, and walked back to face her dresser.

"Wouldn't dream of it."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

"Oh haha, very funny, that's not what happened! What happened is that I met my now to-be husband when he bought eyeliner from me! I swear!"

"A-la-la-la-la-la not true!"

She glared at me irritably, and all her brothers and sisters laughed. She raised an eyebrow, and unnoticed by anyone else, slipped her hand closer to my legs. I batted it away playfully, and she pretended to be extremely angry.

Everyone was laughing, and half the night seemed to have gone by meeting my future in-laws.

"Don't you have a ginormous family." I said a while later, teasing her, and she smirked up at me as I wound an arm around her waist and we continued to wander around in this sea of people.

But as soon as I looked up to see where we were headed I stopped us dead in our tracks.

She crashed into my chest gently, and then looked up at me irritatedly as she regained her balance.

I noticed her following my forlorn gaze to the man standing across from us, not two feet away. None of the celebrating folks around us seemed to notice the nasty glare that was painted over my face.

Caught up in the awkwardness, Niki started forward to greet him, but I tightened my grip on her waist. I wouldn't have him misguiding her again.

"Bill!" she whispered angrily, as if reprimanding a child, and I broke out of my stance and looked down into her face. I guessed I was the only one who could hear her, because he continued to stare at his shoes awkwardly.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked softly, sounding hurt; she flashed the ring I had placed on her hand at me subtly as she wrapped her arms around my neck, and her eyes reassured me that she could handle this. I sighed so low that he couldn't have heard anything, and then let her go. She took a step forward, her fingers reaching down to link firmly with my own.

"Hey Taylor."

"Hey."

The man looked up at me, pleading forgiveness with his eyes, but I looked away - a little to the left of his face and forced a smile on my face.

"H-happy birthday." he stuttered at her, and I turned to see her flash him a friendly smile.

"You wont even give me a hug you crazy psychoanalyst? I'm getting married!"

At this I couldn't help but smile. Subtle, I commented internally in response to her words. I saw him blink in shock as he hugged her.

"Congratulations!" he said, and with much more vigor now. I had to suppress a mildly sadistic chuckle.

She was making small talk, and I spoke a word or two, but soon Tom and Payal picked up the signal and stole us from there after making sure the guy was engaged in a conversation with Audrey. (I thought I saw her glance at me reproachfully. But that was until Nathalie saved her.)

The four of us walked slowly away from the crowd, disconnecting ourselves from the booming bass and the laughter and smell of alcohols. We joked lightly, and I pulled my twin and his wife's leg as hard as I could with the assistance of my own fiancé.

'Fiancé' - I loved that word on my lips, but I would feel even more euphoric if the word were 'wife' already. I knew it was just the initial magic of the thought - or so most people said - but I would live with it until it passed away peacefully.

Before I knew it we were alone again.

"Work again day after." she sighed, her head hitting the table with a thud in surrender. I ran a hand over it and she looked up at me - two brown eyes peeking through tangled coffee hair in that little booth. For a split second we were two ordinary people at a party - on the brink of marriage, and trying desperately to make the emotional ends meet. For a split second it was just us - her decked up just for me on her birthday, because we had no one else. For once we were the white trash fairy tale.

I smiled into the thought and twirled a lock of her hair in the light. The natural red highlights in the coffee strands shone brightly and danced in my eyes. I knew in that moment that this was the right thing to do - getting married.

"You love it." I said in context with what she'd said before.

"As do you, but we still get tired. Are Simone and Gordon joining us, because they seemed to be talking about something to do with passports and a visa and Paris."

I scooted closer to her, resting my own head on my two pale hands and looking into her half concealed face.

"Yeah, they are." my breath blew into her face, and the hair brushed past her nose, making her sneeze.

"Billi," she whined irritatedly as she wrinkled her nose, and I chuckled, "how much HAVE you drunk?" I smirked. "Germans," she muttered, and I buried my head in my arms and laughed.

"I'm driving tonight. And how many more surprises are you bombarding me with?"

Glad she'd brought it up, I looked back up and smirked broader than ever.

"Not telling."

She sighed, sitting up but her head was bowed. She tilted it back, relaxing her neck, and then bowed it again. I sat watching her, and when she was done she looked up at me and shifted closer. We both relaxed, stretching our legs, and her head rested against my arm. She stood up, walking off, and then returned a minute later with a Bloody Mary. She sat down and resumed the position we had taken up earlier, her arm stretched out as her fingers curled delicately around her drink - the little finger holding the other side of the glass just like it always did. I smirked small - we both seemed to share that habit alongside so many others that we had lost count.

We smiled, just sitting there as we talked about nothing and everything - the VMAs (and the plans she had for it which she refused to tell me; apparently they were a surprise meant for not just me but the entire world), the people dancing on the floor, Taylor and the encounter, Adam and Erice (who were now macking just outside near the balcony) and then, in conclusion, us.

"We better get back to everyone before they draw conclusions." I mumbled something in agreement as we got up and walked over to the throng on the dance floor, smiling at the odd relative or group of friends sitting in the booths. Turning around to walk backwards in front of me, the love of my life winked as she guided me right into the middle of everything and pulled me in as we begun to dance, which seemed to result in a number of adoring encourages, and she stuck her tongue out at them playfully. They all laughed.

"I am so kicking your ass at wedding apparel."

I only threw my head back and joined them in the act.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

"I'm not telling you Bill, all I'm saying is I have to stay back now! There's a change in plan, and I've been called in along with the band."

"But -"

She sighed, unpacking everything she had stuffed into her suitcases not two hours ago, and as I watched her my heart sank. Seems like we wouldn't be spending as much time together as I had hoped for after all. Gordon and Mutti had also been hoping to spend time with her, I knew they had missed her quite a lot; it had been - after all - three months since they'd seen her or spent time with her.

"It's not like I want this." she said, turning to face me, "I thought that maybe we could finally..." she trailed off, exhaling in a huff and turned to walk out the room.

"We could finally what?" I asked the empty room, and especially the painting of all of us that she had painted behind the bed in place of the painted TH poster that had hung there previously; but I guess I already knew the answer.

I sighed into the room, unable to believe my luck.

When she returned she seemed more upset than ever, "Twisha's cribbing about everything again."

I held her hand, leaning in towards her to hug her, and she wrapped her arms around my torso. We stood there for a while, reminiscing, I knew.

"We haven't done this for a while." she said, looking up at me as her chin rested somewhere just below my neck. She resumed her previous position, and I knew what she meant - that feeling of contentment was beautiful, fulfilling.

"Yeah, we should now."

She hummed softly, burying her face in her hair gently, and I allowed my hands to braid into those coffee brown strands again.

"I'm gonna miss you." she mumbled into my shirt, and I kissed the top of her head as I felt the hopelessness in me rise once again.

"I wish you could come."

"I wish I could too. Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry."

"You KNOW they'll kill you for that."

"Nah, Mom'll just whack you 'cause I'm not there." and she looked up at me again and smirked. I pouted like the words actually meant something serious to me and she giggled.

Untangling ourselves from each other, we began helping around the house. There was a lot of work to be done - papers to be filed, others to be thrown, mails to be deleted, the interviews and other such agendas to be redone. By the end of three hours everyone was exhausted.

"When is the official announcement?" Zoe asked as she leaned into her two year boyfriend, referring to the whole marriage 'ordeal'.

"Ummm... Wait let me look -"

I watched her from where she sat in my lap shuffling through the sheaf of papers. Both mothers sat on the couch adjoining the love seat on which we were sitting. It was the first time Niki's mum had walked into such a placement of people, and after the initial shock she seemed to be fine.

"Wait you know I think it was here." I said, stretching sideways to obtain another sheaf of papers and handed it to her.

"Yeah there it is." she stated, handing it over to her.

"Oprah?"

"Yep, It was either her or Jojo on KISS FM. I'm NOT talking to Jojo on KISS FM."

I chuckled, and so did the moms, and she looked up into my face.

"Did you have to teach him the phrase?" she said, aggravated, and then not as I threw my head back and laughed and high five-d Payal.

"Oh shush!" she exclaimed, and I laughed even more as I looked back down at her.

"You know you really are bad at comebacks with me. Maybe it's my amazing charm."

"My dear, you HAVE no charm."

"Hey!"

"You are SO mean to him!"

I just smirked as she stood up and walked away from me and ignored the others. I knew she didn't mean it, her sly smile as she broken away from my resisting arms had already stated otherwise.

"We better head to the airport." she called out behind herself, and my heart sunk almost immediately at the thought of leaving her. "And I was kidding." she added in exasperation, short tempered as she was. I stood up and stretched, and suddenly everyone steeped into a solemn cloud of despair.

-x-

There was a sigh that escaped lips apart from my own as my mother turned fully to fix me with her 'behave yourself' expression. Nevertheless, I sighed once again as I looked out the window at the disappearing state of California. I imagined her looking up and into the sky, but then felt guilty for the fact that I hoped that she would miss me to the point where she might feel obliged to remain unhappy. I stared at the screen of my cell phone instead, aimlessly looking down at it at the picture that was now my lock screen - a picture of us as we laughed, her hand taking support of my shoulder and reaching out towards the back of my neck as she tried to steady herself, and I with my hand placed loosely at the side of her waist. Crinkled eyes and joy - I continued to stare at the moment frozen in time as if expecting for it to spring to life right then and there.

"She'll kill you if she finds out you're this lovesick." I jumped at the sound Gustav's voice, and was even more mortified as Geo placed a hand on my shoulder from the other side. Tom slept across the isle with drool rolling down and into his braids; gross.

"Well she won't kill you but she won't be real supportive of it either."

Confused, I raised my eyebrows at them.

"What do you guys mean?"

They looked at each other and then at me, smirking.

"Find out for yourself."

Shaking my head at how stupid they were being I plugged my iPod in and looked out the window as The Pretty Reckless blasted through the earphones.

The songs shifted, but the goddamned plane refused to land; Katy Perry was know playing, but I smiled small at the song - she KNEW I wasn't fond of Katy, but when I complained all she said was "You need some change. Some freshness! If she hates on you, you don't have to hate on her!"

I sighed once again, and unconsciously begun to contemplate on the unbelievable fact of the matter - that I had landed up with someone like her; someone so unique and different and TRUE to herself. The more I thought of it the more it astonished me, and the more I backtracked on every little thing we had been through and wondered how we'd been able to withstand it all.

I turned sideways, curling up in my seat as I watched the sun set. "A rose garden in the sky" she would call it; it was a quote from one of her favorite books - The Star of Kazan by Eva Ibbotson.

I closed my eyes and begun to count the dimples in her cheeks, the natural streaks of red among the brown, and as I counted each little thing that about her that I could picture in my head, I fell asleep.

-x-

"Bill? Bill? BILL!"

I woke up with a start, unfurling and sitting straight up so fast that my head hurt from the rush and my legs from the excruciatingly slow departure from numbness that had now begun.

"We're here. We're home away from home." I kneaded my eyes with my own two fists, trying to remember when I had stumbled off the plane and into the car, but I couldn't. I guess I really hadn't slept so long for quite a while.

"It's like he gets a fucking hang over he's -"

"You're seriously worse than me right now bro, but I guess now while we crash you'll stay awake. Or maybe you'll take another nap?"

I peered into Tom's concerned face and nodded affirmative in my groggy state. I covered my mouth as a big loud yawn elicited from me and greeted the whole car. I heard Mum and Dad laugh lightly at my knocked-out condition from just outside. Were they the ones making all the noise as they helped drag the luggage forward?

In fifteen minutes Gustav had managed to pull me out and drag me to the elevator. I stood there - irritable and blank, unresponsive - and climbed out the lift as soon as the doors opened. Tom followed close behind, the ghost of his hand supporting me from the back because he knew I would fall without it there. As I stumbled into the room he caught hold of my arm and guided me carefully to the bed. Setting me down he placed my head on his bony lap and sat back and covered us both under the thick sheets. I snuggled closer to him unconsciously and he absentmindedly patted my cheek lightly.

And there in the arms of my twin brother I succumbed to exhaustion.


	17. Chapter 17

NIKI

Chapter Seventeen

As soon as Bill had left mum had started on me again.

"So... What had really happened all those years ago?"

I sighed softly, hurting, but I knew I'd have to confess to her sometime or the other, "Well since Tom and Bill are twins too Tom got more than a little on the paranoid and aggravated side. He felt that the both of them weren't having enough time to themselves. At first I thought of leaving him immediately, I knew I'd rather have my heart broken than see them fall out. But then PiePie and Tanz stopped me. We got things under control, compromised to breaking point on our relationship just to make him and Tom work. Anytime me and Bill were together too long Tom would panic again, thinking that he would lose his brother to someone else. You can't blame him for that, it's a twin thing. It's just like the first time Payal went out with someone and I threw a hissy fit." I paused, looking up at her again and she was waiting for me patiently to continue. I took a deep breath in before continuing.

"Well, things got worse from then on. I then decided to leave even though Tom tried to convince me otherwise. You already know that part was a messy affair, especially since it was after we were sure that we were actually in love with each other. After all those years when Tom and Payal got married and we met again I couldn't help but break down." I sucked in a ragged breath. It was just a year ago but it felt like it was far away. And yet I could feel everything I had felt then rush through me once again in a painful swoosh of memories.

"I had broken so badly when I left him that I hadn't been able to fix myself. I'd just built up a wall that I had deemed near impossible to break down, but I guess that wasn't the case. During the wedding we fixed it the night of; it was all tears and fighting and whatnot, but I caved in anyway. Turns out I wasn't the only one hollow after all. From then on everything's been fine. Tom finally forgave himself when he came back from his honeymoon and found out we'd fixed everything."

My words were greeted by nothing but silence, and when I had the courage to look up again she was looking right back at me as if she finally understood everything.

"You did the right thing."

I nodded; I had known somewhere deep down that she'd understand.

"they were able to fix themselves in that time. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I was so scared. I didn't want to be like -"

"Like that girl in our neighborhood when you were younger. I see it now. You were the same age as her. I'm just aggravated that you had to crush your own heart and everyone else's to reach this point. But," she paused and sat down next to me, running a hand over my head and stroking all the way down to the ends of my hair, "you found yourself a good catch." she continued in a stereotypical Indian accent. I looked up at her and giggled, and she laughed too, and as I hugged her a tear escaped me on account of the utter relief I felt.

Things would finally be getting better.

-x-

I stood there, scared and slightly aggravated. Oprah was about to begin in about five minutes. The boys would be up on Skype in the back and I would be on the sofa.

A hand came to rest on my shoulder, and I turned to see the legendary woman standing right there. She smiled at me, reaching forward to shake my hand. "It's great to have you here." she said, and for a minute or two we made small talk as we sat down on the sofa.

"Welcome back to Oprah, and today we have the Indian sensation Niki of The Thirteen Moons Of Demetria."

I smiled at everyone, not feeling up to it - I wished Bill were here with me, but then again he would be on the screen in a while.

"So, jumping right to the topic - you're getting married?"

"Yeah that's correct. But it's okay for people to be shocked I found out at about four yesterday night that I was getting married, so..."

A few people laughed, I smiled once again.

"But seriously, how tough was it for you to... You know work this relationship out, because it was quite unbalanced."

I didn't pause, answering these questions with utmost diplomacy was my area of expertise now.

"Euhm, you know Bill and I - the relationship wasn't unbalanced as much as it was vulnerable um... It was always like that. But emphasis on the 'was', we're pretty much as strong as ever right now."

By now Bill was already on Skype in the background. I heard a singular swoon pass through the crowd, and I smiled at him quickly before turning back to Oprah. I thought he looked quite well rested after having crashed completely into oblivion last night.

"Mhm. But you know everyone's heard at least one version of what actually happened. But what now? I mean a relationship requires bridges to be built, what are yours? Is it the culture clash or the time boundaries or the media or - what is it? Oh and also hi to Mr. Kaulitz there in the background."

"Well it's a little bit of all. And hello to you too!" I heard him say just before I could answer, and he now held everyone's attention. But he was now looking at me as if prodding me to go on.

"Yeah it is, actually, it's just a mix bag. Where culture comes into play is that the norms and decorum a relationship would follow back in India would actually be quite different than what people would follow here. I mean, teenagers at home in India might be staring at the screen at some point when this is aired there and be laughing and saying 'yeah, we snog too! What's the big deal?' but a relationship like the one I share with Bill is very, very different from all of that on a lot of levels. It's not just the physical; the way we interact - everything is different. You know, it's different when you're best friends and when you actually start dating -"

"Yeah the same parameters cannot be attached to those two. Euhm... It's sort of like a gap in communication in the beginning with the different upbringing and culture and everything. It's not so much problematic after the first stage of actually solidly stating that 'yes, we are together' because essentially it's just that fear of not knowing what the other's reaction might be more than anything else." Bill completed for me. I could see mum somewhere in the crowd listening attentively. She'd never attended any of my interviews before.

"And was this fear born only after you started dating, or was it always there?"

"Uh... I guess there was just an unnoticeable bit of tension in that context that was always present. But nothing too great."

I could see Bill nodding, and as she heard me Oprah did too.

"What about the family? What was that like for you Niki? You're living in the USA, top that off with being an international icon and then getting pally with a German. It's not like I'm saying that I would like to add those tags there, but the nationalities that you both come from have quite a bit of history each with the western world.

"Um... You know I never looked at it that way. I've always tried to keep a global perspective in mind about things; but some of my family members did seem uncomfortable, and I don't blame them! Let's face it that racial tag is always attached to my name. I mean Bill can get away with it now a lot of the times but I never can. I remember when we first got signed our target was to hit international markets, and our record company did always believe in us but there was still that sneery undertone, that skepticism, present when we interacted with some of the people. And then there's also that tag of feminity attached to you, you know, 'you're a woman you have no business attempting to do punk music or rock or whatever'. So yeah there was a lot of discrimination. Coming to the relationship point of view I can safely say that mum and dad and even my elder brother were quite wary when it came to the whole thing, I was barely eighteen and I completely understand their perspective. But I can also gladly say that they've always trusted me and haven't forced me to do anything against my will. If they've thought that I'm seeing something important with reference to something else that they aren't able to see - then they've always just gone ahead and said 'okay, do it! Go ahead!'"

"But do you see this in other such cross culture relationships?"

"Absolutely! Our twin siblings are married, and seeing Tom's nature they faced it worse than we did. You even see it so much among people who belong to different western cultures - in fact it can get worse there sometimes because in some ways western cultures are more set in their ways. In fact I know people who find it so hard to blend in and conform here in America. It's not easy to maintain such a relationship."

"But I guess that's there even more so with us since, euhm, with the media and the time constraints it can get worse. You know the media lives stretching everything and even counting award ceremonies and rehearsals and a lot if other things you would get to see the other person for no more than a moth and a half tops."

The interview went on, and even though it was relieving to talk about everything that had happened it was hard at the same time. By the time I got into the car I had relived every single separation and felt like I had broken all over again; then again, I should have anticipated this.

Mum had taken the back entrance and was thus on another car with the security personnel. She would probably reach home earlier than me.

I sighed, curling up on the ginormous seat of the stretch limo. Just as u was about to give up watching all the screaming fans through the tinted windows my phone begin to vibrate.

"Are you okay?" the voice across the line was concerned, but the familiar velvet if it's texture calmed me a bit. I already knew I was on speaker: I could hear Tom shouting something about a stone cold pizza before wishing me a good morning.

I sighed softly.

"I'll live," I muttered, "I should have been ready for it but I guess I wasn't. Anyway I am quite relieved it's all out in the open properly now anyway. When are you guys flying in to start stage rehearsals?"

"Day after, I think, right Jost?"

"Yeah."

"Oh okay..."

"Guys get off the phone now! Dinner!"

I heard Bill put me off speaker and sigh softly.

"I miss you." he said softly. I sat up as I watched out the window and saw the house coming up - home was only in his company along with Twinsie's.

"You have to go now." I sighed back in defeat. There was no reply bit I could hear him shuffling around. I sighed once again, running an irritated hand through my loose hair. It was sitting slightly wavy like it usually did.

"I love you schöne." I whispered softly as the chauffeur pulled into the driveway. I still sat there on the seat, waiting for him to reply.

"Ich liebe dich auch mein leben. Call me later?"

"That's not possible." I said with no hope whatsoever.

"Warum nicht?" he replied back aggravated.

"Rehearsals."

I thought he sounded quite angry when he replied "Bis später." and cut the phone.

I huffed angrily.

I wasn't going to take this lying down.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

My cell phone beeped again – a light flashed across the screen, and it begun to vibrate. I huffed, ignoring the call, but a second glance made me see the words "Georg Listing" flash across the screen instead of the other words that I had anticipated would be there – the ones that were unwanted at this moment.

Yes, I was extremely angry.

I edged towards the little electronic device and picked it up with my newly done nails. I touch the screen lightly, leaving the phone on speaker. The nail paint was still wet.

"Who are you and what do you want?" I said in a rush, my voice curt in tone. I really couldn't stand Bill right now. His edginess was getting to me. How could I be put to blame for this? Wasn't he the one who countered me with the argument of calling this life 'work' by saying I loved it? So what had gotten into him now. He never said it, but he seemed to put his music before anything else. This year I wanted the chance of putting my life forth properly, didn't I deserve it?

"It's Ge-org, and Goo-stav!" the latter sung across the line, and at his loopy-ness I had to laugh.

"She laughs! She actually laughs!" I smiled.

"Shut up you two! What's up anyway? It 2 in the night there!"

"And I'm munching on pee-zza!" Singing again.

"Is Gustavo drunk again?" I asked, feigning hopelessness and they laughed, and then – "And you guys haven't answered the question."

I heard everything go quiet suddenly, almost as if they were scared of what I would say. I felt infuriated, because I now knew exactly what was up.

"He's with you isn't he?" I was seriously upset now. Not a sound greeted me from across the line.

"Geo, get me off speaker. Now." I heard a sigh then and a click followed.

"I'm not talking to him if that's what you want."

"I'm sorry, but he's seriously upset! You should see his face."

"I think I've seen his puppy dog eyes many more times over the last year than you have. They're driving me crazy. I can't help it that I have this job. I offered him the other option – moving on – but obviously neither of us is taking that. Now explain to me this – how could I NOT be angry if I'm to be just cut off because I have a job to get back to?"

There was silence for a moment.

"I don't blame you. But it's been a day now." He said quietly.

"What about when he cut off on me for a month at a stretch because he wanted to take a break from the lifestyle and just relax in the Bahamas? He wasn't working! I'm supposed to take it nicely, but he can't take a few days? Do you know how hard it is for me? A guy can get away with not being with his girl, can fantasize, make do somehow. A guy can hide his emotions. A girl can't. Does you think it isn't hard for me when I wake up in bed alone, when I walk into the hall or the main area of the tour bus and there's no Bill there waiting, just smiling? Do you really think I asked for us to strain our relationship like this?"

There was not a sound across the line.

"Just take the next call he makes, okay? Please? His face is seriously unbearable right now and plus he's driving everyone crazy."

I didn't speak for a while, my ego preventing me from letting go of my childish whim and letting the guilt override so that I would comply with this request. But as I counted backwards, closed my eyes, and said a prayer I was able to let go. It must have been almost fifteen minutes that I had not spoken, and Geo just waited patiently across the line.

"Okay."

He seemed to exhale noticeably and in relief. I shook my head – he and Gustav really did baby me. Sometimes even more than Tom or Bill did when they were in their twin moments, and that was saying something; although with Bill it was more like he spoiled me completely – which I enjoyed – but yet.

I huffed, agitated and unwilling to talk to him, but yet at the same time I wanted for everything to be okay. So I picked up my phone once again, and dialed his number carefully - my fingers moving slower than usual. But when I heard his voice as he rambled on I couldn't care anymore about what the fight was about anyway. I guess a day's worth of silent treatment was enough.  
"Just shut it and listen to me." I said, playing the surprise card. All was immediately quiet across the other line. I maintained the pause for a second or two more.  
"Just don't do that again." I said quickly.  
"Huh, wha - oh. But -"  
"But nothing. Just don't do that again."  
He was quiet for a moment, registering my firm voice and neutral tone but unable to understand why I had forgiven him.  
"I'm still sorry." he said in a small voice, and I sighed.  
"I guessed. Just... When you do something like that it hurts. A lot. And it doesn't feel nice, or fair."  
There was an extremely short pause.  
"I swear just kill me next time I do that." I chuckled softly, relaxing slowly and thus falling backwards and hitting my head to the pillow.  
"That's pointless, because then me and Tom and Payal would kill ourselves in a mixed up chain reaction."  
I heard the smile in his voice as he whispered an 'I love you' softly into the phone.

I smiled a small smile as my cheeks turned redder than their usual natural red hue.  
"Just come back here soon."  
-x-  
The mic was screwed up again.  
"Let's just turn everything down to acoustic for now?" Payal suggested. We were at rehearsals again. Eminem stood on the side as we all tried setting everything up.  
"And then how will you work on the damn transitions with the guitars set to acoustic?"  
"Aye, yo Niki's right it'll seriously fuck up that transition bit, you know just before the harmony." Mathers said. I still couldn't believe were doing a stage collaboration.  
I sighed, and suddenly everyone was staring at me. Mathers smiled, and I stared at him questioningly; a second or two into the irritating silence two pairs of arms wound around my waist - they were gentle, loving, wanting. Next another two hands covered my eyes, and another two picked up my hands and made me dance on the spot like a fool. I could hear someone laughing. Suddenly someone picked my hair and gave it a jerk as if the locks were horse reigns.  
"Alright, the four of you, nobody's getting food tonight."  
Suddenly everything stopped, except that a head came to rest gently on my shoulder - a pair of lips placed a soft kiss on my cheek: the arms wound around my waist were still in place.  
"Hi Bill." I said rolling my eyes but smiling anyway. Everyone laughed again. Tom walked over to Mathers and gave him a "bro-hug". I shook my head.  
"Sometimes if you put these two next to each to other it's like someone genetically duplicated Marshall to create my brother-in-law."  
I heard Bill chuckle, and I turned side-ways to look at him.  
"What're you laughing at? You're the dude's twin! The three of you would look like triplets if you didn't wear these clothes!"  
"Oh shush!" he said, imitating me cynically -  
"I know everything, I know everything!"  
"Hey!"  
"Blah blah blah -"  
"You are SO not getting any tonight!"  
"AHA! so you HAVE done it!"  
"No wait -"  
"Come on Bill, tell 'em!" I said as I smirked and resisted the hold of his arms. I winked at Mathers, and he snickered and gave me a high five. I turned around to look at my... My FIANCÉ. That word still felt new on my lips.  
He looked at me with an even wider smirk on his face, his eyes glinting, and I knew he was going to say something extremely horny.  
"Yeah... We fucked. Hot monkey sex."  
Everything was suddenly quiet; everyone seemed seriously shocked.  
"Like those two boars you guys video taped in the dessert. You should just release that tape man!" I added as I sunk onto my knees in one swift motion to fix the amps.  
"Which one, theirs or ours?"  
My head whipped up to meet his gaze. I knew my cheeks were blazing before I felt them flush. The image flashing in my head was the most x-rated thing in the entire world.  
But to imagine it being VIDEO TAPED.  
I heard Mathers wolf-whistle. I couldn't even laugh even though I wanted to. I just smiled, fixing everything up as I checked the guitar on the tone on each amp and the distortion levels.  
"Like really hot rabbit sex." I said into the mic as I stood in front of the stand with my hip jutting to the side after I had fixed everything up. I heard Tom choke on his coke, and I laughed.  
"Hit the fucking drums!" I said, bending over double laughing and standing up again and winking at Bill who sat on the floor against one of the guitar cases; he winked back at me - his gaze sweeping over me as he played with his tongue piercing as if his eyes were already doing too much dirty work of their own. Strangely enough I wasn't shy anymore, I only challenged with him my middle finger (at which he laughed) and then went back to face the front before sharing another laugh with Mathers and begin rehearsals.  
-x-  
"Well... See you guys later!"  
I waved at them all as I took Bill's hand and walked forward. He placed a kiss on my temple and then begun to walk with me.  
"Haven't been down Melody Lane with you in a while." he said as we continued to walk on slowly. I looked at him for just a second before looking back and upwards at the winding cobbled pathway and the rosy setting sun but didn't reply - I didn't feel the need to. We stopped as we reached the little overhang at the top with the small brickwork railing. I still felt the need to do nothing at all but blend in with the peace here.  
"A rose garden in the sky?" he whispered softly as his arms wrapped gently around my torso, locking a little way above my chest. I smirked small, and leaned into him as I nodded and buried my hand deep into his hair, my fingers running through the soft black locks.  
"God in Heaven, thank you for not putting anymore hairspray in there!" I exclaimed and twirled - only to find him looking at me with a loving blaze in his eyes. I blushed unattractively once again and looked down at the little stones that seemed covered with salt spray; the wind blew my hair suddenly, and it turned into a mess all over my forehead. I pushed it back gently, and Bill cleared the bangs of my forehead, sweeping them aside gently; his hands were always magic, and I didn't even know how but they just were.  
Suddenly there was a different desire in my heart, something that had been unable to escape - to show itself - until now but was now coloring my thoughts and waiting to burst through my lips. He nudged my nose gently, "I want to know what's on your mind." he said as he looked straight into my eyes.  
But the look in mine seemed to tell him everything he wanted to know.  
There was a silence now, and it seemed to be pregnant with anticipation. Was I taking this relationship on a little too fast? Oh, what the heck, I was MARRYING him! This could do no kind of societal harm anymore!  
"I want to go home." I said lightly, internally shocked at how well I was able to cover for myself. He blinked suddenly, and I winked and took his hand and begun to walk; but he stopped me suddenly and I turned around to look at him questioningly, but as suddenly as the torn expression appeared in his eyes it vanished. He only pulled me closer as we strode forward. I guess he finally knew 'what was on my mind'.  
The ride home wasn't quiet as much as it was heated. I hadn't even realized when I had been shifted from the seat and into Bill's lap. Thank God for those driver-passenger seat partition things. I looked into his face right now, his hands placed fervently over my thighs; I nudged his nose with my own, and he growled.  
I chuckled, "Leather seats are not such a good idea." I whispered, still laughing a little, and he frowned.  
"That house is two minutes away, you impatient little goose!"  
His voice was far more husky than I expected when he spoke again -  
"Do NOT call me a silly goose!"  
I pursed my lips to prevent the laughter, and his frown deepened before suddenly disappearing all together. I raised an eyebrow, trying to sit back down on the seat as I felt the car slowing down, but it obviously didn't work. He smirked suddenly, and I was suddenly nervous. He leaned forward slowly, tilting his head, and bit down gently on the aide of my neck, a hand stroking down my spine.  
I gasped, but had enough of my wits about me to push him away and slip out the minute the door opened. I waited for him, and for the benefit of the ever-present crowd of fans that stood on the other side of the high wall of the garden he only took my hand. We walked forward, and he couldn't resist letting his arm going around my waist. I thought I heard the screaming get a little louder than before.  
"You'll give the poor things a heart attack Bill." I said as I slipped out of his hold, my tone concerned. But he seemed not to care as we stepped inside. No one was home, and the parents thought Bill and I had gone to speak about a few apparel designs to Audrey.  
Damn straight.  
Before the door shut I was pinned up against it. My heart beat faster even when compared to the other times he'd managed to have me trapped like that.  
"Bill..." I whispered softly as he kissed me passionately, not sparing even a second f thought, but I didn't complain. There was a little crackle as we pulled each other close, and it seemingly ruined the moment for the boy.  
The both of us looked down at the same time, and thus hit our heads together.  
"Ow!" we exclaimed together, and then chuckled at our stupidity. I bent down, sinking onto my knees, and picked up the little envelope that lay there. I ripped it open as I stood up, and Bill peered at it as I did.  
He pulled me into him as I begun to read, but as I noticed the seal at the top right corner of the page, the fine print that was definitely not English, and the signature at the bottom I seemed to have gone numb.  
Before I knew it I had fallen to the floor, and my life had crashed and burned before my eyes in less than a second.


	19. Chapter 19

**Modified: **Wed 24/11/2010 8:03 PM

NIKI

PROLOGUE

Sometimes there is a happy ending, sometimes there is that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But everytime, unlike all the other sometimes in the world, you have to pay a price.

But when the price means fast forwarding to a new era, to so many adjustments that you might never be able to handle? What if the price was something you cared about more than your own life, but something that remains a constant reminder of the love you lost? What then? What do you do?

Chapter One

"Niki? Hey?" two fingers snapped in front of my face, and then as I blinked that wide innocent smile seemed to sharpen from what had been a distant blur. I had fazed out of it again.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so tired." I said, rubbing my eyes. Thank god the eyeliner I had on was waterproof. He stroked my hair, placing a finger under my chin, but I turned away, yawning and covering my mouth.

"You should have said something," he said softly, pulling me by the hand so that my head rested comfortably on his chest. Bill wasn't the most well built guy on earth, but that wasn't my concern. In fact I had never been one for muscly guys. Not even the lean and toned type. They all just ticked me off in all their typicalities. I sighed, satisfied, and snuggled even closer to him and he ran a soothing hand down my back.

"Hmmm, you sure you still want me here? I could get up you know." but I was so unwilling to do so. I adjusted myself a little more in his lap, and he snorted.

"Yeah, right." he muttered playfully, and I smiled. I admit, it had been uncomfortable to sit the first few times in his lap. I wasn't used to being physical with someone, and I never thought I would be like that some day. I just found it hard to express my feelings, to say what I felt as openly as he did. But he just smiled everytime I would look up at him and bite my lip. It made me guilty, because I knew he felt the teensiest bit hurt when I wouldn't say anything when he said something completely sweet, but on the other hand I would feel so shy that I wouldn't be able to look into his face. Thus I felt a little smug at the affect I had achieved with my words today. I guess I really was getting warmed up to the idea of this sweet talk, don't care if the paparazzi are staring while you make out with your boyfriend thing.

At that last one I shifted uncomfortably. Guess I wasn't all that comfortable.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a hopeless cheesy sucker for love.

But at the same time I happen to be, well, shy.

"Niki?" he whispered softly, and I looked up at him. We were sitting on the plush loveseat in a ginormous plane, and my hair was stuck to his shirt with static. It wouldn't be wrong for my ears to ring with "stay there guys that's the PERFECT shot." and a dozen camera clicks going off as he looked into my eyes and eased the hair off my face.

He raised an eyebrow, face full of playful skepticism. I shook my head, resting against his chest once again. He sighed softly, hand moving away and resting on the leather of the arm in agitation.

"I do not get upset about... About all of that."

"You can't even say it out loud." I muttered dully, and I felt him shift the slightest bit uncomfortably. I stood up, ignoring the protests of his arms, and walked around, stretching as I avoided him completely. Yes, I felt so guilty, but it would ease everything out if he would just admit how much it affected him. I tugged at the scrunchy in my hair, and the thick brown mass that were my supposedly 'beautiful' curly locks spilled all around my face in an untidy mess. I scooped them to one side, and they fell all the way down to my waist, and then I adjusted my olive green shorts as I made my way to the little cabinet filled with colas. I grabbed a Ginger ale out of there, cracking the can open. A pair of arms wound around my waist, and a pair of lips brushed past the back of my neck.

"Admit it." I felt the directness in my voice to my very core. I had hardly learned to curb my anger like my mother had hoped I would be able to ever since I was born; more so I had just lowered the intensity of my outward reaction. But Bill knew this well.

He sighed, "There's nothing to admit." he said softly, forehead resting against the back of my skull, breathing me in once again. I turned around, hands rested on the high table top behind me as I looked carefully into his lying eyes.

"You're really no good at this lying business. Just say it and save yourself the pretending. I'm incapable of being -"

"Not true at -"

"- as open as you and that's the truth. I just can't express myself and yes, you have a problem with it." I had overridden him once again.

He looked on as I downed the contents of the can. We were alone, headed for a photo-shoot that didn't require anyone else. But now the quiet enjoyable afternoon had become turbulent - there were ripples in the calmness of the sea that swelled below us.

I looked down at our legs, they met at a vertex not far from me, and as I did so the silence continued. Suddenly a finger found it's way below my chin, lifting it up.

"It's not true." he said softly, but his words were making me feel worse.

"Yes it is, I can see it in your eyes," my hand reached forward to stroke his face gently. I wanted him so bad. All the time, that too. And in the most explicit way possible.

But I just couldn't express myself!

"I can see it every single time I can't say shit after the many things that you do." I looked up at him, a hand reaching for his, and he caught it by the wrist and jerked me forward so that I was close as before, "And I wish I could fix it. It's just -"

He leaned forward suddenly, kissing me softly.

"You don't need to." he whispered softly as he broke away. "It affects me, maybe. But I guess I'm happy you finally seem to have a flaw." he said, smirking cockily, and I shoved him away, irritated that he wouldn't see the aggravation I was feeling, but he caught my arm, pulling me closer once again.

"All I know is that you're warming up to the idea, whether you like it or not." and then he winked, which made me smile once again and I leaned in to kiss him, and he pulled me closer as he drew little circles into the small of my back.

He smiled, letting me go, "I love you," he whispered, still smiling softly.

_**CRRRRRASHH!**_

I woke with a jolt, and Bill caught my arm to keep me from falling. I looked around, befuddled at the fact that the setting of this reality mimicked the setting of the dream, or the other way around. I wasn't even awake enough to know that.

I leaned back into Bill as my head began to hurt with the sudden rush.

"That had to be the weirdest dream ever, where I fought with you since you wouldn't admit that -"

"Yeah, that wasn't a dream." he said, a laugh evident in his voice.

"Oh," I said stupidly, and he hummed as he massaged my upper arms. I tilted my head to one side, thinking it through.

"But in reality nothing crashed like glass and woke me up." And as soon as I said that I felt stupid.

"Yeah, and in reality it wasn't six in the evening over a Spanish bay. We got delayed. Turbulence." Bill stroked my hair gently as I looked into his eyes. I took support of the loveseat's arms as I sat up straight and sideways in his lap.

He smirked at my dazedness, "Go freshen up. We're landing in some."

Fifteen minutes later saw me leaving the supposedly 'mini' jet with Bill right by my side, and two bodyguards before and after us.

"Wait, how long is the shoot thing? I got the brief that it was going to 'depend on the 'atmosphere'." I said sarcastically, air quotes added for benefit to explain the photographer's 'caring' choice of words. Bill smirked slyly, and I couldn't help but wink at him.

"Let's just say we're gonna be 'exhausted' by the end of it." he said cockily, and I giggled at the intended implications.

"Bring it. I have stamina."

Chapter Two

"Okay take two guys that was great. Fabulous. We may even finish on time!"

I relaxed out of my position with a sigh, I think my arm was beginning to hurt it had rested so long on Bill's shoulder.

He grabbed my hand, pulling me to the tray of treats some way off. This was a typical old style photo-shoot for us - the candy, the crazy clothes.

The beach.

It was somewhere around five in the morning, and the sun seemed half way up in the sky by some miracle. This is what seemed to be the only irritating point for me in Europe - their long, long days, that started WAY too early.

I grabbed a glass of water, gulping it down while Em chatted at me. We'd met her here in Barca along with her sister.

"Auds WHEN are you coming back to LA? I mean I need someone to fix me up with an outfit, the VMAs are coming closer!"

She winked back at me. She'd been here for about 2 months now, staying with her new boyfriend. They really did seem so serious. I hadn't seen her so happy since the opening of her little boutique.

Em played with my hair, tugging a red streak. I had switched back to the same hairstyle I had had when I was eighteen, but in the time between then and now the humidity levels in California and India had rocketed sky high by my standards. So much so my thick, coffee brown hair had begun to curl softly, and it hadn't done so in a year or two now.

I heard Em giggle as Bill poked her side, and she crawled into my lap. She was about ten years old now, and so pretty. She'd gone on her mother as far as looks went, I knew from a picture I had seen of her.

"I'll be there next week. But only for you." Audrey said, pointing her cigarette in my face, and I coughed.

"Don't know why you smoke those things." I said, disgusted as I continued to cough, and she pulled it back and put it out. I immediately felt better.

"Well you made me stop, are you going to try that on Auds too now?" Bill said sulkily from the side, and I looked at him in agitation.

"Those things cause lung cancer. And they ruin your voice. Idiot."

He shook his head, but winked at me anyway, and I smiled back. Right now I was far from exhausted. I had managed to gulp down three cups of hot black coffee.

"Alright you two, you're back on!" one of the dudes up ahead shouted. And me and Bill huffed as we got up once again.

"Ready to get physical in Sherlock Holmes' era?" Bill said slyly, and then winked at me as he snaked an arm around my waist, but I swatted the hand away playfully, kissing him on the cheek as I caught his shocked expression.

"Shut up. Lions hunt us phoenixes, they never court them." I said in a noble British accent, and he chuckled.

"Every rule has an exception." he whispered as we took our places among the ruffles of the fabric on the sand, and I raised my eyebrows skeptically. He smirked, and so it began again.

By the end of that sunny day I was quite sick of the make up painted on my face. So when we got back on the plane that evening, and I trudged up to the sofa and plopped down with a bucket full of nachos and cheese and a blanket that I refused to share with Bill just to get a reaction out of him, I found my eyes closing slowly of their own accord. An hour later the both of us seemed to wake well rested although we knew that was not the case. The lifestyle had taught us to believe that what we felt wasn't always reality.

I tap tapped on my phone as Bill continued to watch The Colour Purple on the flat screen. Out of the blue I seemed to realize that the volume had been muted, and I looked up to see Bill pulling out a Budweiser from the mini fridge by his side. He looked at me and smiled, passing me a tiny wine bottle. (Hey, I liked the drink way too much. So kill me.) I pulled out a suitable wine glass from one of the corner cabinets and poured myself some of the red liquid.

"I've got something to tell you."

I looked up to find Bill fidgeting with his nails once again, and my eyebrows rose up. He had a habit of doing so only when he was unsure of my reaction regarding something he'd done.

"Yeah?" I asked him, sitting up straight.

He didn't answer, but continued to fidget with the rings on his fingers.

"I... You remember yesterday afternoon we spoke about -"

"Me being my idiotic self, yeah. What about that?"

"Euhm... And me denying it?"

I couldn't understand where this was headed.

"Er, yeah?"

"Well, I feel guilty, but you have to hear me out! I didn't mean to not tell you! I just, I didn't know how to - I just couldn't -"

"Wait, back up a second, WHAT is this about in the first place?" I said, walking up to him and plopping down.

"Euhm... Remember last month Tom would keep bugging me how I 'loved my fans way too much' and he would snicker...?"

"Yeah...?" I said, trying hard to look into his face, but his head was bent far too low in embarrassment.

"Well it was because... This girl she... She was in my room and she just jumped on me! And I didn't know what was happening and -"

"OH. MY. GOD. OH MY - AHAHAHAHAHA WHAT? Oh sweet baby Jesus... Gosh I'm so sorry it's just - oh... Oh my..." he looked at me, an incredulous expression on his face, and I stopped, looking at him as I tried to keep a straight face.

"I just meant that - oh my God you thought I would get upset? Bill you -" my giggles new no bounds as I imagined his reaction to the imaginary fangirl in my head. He looked away now, sulking, and I scooted closer, forcing his face towards me.

"And here I actually thought I was guilty." he muttered dully. I sighed.

"I don't see how in hell you could have prevented a fangirl throwing herself at you." My voice was quiet as i spoke, and he looked at me carefully.

"Look, we're both idiots that way! I blamed myself and you did the same thing! We need to get over ourselves on that, that's it." I smirked, giggling slightly at the childish nature of most of our disputes and counting myself lucky, and, hesitantly, he smirked back.

"Now c'mon, finish that beer. But no getting drunk!" I said, getting up and walking up to the bathroom. I heard him snicker behind me.

Chapter Three

"'Hmmmm."

"I don't wanna get up."

"No choice."

"Even musicians don't get to pick their deadlines? I don't like -"

A hand pulled me up to my feet, pulling me in to prevent me getting a head rush.

"You're really babysitting me since yesterday."

"No." Bill said softly.

"Yes." a cocky voice answered from across the room

My head snapped as I caught my brother-in-law sitting with a newspaper in his hand; he winked at me and I high fived him in response.

"Thought you gave up on those." I said as I settled right next to him, Bill lounging on the sofa.

"You haven't even been back on the road a day and you've begun with the questions already!" he said, grumbling playfully.

"Shut up!" I replied just before I drained my coffee.

"All o' y'all shut up." Payal muttered as she walked in rubbing her eye, agitated and sleepy.

I turned to Tom again, "Did you throw water on her again?" the staged fear evident in my voice.

"Two whole buckets." he said proudly. And I shook my head, having seen the lost cause.

"What?" he exclaimed in defense, "I was getting bored!"

"Idiot." I heard my sister mutter from next to my boyfriend, and I couldn't help but snicker.

"Okay I have to admit she's a laugh when she's sleepy." I said between bouts of the same, and she stuck her tongue out with a frown painted on her face. Tom blew her an uncharacteristic but teasing kiss in response and he and I only laughed harder. She mimicked us (which seemed to me to be an utter failure) and then stalked off to the bathroom just as the bus halted and Stella, Geo and Gusti got on board.

"Where're the two divas?" I asked as Tom continued to laugh on my shoulder. They smiled, Gusti still half asleep and as grumpy as ever.

"Still sleeping."

"You're way too nice with them." I told Geo and he moved toward me, ruffling my hair.

"Maybe you're way too rude." he said, and I play-fought him off.

I grabbed a cucumber stick from the little basket I had arranged just last night, and bit into the crunchy fruit.

"What's on the news today!" I asked grandly, Criminal Minds style. Tom rubbed his hands together as he picked up the abandoned newspaper once again.

"Well, you and Bill got the biggest picture -"

"Haha!" Bill exclaimed, head turned sideways to look at his brother who acknowledged him with a smile and a nod (not something fans would see often on the camera, to them the twins were always play-fighting).

"- and Stella and Georg you guys got the same size as me and my unbelievably sleepy wife -"

Payal grumbled in the corner and Gusti rubbed her arm out of pure courtesy as he continued to hold back sleepy laughter.

"- AND Gusti you got a full page article! Congrats my man!"

Everyone oohed and aahed in correlation with our daily performing act, and then the usual giggles followed which I was very much affiliated to. Tom snickered and Geo shook his head, while the rest giggled (including my ridiculously agitated twin sister), and Bill pretended to be indifferent but winked as he caught mine and Tom's eye, out of which the latter wolf whistled, resulting in me blushing, but then smacking him upside the head, causing him to mutter unintelligibly which only made everyone laugh.

This was a normal day on tour with Tokio Hotel and The Thirteen Moons of Demetria: everyday, of every week, for about eight months a year - this is what we did. We had fun, then we got to a hotel, dressed up and then we performed on stage or did an interview or something along those lines ( well we weren't always together... In fact this was a rarity, but you get the point).

It sounds boring to most people but it was my whole life. It was music, it was all I'd ever dreamed of doing since age fourteen.

And here I was doing it with my favorite people of all time.

My phone rung on the linoleum counter top, and I snapped out of my babbling mind narrative. I picked it up, walking closer towards the door differentiating the driver from us and pressed the call button.

"Yep?"

"Hey, sweets whatcha up to?" The sexy voice of my gay best friend greeted me across the line. So much had changed over the years since I entered the music biz abroad. I'd gotten a drama saga out of my love life, my sister had gotten married and hadn't turned lesbian like our bet had entailed from when we were fifteen (she had still looked - if you know what I mean - but only until she met dear Tom... I had always predicted she'd fall for some guy like him, since they were her weakness, to put it sweetly.) and I had now acquired a hot gay best friend (namely THE Adam Lambert). Top that off with the fact that my boyfriend has acquired the title of Sexiest Man Alive too many times to bother counting anymore (try telling anyone anymore that he's gay. They'll just laugh at you, no matter what they themselves think) and (miraculously) that was the case for me as well.

Jeez.

So all in all I was pretty successful as far as achieving my career plans went, and I had received unexpected love (and of different kinds too) along the way.

Hence, despite the ups and the downs, I could conclude that the years following up to today (which was exactly a month from my 23rd birthday) seemed to be some of the most influential years of my life, and it made me even more happy to think of the fact that my relationship with Bill had finally stabilized. It hadn't been long since we got back together, but it didn't matter.

Well, at least not to us.

I grimaced, but snapped out and away from the train of thought as the bus leaped and caused me to trip and then regain my balance.

"Good morning Adam." I sung, realizing next that I was still on the phone.

He laughed across the line.

"Someone sounds happy."

"Nah, content with the whole package."

"Oooh nice. Then dig this - I'm coming over next weekend."

I smirked, "You self invited yourself again?"

"Yeah! I'm not missing your birthday!"

I chuckled, turning around and answering Bill's questioning expression with a wink as a mouthed my second best friend's name.

"Oh, and guess who's coming with me?"

I paused in between playing visual footsie with my boyfriend and turned around, focusing solely on ADD's sly tone of voice.

"Who?"

"Tatadada! DRUM ROLL! TANZINAAA!"

My breath caught, I hadn't spoken to the girl in quite a while. She had been in England and I had been much too busy here. But I had missed her. We had texted a few times but not enough, not to my liking.

"Oh."

"Shocked? Yeah, this is happening baby." a smile crept up my face - both at the enthusiasm in ADD's voice and also at the prospect of meeting my sister once again.

"Okay, okay now that the news is delivered - I have to go. I will see you next weekend, and I'm here to stay till your birthdays done. Say hi to everyone for me babe!"

"Bye ADD."

I turned around, even more pleased with my line of thought this morning.

"ADAM SAYS HI EVERYONE!"

"Hi back - even though he's off the phone... but still."

Laughter broke out once again, and was soon taken over by a tidal wave of chatter so high that I soon lost myself in the surge. I felt a hand tug on my fingers, and looked up to find Bill looking straight into my eyes. I raised my eyebrows; no one was wolf whistling at us this time.

"What?" I mouthed.

He shook his head, just squeezed my hand and placed a kiss upon my forehead. I had no idea why, but somehow the time I spent with Bill seemed little even now. And it wasn't even a stupid claim - on average I met him once a month for about five days, and almost all five were spent with the whole gang.

So basically in a year I hung with him alone for not more than two weeks.

There goes my good mood down the gutter.

I sighed, "I wanna get out of here." I said to him, but softly enough that only he heard. He let out a long breath.

"I know." Resignation. I could hear it clearly. It made me slump in hopelessness, but he caught my face by the chin and gave me a quick kiss before anyone caught us. He turned the other way then, plopping down on the sofa, and for the first time ever, I plopped down into his lap without being pulled or lured into it. He looked down at me, bemused and mildly surprised, but his arms locked around me anyway, and I leaned into his warm frame as he nosed into my hair. It made me feel better, and it calmed my suddenly sensitive nerves. I could hear his heart, and I loved the sound, and soon I could laugh with the rest of the gang again.

This is how I healed everyday.

It was in these little rivulets of happiness that I found my modified Anne of Green Gables moment, and these made me so happy.

"I love you." the voice tickled my ear, and my heart thudded happily - and even louder than it usually did when I was around him - as I heard the words.

"I love you too."

Chapter Four

"FUCK! FUCK YOU FUCKING BITCH OF BITCHTOWN FUCK YOU'RE -"

"TOM I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS BUT SHUT YOUR FUCKING HOLE BEFORE SOMEONE SHOVES A DICK IN THERE! Lazy fuck in life... Who the fuck abuses their amp and guitar?" A few unintelligibles followed, but I didn't follow, I was too busy giggling as Nath tried doing my hair while holding back her own crazy laughter.

"BITCH!" Tom shouted one last time, sounding completely creepy (and euhm... wrong) and it just made me giggle harder.

"Crazy fuck -"

"TOM SIE ARSCHLOCH DU BIST -"

"Okay break it up!" as usual - and unlike what most people would think - Geo stepped in like I'd seen Gordon do everytime when we were in Germany. He always played the father, and right now it was quite necessary, for we couldn't have the twins roaming around with black eyes if we were to be on stage in front of 60,000 people and answering an interview after performing 3 songs.

Yep, they were still kids.

People would have you think that me or Payal should step into the two idiots' fighting, but truth be told (and since all of us were involved in the 'twin thing' as Gustav always called it) we'd given up on the two babies and their ridiculously competitive mind babble. They were so bad sometimes they'd literally lunge at each others throats.

"Bill, get a life and get BACK to your eyeliner." I sighed as I tilted my head back to help Nath with her work. She smirked at me in the mirror, and so did Geo as Bill huffed back to his spot inches away from the bathroom mirror.

"Idiot." I heard Gustav mutter, and I snickered, pausing only to pick up my vibrating cell phone, and as I caught my mother's number on the screen I sighed; she was still on my case. Even after all these months.

"Yes mum."

"Hi, can you talk?"

"No, um, I have to go on stage in some time."

I heard her sigh across the line as she heard Bill laugh again, and the sound made me clench my fists in agitation.

"I'll talk to you some other time then. Love you."

"Bye mom." teeth gritted, I turned the other way, only to start laughing again at Toms freaky faces. He frowned at me, giving me the bird, which ended in Bill pinching his ear fast and hard. I didn't even understand how he got so superhuman as to babysit his own elder brother. It was such a paradox.

"Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry -"

"Direct that there." and my own boyfriend nodded in my direction. And Tom turned to me in all his pre - stage, angry glory.

"- sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry."

"Better. Now shut that fucking hole!"

There was silence for a moment, then the really grumpy kid who spoke and looked like my brother-in-law said "Fine." and everyone snickered.

"Idiot." Gusti muttered again.

"I'm just glad you stopped putting lip gloss." Geo said, winking at me, and I heard Bill huff and look up from the mirror he was bending in front of.

"THAT used to look good back then."

"No." everyone worked unanimously to make it clear to the poor, poor boy. I giggled some more, agreeing completely with everyone's opinion, but I knew I dare not voice it. I knew Bill was looking right back at me, but I ignored him teasingly and smirked on. As we got out of the large, sound-proof room he caught my hand, but I teasingly brushed it away, answering his questioning look with a wink of my own. I was just having a ball, and to think next week some of my favorite people would be back for my birthday. This was bliss.

"What's go-"

But then we stepped onto the stage, and the screams of 60,000 fans that were here from all over the world were overwhelming us, and everything was forgotten.

"We are dogs unleashed -

Numb, so when I hear you say it

Out of control

Or are you

Full of dreams nobody knows

Unleashed

And numb

We are dogs unleashed

Tonight

Tonight!

We are numb..."

Face to face, we looked into each other's eyes, sharing a breath and loosing sense of everything else. But then as the screams finally broke through to our intertwined souls, I smiled, and he blinked as if awakening from a beautiful daze.

I winked at him as we sat down center stage to answer the questions, but not once could my eyes meet his. As we got off the stage, into the sea of fans and then finally to the bus, all the others were already taking a raincheck.

As I stood there, the crowd's adrenaline pumped encourages still zinging in my ears, a pair of arms wound their way around my waist, and although we weren't the most dry people on earth in that moment (in fact we were quite soaked in our own sweat), I turned around to lean into him. As I looked up into his face and took a step back since it was getting slightly uncomfortable he smirked slyly at me, pulling me in where I couldn't move and my heart thudded louder than ever.

"I think that bedroom at the back's empty tonight." I blushed, looking down, but I looked back up and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

"You picked the wrong night for the first."

He groaned, letting loose a little and holding my hand.

"How the hell was I supposed to know? You weren't even grumpy!"

I smiled softly, looking sideways at his frowning face as I led him to the bunks at the back of the bus.

"I've had 11 years of experience in my arsenal that's taught me to cover up."

He muttered something unintelligible in his native tongue.

I led him to the main bedroom anyway, seeing as all the others were boarded. I sat him down, and trudged back to change into something more comfortable than the sweaty skin tight clothes I was currently in. My hair came lose from the numerous braids I had placed it in that night, and I breathed out an assured breath.

I walked back to the room, only to find Bill lounging on the bed in his favorite black tee and lose boxers. It was the only time either of us seemed to wear loose clothes. I pulled out the extra large light sheet that I usually slept in, and he crept right under it - eyes alert and Kohl spreading in every possible direction. He patted the spot right next to him, and I crept right in too.

"Baby." I muttered teasingly, but as he pinned me to the bed and kissed me deeply in response I knew he wasn't just doing all of this to complete some kind of whim or something; it seemed to him the only way to express how he was feeling.

I pulled him closer gently, and our noses nudged each other suddenly. He kissed my forehead, and as he backed up to look into my face I realized there would be nowhere else I'd ever want to be. I smiled at the thought, and he did too, and as he kissed me once again before pulling my curled form into him into our regular sleeping position, he had managed to tell me exactly what was on his mind -

"Let's just stay this way forever."

BILL

PROLOGUE

When things cannot stand up with the help of these two hands intertwined to form a single body, there's nothing you think you can do except hold her and cry. But, maybe, there's a way. Maybe there is a dark tunnel with light at it's end. Maybe you just have to find it.

But maybe you just feel you aren't trying hard enough.

Chapter Five

"Get up lovebirds! Time to move it!"

"Hmmmmm no I'm not gonna -"

"Shut up, BEFORE I WHOOP YOUR ASS!"

"Oh good God there she goes."

I cracked an eye open and watched her get up and walk away, and the site made me sit up as she stretched and followed her sister out the room. I wished she wouldn't leave.

I lay there, lethargic and dazed, snuggling in her vanilla-sandalwood-musk scent, until she re-entered the room with my brother and a cup of black coffee and another of green tea. She handed over the second one to me, while stirring the first and then handing it over to my brother.

"It's five in the morning. We need to get ready and move out. Lots of interviews."

I sighed, rolling over in sleepy agitation, and Tom stuck his tongue out as he plopped down next to me. I waved a hand at him in response.

An hour and a half later saw all eight of us along with our crew - waiting for the brief from Saki before we walked out into the crowd.

"Okay, the fans are gonna be pushing and pulling from here, here, and here, ja? So we're just gonna take the back route, give them a glimpse of you, and then move in. On the inside you guys gotta take the lift on the left, and we're moving to the third floor. Interview starts in 1 and a half hours." Saki stated, pointing to the different areas on the map as he mentioned them.

Why does it take so long to get to the interview if we escape the confines of our tour buses so early? Well, I got one word for you guys - actually two : excited fans.

Yep, those loyal people who I owe my whole career to can't help but get in the way of an artist and the interview venue.

Ironic, eh?

As I nodded, and we all got up and prepared to head out, the door opened and the screams outside got louder. Some screamed of love, some of heartbreak, but they were all for us. As usual the fear seeped into my pores as I came face to face with all of the people who had been waiting right here for all of us since the past 2 days. I managed to pull out a sharpie and sign a few articles, and so did the others, and just as the sun was becoming quite evident in the sky we got to the inside. I huffed in relief, but resisted running a hand through my hair, I didn't want to mess it up now. I turned to look around, and noticed Niki's hair was wavy-straight again; the moderate humidity levels had done her good. She seemed slightly happier, but of course we all took note of this. But there was something else that had resulted in this sudden exhilaration since last night.

After the usual hand swatting and teasing (that I was always a crucial part of) we finally reached a stop as we got to the set of the interview. A sullen looking man sat behind the camera, and didn't even manage a smile as we wished him a good morning, and the contrastingly lively interviewer shook each of our hands and made light conversation as people came around checking on our makeup, and until it was time for the cameras to roll. Our audience - which filed in a while later - wasn't large, since the room couldn't hold a sizable number, but the warm smiles greeting us were good enough for my heart to rest comfortably against my chest.

"So,"Tom muttered in my ear, "did you two do it yet?" I groaned. There goes my good mood.

"Tomi!" I half whined-half snapped at him, and my girlfriend raised a freaked out eyebrow at me, causing me to turn a delicate shade of pink. She shook her head in defeat and turned back to the cameraman, who was now giving the countdown.

The cameras had begun to roll, and everybody put on a smile. I don't think even one out of the eight of us was paying any attention to the hosts introduction. Well, except Niki. She took the first cue for a reason.

"So, guys - tough few months?"

Niki rambled a little in Spanish, and so did Payal - and only moments later a translation reached my ear piece, just like it had for the question -

"With the media, yes. With the fans, not really, they've been very, very supportive."

The host nodded, slightly surprised.

"So are you two like the translators or interceptors or something?"

She laughed slightly, and I couldn't help but gaze fondly at her, the love of my life. I thought I heard a few 'awww's in the audience.

"No, euhm, I just find it nice to speak the native tongue wherever we go. It's not like the rest of us don't talk, you just need to ask a question and they'll fire away."

Some in the audience giggled nervously, and the show host winked at me and the boys.

"Actually we have some questions from the audience you know..." she trailed off in weak English, and we all nodded our heads and said our 'yes'. Soon the mic was passed on to a decent looking guy in the back row.

"Euhm, this one's for Niki," he didn't seem to have much of an accent, and his eyes burned with excitement. I think I already knew the question, and I watched her turn completely to face him, and he seemed to melt. I held in a bark of laughter.

"If you hadn't fallen in love with Bill, was there a chance for me?" some in the audience laughed, the others cheered him on. I watched as she laughed softly, and then begun to reply in Spanish.

"Would you have a chance... Eh, let's see, euhm... Are you talking like, if I didn't know him at all, or -"

"Both." the boy said quickly, and she giggled a little more.

"Yeah... Let's see euhm, if I still knew him - it was an inevitability that I sort of you know fell in love with him"- a lot of 'whoop!'s and I smirked at the crowd-" but if I hadn't met him or known him at all... Hmmm"- she sized him up in a flirtatious manner, but only I knew well enough to tell she was trying to tease me. Maybe I would tell her later that she had succeeded completely-"then maybe... Knick-knack! Who knows? I think... Yeah! Maybe, yeah."

She winked at him, and he seemed to burst with happiness. The tease was definitely working; all I wanted to do now was pull her close and declare in front of everybody how I wouldn't let that happen.

"Bill, what would you do if they asked you that question?" another fan asked. I snapped out of my day dream, and looked up.

"I would say I'm her's any which way. So... You can't really change that. Yeah..." the crowd giggled, and the hostess smirked.

"So I think we know who's the boss in this relationship!"

"Oh, you have no idea." I said, winking as I played along, and Niki laughed once again.

"Nice one!" she said, and the audience laughed too now.

"It's true," I said, still playing the damsel, but then I smirked as an obvious give-away.

A few more questions followed, and then they proceeded to ask us more about our joint tour and the new albums. Then came the point where the questions came from online fans.

"Okay, this one in from Caramel -"

"Uh-huh."

"-she says 'Bill are you still a' okay no forget that one." and everyone laughed. I did too, but as the laughter died I heard my brother say "Yeah I'm not allowed to comment on that anymore so... Yeah... That's why they have to ask, you know, to know better."

I glared at him playfully from time to time for the rest of the morning.

10:30 that morning saw us leaving the venue, but only for another two interviews. On the way the girls seemed to have updated their Myspace page.

By afternoon we all seemed quite exhausted, but as we gulped some lukewarm coffee and grabbed a completely unhealthy (and that's why it tastes so good) burger, we seemed to have fallen down our chairs poking fun at Gustav or Georg or someone else. We even pulled on Nathalie's leg for a while, until she just stopped responding. That's when Jost walked in, holding a cell phone and balancing his baby nephew in his two calloused hands.

"Your sister's gonna kill you if she catches you like that Dave."

"Huh? Oh, yeah... But listen guys. GUYS! you have the rest of today off. The other channels cancelled. Apparently they're going on some kind of strike 3 o'clock onwards."

So it was then as we checked into the hotel early and goofed around the lobby that I REALLY got some sleep. See, all last night I was secretly on the phone with my girlfriend and my sister-in-law's brother.

There were complications.

But then, in that moment, I couldn't have bothered less. As I awoke around an hour later (which was when they managed to load all our luggage up and allot us rooms) I found my arm linked with Payal's and Niki's on either side.

"Hey, lady's man." Tom said, smirking to look at me and tipping his cap in supposed respect. Payal kicked him, and he blew her a kiss. She snorted sarcastically.

"Alright Niki you're in room 1033 -"

"Great, that's where all the guitars will be then!" the person in question said, changing route to stand hand in hand with me in the huge hallway. In regard to her culture and her mum and dad we'd tried not being together when it came to bed and boarding, but then we just compromised and took the sneaky route. The only reason Niki didn't feel bad about it was because we weren't doing anything, if you know what I mean.

"- and Payal and Tom take 1035."

"Great. Goodnight. See ya." Payal ran off and out of my brother's waiting grasp.

"Isn't she moody." my brother said, smirking jokingly.

"I'm headed to the pool. Anyone coming?"

There was a lot of muttering about swimming trunks and costumes as everyone agreed on the second pool on the beach.

I looked up as I watched her walk ahead, and leave the door open as she left her luggage in and called after Gustavo for some steak. When she walked in half an hour later I was ready for her, and I scooped her in as I pinned her against the door. She smiled at me, her eyes twinkling.

"Bill, are you still a-"

"Yeah maybe I'll change that today." I said hurriedly, stopping her mockery, and she laughed. I let her go, barring any exit anyway with my arm against the wood, and she looked straight into my eyes, obviously trying to guess what I planned to do with blocking her there.

"How do you like that idea?" I said softly, leaning in, and she glanced down before looking back up at me with a part smirk on her face. The mischief glinted in her eyes, and I played along to it. We often had these stupid games at least once in the day; sometimes we even played them in front of the others just to make them laugh too.

But never was it played with such intensity as now.

She broke out into a smirk, and as her hand came to rest on my chest and she leaned in and kissed me, one of her nails stroked their way down the side of my neck, causing me to moan helplessly, intoxicated as I was with the concentration of the soft musk that bound along her arms and weaved down her wrists and then in and out of her fingers.

"I thought you were vegetarian." she whispered in the moment before we kissed again, not realizing just how inviting she sounded, and I shivered at the effect she had on me.

"Maybe I'll change that too."

She chuckled, and I suddenly longed for more, but just as I planned to pull her closer she pushed me away with a light laugh and a wink, but I pulled her close once more. Pinning her to the wall, my arms wound around her waist, and she seemed to try desperately to pull me closer.

"Maybe I'll change a lot of other things today as well." I whispered in her ear as a hand drifted up towards her hair and braided itself there at the same time as her's did mine. She chuckled softly, but the sound was rendered incomplete as I pulled her into me and kissed her once again. I just couldn't seem to stop, and it seemed to me a miracle that I hadn't let my hands roam yet. At the thought they seemed to grip her tighter for a second of their own accord.

"Like?" she whispered back in late response to my earlier statement; I looked into her face - deep into her coffee brown irises, and I watched her blush softly as she was reduced to her shy side once again. I leaned further in, leaving barely any airspace between us, and as my lips brushed close to her ear, I felt the grip that she had on my neck tighten the slightest bit.

"You'll have to find out." but as I leaned even closer to pin her once again, she pushed me away once more and managed to escape this time, laughing playfully as she went.

I watched her move, so graceful, and I couldn't help but feel that in that moment I had actually wanted the 'idea' to be 'approved'. I sighed, trying to control my hormones and my emotions.

But who can control involuntary mating impulses.

"And I don't think you're a virgin." she called out in the same seductive tone that had been present in her voice all this while, and my hands shook, begging me to let them tell her that maybe she was right.

I have no control over my stupid man-ness.

I don't even think that's a damn word!

Great.

"Oi! Okay you need to either change or grab your trunks. Should I wait, or otherwise I'll head down."

I shook my head, and she stood there, hands on hips - confused.

"Stay." I said, unable to manage anything else. She made her way back to where I stood, hands shaking slightly, and I looked into her beautiful, soulful eyes.

"What?" she said softly, and it only made my situation worse.

"N-nothing." I uttered with quite a lot of difficulty. The effects she had on me - their degree was worsening, I was incapable of any kind of control.

I wanted to be incapable of any kind of control.

She raised an eyebrow, so innocent and clueless.

"I'll go get them trunks and clean up then." I muttered painstakingly, and stumbled across the spacious room and towards the huge dresser in the bathroom. I heard her sigh behind me. I looked up at my face, I was slightly flushed, and sweating bullets. No wonder she asked me what was up.

I sighed, getting the Kohl off my face with a wet wipe. Lately that was the only thing I had been applying. Magazines kept talking about how 'manly yet chic' I was now. That was one burden off my back.

Taking off all the rings (I wasn't going to part with those. Ever.), I took a deep breath and ran a wary hand through my loose shoulder length hair. The blonde highlights were back in it, and I'd begun to wear checked shirts with a pair of jeans. The accessories remained the same. I just had a thing for more 'normal looking' clothes now, but I was still rockstar, only with the slightest hint that I had muscles and wasn't just skin and a skeleton.

Yes, Tomi forced me to work out.

But maybe the only reason I did it was because I finally wanted people to know I was a guy.

Like a straight guy.

I grabbed my swimming trunks from the corner and got out, only to find her tap tapping as she waited. She was looking down at her phone and frowning, but as she acknowledged my presence she shut the device off and dropped it on the bed while she swung the door open. I followed her out, but was silent the lift ride down. We caught one of the camera men in the lobby, and as he waved, we waved back.

As we made our way to the pool we heard the laughter.

"ANNNDDDDD HE SCORES AND HE'S WON IT! TOM KAULITZ DOES IT AGAIN!"

"Oi SHUT UP!"

There was a camera filming in the corner and I couldn't help but smile as we walked forward, hand in hand. She leaned into me, and I savored it, for the guys would start poking fun soon. She let me go, moving towards the corner and into the changing rooms, and I strode forward and snatched the volleyball right out of Tom's hands.

"Hey!"

"Aw, BITCH! Tom you're outta luck!"

I smirked at Geo, and served my twin brother a slam dunk across the net.

"Go Billi! Uh-huh! Go Billi!"

"Oi bitch you turning into a girl or something? Stella your dude's a goner!"

"Like the power puff rangers -"

"You mean the power puff GIRLS?"

"No I mean rangers as in 50-50."

"OH. MY. GOD. YOU DID NOT JUST-"

"Yep, I did!"

"Fuck you bitches!" Zoey shouted, and I snickered as I threw her into the pool, and then jumped right in after her. She laughed and splashed at me. I heard a splash, but didn't notice my girlfriend until she pulled me down into the water, and flashed me a quirky smile while we were still under.

I gasped for air as I got to the surface, drenched and still in my clothes as everyone laughed at the sight. A few more splashes - everyone was jumping right in, and they arranged the volleyball net across the pool. Tom did the 'gangsta' dance where he stood in the water.

"Bring it!" he said, puckering his lips.

We played, but after a while the game collapsed to an easy banter, and then reconstructed itself in the form of Truth and Dare.

"Okay, here's a good one," Zoe said, turning towards me, and I shrunk a little into Niki instinctively. I felt her stiffen as well. We both knew what was coming, and we didn't think we were exactly comfortable with it. I looked around. At least the cameras were gone.

"Mack. Right here right now. I wanna see what you got."

I blinked a few times, "I'm sorry...?"

"She means grope. Right here right now." Tom said, sounding fed up, and me and Niki sprung apart like like poles of a magnet.

"Not grope!" Zoe clarified, disgusted. "Make out!"

Niki huffed in agitation, "Yeah... Real mature guys like that's better than Tom's suggestion." she said sarcastically, sidling back next to me, and my hand wound back around her waist gently.

But they all just stared back.

"NO!" she shouted from next to me, but they still looked on. I admit, I felt like slapping all of them too.

"Mack... What's wrong with macking?"

Niki raised her eyebrows, and everyone was silent for a while.

"You're seriously asking me that? Well here's my answer - I'm sorry I like to keep wherever my hands roam whenever I kiss my boyfriend between him and me. I'm so sorry I'm freaking orthodox."

And that's when she got up and left.

There was a silence in which no one seemed to feel ashamed. I turned reproachfully towards Tom, but he just shrugged, and I felt infuriated.

"What are you - ?" but I couldn't even find the right word to use. I got up too, disgusted for the first time with my friends.

Soaking and wet, I got into the lift, ignoring the stares I was receiving. I was used to them anyway. As I stood in there and closed my eyes her face from last night, just after I'd kissed her - that happy face - it flashed behind my lids, and I felt even worse. My fists clenched of their own accord, but as I reached the door of the room my heart broke, and she continued to let out two more heart wrenching sobs even after I had heard the first one.

"Niki -"

"I told you you shouldn't have fallen in love with me!" she cried out, and I slipped to the floor on my side of the door.

"Don't say that." I whispered. I knew it sounded like the smallest thing to someone else, but it was IN her, it was a part of who she was and her culture. Unlike her sister who was a complete rule breaker, she just couldn't do it.

"Why not? Because you love me? Because I love you? Well what difference does it make when I can't handle anything? When I can't even face that? I'm not meant to be with you in any way! Not with anyone! Don't you see? Don't you understand?"

And that's when I snapped.

"Please open the door." I said softly, aching to hold her close, to explain to her exactly how much I cared about her and not the rest of the world.

"Just... Leave me alone! I'll shift out in the evening..."

I sighed, heart breaking and fixing and breaking again like it always did when she was hurting.

"I don't want you to shift."

"I'll say otherwise," she muttered as she sniffed, and then there was no response.

I had been sitting there for at least 20 minutes, and that's when I began to sing softly. It was then that her sobs became louder, but began to break more often than not. I heard footsteps, and as I looked up I caught sight of the rest of the gang walking up to where I was with a sheepish expression on each of their faces.

They didn't even feel remorse.

But before I could react, or even get up the door opened behind me, and I resisted the fall.

"If they're here to talk I don't want to." she said, head bowed to hide her face, and as I caught her hand and glared at them all she pulled me in and shut the door.

What happened next was as unexpected as Michael Jackson's death.

She pinned me up against the door, kissing me like she'd never kissed me before, and as I pulled her closer I switched our positions - forgetting in the heat of the moment what this was all about. I moaned softly as she tried her hardest to unpin herself and bring us closer, but as I did my mind snapped.

I pushed myself away, looking carefully into her tear stained face.

"What?" she asked innocently, but I knew otherwise.

"No." I said firmly, and she turned away from me in defeat.

"I swore," I said softly, "I swore to myself I wouldn't go against who you were and where you came from."

She let out a broken sob, and I pulled her in immediately. Before I knew it my recently dried (and exposed) chest was wet again, and every now and then I planted a soft kiss on her lips, forehead, chin, neck - anything that would keep her stabilized, and as I did I kept whispering 'I love you' over and over, and she whispered an 'I love you too' back every single time.

There were voices on the other side of the door - mumbled apologies and pleas, but today I wasn't going to listen. Today I'd drawn a line.

We might have been there for an hour, for the digital clock by the bed beeped once, and she looked up at me, hair still damp and limp, still sitting in her costume, her eyes glimmering and her nose slightly red. Some would say it wasn't a pretty image, but for me even in her tears I saw another side of her - I saw the child she'd managed to keep alive in her heart: something most people just couldn't do.

I stroked her face gently, "Let's go out?" I suggested softly, but she immediately shook her head in disagreement, and then stiffened, trying to slip away from me.

But I wouldn't let her go.

"We promised each other something."

"I'm not breaking any promises by going to sleep."

I sighed, knowing better than to believe that she would sleep, although I knew she wasn't going to leave ever again.

"I think we both know you aren't going to sleep. Maybe going out will do you some good. Do us some good." I said, stressing on the plural. She looked around, and then looked back up at me, and I knew she meant it as a yes.

"So... Let's change, grab a coat, and get out of here." I have to admit, I was relieved I was leaving the rest of them - those jerks - right here.

It took her sometime, but as she walked out completely ready I had to suck in a startled breath. Even in a simple dress whose white fabric creased diagonally in two strips over the bust to form a small, simple bow at the back, even with just a hint of Kohl around her eyes and a plain lipgloss, her hair pulled back into a messy pony and one of those artistically stained white cloth bands over her coffee brown head - even then she looked something else. I looked down - a pair of silver heels.

"They aren't really big." she said, noticing my gaze and blushing slightly as she shifted from foot to foot, and I looked back up and into her face as I reached forward and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I feel underdressed now." I said, winking even through my sullen expression as I teased her, and her worried face broke out into laugh lines as she giggled, and once again I stood admiring the child in her. She put a smile on my face every time.

"Now cmon, we gotta go!"

"Where?"

I smirked.

"I know a place."

Chapter Six

"Hmmm you were right, this is nice."

"Yeah?"

"M-hm. Where'd you find it?"

I looked over at her as she gazed up at the sky that had been lit up with fire and sparks for so long now. The fiesta had been quite fulfilling to watch.

"I used to wander the cities when we weren't so well known, remember? I still remember this place. And I read about the fiesta in yesterday's newspaper." I added, smiling and satisfied. She flashed a smile, still gazing skyward as she continued to lean on the support of her taut arms that lay on the dry soft grass. I had never known grass to be soft, but here it was - lush green and supple.

She seemed to have left all of today behind, and I felt immediately better at the thought. I scooted closer, catching her hands in my own and letting her head fall softly into my lap. She lay there, now looking up into my face.

"Was it stupid of me?" she said softly, but I knew from the look in her eyes she had already let it go.

"Holding the stand for your morals, culture and heritage is not stupid." I said, pulling on her fingers as I played with her hands. She curled to the side, clearly content, and I leaned back, looking upward now at the dissolving smoke that was lit pink by the firecrackers. She hummed softly, and a sudden movement told me she had whipped out her phone, probably writing another song. Occasionally she paused, and then hummed, only to write again.

'Sweet sober dreams

Cut to peices in my mind:

I see paintings sewn at broken seams.

Experiences of that jolt

We're left far behind:

I see a lock on the bolt

And your the sleeping angel guarding the beginning.

I wonder when you'll wake up -

And blow unto me the kiss of completion.

Everything you believe in.

Oh, oh

Because

You've got the eyes of a stranger

You make me feel like a butterfly

Touching the leaves and moving away

I'd rather stop by your beautiful petals and stare

So are you

Giving me a little time

To fly to where you are

Cause I'm watching from afar

And wondering whether Itd be

Alright to

Stop and stare

Alright to give it the rare option

For a butterfly to sit still -

Sit still

And stop and stare.

Fatigue and sorrow

Can't take me

Anywhere

Anywhere without hope.

Maybe tomorrow

Can bring me

Can bring me

Under the wings

Under the shadows

And help me

Fly

Fly over the mountain tops

Over my dreams and fantasies

To neverland, to neverland.

Fly over to where I remember the beach, the sand

Feeling your hand

Right in mine

Everytime and you make me

Fly...

Everything passes me by...

So are you

Giving me a little time

To fly to where you are

Cause I'm watching from afar

And wondering whether Itd be

Alright to

Stop and stare

Alright to give it the rare option

For a butterfly to sit still -

Sit still

And stop and stare.

So stop and stare

At me

So stop and stare

At you

So stop and stare

At us

At us

And pass me by.'

She sung soft and slow, playing with my hand, making it cup her cheek, laying it palm down on the grass, removing my rings only to wear them herself, and then smirking up at me after she did so. I bent down, but she was quicker as she sat up and kissed me, and I cupped her face in a hand, pulling her closer, so that before I knew it she sat, precariously balanced, in my lap.

"We should probably head back." she whispered softly, her hair coming out of it's simple prison as my hand braided in it.

"Why, I thought you put our phones on flight mode?" I whispered back, nudging her nose with my own, and then placing a soft kiss and a nibble on her neck. She pushed me away playfully, and the same mischievous smirk played on her face.

"That's exactly why. Before I'm tempted to let you loose control..." she winked, and I looked down, not even a tad ashamed or blushing, and looked back up.

"Let's not go then." I whispered, a hand gliding effortlessly down and to her waist and awaiting dangerously above her hips. She bit her lip, looking down, but I eased her face back up gently with a finger. I smiled, nudging her nose with mine once again, "I was kidding liebe."

But my instincts said otherwise.

Soon she smiled back too.

She stood up, brushing the hem of her dress and then adjusting her hair so that it lay open with only the white cloth pressing it down, and it was knotted at the back of her neck. I stood up after watching her for a while, and took her hand.

"Payal's going to be mad." she said, smirking as she imitated Luna Lovegood, and I snickered too.

"Yep, she is."

Chapter Seven

"WHERE IN HELL WERE YOU?"

"Ask your beloved husband." I muttered, and my sister-in-law turned her angry glare towards my brother, who shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah, none of you ever learnt the word apology?" I said out loud to the whole room as I waited for Niki to return with a guitar, the song she had written and a voice recorder.

"Anyone bother to tell me what the heck is the problem?" Payal said, turning to all of them as well. "All I know is I've been irritable ever since I woke up mid-nap. Now you better not have said something stupid to her."

They all shifted uncomfortably. I crossed my arms over my chest. Their faces when Niki had first walked in and flashed them a dangerously sweet smile had been priceless.

"I'll tell you," I said, sneering at their idiocy, "they thought it would be so cool to ask us to mack in front of everyone. Like it was a compulsion. Way to go guys." I said sarcastically.

"Don't you remember the stress she and I are under, or have you forgotten how everyone is just trying to prove to us that she's not made for love?" I hissed, and they all looked down, finally ashamed. "Nice one." I said, tempted to flick a cigarette butt in my brother's face for going along with this. I just couldn't believe it.

Payal stood there, disgusted.

"You... Better apologize. That's disgusting! How could you-? I have no -"

"Words?" I added helpfully, "Yeah. Me neither."

"Look we're sorry we -"

"Forgot to take into account that I had feelings and boundaries? Yeah, you got that right."

Everyone looked up at her as she walked into the room. Niki passed the guitar on to her sister.

"Coming?" she asked her, ignoring everyone else but me as she caught my hand in her own and squeezed it before letting it go. Payal nodded, and they both began toward the door.

"Anyone willing to join is welcome!" she called out behind herself, and I immediately followed. I heard two pairs of footsteps behind me, and caught Gustav and Tom trailing along. The twin sisters chattered animatedly as they strode forward toward the spare room, and as I turned my head the right way again they caught a hand each and pulled me forward, linking their fingers with mine; I was used to it. They were always half minds, two puzzles of a soul.

"Did you convince them?" she asked me from my right, and I smiled fondly at her mischievous smirk.

"Always."

She let out a bark of laughter.

"Bill, sie Idiot!"

"Nein!" I whined playfully, and Payal giggled too, causing me to flash them both my signature million-mile-wide smile.

"Aye! There comes his million-mile-wide smile!"

"Or what I'd call 'they finally like me!'."

"Yeah, I like yours better."

"You do? Why thank you sis, that was a pleasure you know-"

"I know. I definitely know. And my answer to your thoughts, sugar, is go for it!"

"Yeah, not that question, the OTHER question!"

"Oh that... That's a no brainer, I have NO CLUE what we're going to do on our birthday, like, serious blank cheque!"

"I know right maybe we should -"

"Oh OH OR -"

"Ooh I like that! And then we could -"

"Yeah yeah yeah yeah!"

"Okay it's decided then! Martini party it is! Although give me a Rosemary wine with that thing okay?"

"Yeah yeah you and your wine!" Payal said as she tuned the guitar and sat down on the bed, and I sat too as I heard them record the whole making of a new song.

As always, when I watched her sing the whole world vanished, and when I heard her voice it was like my heart beat ten times more blood to my body with every heart beat, whose rate had doubled once again, and I felt alive, and her voice was all I wanted to hear. This time she sung only to me as she looked into my eyes and ended the melody with a delicate solo of her own. I knew Gusti and Tom were smiling but it didn't matter to me.

All that mattered was her.

"Hmmm."

"We're not supposed to be doing this..."

"I don't care." her tone was dismissive as she flipped me over and kissed me once again, but I wasn't one to give in to submission. I flipped us again, pinning her down as I trailed a teasing line down her neck and back up, causing her to moan softly once again. My shirt had been thrown off quite a while ago, but the shiver I experienced now was quite different from that of any cold draft I ever knew of, and it worsened every time she picked and played on my tongue piercing or let her hands roam free to trace the many tattoos on my upper body. I was wrapped up in everything that was her - her hair, her scent, her voice, and as I realized this a moan escaped my lips; she played with the tongue piercing again, teasing me as her hand reached back to trace the TH logo on my neck.

"Is this why you called it a night so early?" I asked her in between another stolen kiss on those petals.

She smirked, biting her lip invitingly, and thus I ended up kissing her once again as my hands lay intertwined with her own.

"Maybe." she said, admitting in a rather playful manner exactly how much she was getting better at expressing herself. I could never recollect us doing anything like this before.

"Maybe we should call it an early night more often then. At least for the rest of the world." I whispered teasingly in her ear, and she let out a throaty chuckle as I nibbled lightly on a spot on her neck once again.

I admit, I wished for more than these stolen (albeit steamy) sessions - my... Instincts... Asked for more. But as I placed a fervent hand on her waist and pulled her closer I was quite happy with the outcome tonight.

She moaned softly once again, but as we broke apart from another heated kiss she looked into my eyes like she had something to say.

"Hmmm?" I asked her softly, clearing the strands of hair that had landed in her face. She looked up into my face carefully, and I looked down into her's, and then she shook her head, and I bent forward, our noses gliding against each other.

"How do you put everything you've ever felt into words?" she asked softly as she intertwined her fingers with my own once again, and I smiled as she did so.

"You don't always need to speak." I whispered, kissing her softly, and she pulled me closer once again, humming gently as I wrapped us both under the comfort of the covers and her essence.

"Bill..."

"Hmmm?"

"Are you still a -"

And as I kissed her and we parted once again I said teasingly, "What option did you leave me liebe?"

She chuckled softly, and I finally let her go and curl up against my frame. She snuggled closer.

"I can't sleep." she said softly.

"When can you ever?" I asked her teasingly, and she poked me square in the chest.

"Oi! That hurts!"

She chuckled, giggling suddenly, and kissed the spot softly.

"All better." I said sarcastically, playing along, but she pushed me away and attempted to turn the other way, but I flipped her over.

"Jerk." she muttered, looking everywhere but into my face. I held it up with a finger anyway, bemused with her teasing.

"Excuse me?"

She leaned in closer, not even a breath's distance away from me, and looked directly into my eyes.

"I said... Jerk." she repeated playfully.

"Oh, you're paying for that one." Hands at the ready, my fingers immediately began to poke at her sides, and as she squirmed and tried to wiggle her way out I watched the little crinkles on her face and smiled at the sight.

"So am I a jerk?" I asked her after enough attacking to extract tears from the laughter. She looked up at me and stuck her tongue out. My eyebrows lowered.

"That's not fair!" I said, still frowning as I looked into her face.

"Life isn't fair." she said, giggling, and then she buried her face in her hair, curling sideways once again. I gazed at her fondly; she was all mine to keep.

"Every minute of every day in every year that I have ever spent with you... It cannot express how beautiful you are, or how much I care."

The words were soft, the voice that left me even softer. I guess I was taking advantage of the fact that we seemed to have more time together this year than the last.

She stiffened, turning over to look into my face, unable to say a word.

"I know you're not good at this," I said quickly, "but I just wanted to say... What I just did." I finished, and I thought I sounded sort of lame in a way. She continued to look up at me, but a while later a smile broke out onto her face. She shifted to make space and I lay beside her as she curled into a loose fetal position. I pulled her closer.

"I love you." she whispered softly, and I smiled to myself as I watched her play with a blonde streak in my hair.

"And I've loved you for longer than I can remember now." the smile widened, I admit, with shock as well as another feeling I found hard to distinguish from that of complete and utter trust and love. "And maybe one day I'll be able to explain exactly what I saw in your ridiculously gorgeous eyes," I chuckled, "but all I remember is the immediate longing to know you. Not your soul, but you, because it was like I already knew that soul. And it scared me in the beginning, the way I felt. I had stopped believing in this mushy nonsense, it apparently didn't work that way for most couples."

Suddenly I realized how hard it was for her to admit these things, and I was immediately conscious that the only reason she was making an effort was for me.

"But I believe it because I've always believed that there's something that runs far deeper than all logical reasoning and the five senses. I always believed in belief. So I guess I took a leap of faith. And guess what, I don't regret any of the experiences along the way."

It would probably have been the first time that I was at a loss of words, that I could not find my footing and felt like I was falling and falling. Finally I knew how she felt, and why she was comfortable with this feeling; it seemed to bring to me a strange sense of satisfaction - a feeling I could not describe but only enjoy as each wave of it hit me like a tornado, and in these moments of realization there was silence between us.

"You feel it." she said a short while later, "How I feel every time you say these kind if things? You feel it. Your heart's beating as crazily as mine does whenever I even think of you." and I kissed the top if her head as a yes, causing her to look up into my face and smile as she planted a soft kiss on my lips.

"And you love it."

"Yeah."

"Just like me."

I smiled, finally understanding how it felt.

"Yes. Just like you."

Chapter Eight

"Shhh."

"Bill! You woke up and fell asleep all over again? Wake up!" she whisper shouted, and I could sense that she was standing at the edge of the bed. I turned over.

A thud; she crawled over next to me and slipped her hand into mine and tried pulling me, but I pulled her back and ended up pulling her into me. She started at first, resisting as she tried to wake me up, but she knew I would not budge, and so stopped soon enough.

"You need to wake up now." But her voice shook as my finger swept down her spine tantalizingly. She gasped softly, but managed to break out of my grasp, but only because I was lethargic. I grumbled a bit, an eye popping open, and she slithered a little closer on the bed again; I took her hand and placed it on my forehead, but she brought it down to pat my cheek again lightly.

"Billi!" she sighed quietly as she gave up, and stood up and stretched.

"I'm calling Tomi then... To wake you up." and as she said the words I could hear the smirk in her voice.

"Nein!" I half screamed half shouted, and she giggled, pulling me up by the hand.

"Cmon it's just a bath and then put on some Kohl and we can go. I pulled out today's clothes, since you'd put in everything in order."

I looked around, and found the clothing she was talking about - a pair of black skinny jeans, a slim fit casual white and thin layer blazer with the thinnest of black stripes all over, and a plain grey v-neck tee to go with it. I smirked; she had mix and matched my clothing again, but of course I loved what she had picked this time round anyway. She sat down in front of me, and I leaned forward and pulled her closer teasingly.

"You're getting better at picking my clothes." I whispered, and she smirked back playfully, getting up and wandering off to the first half of the suite.

"Your shades are on the dresser in the bathroom along with your rings." she called out behind herself, and I smirked wider than before. Running a hand through my messy hair, I sauntered over to the bathroom, clothes in hand, and stripped down and stood in the shower, letting the water relax my mind. 15 minutes later I stood there with everything done and my hair almost dry, but not dry enough for my blonde streaks to look as white as they actually were. I had to admit i had gotten faster at getting ready. Satisfied with how I looked, I walked out, relishing my girlfriend's choice in men's wear. All that I wore today consisted mainly of items of clothing that she had picked out for me.

I always made the face, and she would sigh and say "just try it!", and when I did I usually DID end up buying it. Her motto seemed simple enough - "you won't know until you try it on."

I smiled, putting on the shades and grabbing her by the hand as I walked her out the door.

"Bill where are you taking me?"

I stopped in my tracks, and she tumbled into my arms.

"What d'you mean?"

She looked at me like she couldn't believe her ears.

"Can't believe you forgot." and as I stared on at her she sighed, "I'm leaving today evening, remember?"

"You mean WE'RE leaving today."

"No. I am. Along with the girls. You guys have to stay here." she said, managing to pull me till the door of our suite.

"Was?"

"Ja Billi; you heard me."

"I thought we decided I'm going to be there for your and Payal's 23rd...?"

She turned to look at me and sighed.

"Dave has other plans love. He'd told you about that just a day or two before along with the rest of the boys."

I stared at her, blinking but not understanding or liking this.

"But -"

"But nothing. Everyone's going to be there and I'm going to miss you and Tom and the G's, but I can't tell you to drop everything and come, and I won't let you do that either." she leaned in, her hands going round my neck as she placed a quick kiss on my lips. I held on, deepening it and snaking an arm around her waist.

"Stop trying to convince me." she whispered as we broke apart for a breather before going back to it again, despite what she'd just said. I pinned her up against the passage wall.

"Is it working?" I whispered before I kissed her again, hoping against hope that she would say yes, for I had a plan of my own for her birthday.

She chuckled softly, "Maybe."

I groaned as she pushed me away, and internally all hopes sunk just like the Titanic. I couldn't (and wouldn't) have my plan fail.

"I'll be right back I forgot something in the room." I said, grumbling a little, and she smiled teasingly.

Opening the door to the suite, I navigated my way to the bedroom and opened my second suitcase and fished out the little black box that had been kept nestled among two pairs of jeans and a perfume bottle.

This was the reason I was on the phone with her brother.

I sighed softly, "I have to get you on her ring finger sometime, my friend." I muttered longingly.

Yes, I wanted to get married.

Yes, I wanted her to be my wife.

Yes, I wanted to do this on her birthday.

I huffed agitatedly.

"All in good time."

NIKI

Chapter Nine

I stood there in the passage, and a sigh escaped my lips as I leaned against the passage wall and waited for him to come back out. I knew he would be upset, and that I would have to remind him today, which would make everything ten times worse, but I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't make the guys just leave their tour in the middle of nowhere and come along with us. In fact, the girls and I had been lucky ourselves to have found a 3 day off.

I heard the door unlock, and I stood up straight as he walked out once again.

"What?" I asked him; I thought he'd forgotten something... Hadn't he?

"Nothing," he said quickly, and then muttered something about his cell phone before taking my hand and striding forward once again.

"Where are we going NOW?" I asked, completely confused.

"Jost's room." he muttered and then added "We'll get everyone along the way."

Half an hour later saw a very tired Georg, Stella, Gustav, Payal, Tom, Zoe, Twisha, Nath, and even Dunja grouped together (and hardly made up - they only had the chance to shower with Bill's screaming) in Dave's room. Bill was giving some sort of speech on how they should be let go for Friday, which was the day after tomorrow.

"... I mean we can fly back in Saturday morning, and we don't even have anything to do on Friday! If we can't go all three days then why not the day that matters?"

I shrunk smaller and smaller, and Nath patted my back sympathetically with a perfectly manicured hand. I caught hold of it, cringing into her side.

"Way to go for the overboard. What, am I dying or something?"

"Shh! Don't say that!" she giggled as Bill looked around at his band mates for a solution. "He's cute when he's like that about you."

"He's NUTS when he's like that about me." I muttered unintelligibly. She giggled a little more.

"He just doesn't want to miss the opportunity of being with you." but her smirk told me she knew something I didn't.

"Nath...?" I asked her, eyebrows raised.

She stuck her tongue out teasingly.

"You'll know in good time sweet cheeks."

"Not fair."

"Trust me, it is."

"Hmph."

She giggled some more, but by the end of the afternoon I had no say in anything, for Bill had convinced EVERYONE that they had to attend Payal and my birthday.

Talk about will power.

But I couldn't help but be happy in secret, finally for once the family would only miss Gordon and Simone, and not everyone else. I wished they could come too, but I didn't think it nice to ask so much of them (although Simone would really take my case if I told her that, she kept telling me I was the daughter she'd never had. When Payal had whined teasingly while overhearing her, all Simone said was that Payal was like a third son. She was only teasing of course, but for the first time Payal sulked on that one.)

I sighed, and walked out of the room with everyone else.

"He's only trying to keep everything in sync with everything." Tom whispered in my ear.

"He has an easier way and he refuses to pick it." I muttered as I walked with him. His jaw clenched in agitation.

"I haven't suggested it." I said quickly, "That sort of thing just doesn't come to mind when -"

"When you look into his eyes." I looked up into those similar golden brown pools; they could never be the same, because with each pair the emotion locked behind was different, and what I could pick up as the strongest vibe now was the brotherly understanding Tom seemed to have discovered towards me.

I sighed, not yet accustomed to the way he just got me.

"Yeah."

We were the last pair walking, and thus Tom conveniently stopped him and me short.

"Tell me... What do you feel whenever he touches you?" I bowed my head as I blushed, but felt the need to answer.

"I feel... God, just thinking about it messes up the way I work, see, hear, everything! I feel... I feel like he isn't touching me. I feel like he's touching my soul." and as I said the last sentence I looked up into his eyes once again. Tom's smile radiated all the warmth in the world, and as he caught my hand and squeezed it he said, "Then forget everything else, because it's not worth all the over-thinking."

I looked up into his face, and he ruffled my hair as he smirked. I knew he was right, but I had to say the dreaded sentence out loud.

"How can someone love me?" I whispered, shocked that I had managed to utter the sentence. Up ahead someone called out for us to hurry up, but Tom continued to look into my face.

"Because you're beautiful inside out." he said, face serious and voice too.

"Whatever you say." I muttered, walking ahead to avoid temptation and reply with a 'I don't believe you', because I really didn't have the energy to keep up this same old argument right now.

He sighed, "Let's just get going."

Chapter Ten

"You have two new messages."

I sighed, staring at the screen, and took note of the two names flashing across even though my phone was reading out the names to me at the same time.

"Kaulitz, Bill. And Mehta, Swati."

The aircraft was quiet - everyone was asleep. We had been joined by Auds and Em, both of whom sat next to me. I inhaled deeply, tapping on my mother's name and expecting the worst.

"Message received at 4:30 p.m -

Hi baby," there was a pause where I heard my mom sigh across the line, "look, I know you're upset with the way I've been badgering you about this relationship, and I truly am sorry; it's just... I worry for you sweetheart. I don't want you to get hurt, I mean you guys were always on and off even as friends! I know you're really happy, and that you've given everything I'm saying right now a thought... I just want you to know that it's not like I don't trust you or him... I can see how happy he makes you and the other way round and how balanced you both are now. I just want you to understand... That no matter how much you feel that you aren't worth this relationship, as someone who has had experiences of her own I can say you completely are. I'll see you in LA tomorrow. Love you. Mom."

A tear ran down my cheek, and as I heard her sign off almost like she had written me a letter I chuckled weakly. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as it had been earlier - when she had made it a point to tell me that this was pretty much foolish no matter how much I loved him.

Wiping away the lone tear, I moved on to the next message, and it begun to play in my earphones.

"Message received at 8:30 p.m -

Okay, don't kill me but I spoke to mom (I mean your mom) about... Well you and me and Tom and what really happened. And I cleared some air. I couldn't help it liebe you should have told her something! Anyway," he sighed too, just like mom, but the sound was melancholic, "gosh, I miss you already. It's going to be quiet again at night." another sigh, "I love you. I hope you sleep well. To me you will be forever sacred."

I sighed, rewinding his voice mail to the last three sentences and playing them on repeat, but when I tired of a part of the whole, I played the whole message again.

By the end of an hour that consisted of nothing but listening to his angel voice I decided that I had to call him.

I picked up the phone attached to the seat in front of me, and after inserting my seat number and the local code and then his number, I waited as the phone rung, and when he picked it up his voice sounded wary like it always did with an unknown number.

"Hello?" I sighed softly, relishing the sound of his voice live and reaching me there in that plane.

"I love you too." I whispered, and I heard him chuckle across the line. I smiled at the sound as I relaxed in my seat.

"You could've called when you landed liebe." I smiled softly. My heart thudded loudly like it always did when he called me the love of his life.

"Yeah, I know... But I couldn't help it."

"You should sleep now." he said softly, and I hummed lightly.

"Maybe..." I said, wanting to talk to him a little longer.

"Nacht schöne." he said gently, and I sighed.

"Can't we talk a little longer?"

"Sie brauchen den Schlaf, Liebe." he said, voice slightly wary.

I groaned, agitated that he had to be logical now.

"Es ist was das Beste für Dich."

"Das ist wirklich nicht recht von dir." I said irritably as I finally succumbed to the language. He sighed across the line, but the sound was amused.

"Nacht schöne." he repeated, and thus I sighed too as I gave up to his request.

"Nacht Geisterfahrer." I said teasingly - it was a usual way for us to sign off across the phone or while texting to use each other's songs as a pet name.

"Ex." he corrected softly, and I blushed where I sat.

"I love you."

I could almost see him sitting there, playing with his hair as he smiled and signed another autograph out of the heaps that must surely be in front if him.

"Ich liebe dich auch."

"Niki? Oi, kid! Wake up!"

I stirred restlessly, the word 'kid' had done it for me.

"Don't. Ever. Call me that!" I huffed as I sat up, and Auds giggled as I swatted my hand in indication that my twin get out of my face.

"What time is it?" I asked as I ran a sleepy hand through my hair. I hadn't slept for this long in quite a while now. I guessed it to have been at least 10 hours now.

"Time enough for us to get off this plane, chicka get up!" Zoey said in her typical black way of talking. Sometimes I really could not understand why she still used that.

I rubbed an eye, unclasping my seat belt and standing up to give my legs a good stretch. I yawned lazily, and quickly popped a Listrene into my mouth.

"Happy day, happy day!" I sung, and Twisha laughed as she got off with my hand in her own.

"Hap-hap-happy day!" I continued as we walked along and into the airport and towards the sea of screaming fans. I raised my hands to the sky theatrically as I got into my usual hyper mode.

"Praise the lord for Skittles and jelly - fa la la la la, la la la la!" Payal tried to keep a straight face, but failed and begun to cackle once again.

"Praise him for keeping all things smelly - to himself la la la la! Praise him for booze and for candy - fa la la, la la la! La la la la! Praise him for pots and underbellies - fa la la la la, la la la... LAAA!"

By now the whole crew was giggling, and as I waved and said 'thank you' to all the fans who screamed 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!' at me and my sister, the latter found it hard to do the same as she bent over with laughter. All this time the TMOD camera had been rolling, and had captured everything. I stuck my tongue out at the crew member behind the lens, and he laughed too.

"Mom!" I exclaimed childishly, as I met her at the entrance and hugged her.

"Apology accepted." I whispered in her ear before letting her go, and we both laughed as we let go of each other.

"Well, welcome home!"

Chapter Eleven

"Okay, how about now?" they asked me as I sat there with my eyes closed. We were playing some sort of telekinesis game or something and the message was being sent to me.

"Nothing." I sighed, slightly irritated with the bunch of my girlfriends. It was eight in the evening in LA and we were had been waiting for quite a while now for Tanz's delayed plane to land. Thank God I already finished booking my dress for tomorrow and the VMAs earlier in the day. Suddenly I felt something vibrate against my side, and I was glad to find an opportunity to open my eyes. My phone had lit up like the 4th of July, and so had I as I saw the name flash across the screen. But Adam beat me to the punch as he snatched the phone right out of my hands.

"Hey?" I said helplessly as he chatted at my boyfriend teasingly. I stared on, exasperated, and soon a blushing Adam gave me the phone back muttering "he wants to talk to you."

"Thanks ADD!" I said sarcastically. I sighed, putting the phone to my ear and walking away a few steps as I leaned against a pillar.

"Hello." his voice was soft, a smile evident in his tone. I smiled back instinctively as my heart continued to thud unevenly and tried to break out of my ribcage.

"Good evening Monsieur." I replied back and I heard him chuckle, and I strode ahead a bit more as a camera started rolling in my face. I sighed as I waved it away.

"Come soon. Two weeks with you every year is definitely not enough." I said as I relived how weird it felt to lie in a bed alone like I had to today.

I could hear his unsteady breathing, the scratching of his worn out sharpie as he scribbled across yet another picture of the band or himself.

"I'll be there tomorrow; just a little after midnight." he whispered, slightly distracted; but surprisingly that didn't anger me. We both had to do what we had to do. Speaking of which - I could now see Tanz wheeling out a ton of luggage, and as I rushed towards her and out of the VIP lounge I said, "Hold on, there's going to be a lot of screaming. She's here."

"Oh, call me when you get to the car, I wanna talk to her too!" he said hurriedly.

"Kay."

"Love you," we both said at the same time - one in English while the other in German, and thus the call ended.

One look at her face had me running towards her, only to gather her up as I hugged her tightly.

"I. Have. Missed. You! 'restayinguptonightright? Obviouslyweare,Iwon'tletyou -"

"Jesus Christ, sweetheart slow down! You're going to go mad talking like that!" and I admit, I was slightly shocked at the fully reinforced British accent (staying with us she'd lost most of it, although she hadn't had much of it before anyway).

"I love you!" I giggled as I hugged her again.

"Gosh, I called her here, get off my surprise!"

"ADD, that is SO wrong."

"Well, thank you darling, I love you too!"

We all giggled as we dragged off the various suitcases that she had brought along and walked out with body guards covering each and every side of us.

As we got into the car, my cell vibrated again, and I passed it along to my dear darling adopted sister.

I heard her squeal her hello, and I could even hear him laugh, but after the first fifteen minutes the conversation that I witnessed had become all quiet and whispers, and twenty minutes after I had handed her the phone, she cut it off with the same sly grin that Nath had had just thus morning.

"I'll know in good time?" I guessed as she opened her mouth to justify her behavior, and she giggled in response.

"Yup!"

"Do I have to explain this?"

"Oh, come one what's so hard?"

"Cmon Lambs you're asking me to tell you in what style he dirty talks? Seriously?"

"Yeah!" he said enthusiastically, and everyone else laughed. I couldn't believe how much I had missed hanging out with my international buddies. There I was, standing in the midst of Adam and his boyfriend Erice, Auds, Tanz, my bandmates, Sara, Kristy (who finally got a book published and was - by the grace of God - on an American book tour) and a few others.

"Oh God... No take another question from your list."

"Okay, then tell us something about him that no one knows!"

I sat there, thinking of something interesting I might tell them.

"Hmmm, okay I have a few things to say." and I winked conspiratorially as we all readjusted ourselves on the huge mattresses we'd lain on the floor of our LA home's hall.

"Let's see... Okay he... um he often sneezes in his sleep." Sara giggled, and I smirked, "When he first applies Kohl in the morning, he rubs so hard that it smudges, and then he has to wash his face and put it on all over again. Then... Oh, yeah, most times his sharpie sticks out the wrong end of his pocket and he ends up having marks on his left elbow, and then he frowns like he can't understand what's wrong." I smiled softly with each word I spoke, my head slightly bent as I relived all of it, and I heard them all laugh softly from time to time. "He hates it when I call him by his surname, and he thinks it cute when I do anything at all in a sleepy daze. He's a sucker for love stories, and he'll never admit how many out of my own collection he's read." I heard Adam and SarSar hum approvingly, and I shared a smirk and a snicker with Kristy.

"He talks in his sleep, and if he's angry before he lay to bed, he'll cry, even, and then never remember that he did. Every time he holds my hand he smells my wrist - just like he does my hair. Says I smell different, comforting, like home." my voice was quiet now, and I suddenly missed his arms around my waist, his face nosing into my hair as I lay there on my stomach. My head instinctively bent lower, and I knew Erice was still swooning from next to me. In my head I could replay the many memories I'd ever had with him.

"My heart thuds every time he calls me 'liebe'... I hate that I only see him a month out of a year." I whispered softly.

I looked up at them all, sharing something unique with each of them as we all made eye contact. But it was Tanz I looked at last, and as she wiped away a tear and mouthed 'I love you' I knew she knew exactly how lucky I thought myself, and in that moment we both shone.

Adam smirked cockily at me, sitting up as he did.

"I think... THIS CALLS FOR ICE CREAM!"

Chapter Twelve

"His name... is Tosh!" she announced, giggling, and I watched as her stick straight hair tumbled down her side as she shook lightly.

"Tosh... TOSH!"

"I like Tosh."

"Yeah Tosh is great!"

"I don't like Tosh! Sounds like candy!"

"THAT was a bad visual."

"Oh, shush!"

"Is he cute?" I asked.

"Baby blue eyes?" Zoë questioned.

"Overrated!" I shouted.

"He's my cousin!" she wailed, and presently we all cried out in amusement and burst out into giggles, which we then suppressed on account of my family sleeping upstairs.

"He's still supposed to be hot." I said as I smirked.

"You're still supposed to be UNAVAILABLE." she replied pointedly, and I stuck my tongue out as a playful gesture.

"I think we should all be allowed to get our flirt on once in a while..." said Erice to general agreement. "Unless you're married." he added pointedly, and as Payal smacked him with a pillow we all giggled once again.

"Okay... I have a plan." Adam said after we all had had out fill of laughter at my dear twin sister's expense.

"And that is...?" Sara said James Bond style. He smirked right at her.

"I think we need to get our flirt on on these two nut jobs' birthday."

But even as ADD formulated his plan, everyone including himself seemed to be dozing off, and soon Tanz and me were the only ones awake.

"So... What's the surprise?" I finally asked her, and she giggled conspiratorially.

"Not telling!"

I sighed, raising my hands palms up in a gesture of surrender.

"So what's been up back in England?" I asked her as we snuggled under the ginormous quilt on the hall floor that seemed completely laden with mattresses. She looked up at me with a smirk which was clearly meant for my swift allusion from the topic.

"Well mum's sort of sore I'm coming on tour with you' guys again now as crew. But she's okay with it since I'm heading the whole stage set up department. Eh... Relatives keep asking me about Bill - but you know how that's always pissed me off, so I never answer." I giggled at the last bit. We had already decided with her return that Tanz would be working with us again. She'd worked on a few courses back home, and they seemed quite interesting. The plan now was that during the album making process she wanted to help in the studio, and on tour as head of a department of the crew. Everyone deemed it the perfect situation.

She smiled back at me now, leaning in like she was about to ask for a secret; but of course I would tell her anything.

"What about mum and the family, how are they holding up."

I sighed out of habit at the mention of the question, but as her face puckered into a worried frown I waved a hand to clear the air.

"Mum may take time but she admitted she's finally coming around. Although she says we have a lot to talk about. Dad's always said that he trusts me, and he's happy that I've proved that I made the right move by -"

"Getting back together with the guy you love." Tanz completed for me. I smiled softly at her. I had missed her so much.

"Yeah. And bhai always thought we would end up just fine so that's that! Dhruv was wary, but he's fine too now."

There was silence for a moment.

"And Bill?"

I looked away, because even though Bill had been sweet about it, it was only because he didn't have time to be angry. I knew it now that when and if he would get the time he would be breaking his head over why I hadn't told mum before about the situation that had tormented me almost five years ago.

"He didn't know I hadn't told mum the... The whole situation."

She sighed, and I was glad I didn't have to explain everything.

"Was he angry?"

"He didn't have the time to be." I replied. "But I know he'll be upset for sure when and if he has time to himself."

I sighed, upset with myself, and even though Tanz wasn't saying anything or judging me, I felt a confession was in order.

"I didn't want a judgement passed on Tom." I said as I sighed again, "I just don't want to ruin perfectly good relationships just so that the truth be out about mine!" I said exasperated.

"You have to realize you can't fix everything." she said firmly as she adjusted herself on the mattress again. I turned away guiltily.

"I know."

"You know, why don't you try talking to him right now?"

"Who, Bill?"

"Mhm."

"Think it'll work?"

"You can give it a try! Still worth the try..."

"Okay..." I said hesitantly, not in the mood for a protest. I picked up my phone, and stood up as Tanz flashed me an encouraging smile. I walked over to the kitchen as the phone rung, and I fidgeted with nervousness and paranoia.

"Hello?" my voice sounded frantic and high pitched to my own ears.

"Are you okay?" his velvet voice was troubled, but nevertheless the sound of it calmed some of my nerves. My heart slowed it's superhuman rate, and I exhaled in relief.

"I'm fine I just... I needed to talk you."

I could feel the tension.

"Well that's nice, because I have something to say to you too." I waited, but nothing came. So I asked the obvious.

"What's that?"

He laughed softly, my favorite laugh, for it seemed like he always reserved the sound for my ears.

"I wanted... To ask you... To turn around."

And as I turned around to face the kitchen window I heard the digital clock on the counter beep twelve, and my boyfriend climbed up and then down the side of the mid sized wall that ran around my house and waved at me.

"Happy birthday my love." he whispered softly as he walked right towards me.

BILL

Chapter Thirteen

As soon as I looked at her a lot of things seem to rush my head and heart, and I smiled at the self control I was able to exercise. She had looked shocked to see me, but as I smiled back at her and walked onwards she blinked, and then began to rush towards the door like she hadn't seen me in years on end. As the whole house and it's inhabitants watched she ran out onto the lawn and crashed into me. The briefcase I had been dragging along toppled over, and I laughed softly as she hugged me tight. Her arms wrapped right around my neck, and she stretched up on her toes as she tried in vain to pull me closer - like she'd committed a crime that I'd punish her for. Suddenly worried, I held her an arm's distance from myself (but I also did so because everyone seemed to have peeked out the windows to look down at us). I knew that some distance behind me Tom would be smirking.

"Was ist es, liebe?" and for a minute I saw myself through her eyes - and she seemed to feel so lucky to just stand there before me, lucky to know me. In my reality it just seemed to be the opposite. She and Tom combined to be my Sun.

In answer to my previous question she shook her head vigorously, and quite a few of her wavy-curly coffee locks brushed along the breadth of my face. I seemed to ignore the impact they had against my skin, and took in her vanilla-musk-sandalwood-home fragrance; suddenly I couldn't help but smile.

"Then let's get in, shall we? I still have to wish my dear sister-in-law."

The night seemed to pass in a blur, and the girls seemed even more pleasantly shocked to have seen Gordon and Mutti here as well. Payal seemed to have pulled Tom's leg hard enough for it to have come off, and everyone sat in the hall till just before 3 that chilly night.

I stood now in the kitchen, munching on a left over chicken leg before I suddenly realized that I was vegetarian. The leg skittered across the kitchen table as I threw it away, repulsed at my idiocy.

"Why so serious?" I looked up at the soft teasing voice and caught her carrying the plates in, I wrapped a clammy hand around her waist and pulled her into me, picking up the stack of plates from her hands and placing it in the sink. The more I thought about the question I was going to pose just now the more I felt skitterish, like everything was going to topple over and bury me under...

It was not until she stopped talking that I realize she had been saying something. I blinked, clearing my nervous head as she frowned at me, concerned. As I stared on blankly she sighed guiltily.

"I KNEW you'd be angry with me about not telling mum and -"

I didn't let her finish, cutting her off as I coaxed her face up by the chin and kissed her softly. Even though she started at first, she eventually relaxed and pulled me closer. But I knew I'd have to pull away before I got carried on with the tide of fantastical happiness.

"Just... listen, okay?" I whispered softly as I pushed the hair out of her face. My heart thudded loudly, and as I took in the expression on her face I knew that her's was too. I tried to speak, but not a sound seemed to come out of my mouth. It was like my heart was competing with my Adam's apple to fall out of my mouth.

I shifted, unsure of what to do now.

"Let's go out for a walk?" I could hear the tension and nervousness in my own voice. She frowned slightly, confused, but I reached forward and exercised a finger and thumb across her forehead to erase the crease. She looked positively relieved, and thus I took her hand and we walked out the front door.

We seemed to have wound up - unconsciously - on a familiar, long forgotten road and she turned to me with a soft smile on her face.

"D'you remember?" she asked softly, and I squeezed her hand in response and smiled back easily.

"Of course."

We both looked onwards, and that little jutting of rock, that little rock that we had sat at all those years ago - our favorite rock - still stood, just waiting for us in that cold, breezy November night. I slowed my pace down, walking behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist as I lifted her and placed her feet over my own. She giggled a bit, and a hand reached out to stroke my face once before returning to graze my arm. She leaned into me a little and then untangled herself and took my hand once again. We sat down, her head resting on my shoulder and my head resting atop her's. We seemed to have calmed down, sitting there as my leather jacket squeaked once in a while as we adjusted against the sitting surface.

"What did you wanna say again?"

We both froze, me first, and then her as she remembered the tension that had suddenly zapped between us. I untangled our arms, and then turned to face her where I sat. I took her hand, but she didn't seem to see the significance. She must have thought I would play with it like I usually did.

"You remember when we sat here last?"

She smiled softly and leaned in to rest her forehead against mine.

"I reminded you of it just now, remember smarty-pants?" I laughed softly as I shut my eyes.

"Exactly." I paused for good measure, "What did I look like to you back then?"

I felt her eyelashes against the terrain of my cheeks as she blinked.

"Yeah." She sighed softly, as if unable to explain what she felt, as if the walls were up again.

My eyes opened and I looked carefully into her face. She had pulled away, and was looking into her lap.

"You made my heart go crazy. Made me say things I'd never normally tell anyone at first meet. You made me blush just like now." She looked out to sea just like she had that night, and then looked slowly at my face. I nudged her nose with my own gently, and then smiled at her.

"Tell me how about right this minute." I whispered as I placed a quick kiss on her lips.

"Much more. Too much to put-" I kissed her once again, "-into words."

I kissed her once more, pulling her close and she complied even more readily than I expected her to.

"How about tomorrow?" I said softly.

"Even more."

"And the day after that?"

"What is it, Billi?" she said as she backed up a bit. By now I felt confident enough to ask the question before the last.

"How are you sure you'll feel the same?" I asked softly.

"Because that feeling grows everyday of every week of every year ever since I've known you."

She was looking me straight in the eye now, reaching out to bury a fervent hand in my hair. I leaned forward and rested my forehead against her's.

"Guess what?"

"Hmmm?"

"Me too."

She smirked slightly as she continued to look into my face, and the expression soon turned into a wide smile.

I took her left hand in my right one, wrapping a thumb and finger around the ring finger, and as she looked below she gasped as she finally saw where I was heading. She looked back up at my face, her eyes questioning the nature of my silent request.

"No strings attached liebe. It's your pick."

She looked back down at her hand enclosed in my own, and then back up as if she couldn't believe what she had just perceived.

"Will you be mine, Niki?"

Spoken, the words sounded perfect, and even though I knew I might try to find faults in my ways later on I also knew I never would - this moment, all of it was perfect as it is.

She continued to look at me like she couldn't believe her ears. Then, as if unfreezing from an era of numb denial, she nodded - first just an unnoticeable bob, but then a vigorous but graceful jerk that seemed to have catalyzed my heartbeat - helping that little beating thing to break free of my rib cage and reside in her joyous eyes. I smiled disbelievingly, but as she whispered her answer and leaned in towards me I had to believe that this journey of ours could have a piece of it's fairytale ending.

She kissed me, our noses nudging together and then moving away only to meet again, and I smiled softly into it all.

"I'm glad I've been selfish for once." I heard her whisper, and couldn't help but laugh as I caught her joyous face in my two hands.

"Am I dreaming?" I asked her, and we both shook our heads as we looked at each other in an innocent daze and chuckled and kissed once again.

But it was in this moment that I felt an alteration -

"Of course you are."

I woke up with a jolt, looking around only to find myself in utter darkness; a movement nearby caught my attention, and I thus noticed that my hand lay entwined with another, but the two arms seemed twisted.

I rolled over, undoing the uncomfortable position into which I had been placed; as I looked down at our intertwined fingers I caught a glint of blue and ruby pink - the ring lying there on her finger - and a happy tear slipped down my cheek.

"You dreamed it all over again, didn't you?" she whispered into the dark, and even though I should have started that she was awake, I only smiled. I felt her sit up close to me, and I looked sideways into her glowing face.

"I'm not supposed to be down here." she said sleepily into the room. None of the others seem to stir here in what I now acknowledged to be the hall. I noticed Tom sleeping all the way on the other end - near the sofa that had been pushed up against the wall.

"Payal's covering for me upstairs." she whispered as I literally lifted her and balanced her precariously in my lap. Her head came to rest gently against my chest and her legs stretched out over the side of the mattress and onto the wood. She pulled them in, folding them up, and I heard her sigh contently.

"I can't believe you got everyone in on this." she said, and I smiled again as I drew an abstract design into her left shoulder.

"Wasn't that hard, really."

"Yeah? But my family IS Indian..." she contemplated, readjusting herself as she supported her face in her hand as she thought. I frowned, not completely understanding what her words meant.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, slightly incredulous. She looked up at me as though she couldn't believe her ears.

"Please don't tell me you don't know." she said, sounding incredulous herself. I shook my head in response. She sighed.

"You know at least how Europeans - and well basically all of the Western world - are ridiculously labelled way too modern when it comes to the romantic sub category of relationships?" I nodded, I'd never been comfortable with that generalized stereotype, and I could see she was uncomfortable with it too.

She took a deep breath in, and then exhaled.

"And then you know how Indian families are known to be more on the extreme traditional side." I nodded, and she continued, "But you know how mum and dad seemed to find a good balance. They always accepted that I may not end up getting serious with someone 'of my own kind' as the West thinks the Indian community would put it." I smirked at the sarcasm in her voice as she air-quoted the words.

"Yeah."

"Well, they still aren't completely modernistic in their ways. And you know that because neither am I." My expression softened as I heard what she had to say and thus understood her concerns.

"I guess you were just a little too paranoid about their attitude towards me." I said, but then frowned as I remembered something - "But some of your aunts are-"

"Pretty off. I know. They'll come around by the end of tonight, I promise." There was a short pause, and then we broke into a smirk each, and I laughed softly, placing a finger under her chin as I kissed her forehead.

"And here I thought I'd be so scared." she said, her tone disbelievingly, the emotion joyous.

"And here I thought neither of us was the type to choose to go down this road."

"I always said I WOULDN'T get married not that I didn't WANT to get married." she said, turning to look at me with teasing eyes. I smirked.

"Let the record show the same." I said as I mimicked her tone and expression, and her smirk only widened.

There was a slight rustling at the top of the stairs and, panicking, Niki placed a quick kiss on my cheek and stood up.

"See you tomorrow morning Humanoid."

I smiled, yanking on her hand and pulling her down for a quick kiss of my own before letting her go.

"Nacht schöne. Liebe dich."

"Liebe dich auch."

A rush of cloth, and then she was gone, and I succumbed to an easy slumber.

Chapter Fourteen

I woke that morning to the sound of wooden drawers against metal pans, and the tantalizing aroma of browning onions and garlic.

"Hmmm what's for lunch?" Adam asked sleepily from some way away from me.

Niki's head popped out the side if the large pillar like structure separating the kitchen from the hall, and a smirk played on her face. she caught my eye and winked, and I smirked back in a way that caused her to blush, and look down.

"You mean morning?" she said, her tone deviating from the humorous tease it was supposed to have been. My smirk only widened. Tom turned to look at me, and mouthed 'good one' before picking up his pillow and aiming it at his wife, who only ducked, kneeled and then whacked him upside the head as she giggled and then walked away, looking at him over her shoulder teasingly. He winked at her, and she pretended to ignore him and acted disgusted. Erice laughed at them as he looked from one to the other and went back to whatever he was doing in the kitchen along with the two moms, and Adam still seemed ridiculously confused. I crawled over Gusti and poked the side of his head, and he groaned in irritation, and I heard the women standing in the kitchen laugh at the ensuing comic strip in the hall.

I stood up, stretching as I did. Grabbing my little suitcase from the corner, I made my way up the stairs, catching Niki's eye as I went. She held my gaze for a while, before dropping it to the carrots she was shredding.

As I wandered around the first floor I noticed Niki's relatives seemed to have left.

"They're staying at my aunt's because this place is now over crowded." I turned around to look into those deep coffee eyes framed with those thick brown lashes. We stood in her room, and still looking at me she tossed me a towel.

"You forgot to take this," she said as I grabbed her by the waist; a smirk appeared on her face.

"Why do you always pick the wrong days?" she whispered teasingly, and I moaned softly as I pulled her even closer. Lately my thoughts hadn't been coherent around her; there was a certain NEED that played with my mind, and I was sure this was quite evident to her too.

She looked down before looking back up and resting her forehead against my own.

"Wait a while." she said quietly as she registered my reactions. I have to admit her reaction shocked me more than anything else.

"What happened to 'it's hard for me to do this'?" I asked her as I kept her hand against my shoulder. She continued to look at me for a while.

"I never said I'm ready," she sighed softly, eyes suddenly downcast, "But I'm trying."

I lifted her face up again.

"Don't -"

"I'm not, I want this." she replied before I could complete my plea, caressing my face as she did. Her expression was indescribable - something I could only process slowly.

"Why -"

"Bill." She stopped me short again, and I searched her eyes carefully - trying to find in that topography that spot that I always needed as comfort, and when I found it I relaxed.

"I love you." she said softly, and I broke out into a relieved smile and pulled her even closer, "Liebe dich auch." I whispered as I kissed her, and her hands clasped my arms as mine did her's, our bodies seemingly intertwined until we broke apart from each other.

She blushed, shying away from me, but I held on.

"You remember the third leg?" I asked her, and she looked up with a tentative smirk on her face.

"Yeah."

"Mine really doesn't get stuck you know." I said as I teased her, burning a pattern into the small of her back as I spoke. It wasn't until I had burned it into her skin that I realized that I had just etched in the words 'be mine' all over again. She bit her lip, and - tempted - I reached forward to kiss the hollow below her ear. She hesitated, trying to pull away and then not; I pulled back.

"I didn't mean to make you conscious." I whispered guiltily. She looked up into my eyes, almost begging that I understand.

"I'm trying." she said, her voice strained, but I shook my head, refusing to listen.

"Don't push yourself so hard that it hurts." I whispered. She wore the same indescribable expression again, and tried to speak once more.

"I'm not going to make you someone you aren't." I said, overriding her once again.

"It's just so hard." she whispered softly, and then - "You'd better go shower."

And just like that, she left the room before I could utter another word.

I sighed, shaking my head a little as I tried to shake of the thoughts in my head at that moment. Stepping into the shower, I closed my eyes as I tried to forget what she had just said, but it was all in vain.

When I caught her alone again it was evening, and the moment only gave us fifteen minutes to ourselves.

"What did you mean in the morning?" I asked her as she threw yet another dress onto her bed. I picked it up - silver net and satin flowing under my fingers. "And what's wrong with this one?" I asked as I held it up. She gave it a glance and then shook her head.

"Looking for something else." she muttered. I stared on as she obviously avoided my question.

"You still haven't answered the main question." I said as I pointed out the obvious out loud. She sighed, turning around to look at me with a resigned look on her face. Walking up to me, she sat down in front of me, next to my dangling legs.

"Not now Billi, okay?"

"Please don't talk like I won't get it. I did that day."

She sighed again, and her dilemma clawed at my insides.

"I didn't mean to - it's just that - oh Bill."

I turned to look at her, but before I knew it her face was so close to mine and our foreheads met with a gentle bump. She took my face in her hands, and looked into my eyes with a wistful smile on her face.

"If you hadn't gotten that promise out of me... If you hadn't FINALLY made me selfish enough to... To live for myself."

Suddenly I was scared, nervous.

"Then what?" I asked in the breathiest of whispers.

"Then I would have told you that you need to take the second road, but I already tried." she laughed humorlessly, pain in her voice, "You deserve it my stubborn love."

I searched her face for a clue, but her eyes were shut - the windows had been temporarily tinted.

"Please stop talking in riddles." I begged softly as I reached forward to caress her face in a hand. She leaned into my touch, kissing my palm, and I pulled her in.

"You're not going anywhere." I stated, voice shaking, and her eyes flashed open.

"Wouldn't dream of it." and I knew her answer to be honest by the look in her eyes. "All I'm saying is that I wish I could give you someone better than who I am. And if not that then a me that isn't someone stuck in her shell." I looked into her pleading eyes, "I just wish I could get out, because I honestly want to but it's so hard and -"

"Shush..." I said softly as I cradled her, her outfit draped over both her arms. She looked up at me as I ran a finger down her nose, and a frown appeared on her brow.

"Maybe someone your age would do the trick."

"Stop, please." I nudged her nose with my own, my grip tightening unnoticeably.

"It would do you good. No jokes. You always preferred older women anyway. Guess they're smarter at all this... And then again -"

"No, stop. Now."

She looked startled at my expression, my gritted teeth and stubborn eyes.

"I just -"

"You just what? Thought that I'd need - no, want - someone who could be 'modern'? Some girl who can tell the whole world everything about me, the things I do to her, the way she makes me feel? Some chick who can value the way I touch her but not the way I talk, who can't cherish the smallest most childish moments of happiness whenever she's down but would turn to me for yet another physical token of love?"

I looked restlessly into her eyes; she seemed frozen there, my arms wound around her lovingly, but I was in a mild fit of anger at that moment.

"That's not what I -" she sighed, pausing. She looked down and then placed a hand quite deliberately on my chest as she looked back up - just where my heart thudded unevenly like it always did when I was with her, it made me feel more alive.

"I can feel this, and I know it's what you want - to be right here. But every human has... Needs... And they require fulfillment. What if I'm not ready for those kind of things? All I'm saying is that sometimes when I reflect on my... My retreats, I just think that maybe... What if I were able to go ahead and forget the stupid boundary for just a while? But then sixth sense pulls me down and I know I should follow it but I just feel like for once I should have just tried to put a stopper to my goody-two-shoes behavior and -"

She paused to breathe, refusing to look up into my face again, and just then we heard her mum in the passage, and she hastened to get up and rushed towards the bathroom door. Before I had had the chance to blink the door had been locked and her mother had passed by without a second glance.

I sat there, the silver net and silk dress falling to the floor as I suddenly stood up. I walked up to the bathroom door, standing with my head rested against the wood.

"I'd wait for you. You should've known that."

Although my body screamed the complete opposite, I knew that my heart couldn't have agreed further with my statement. Even though my patience was wearing away, I knew I had the will and love to withstand the temptation a little longer.

And yet, I knew it wouldn't be very long before I would give in.

There was a sigh from the other end of the wood as the words left my lips. I thought I imagined her hand up against the wood on the exact spot where mine was now. I stood there for a minute or two, and then began to walk away.

"I know," I stopped at the sound of the voice, "I just don't like or want to be making you do that."

I turned to face the door, and she walked out of there in a deep mauve dress, the sleeves leading from the v-neck and falling down the back to form a fold-emphasized low backed design.

"A relationship consists of filling in the missing pieces and relishing the ones you can't, schöne. You said it yourself."

She shrugged, but then smirked as she noticed my sweeping gaze and then as it lingered tantalizingly over her frame, taking it all in.

"I know it's a nice dress, and that's just saying it innocently." she whispered after winding her arms around my neck teasingly. I growled in serious impatience and irritation, and her smirk only widened. I wound my arms securely around her waist, my hands softly caressing her perfectly curved sides, and she shivered lightly. "Your hands are cold." a whisper again, and this time goosebumps rose up my arms. And then - "It's tailor made, I can't have it ripped." and her eyes almost gave her away - I could see desire trapped behind those cultural norms, and I had to suppress a soft moan that promised to be both of longing and aggravation.

"Don't tempt me."

She smirked, leaning forward only to peck me - yet teasing in her manner, her eyes yet narrating the actual truth to mine, and I allowed her that luxury, savoring her touch.

"I'll try not to."

I winked, in on the act, this new unspoken truth calming me down and yet leaving me with a feeling of longing that seemed worse than before. "Don't promise me a word, love."

She laughed, her head thrown back, and walked back to face her dresser.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Chapter Fifteen

"Oh haha, very funny, that's not what happened! What happened is that I met my now to-be husband when he bought eyeliner from me! I swear!"

"A-la-la-la-la-la not true!"

She glared at me irritably, and all her brothers and sisters laughed. She raised an eyebrow, and unnoticed by anyone else, slipped her hand closer to my legs. I batted it away playfully, and she pretended to be extremely angry.

Everyone was laughing, and half the night seemed to have gone by meeting my future in-laws.

"Don't you have a ginormous family." I said a while later, teasing her, and she smirked up at me as I wound an arm around her waist and we continued to wander around in this sea of people.

But as soon as I looked up to see where we were headed I stopped us dead in our tracks.

She crashed into my chest gently, and then looked up at me irritatedly as she regained her balance.

I noticed her following my forlorn gaze to the man standing across from us, not two feet away. None of the celebrating folks around us seemed to notice the nasty glare that was painted over my face.

Caught up in the awkwardness, Niki started forward to greet him, but I tightened my grip on her waist. I wouldn't have him misguiding her again.

"Bill!" she whispered angrily, as if reprimanding a child, and I broke out of my stance and looked down into her face. I guessed I was the only one who could hear her, because he continued to stare at his shoes awkwardly.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked softly, sounding hurt; she flashed the ring I had placed on her hand at me subtly as she wrapped her arms around my neck, and her eyes reassured me that she could handle this. I sighed so low that he couldn't have heard anything, and then let her go. She took a step forward, her fingers reaching down to link firmly with my own.

"Hey Taylor."

"Hey."

The man looked up at me, pleading forgiveness with his eyes, but I looked away - a little to the left of his face and forced a smile on my face.

"H-happy birthday." he stuttered at her, and I turned to see her flash him a friendly smile.

"You wont even give me a hug you crazy psychoanalyst? I'm getting married!"

At this I couldn't help but smile. Subtle, I commented internally in response to her words. I saw him blink in shock as he hugged her.

"Congratulations!" he said, and with much more vigor now. I had to suppress a mildly sadistic chuckle.

She was making small talk, and I spoke a word or two, but soon Tom and Payal picked up the signal and stole us from there after making sure the guy was engaged in a conversation with Audrey. (I thought I saw her glance at me reproachfully. But that was until Nathalie saved her.)

The four of us walked slowly away from the crowd, disconnecting ourselves from the booming bass and the laughter and smell of alcohols. We joked lightly, and I pulled my twin and his wife's leg as hard as I could with the assistance of my own fiancé.

'Fiancé' - I loved that word on my lips, but I would feel even more euphoric if the word were 'wife' already. I knew it was just the initial magic of the thought - or so most people said - but I would live with it until it passed away peacefully.

Before I knew it we were alone again.

"Work again day after." she sighed, her head hitting the table with a thud in surrender. I ran a hand over it and she looked up at me - two brown eyes peeking through tangled coffee hair in that little booth. For a split second we were two ordinary people at a party - on the brink of marriage, and trying desperately to make the emotional ends meet. For a split second it was just us - her decked up just for me on her birthday, because we had no one else. For once we were the white trash fairy tale.

I smiled into the thought and twirled a lock of her hair in the light. The natural red highlights in the coffee strands shone brightly and danced in my eyes. I knew in that moment that this was the right thing to do - getting married.

"You love it." I said in context with what she'd said before.

"As do you, but we still get tired. Are Simone and Gordon joining us, because they seemed to be talking about something to do with passports and a visa and Paris."

I scooted closer to her, resting my own head on my two pale hands and looking into her half concealed face.

"Yeah, they are." my breath blew into her face, and the hair brushed past her nose, making her sneeze.

"Billi," she whined irritatedly as she wrinkled her nose, and I chuckled, "how much HAVE you drunk?" I smirked. "Germans," she muttered, and I buried my head in my arms and laughed.

"I'm driving tonight. And how many more surprises are you bombarding me with?"

Glad she'd brought it up, I looked back up and smirked broader than ever.

"Not telling."

She sighed, sitting up but her head was bowed. She tilted it back, relaxing her neck, and then bowed it again. I sat watching her, and when she was done she looked up at me and shifted closer. We both relaxed, stretching our legs, and her head rested against my arm. She stood up, walking off, and then returned a minute later with a Bloody Mary. She sat down and resumed the position we had taken up earlier, her arm stretched out as her fingers curled delicately around her drink - the little finger holding the other side of the glass just like it always did. I smirked small - we both seemed to share that habit alongside so many others that we had lost count.

We smiled, just sitting there as we talked about nothing and everything - the VMAs (and the plans she had for it which she refused to tell me; apparently they were a surprise meant for not just me but the entire world), the people dancing on the floor, Taylor and the encounter, Adam and Erice (who were now macking just outside near the balcony) and then, in conclusion, us.

"We better get back to everyone before they draw conclusions." I mumbled something in agreement as we got up and walked over to the throng on the dance floor, smiling at the odd relative or group of friends sitting in the booths. Turning around to walk backwards in front of me, the love of my life winked as she guided me right into the middle of everything and pulled me in as we begun to dance, which seemed to result in a number of adoring encourages, and she stuck her tongue out at them playfully. They all laughed.

"I am so kicking your ass at wedding apparel."

I only threw my head back and joined them in the act.

Chapter Sixteen

"I'm not telling you Bill, all I'm saying is I have to stay back now! There's a change in plan, and I've been called in along with the band."

"But -"

She sighed, unpacking everything she had stuffed into her suitcases not two hours ago, and as I watched her my heart sank. Seems like we wouldn't be spending as much time together as I had hoped for after all. Gordon and Mutti had also been hoping to spend time with her, I knew they had missed her quite a lot; it had been - after all - three months since they'd seen her or spent time with her.

"It's not like I want this." she said, turning to face me, "I thought that maybe we could finally..." she trailed off, exhaling in a huff and turned to walk out the room.

"We could finally what?" I asked the empty room, and especially the painting of all of us that she had painted behind the bed in place of the painted TH poster that had hung there previously; but I guess I already knew the answer.

I sighed into the room, unable to believe my luck.

When she returned she seemed more upset than ever, "Twisha's cribbing about everything again."

I held her hand, leaning in towards her to hug her, and she wrapped her arms around my torso. We stood there for a while, reminiscing, I knew.

"We haven't done this for a while." she said, looking up at me as her chin rested somewhere just below my neck. She resumed her previous position, and I knew what she meant - that feeling of contentment was beautiful, fulfilling.

"Yeah, we should now."

She hummed softly, burying her face in her hair gently, and I allowed my hands to braid into those coffee brown strands again.

"I'm gonna miss you." she mumbled into my shirt, and I kissed the top of her head as I felt the hopelessness in me rise once again.

"I wish you could come."

"I wish I could too. Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry."

"You KNOW they'll kill you for that."

"Nah, Mom'll just whack you 'cause I'm not there." and she looked up at me again and smirked. I pouted like the words actually meant something serious to me and she giggled.

Untangling ourselves from each other, we began helping around the house. There was a lot of work to be done - papers to be filed, others to be thrown, mails to be deleted, the interviews and other such agendas to be redone. By the end of three hours everyone was exhausted.

"When is the official announcement?" Zoe asked as she leaned into her two year boyfriend, referring to the whole marriage 'ordeal'.

"Ummm... Wait let me look -"

I watched her from where she sat in my lap shuffling through the sheaf of papers. Both mothers sat on the couch adjoining the love seat on which we were sitting. It was the first time Niki's mum had walked into such a placement of people, and after the initial shock she seemed to be fine.

"Wait you know I think it was here." I said, stretching sideways to obtain another sheaf of papers and handed it to her.

"Yeah there it is." she stated, handing it over to her.

"Oprah?"

"Yep, It was either her or Jojo on KISS FM. I'm NOT talking to Jojo on KISS FM."

I chuckled, and so did the moms, and she looked up into my face.

"Did you have to teach him the phrase?" she said, aggravated, and then not as I threw my head back and laughed and high five-d Payal.

"Oh shush!" she exclaimed, and I laughed even more as I looked back down at her.

"You know you really are bad at comebacks with me. Maybe it's my amazing charm."

"My dear, you HAVE no charm."

"Hey!"

"You are SO mean to him!"

I just smirked as she stood up and walked away from me and ignored the others. I knew she didn't mean it, her sly smile as she broken away from my resisting arms had already stated otherwise.

"We better head to the airport." she called out behind herself, and my heart sunk almost immediately at the thought of leaving her. "And I was kidding." she added in exasperation, short tempered as she was. I stood up and stretched, and suddenly everyone steeped into a solemn cloud of despair.

-x-

There was a sigh that escaped lips apart from my own as my mother turned fully to fix me with her 'behave yourself' expression. Nevertheless, I sighed once again as I looked out the window at the disappearing state of California. I imagined her looking up and into the sky, but then felt guilty for the fact that I hoped that she would miss me to the point where she might feel obliged to remain unhappy. I stared at the screen of my cell phone instead, aimlessly looking down at it at the picture that was now my lock screen - a picture of us as we laughed, her hand taking support of my shoulder and reaching out towards the back of my neck as she tried to steady herself, and I with my hand placed loosely at the side of her waist. Crinkled eyes and joy - I continued to stare at the moment frozen in time as if expecting for it to spring to life right then and there.

"She'll kill you if she finds out you're this lovesick." I jumped at the sound Gustav's voice, and was even more mortified as Geo placed a hand on my shoulder from the other side. Tom slept across the isle with drool rolling down and into his braids; gross.

"Well she won't kill you but she won't be real supportive of it either."

Confused, I raised my eyebrows at them.

"What do you guys mean?"

They looked at each other and then at me, smirking.

"Find out for yourself."

Shaking my head at how stupid they were being I plugged my iPod in and looked out the window as The Pretty Reckless blasted through the earphones.

The songs shifted, but the goddamned plane refused to land; Katy Perry was know playing, but I smiled small at the song - she KNEW I wasn't fond of Katy, but when I complained all she said was "You need some change. Some freshness! If she hates on you, you don't have to hate on her!"

I sighed once again, and unconsciously begun to contemplate on the unbelievable fact of the matter - that I had landed up with someone like her; someone so unique and different and TRUE to herself. The more I thought of it the more it astonished me, and the more I backtracked on every little thing we had been through and wondered how we'd been able to withstand it all.

I turned sideways, curling up in my seat as I watched the sun set. "A rose garden in the sky" she would call it; it was a quote from one of her favorite books - The Star of Kazan by Eva Ibbotson.

I closed my eyes and begun to count the dimples in her cheeks, the natural streaks of red among the brown, and as I counted each little thing that about her that I could picture in my head, I fell asleep.

-x-

"Bill? Bill? BILL!"

I woke up with a start, unfurling and sitting straight up so fast that my head hurt from the rush and my legs from the excruciatingly slow departure from numbness that had now begun.

"We're here. We're home away from home." I kneaded my eyes with my own two fists, trying to remember when I had stumbled off the plane and into the car, but I couldn't. I guess I really hadn't slept so long for quite a while.

"It's like he gets a fucking hang over he's -"

"You're seriously worse than me right now bro, but I guess now while we crash you'll stay awake. Or maybe you'll take another nap?"

I peered into Tom's concerned face and nodded affirmative in my groggy state. I covered my mouth as a big loud yawn elicited from me and greeted the whole car. I heard Mum and Dad laugh lightly at my knocked-out condition from just outside. Were they the ones making all the noise as they helped drag the luggage forward?

In fifteen minutes Gustav had managed to pull me out and drag me to the elevator. I stood there - irritable and blank, unresponsive - and climbed out the lift as soon as the doors opened. Tom followed close behind, the ghost of his hand supporting me from the back because he knew I would fall without it there. As I stumbled into the room he caught hold of my arm and guided me carefully to the bed. Setting me down he placed my head on his bony lap and sat back and covered us both under the thick sheets. I snuggled closer to him unconsciously and he absentmindedly patted my cheek lightly.

And there in the arms of my twin brother I succumbed to exhaustion.

NIKI

Chapter Seventeen

As soon as Bill had left mum had started on me again.

"So... What had really happened all those years ago?"

I sighed softly, hurting, but I knew I'd have to confess to her sometime or the other, "Well since Tom and Bill are twins too Tom got more than a little on the paranoid and aggravated side. He felt that the both of them weren't having enough time to themselves. At first I thought of leaving him immediately, I knew I'd rather have my heart broken than see them fall out. But then PiePie and Tanz stopped me. We got things under control, compromised to breaking point on our relationship just to make him and Tom work. Anytime me and Bill were together too long Tom would panic again, thinking that he would lose his brother to someone else. You can't blame him for that, it's a twin thing. It's just like the first time Payal went out with someone and I threw a hissy fit." I paused, looking up at her again and she was waiting for me patiently to continue. I took a deep breath in before continuing.

"Well, things got worse from then on. I then decided to leave even though Tom tried to convince me otherwise. You already know that part was a messy affair, especially since it was after we were sure that we were actually in love with each other. After all those years when Tom and Payal got married and we met again I couldn't help but break down." I sucked in a ragged breath. It was just a year ago but it felt like it was far away. And yet I could feel everything I had felt then rush through me once again in a painful swoosh of memories.

"I had broken so badly when I left him that I hadn't been able to fix myself. I'd just built up a wall that I had deemed near impossible to break down, but I guess that wasn't the case. During the wedding we fixed it the night of; it was all tears and fighting and whatnot, but I caved in anyway. Turns out I wasn't the only one hollow after all. From then on everything's been fine. Tom finally forgave himself when he came back from his honeymoon and found out we'd fixed everything."

My words were greeted by nothing but silence, and when I had the courage to look up again she was looking right back at me as if she finally understood everything.

"You did the right thing."

I nodded; I had known somewhere deep down that she'd understand.

"they were able to fix themselves in that time. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I was so scared. I didn't want to be like -"

"Like that girl in our neighborhood when you were younger. I see it now. You were the same age as her. I'm just aggravated that you had to crush your own heart and everyone else's to reach this point. But," she paused and sat down next to me, running a hand over my head and stroking all the way down to the ends of my hair, "you found yourself a good catch." she continued in a stereotypical Indian accent. I looked up at her and giggled, and she laughed too, and as I hugged her a tear escaped me on account of the utter relief I felt.

Things would finally be getting better.

-x-

I stood there, scared and slightly aggravated. Oprah was about to begin in about five minutes. The boys would be up on Skype in the back and I would be on the sofa.

A hand came to rest on my shoulder, and I turned to see the legendary woman standing right there. She smiled at me, reaching forward to shake my hand. "It's great to have you here." she said, and for a minute or two we made small talk as we sat down on the sofa.

"Welcome back to Oprah, and today we have the Indian sensation Niki of The Thirteen Moons Of Demetria."

I smiled at everyone, not feeling up to it - I wished Bill were here with me, but then again he would be on the screen in a while.

"So, jumping right to the topic - you're getting married?"

"Yeah that's correct. But it's okay for people to be shocked I found out at about four yesterday night that I was getting married, so..."

A few people laughed, I smiled once again.

"But seriously, how tough was it for you to... You know work this relationship out, because it was quite unbalanced."

I didn't pause, answering these questions with utmost diplomacy was my area of expertise now.

"Euhm, you know Bill and I - the relationship wasn't unbalanced as much as it was vulnerable um... It was always like that. But emphasis on the 'was', we're pretty much as strong as ever right now."

By now Bill was already on Skype in the background. I heard a singular swoon pass through the crowd, and I smiled at him quickly before turning back to Oprah. I thought he looked quite well rested after having crashed completely into oblivion last night.

"Mhm. But you know everyone's heard at least one version of what actually happened. But what now? I mean a relationship requires bridges to be built, what are yours? Is it the culture clash or the time boundaries or the media or - what is it? Oh and also hi to Mr. Kaulitz there in the background."

"Well it's a little bit of all. And hello to you too!" I heard him say just before I could answer, and he now held everyone's attention. But he was now looking at me as if prodding me to go on.

"Yeah it is, actually, it's just a mix bag. Where culture comes into play is that the norms and decorum a relationship would follow back in India would actually be quite different than what people would follow here. I mean, teenagers at home in India might be staring at the screen at some point when this is aired there and be laughing and saying 'yeah, we snog too! What's the big deal?' but a relationship like the one I share with Bill is very, very different from all of that on a lot of levels. It's not just the physical; the way we interact - everything is different. You know, it's different when you're best friends and when you actually start dating -"

"Yeah the same parameters cannot be attached to those two. Euhm... It's sort of like a gap in communication in the beginning with the different upbringing and culture and everything. It's not so much problematic after the first stage of actually solidly stating that 'yes, we are together' because essentially it's just that fear of not knowing what the other's reaction might be more than anything else." Bill completed for me. I could see mum somewhere in the crowd listening attentively. She'd never attended any of my interviews before.

"And was this fear born only after you started dating, or was it always there?"

"Uh... I guess there was just an unnoticeable bit of tension in that context that was always present. But nothing too great."

I could see Bill nodding, and as she heard me Oprah did too.

"What about the family? What was that like for you Niki? You're living in the USA, top that off with being an international icon and then getting pally with a German. It's not like I'm saying that I would like to add those tags there, but the nationalities that you both come from have quite a bit of history each with the western world.

"Um... You know I never looked at it that way. I've always tried to keep a global perspective in mind about things; but some of my family members did seem uncomfortable, and I don't blame them! Let's face it that racial tag is always attached to my name. I mean Bill can get away with it now a lot of the times but I never can. I remember when we first got signed our target was to hit international markets, and our record company did always believe in us but there was still that sneery undertone, that skepticism, present when we interacted with some of the people. And then there's also that tag of feminity attached to you, you know, 'you're a woman you have no business attempting to do punk music or rock or whatever'. So yeah there was a lot of discrimination. Coming to the relationship point of view I can safely say that mum and dad and even my elder brother were quite wary when it came to the whole thing, I was barely eighteen and I completely understand their perspective. But I can also gladly say that they've always trusted me and haven't forced me to do anything against my will. If they've thought that I'm seeing something important with reference to something else that they aren't able to see - then they've always just gone ahead and said 'okay, do it! Go ahead!'"

"But do you see this in other such cross culture relationships?"

"Absolutely! Our twin siblings are married, and seeing Tom's nature they faced it worse than we did. You even see it so much among people who belong to different western cultures - in fact it can get worse there sometimes because in some ways western cultures are more set in their ways. In fact I know people who find it so hard to blend in and conform here in America. It's not easy to maintain such a relationship."

"But I guess that's there even more so with us since, euhm, with the media and the time constraints it can get worse. You know the media lives stretching everything and even counting award ceremonies and rehearsals and a lot if other things you would get to see the other person for no more than a moth and a half tops."

The interview went on, and even though it was relieving to talk about everything that had happened it was hard at the same time. By the time I got into the car I had relived every single separation and felt like I had broken all over again; then again, I should have anticipated this.

Mum had taken the back entrance and was thus on another car with the security personnel. She would probably reach home earlier than me.

I sighed, curling up on the ginormous seat of the stretch limo. Just as u was about to give up watching all the screaming fans through the tinted windows my phone begin to vibrate.

"Are you okay?" the voice across the line was concerned, but the familiar velvet if it's texture calmed me a bit. I already knew I was on speaker: I could hear Tom shouting something about a stone cold pizza before wishing me a good morning.

I sighed softly.

"I'll live," I muttered, "I should have been ready for it but I guess I wasn't. Anyway I am quite relieved it's all out in the open properly now anyway. When are you guys flying in to start stage rehearsals?"

"Day after, I think, right Jost?"

"Yeah."

"Oh okay..."

"Guys get off the phone now! Dinner!"

I heard Bill put me off speaker and sigh softly.

"I miss you." he said softly. I sat up as I watched out the window and saw the house coming up - home was only in his company along with Twinsie's.

"You have to go now." I sighed back in defeat. There was no reply bit I could hear him shuffling around. I sighed once again, running an irritated hand through my loose hair. It was sitting slightly wavy like it usually did.

"I love you schöne." I whispered softly as the chauffeur pulled into the driveway. I still sat there on the seat, waiting for him to reply.

"Ich liebe dich auch mein leben. Call me later?"

"That's not possible." I said with no hope whatsoever.

"Warum nicht?" he replied back aggravated.

"Rehearsals."

I thought he sounded quite angry when he replied "Bis später." and cut the phone.

I huffed angrily.

I wasn't going to take this lying down.

Chapter Eighteen

My cell phone beeped again – a light flashed across the screen, and it begun to vibrate. I huffed, ignoring the call, but a second glance made me see the words "Georg Listing" flash across the screen instead of the other words that I had anticipated would be there – the ones that were unwanted at this moment.

Yes, I was extremely angry.

I edged towards the little electronic device and picked it up with my newly done nails. I touch the screen lightly, leaving the phone on speaker. The nail paint was still wet.

"Who are you and what do you want?" I said in a rush, my voice curt in tone. I really couldn't stand Bill right now. His edginess was getting to me. How could I be put to blame for this? Wasn't he the one who countered me with the argument of calling this life 'work' by saying I loved it? So what had gotten into him now. He never said it, but he seemed to put his music before anything else. This year I wanted the chance of putting my life forth properly, didn't I deserve it?

"It's Ge-org, and Goo-stav!" the latter sung across the line, and at his loopy-ness I had to laugh.

"She laughs! She actually laughs!" I smiled.

"Shut up you two! What's up anyway? It 2 in the night there!"

"And I'm munching on pee-zza!" Singing again.

"Is Gustavo drunk again?" I asked, feigning hopelessness and they laughed, and then – "And you guys haven't answered the question."

I heard everything go quiet suddenly, almost as if they were scared of what I would say. I felt infuriated, because I now knew exactly what was up.

"He's with you isn't he?" I was seriously upset now. Not a sound greeted me from across the line.

"Geo, get me off speaker. Now." I heard a sigh then and a click followed.

"I'm not talking to him if that's what you want."

"I'm sorry, but he's seriously upset! You should see his face."

"I think I've seen his puppy dog eyes many more times over the last year than you have. They're driving me crazy. I can't help it that I have this job. I offered him the other option – moving on – but obviously neither of us is taking that. Now explain to me this – how could I NOT be angry if I'm to be just cut off because I have a job to get back to?"

There was silence for a moment.

"I don't blame you. But it's been a day now." He said quietly.

"What about when he cut off on me for a month at a stretch because he wanted to take a break from the lifestyle and just relax in the Bahamas? He wasn't working! I'm supposed to take it nicely, but he can't take a few days? Do you know how hard it is for me? A guy can get away with not being with his girl, can fantasize, make do somehow. A guy can hide his emotions. A girl can't. Does you think it isn't hard for me when I wake up in bed alone, when I walk into the hall or the main area of the tour bus and there's no Bill there waiting, just smiling? Do you really think I asked for us to strain our relationship like this?"

There was not a sound across the line.

"Just take the next call he makes, okay? Please? His face is seriously unbearable right now and plus he's driving everyone crazy."

I didn't speak for a while, my ego preventing me from letting go of my childish whim and letting the guilt override so that I would comply with this request. But as I counted backwards, closed my eyes, and said a prayer I was able to let go. It must have been almost fifteen minutes that I had not spoken, and Geo just waited patiently across the line.

"Okay."

He seemed to exhale noticeably and in relief. I shook my head – he and Gustav really did baby me. Sometimes even more than Tom or Bill did when they were in their twin moments, and that was saying something; although with Bill it was more like he spoiled me completely – which I enjoyed – but yet.

I huffed, agitated and unwilling to talk to him, but yet at the same time I wanted for everything to be okay. So I picked up my phone once again, and dialed his number carefully - my fingers moving slower than usual. But when I heard his voice as he rambled on I couldn't care anymore about what the fight was about anyway. I guess a day's worth of silent treatment was enough.  
"Just shut it and listen to me." I said, playing the surprise card. All was immediately quiet across the other line. I maintained the pause for a second or two more.  
"Just don't do that again." I said quickly.  
"Huh, wha - oh. But -"  
"But nothing. Just don't do that again."  
He was quiet for a moment, registering my firm voice and neutral tone but unable to understand why I had forgiven him.  
"I'm still sorry." he said in a small voice, and I sighed.  
"I guessed. Just... When you do something like that it hurts. A lot. And it doesn't feel nice, or fair."  
There was an extremely short pause.  
"I swear just kill me next time I do that." I chuckled softly, relaxing slowly and thus falling backwards and hitting my head to the pillow.  
"That's pointless, because then me and Tom and Payal would kill ourselves in a mixed up chain reaction."  
I heard the smile in his voice as he whispered an 'I love you' softly into the phone.

I smiled a small smile as my cheeks turned redder than their usual natural red hue.  
"Just come back here soon."  
-x-  
The mic was screwed up again.  
"Let's just turn everything down to acoustic for now?" Payal suggested. We were at rehearsals again. Eminem stood on the side as we all tried setting everything up.  
"And then how will you work on the damn transitions with the guitars set to acoustic?"  
"Aye, yo Niki's right it'll seriously fuck up that transition bit, you know just before the harmony." Mathers said. I still couldn't believe were doing a stage collaboration.  
I sighed, and suddenly everyone was staring at me. Mathers smiled, and I stared at him questioningly; a second or two into the irritating silence two pairs of arms wound around my waist - they were gentle, loving, wanting. Next another two hands covered my eyes, and another two picked up my hands and made me dance on the spot like a fool. I could hear someone laughing. Suddenly someone picked my hair and gave it a jerk as if the locks were horse reigns.  
"Alright, the four of you, nobody's getting food tonight."  
Suddenly everything stopped, except that a head came to rest gently on my shoulder - a pair of lips placed a soft kiss on my cheek: the arms wound around my waist were still in place.  
"Hi Bill." I said rolling my eyes but smiling anyway. Everyone laughed again. Tom walked over to Mathers and gave him a "bro-hug". I shook my head.  
"Sometimes if you put these two next to each to other it's like someone genetically duplicated Marshall to create my brother-in-law."  
I heard Bill chuckle, and I turned side-ways to look at him.  
"What're you laughing at? You're the dude's twin! The three of you would look like triplets if you didn't wear these clothes!"  
"Oh shush!" he said, imitating me cynically -  
"I know everything, I know everything!"  
"Hey!"  
"Blah blah blah -"  
"You are SO not getting any tonight!"  
"AHA! so you HAVE done it!"  
"No wait -"  
"Come on Bill, tell 'em!" I said as I smirked and resisted the hold of his arms. I winked at Mathers, and he snickered and gave me a high five. I turned around to look at my... My FIANCÉ. That word still felt new on my lips.  
He looked at me with an even wider smirk on his face, his eyes glinting, and I knew he was going to say something extremely horny.  
"Yeah... We fucked. Hot monkey sex."  
Everything was suddenly quiet; everyone seemed seriously shocked.  
"Like those two boars you guys video taped in the dessert. You should just release that tape man!" I added as I sunk onto my knees in one swift motion to fix the amps.  
"Which one, theirs or ours?"  
My head whipped up to meet his gaze. I knew my cheeks were blazing before I felt them flush. The image flashing in my head was the most x-rated thing in the entire world.  
But to imagine it being VIDEO TAPED.  
I heard Mathers wolf-whistle. I couldn't even laugh even though I wanted to. I just smiled, fixing everything up as I checked the guitar on the tone on each amp and the distortion levels.  
"Like really hot rabbit sex." I said into the mic as I stood in front of the stand with my hip jutting to the side after I had fixed everything up. I heard Tom choke on his coke, and I laughed.  
"Hit the fucking drums!" I said, bending over double laughing and standing up again and winking at Bill who sat on the floor against one of the guitar cases; he winked back at me - his gaze sweeping over me as he played with his tongue piercing as if his eyes were already doing too much dirty work of their own. Strangely enough I wasn't shy anymore, I only challenged with him my middle finger (at which he laughed) and then went back to face the front before sharing another laugh with Mathers and begin rehearsals.  
-x-  
"Well... See you guys later!"  
I waved at them all as I took Bill's hand and walked forward. He placed a kiss on my temple and then begun to walk with me.  
"Haven't been down Melody Lane with you in a while." he said as we continued to walk on slowly. I looked at him for just a second before looking back and upwards at the winding cobbled pathway and the rosy setting sun but didn't reply - I didn't feel the need to. We stopped as we reached the little overhang at the top with the small brickwork railing. I still felt the need to do nothing at all but blend in with the peace here.  
"A rose garden in the sky?" he whispered softly as his arms wrapped gently around my torso, locking a little way above my chest. I smirked small, and leaned into him as I nodded and buried my hand deep into his hair, my fingers running through the soft black locks.  
"God in Heaven, thank you for not putting anymore hairspray in there!" I exclaimed and twirled - only to find him looking at me with a loving blaze in his eyes. I blushed unattractively once again and looked down at the little stones that seemed covered with salt spray; the wind blew my hair suddenly, and it turned into a mess all over my forehead. I pushed it back gently, and Bill cleared the bangs of my forehead, sweeping them aside gently; his hands were always magic, and I didn't even know how but they just were.  
Suddenly there was a different desire in my heart, something that had been unable to escape - to show itself - until now but was now coloring my thoughts and waiting to burst through my lips. He nudged my nose gently, "I want to know what's on your mind." he said as he looked straight into my eyes.  
But the look in mine seemed to tell him everything he wanted to know.  
There was a silence now, and it seemed to be pregnant with anticipation. Was I taking this relationship on a little too fast? Oh, what the heck, I was MARRYING him! This could do no kind of societal harm anymore!  
"I want to go home." I said lightly, internally shocked at how well I was able to cover for myself. He blinked suddenly, and I winked and took his hand and begun to walk; but he stopped me suddenly and I turned around to look at him questioningly, but as suddenly as the torn expression appeared in his eyes it vanished. He only pulled me closer as we strode forward. I guess he finally knew 'what was on my mind'.  
The ride home wasn't quiet as much as it was heated. I hadn't even realized when I had been shifted from the seat and into Bill's lap. Thank God for those driver-passenger seat partition things. I looked into his face right now, his hands placed fervently over my thighs; I nudged his nose with my own, and he growled.  
I chuckled, "Leather seats are not such a good idea." I whispered, still laughing a little, and he frowned.  
"That house is two minutes away, you impatient little goose!"  
His voice was far more husky than I expected when he spoke again -  
"Do NOT call me a silly goose!"  
I pursed my lips to prevent the laughter, and his frown deepened before suddenly disappearing all together. I raised an eyebrow, trying to sit back down on the seat as I felt the car slowing down, but it obviously didn't work. He smirked suddenly, and I was suddenly nervous. He leaned forward slowly, tilting his head, and bit down gently on the aide of my neck, a hand stroking down my spine.  
I gasped, but had enough of my wits about me to push him away and slip out the minute the door opened. I waited for him, and for the benefit of the ever-present crowd of fans that stood on the other side of the high wall of the garden he only took my hand. We walked forward, and he couldn't resist letting his arm going around my waist. I thought I heard the screaming get a little louder than before.  
"You'll give the poor things a heart attack Bill." I said as I slipped out of his hold, my tone concerned. But he seemed not to care as we stepped inside. No one was home, and the parents thought Bill and I had gone to speak about a few apparel designs to Audrey.  
Damn straight.  
Before the door shut I was pinned up against it. My heart beat faster even when compared to the other times he'd managed to have me trapped like that.  
"Bill..." I whispered softly as he kissed me passionately, not sparing even a second f thought, but I didn't complain. There was a little crackle as we pulled each other close, and it seemingly ruined the moment for the boy.  
The both of us looked down at the same time, and thus hit our heads together.  
"Ow!" we exclaimed together, and then chuckled at our stupidity. I bent down, sinking onto my knees, and picked up the little envelope that lay there. I ripped it open as I stood up, and Bill peered at it as I did.  
He pulled me into him as I begun to read, but as I noticed the seal at the top right corner of the page, the fine print that was definitely not English, and the signature at the bottom I seemed to have gone numb.  
Before I knew it I had fallen to the floor, and my life had crashed and burned before my eyes in less than a second.

Chapter Nineteen  
"Sweetheart... Schöne! What is it? Babe what -"  
"Look at it." I said blandly as I looked up into his concerned orbs with my vacant ones. I couldn't believe it.  
He took the paper that I had shoved lifelessly at him, still eyeing me as if to make sure I was still alive.  
I watched his eyes sweep over the letters, squinting as he made out the signature.  
"WHAT THE HELL?" I winced at the sound of him shouting. He shook his head, not believing this, and then begun to pace up and down before me. He had easily picked me up and placed me on the sofa, and I watched him from this vantage point. Suddenly he stopped, standing stock still and staring into nothingness with a vacant expression on his face for just an instant; then he moved so quick - so cynically - I had to blink a few times to adjust my vision once again.  
"This has to be a prank!" he said with a big smile in his face, "I'll call the authorities this minute and ask!" and before I could stop him he had already dialed the number and was jabbering on in his native tongue. As I watched, and with every word, his face turned from happy to miserable, and then angry. HIs tone had shifted from pleasant, to delicately dangerous and then he seemed to be on the verge of shouting his top off.  
Suddenly it seemed they had cut the phone on him.  
"Bill -"  
"How DARE they!" he growled, and then grabbed the now creased and crumbled official letter from the German Government. He read it over once again -  
'Miss Mehta,  
Los Angeles, CA, USA.  
It has come to our notice that your fraternization with a certain Bill Kaulitz, nationality German, has now been made official in terms of matrimony.  
As declared in legislation text 74685 (details are enclosed in this letter itself), which is currently unavailable to the public eye, this marriage would be inadvisable.  
This is to notify you that a hearing is to be scheduled for the 5th of March, 2019 regarding the matter. Thereafter you may undergo several briefings, and if deemed unfit to acquire an European passport, deportation may follow, although this is seldom the case when dealing with civilians.  
Thanking you,  
The German Chancellor.'  
"I don't understand why the Chancellor - of all people - has signed the letter." I muttered mindlessly.  
I heard his fist make contact with the granite of the key counter, but I wouldn't dare to look up.  
Was this it? Was this what was written and signed as my fate, and so done by the hands of the God I believed in so dearly? Had I no rights to retain any integrity or culture of my own? Did no one realize what this would do to my family - and even his?  
Was this the only way out?  
"We're not getting married, are we?" I whispered. Bill looked at me with pleading eyes, as if begging me to stop. I looked into his face with honest but guilty brown orbs of my own.  
"They won't let us, will they? I read up on that text, and when it reaches the masses it states that no German shall indulge himself in fraternization that may result in habitation of immigrants in the Fatherland. You'll be banned any sort of visa for any place outside Europe if we continue. Bill -"  
"Then I don't want to stay there."  
I stared at him, mouth opening and then closing as I tried to bring myself to say something.  
"You wouldn't -"  
"Yes, I would."  
"Bill, you -"  
"I love my country? Never more than I love living my life the way I want to. I'll get an American passport!"  
"It's not that simple."  
"Why no-"  
"They won't let you go ahead with it." I sighed, feeling like everything was crystal clear and that he couldn't see it. He stopped, staring at me for the first time as if he just wanted me to stop talking.  
"Bill, this piece of legislation was designed to filter through the population and remove all immigrants! Have you forgotten the statistics of 2010? Half of Germany's population wanted the Mark back and the German Chancellor had declared in a press covered conference that she would like nothing better than to isolate Germany completely and re-establish the reign of a Führer. It took them a long time to perfect it, but they've finally won the case! It was all in the papers not a month ago."  
He stared at me blankly like I had spoken a lot of gibberish.  
"How the hell am I supposed to keep a track of all that!"  
"And you're the German here. Bill, I may not have study law but I KNOW my language! It's just a twisted way of saying that they'd never let it happen."  
I couldn't even say the words 'wedding' or 'marriage' anymore.  
I stood up suddenly, swaying on the spot from the head rush. I turned away from Bill, tears streaming down my face.  
"We have to call everyone here. Now."

I didn't say a word after that till there was a distant doorbell heard, ringing frantically until all the noise hurt my head. Bill knew I didn't wish to talk, and so only sat on the arm of the sofa that I was lying on and stroked his way through my hair after handing me some warm milk spiked with vanilla and saffron. I sipped it slowly and then requested that he get the door, at which he promptly stood up after placing a fleeting kiss upon my forehead and running his fingers through my hair once again. He opened the door slowly, letting the screams greet us, letting them invade the home.  
I didn't even feel anything when I thought about how violent the fans would be getting when and if they found out.  
"Have a look," I said, as I handed both documents to Tom, and he began to read out loud frantically. I saw Simone and Gordon's eyes widen, but mum and dad still looked confused. Payal knew enough German by now to understand whatever her husband had just read out.  
"What does it mean?" mum and dad asked, and Zoe and Twisha were waiting for a translation too.  
"It means the German government will not allow this marriage unless I change my nationality or acquire a dual passport or if Bill and I do not live in Germany after marriage."  
"But -"  
"It doesn't apply to you Payal, you already switched nationalities." I said blandly, "The legislation text 74685 came into place just last month. Obviously they won't let me succeed in acquiring an European passport."  
Everything was quiet for quite a while, and just when the elders had begun to speak among themselves I spoke up -  
"Everything will have to be on hiatus till March the 5th, 2019."  
Bill hadn't looked at me again, and the wedding ring on my finger burned as if waiting to slip away from the company of my Indian, non-German fingers.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

The night was just too dark, but then I couldn't have cared at all about the claustrophobia that threatened to throttle me because of it.  
I couldn't help but turn today's events over and over in my head as I stared down at the dingy LA back alley that was visible from one of the edges of the terrace. I observed the gloomy scene, and occasionally followed the path the odd hobo would take as he ran through. Suddenly an arm wound around my waist, pulling me closer.  
I didn't turn to bury my head in his chest and cry like I wanted to, but only took in his Old Spice cologne that laced perfectly with the smell of cigarettes that floated up from his hands.  
"You grabbed a cigarette again, didn't you?" I muttered into nothing but silence. His grip on me tightened - I could feel his breath against my neck.  
"It came nowhere near my mouth, I swear."  
I didn't even bother replying, because I knew that if I did I wouldn't be able to control the waterworks. Suddenly he grabbed my hips, turning me around to face him, but I didn't dare look into his face - I didn't want him to know how much this was affecting me.  
He lifted my face up by the chin using nothing but a finger, and I obviously complied.  
"I'd rather have you mad at me than breaking on the inside because of all of this." he said, his tone serious, his face a concerned portrait. A tear slipped down my cheek involuntarily, and he immediately bent low and kissed it away. I looked up at him when he was done, unsure of myself and everything around me.  
"Bill..." my voice shook, and I looked down and cussed, stopping only because he'd lifted my face up once again. He pushed away all the hair surrounding my little face and then lifted my chin a bit higher, looking at me from this angle and then that and then smiling slightly.  
"You look better like this," he concluded, letting his hands reach out to caress the back of my neck - his palms resting against my cheeks and covering up most of my face. I looked at him, puzzled, and he only smiled some more.  
"You look better when your head is held high my love, so high that you never let anyone bring you down. I love you no matter what, but that doesn't mean I don't have any favourite angles."  
I blinked, unable to believe that he was capable of cheering me up at this moment. All this evening had reminded me of was of the fact that we hadn't spoken throughout the whole day, that he hadn't even dared to look up at my face, daresay my eyes.  
"I didn't mean to isolate you schöne," he paused, his golden orbs taking away all my pain for just that moment in time; suddenly I felt peaceful, "I was scared myself."  
"There's nothing wrong with being scared," I said, my voice barely audible, and then my eyes widened, "Is there?"  
He caught my left hand in his right, kissing my ring finger affectionately and then twining his fingers with my own - cream mingling with golden brown once again.  
Non-German golden brown fingers.  
"No, nothing wrong at all my love."  
I looked up into his face, unable to say anything, and he reached forward and nudged his nose against my own.  
"No one's got anything on you baby." he whispered, pulling me even closer, and my arms went around him so that I wouldn't fall down. He had to bend his head a little to reach my forehead as usual, but this time there was something more to it as he kissed me softly, and there was no space left between the two of us anymore. Everything was so gentle, so mild and yet so heart-melting that I was able to forget everything else except us for just a second. I guess we were only lucky that we were facing the back alley, or we would have had a lot of cameras snapping away in that moment.  
Unable to maintain my pose, my hands had shifted to lay flat against his chest. I though he didn't seem as bony as before.  
"Did you gain weight?" I asked him, curious, as we stopped for a few moments but didn't let go of the other at all.  
He chuckled the softest of chuckles I had ever heard, "Tom likes forcing me into the gym in the basement."  
I looked up at him, and then abruptly I smiled weakly.  
"When will you two disclose the real address of your house to the fans?"  
He smirked, "There are a lot of things I haven't told them and don't plan to either. That's one of them." he thumbed my cheek, gazing at me lovingly.  
"I don't know how you've managed to hide all those girlfriends and one night stands and God only knows what else," I muttered, still unable to grasp how well he'd hidden his love life and yet not lied even in one interview, thus having nothing on his conscience.  
He reached below and dropped a kiss on my nose, and then my cheeks, forehead, and even my chin.  
"You have nothing TO hide liebe. My goody-two-shoes."  
"Idiot."  
He chuckled, "Never said no."


	21. Chapter 21

TOM

PROLOGUE  
You already knew you were falling down the rabbit hole - with zero gravity all around you. But what happens when you land? Is that hard hit the end, or is it the start of some new, twisted journey? Or is it change, a metamorphosis? No one knows, but we know that we're scared enough that we try not to probe, try not to find out.  
But Lord knows that that is never how this was supposed to work.

Chapter Twenty-One  
Even though my mind was numb, I felt her shift and slip away from my hold. I grunted, unhappy with her decision.  
"Get up lazy ass!"  
What a tease, I thought, as I stood up and wrapped my arms around her once again and crash landed us onto the bed.  
"Not likely," I muttered as I pinned her down on the sheets.  
"I will end up killing you one day." she said as she shoved a mint into my mouth. I smirked.  
"You really want me to remind you what happened the last time you said that?"  
"Yeah yeah we ended up having sex, so?"  
"So," I said as I stood up, "Do you want me to go ahead and shower all the goodness of the world on to you again? Personally, I don't mind, we haven't perfected the whole thing yet."  
She snorted satirically, just as I thought she would.  
"You seriously couldn't think you're the best I've ever had?"  
I pulled her up, hooking an arm around her waist casually.  
"I know I am, stupid."  
She snorted again, and I only chuckled.  
"Let's just go grab breakfast."  
As we reached the bottom of the staircase I thought I heard metal pots bang against each other gently.  
"Bill, I told you not to touch it!" I heard my sister-in-law whine, and as peeked out and observed them I saw her fussing over an angry, pink burn. There was some kind of red liquid in which she was dabbing with a piece of cotton.  
"Now this is going to burn," she said firmly, and as she pressed down with the wet material he hissed, and I snorted and then begun to laugh quite obnoxiously because I thought it all sounded rather suggestive when pulled out of this context.  
The two of them glanced over at me, Bill looking slightly queasy, but went back to staring at the wound as she spread on a thick, white ointment onto the burning spot. He yelped suddenly, agitated.  
I sat down, switching on the television and fighting Gustav off as he jumped onto the sofa and tried getting at the remote.  
"OI!"  
Everyone turned to look at Niki, and she had a bunch of dark looking candy in her arms. I saw Bill munching enthusiastically at a piece of it from the corner of my eye.  
"Catch and eat!" she said, throwing us a piece each. I caught mine and tentatively bit into it, but I was soon munching on it as enthusiastically as Bill was.  
"What's it called?" I asked her as I hugged her a good morning.  
"Chikki. Stress on the 'k'."  
"How you doing?" Geo asked her, and I thought her eyes dimmed a little as Bill pulled her into him as he wrapped his good arm around her stomach.  
"I'm getting by." she said, suddenly sober as she nibbled on a bit of toast.  
"It'll be okay," Stella consoled, walking up to her to hug her and Bill at the same time, and I thought I saw Niki smile just a little.  
"Hope so. I really don't like the idea of switching nationalities. I don't know why it makes me uncomfortable. I want to remain Indian." she said in a small voice, and Bill placed a soft kiss on her cheek.  
"We'll get a lawyer and work out the loophole." I said, determined.  
"But it's not just about me now, is it?"  
Everyone's eyes snapped up to look at her. I thought even Bill looked a little shocked.  
Let me explain this way - Niki was a bit of a social activist. In the years I'd known her she'd done a concert with the other girls and with other artists whom she'd convinced to pitch in money for multiple organizations that supported multiple causes each; she'd gone back to her school and organized an annual day program all on her own while Payal had held a small photography workshop and made the kids do a yearly newspaper covering everything from school to city events. She had also been helping with the mentoring program in her school that she had been part of as a student. She actually went for the training camps and helped with the training procedures. She had also held several sex, depression and other such talks and spoken in all of them herself.  
Basically, she loved spreading awareness about such things and helping the world, which had been good for her till today.  
But this time this wouldn't be good for her. No, not at all. And I couldn't digest the thought anyway because this was my homeland in question, and no matter what I did I couldn't think of my Deutschland in a negative way!  
"Please, do not tell me -"  
"Why not? There are so many immigrants living there, so many newly weds, employees, second generation children! All on a visa because Germany isn't their permanent residence! I don't understand why they shouldn't be allowed a fair fight if I am able to do the same, if I can get my way! If Germany isn't stable even after their massive Outsourcing Program that they implemented three years ago, then how are those immigrants to blame? It's really not their fault they are racially discriminated against, that they're denied top posts, or good salaries! If they were given the same they wouldn't stay there, Tom! Germany called in these immigrants, literally invited them there so many years ago! How could the government overlook the fact that some may want to stay back? Did you know the Outsourcing Program has a five year leash before it an be pulled out? It's illegal to implement this legislation text if they are to obey their own laws! I respect where you're coming from, and the fact that this is your homeland we're talking about, but this just isn't done. It's not just about me anymore, this is going to be the fate of thousands of others, and they just don't deserve it."  
No one was looking at her anymore, and the uncomfortable silence that ensued for quite a while was made even more uncomfortable as Bill looked away from her face, his grip on her loosening, his expression shocked.  
And then she huffed, leaving us all there as she walked away from the hold of his arms.  
"Don't even dare to follow me." she warned my brother as he tried to stop her, his eyes slightly moist as he watched her hurt - "Your PLACE is HERE. I don't even know why you're still standing here wishing to marry me, to be honest, if you can't see that this has nothing to do with your country, or race, but everything to do with a race like mine - the relative minority that is being exploited in a world like this Western one."  
And leaving those cold sentences hanging in the air she walked away from all of us too and made her way out the door.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

It had been a week, and neither of them had looked the other fair and square yet. Everyone was now beginning to worry quite a lot - they had never fought this way.  
It had all gotten worse that very afternoon when Bill went after her anyway, albeit after quite a long pause.

"What's the point Bill? Did I EVER mean to disrespect you or your country - no! I have never wanted to do that to anyone else either, and you know that! Now if you did, then you could have said something, if nothing at all, shouting at me like you want to right now is better than your hands slipping away from me like you couldn't stand me being close to you anymore! Do you know how that feels coming from the person I possibly value the most in my life? Don't you see that on top of everything else I'm sick of being the one who's always crying, always the one who you have to fix?"  
He tried pulling her close, tried to make her hear him out: give her a piece of his own mind for a change, but she only pushed him away as she looked up at him, deeply hurt: a tear stained face glazed over with all it's feline ferocity, and he had been so shocked, so guilt-stricken in that moment that he let her go.i/

He sat before me now, having downed another beer in his anger, frustration and pain. Bill hadn't drunk like this for a long time now. He hadn't seen the need to do so with Niki around and in his life - he had wanted to remain sober and have some REAL fun for once. But now that they were so hurt, so far apart, there was nothing stopping him, nothing that could make him see sense - he actually hated alcohol since even before he had ever tried it and his attitude had never changed even after doing the same; it was only allowed to enter his system because he tended to become quite numb then.  
She walked past as I thought of her again now, and I motioned for her to help me take Bill back to the tour bus before paparazzi or fan personnel caught hold of him. She sighed, and reluctantly pulled at his arm, gauging his attention.  
He looked up at her and smiled dazedly, clearly drunk on just three bottles - I had seen worse with him.  
"Niki?" he asked softly, and then attempted to reach up an touch her face. Despite all the anger that she felt for not only him but me and the others too, she let him caress her cheek lightly.  
"Yes my love?" she whispered softly, winding a strong, graceful arm around his waist.  
"Are you really here baby?" he asked her, lost in wonderment as he was.  
She swallowed, shying away from my piercing gaze, and I was sure she was crying again.  
"Yes love I'm right here. Whenever, wherever you want me to be." and her voice sounded small, thick.  
I couldn't believe all of us and our affinity for drama.  
We finally got him into the bed after we had informed everyone, and even though Bill had put up a good fight he agreed to comply the instant she so much as even stroked his head.  
"I really do love you," he whispered, not ready to let go of her hand as she tried to get up. She smiled wistfully at him, stroking from his forehead all the way back along his head once again, and his eyes shut peacefully as he smiled.  
"And I you," she'd whispered softly, and then walked out.  
"Why don't you stay." I called out now, feeling quite guilty and angry at myself and the frustration I felt due to the fact that I didn't know what to do.  
She turned, looking at me blankly before propping herself against the little kitchen table positioned against the window.  
The silence that was present was awkward now, and I filled it up by helping myself to a carton of milk. I surveyed her from where I stood - she hadn't even looked up once, and had been wandering aimlessly even at the club.  
"Hey -"  
"You think he'll want this back?" she asked me as she held up her wedding ring, as if she had been so lost she hadn't heard me at all. My heart hurt as I watched her deteriorate before my own two eyes. I opened my mouth, and then closed it again as I stood there - at a loss for words. In the end I settled for a neutral, unemotional shrug. She sighed, and looked back down again.  
"I just... If this is ending then I want something to remember him by. He's the reason I'm still holding on to my sanity, after all. He's the reason I'm not dying in some hole. He's... I love him, Tom. You think he'll still take me back?" I looked on as she begun to toy with the little object, her eyes feasting on it as her fingers traced every bit of it as if she would be able to memorize the feel of it by the end of the night, as if she could pretend that she felt it there on her hand, as if she knew that tomorrow it would be gone.  
A shaky breath left me at that thought, like I would break too. They had never lasted without each other, they made each other better people - alive people, sane people. Without the other they tended to lose control.  
"You know when he kissed me on that stage tonight, that last closing performance outside the VMA venue, when it started raining, in front of the whole world as we stopped singing? His eyes scared me, Tom. They didn't know what they were saying, and neither did I. I don't know what -" but she didn't seem to have the heart to go on, even though she couldn't see how numb her words were making me, how they were haunting me.  
She sighed again, and then went into the bathroom and shut the door.  
No one came up to us after that. Payal did approach me, burying her head into my double extra large t-shirt, but it didn't seem to bring me the peace it used to.  
"I'm scared." I muttered, laying a hand in her hair. She lifted herself up a little to look at me, her black eyes reflecting my spoken words.  
"So are they, and much more than -" but she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.  
Neither of us spoke to or amongst each other for the rest of the night, everything was solemn and melancholic, and the feeling clawed at my insides and made me even more fidgety than my natural self. I didn't like any of this.  
It was somewhere around daybreak that I attempted to enter the room in the back to check up on my brother once again, but when I neared the door the murmurs behind the wood made me stop.  
"- if this will work if we can't even settle this little argument? Bill, I love you. No one will ever change that. But why oh why did you have to fall in love with me - not a German, not even Christian, not even white skinned, and not even born or brought up in a Western nation? It just-" I heard him cry out in pain as if she was branding him, and then suddenly everything was quiet. I opened the door, allowing just a sliver of the scene to unfold before me.  
As I watched she held his face in her hands, tears slipping down her own face.  
"I'm not saying I don't want this or I don't think we're ready, I'm ASKING you if we are. Because if we aren't and if we hurt each other again that will be the end of me. I just don't want you to think that I have something against you or the country or society you come from, it's not a specific group I'm aiming at, it just isn't. And Bill you can't just try and piece me together every time I'm hurting, sometimes you have to let ME do that! Fix me AND fix you! I can't just -"  
But I already knew he was about to silence her with a kiss, and he did, pulling her closer as he nudged her nose with his own like he loved to. I knew his every mannerism, and I could see he didn't want to think about those things anymore, or ever - that he had decided that if this was the price he had to pay to keep his little piece of happiness, he would pay it, that what she was saying made some sense - everything good can be made worth fighting for.  
"We'll get by, no matter how much it seems like I'm pushing you away, or that you aren't ever going to fit into this crazy, supposedly modern world, no matter how much we fight or for how long - we'll get by mein leben. I don't want to care about your race and upbringing and religion. I want to care about and live for and with YOU." he whispered as she looked at him, her eyes scared, and he kissed them before claiming her lips once again, and I was only listening now with a relieved smile on my face.  
"I'VE got nothing on you baby." and the words sounded like an after-thought to something he seemed to have said earlier.  
And as I walked away to give them some privacy and also inform Payal that we all were going to be okay, I only heard the true love of Bill's life chuckle softly as he kissed her once again and pushed the door shut as he pinned her up against it.  
Maybe it wouldn't be so much of a struggle after all.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three  
"So is this means that we have to be -"  
"Diplomatic, but in such a way that we achieve the role of a beneficiary."  
Bill and I blinked at each other, and then at her - we didn't understand all her flowery language completely even till date.  
She looked back at us in frustration, and shuffled through the official documents for the umpteenth time.  
"You guys... Just let it be I'll manage."  
She huffed nervously.  
"Are you -"  
"Yeah, really, anyway you guys just need to go through that interview thing, and then I handle the hearing with the lawyers so it's okay."  
"I'm staying, thanks." Bill said quickly, and I nodded, resting back against the sofa as I surveyed her doing her work.  
As I watched Bill began to sort out the papers for her.  
"It's quite general really, even the lawyer's just there to help me see through the legislative terms and all of those big words they keep using that are - grammatically - not even applicable to the text they represent." and I thought she sounded disgusted at the end of that sentence. Bill chuckled as he wound an arm around her waist and kissed her softly on her left temple.  
"Oh, and Bill - Simone said that suit you needed for the engagement party? Yeah, it's ready and awaiting trial. She wants you to pick it up from her place by 4:30 max this evening."  
He looked at her, shaking his head, and then huffed. I smirked, knowing what would come next - the complaining.  
"Niki -"  
"Bill, don't bring up the I-don't-know-how-we're-handling-this-situation rant again, please?"  
He looked at her - glared was more like it though, but I'm trying to be nice - and then poked her in the stomach playfully and turned away to swig at his coffee.  
"You know what I hate?" she said crossly as he continued to swig audibly.  
"What?" he said when he was finally done, and I sat up to watch the full time entertainment show begin.  
"You're becoming toned and it's irritating me!" she said, poking him back.  
"Hey! I thought you of all people would approve!"  
"You think? Seriously? You know I hate all that muscle rubbish." she grumbled playfully, and he lifted her up and onto his lap as he placed his hands on her thighs as he winked at me. She swatted his hands away as he tried anything at all, and continued to go through the sheaf of papers. He placed a kiss on her shoulder blade instead, since he couldn't reach up to her face because she was turned the other way round.  
"Bill I just need to get this done right now!" she sighed, standing up and stapling a bunch of the papers out of the many in her hands. She walked away and towards the kitchen, and my brother ran a frustrated hand through his hair once again.  
"I hate all this."  
"It'll be okay," I said mindlessly and quickly - just like the many times from mid-November all the way to mid-February.  
He snorted, and looked up at me cynically.  
"Really? No sex will be okay?"  
I really did sit up now, concerned and humored at the same time. Now wasn't this interesting!  
"Wait, what? No sex at all?"  
"Well every time we're so much as even CLOSE to getting down to it someone interrupts! 'Bill could you help me with this style selection?'. 'Niki could you come out here and help me with the colour patterns please?'. It's maddening!"  
I surveyed him carefully.  
"Wait, so she wants it but -"  
"Everyone keeps interrupting us, yeah. Honestly I can't stop thinking about it every time we're anywhere close to alone. It's like - 'sex', 'sex', 'sex' - it's like a bloody chant in my head!"  
I threw my head back and laughed at his tone and expression, and I thought he looked quite annoyed - with his hands up in the air like a madman.  
"I think you'll be quite okay once the hearing is over." I said through splutters of quite high-pitched guffaws, and he sighed longingly.  
"Don't get my hopes up!" he moaned, throwing his head back in frustration as he crossed his legs obviously and evidently, and the sight made me laugh even harder.  
He narrowed his eyes at me in agitation as I fell to the floor as I continued to guffaw. I saw Niki standing in the doorway with some popcorn in a bowl that rested in her hand, and she looked quite confused. She plopped down after ruffling Bill's hair lightly.  
"What is it?" she asked him as the placed a hand on his chest and stroked a bit. He bit his lip, and was barely able to mutter a "nothing". I laughed some more, and his eyes snapped at me again.  
Today was just too good.  
"Just. Shut. Up."  
I only laughed some more.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

"Alright, plate up everybody!"  
I huffed, unwinding my arm from around my wife, and she snorted at my impatience.  
"You had enough of this last night. Plus, you should be happy food's finally ready!"  
It was two days before the D-day, and everyone seemed excessively jittery - this list evidently including me.  
I walked out to the sight of Bill and Niki eating out of the same play - his arms wound around her waist as she leaned into his frame and held out the fork laden with a healthy scoop of rice.  
"Das ist lecker." he said, licking his lips, and she smiled softly as she continued to look down at the floor. I thought that we had intruded upon them - they seemed to have been heading somewhere else before we walked in.  
As I watched Bill bent and whispered something into her ear once again as he caught her hand in his own. She giggled, attempting to kick him but he only shifted and managed to avoid the blow.  
I shook my head at Payal as she wiggled her eyebrows at me.  
"What's he saying?" I asked Payal. I had long since attuned myself to staying out of Bill's head during these times.  
She giggled the same time as Niki did.  
"You don't want to be tortured my little womanizer." I looked at her, pleading with her with my puppy dog eyes, and she giggled some more. I smirked at her, and she finally spoke.  
"Not telling. But I must say, he's better at this teasing than you are. Very descriptive."  
I thought my jaw would fall off. Or I would puke.  
She just continued to laugh.  
Out of the corner of my eye I saw her disentangle herself from his limbs and place the plate in the sink; he was still watching her every move, but there was nothing but innocent love in his eyes.  
Obviously the same could not be said about his thoughts.

Payal just said you're better than mei/ I thought to him. I saw his lips twitch as if he was resisting laughter.  
So maybe I am. Beat it kid!i/ And this time he actually did turn to smirk and then wink at me.  
I thought Payal would fall out of the chair with the way she was laughing. I stuck my tongue out at him, but this time he laughed too.  
"You're really being a baby about it, Tom." Niki said as she walked back in and propped herself up against my twin brother again. I thought I heard Mutti and my mother-in-law stifling a good laugh from the hall.  
I huffed, sulking, but everyone only laughed harder.  
"Poor boy, what'll happen if I crossed my little line?" she asked, cocking her head to the side as she smirked at me.  
This time Payal did fall down.  
"Hi there!" Niki said as she winked at Gustav as he entered the kitchen. He suppressed a guffaw as he smiled at her.  
Bill smiled softly, obviously remembering the last time she'd done an Alex from Madagascar impersonation just after teasing me.  
"I like this girl." he said softly to her as he kissed her right in front of everyone - a first if you didn't count that he had done that in a surprise impromptu ending in front of the whole world at the closing event of the VMAs.  
Georg smiled slightly as he ruffled the lovebirds' hair as he passed by.  
Niki chuckled softly as my brother let her go, her cheeks having gone a deep maroon in colour.  
"I can't believe you remember that conversation from all those years ago."  
I pretended to puke what with all the mush, but the two if them didn't notice.  
"How could I forget the 'oh here's the lottery! Forgive me I'm a fan!' Or try 'Scream it out loud!'"  
"Scream." they both whispered to each other as the rested their foreheads against each other and giggled - just like they had when she was a seventeen year old who'd found herself backstage with us because he'd rushed into her at a MAC store and found her hot.  
"Okay that just sounds SO wrong!" I exclaimed, completing the quote/memory. They both turned to beam at me, and I smiled back as I winked at them and all their love.


	25. Chapter 25

BILL

Chapter Twenty-Five  
"Bill..."  
"Mhm?" I mumbled as her hair brushed the side of my face again. I pulled her closer to me by the neck, unable to stand the gap between our bodies.  
"Lock the door," she mumbled again as she got up and off me and adjusted her skirt, walking up to the door and locking it softy. It was quite late at night, but we didn't care.  
She turned back towards me, crawling up the length of the bed quietly and leaning on all fours next to me as she kissed me once again.  
"Don't even bother trying to tease me today," she mumbled as I played with her strap that was visible along her shoulder and under the slightly broader strip that was part of her camisole.  
I growled, flipping us, "Not even a bit?"  
She traced and retraced the tattoo at the back of my neck, "No," and her eyes were quite dark and irritated at the same time, "I really will kill you - I'll get up and away. I don't have any patience tonight."  
I huffed, not completely happy, but unable to complain either - we were truly tired of being interrupted.  
Besides her impatience was kind of REALLY sexy.  
She pulled me closer as I continued to kiss her softly, slowly. If I couldn't tease her, then I would stretch this some other way. It was only fair.  
She hummed happily, her hands burying themselves in my hair, making me shiver lightly, but just as I shifted us so as to push this forward there was a loud knock on the door.  
She pushed me away immediately, huffing in agitation and anger. We hadn't even done anything out of the ordinary yet.  
I ran to the bathroom, hoping that my... obvious... 'problem' would... 'settle down' in a few minutes.  
"Be down in a minute or two," I heard her say a little loudly than required after some time. I stood where I was for a second or two, and then opened the door and walked right into one of her warm hugs.  
She wrapped her long arms around my torso, and I let mine go around her's - my hands combing through her hair and proceeding downwards along her spine and resting fleetingly at her waist before curling possessively around her hips. I nibbled lightly on a spot at the side of her neck, unable to resist.  
I chuckled when her grip tightened slightly. "Mine," I whispered playfully in her ear.  
Her hair tumbled softly down her front - swept aside to the right. I smiled at her as i ket her go - even through all my irritation at all the work and worry in our lives right now.  
"I could show you how the wedding dress is coming along tomorrow?" she said, an innocent smile on her face, her tone hopeful, her face still lightly flushed from before as her fingers drew patterns against my chest and occasionally played with the metal piercing present there.  
"Maybe I can rip it off then?" I whispered into her ear, mirroring her expression and tone. She giggled, blushing, and placed a soft kiss on my cheek.  
"Maybe... Maybe not!" and she smirked as she said it while tilting her head to the side a little and looking up at me through her lashes. I smiled at her affectionately, and bent low as I leaned in to kiss her softly. She intertwined her fingers with my own, placing her other hand on my shoulder, and her fingers stroked across the fabric of my t-shirt unconsciously.  
I parted from her, looking down and into her face as I rested my forehead against the bridge of her nose. She smiled, resting her elbows against my shoulders - her fingers reaching up and picking up little locks of my hair and combing through them lightly. I pulled her closer by the waist - effectively leaning into her torso-upwards. Her smile only widened, and she kept looking up into my eyes every now and then as I twirled us slowly on the spot to an imaginary melody.  
"I love you." I whispered, nudging her nose with my own.  
She chuckled lightly, smiling wider than ever, "I love you too, pretty boy. Now let's get down to the hall and to work again."


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

The atmosphere was tense, stuffy, nauseous. I sat before a well polished mahogany desk - gold paint adorning the corners of the top surface, and a miniature national flag adorning the centre. A few photo frames looked away from me, and I couldn't help but think that the deep brown of the wall that stood a little way ahead of me was the exact shade of her eyes.  
"Niki..."  
My gaze drifted to the door by which I had entered - the oak polish blending in with the clean, shining glass window perfectly. She sat there in semi-formal attire as she had been requested to, and looked quite calm; except her eyes, that told a different story altogether.  
As if she heard me murmur her name, she looked up and met my gaze for a second before going back to staring at her legs. Her eyes darted across lines and words that weren't there as she mentally went through everything that she had briefed herself on for the umpteenth time.  
I exhaled shakily, and continued to wait for the official to return and begin questioning me.  
After a long fifteen minutes, the female officer returned, and I stood up to greet her but she waved a dismissive hand firmly as she looked back at me with a cold glare that attempted it's hand at warmth, but failed miserably in all it's fallacy.  
There was a pause, in which the officially clad statue before me unfroze and huffed at the defiance that emanated from my person. She then snapped out of it, shrugging uncaringly, and shuffled through some papers as if to check that everything was in order before she began.  
Presently she spoke,  
"Mr. Kaulitz-Trümper, I hope you understand and realize the consequences of each and every word you speak, I... I'm not supposed to be telling you this, but since - between you and me - I have gotten away with my own marriage with my immigrant husband, I think I am allowed some amount of empathy: everything you tell me about that young lady sitting out there can be twisted against your wishes, every little detail you provide me with on this little recorder -" and she helped the black, professional looking instrument - "will undergo such great levels of scrutiny, and there is nothing I can do about it to help you. This I say as a foreword that you may bear in mind at all times from now till 3 o'clock, which is till when you are required to be seated here." I stared at her from where I sat. I hated her already; I didn't want her empathy - or anyone else's for that matter.  
I just wanted my girl's happiness.  
She shuffled the papers once again, switched on the recorder and spoke into the thing so fast that I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen her lips move.  
And so it began.  
"When was the last time Miss Mehta spoke against or for any legislative text that involved, referred or created innuendoes in regard with anything to do with the Fatherland, and what was this text's stand and what did she thing of it?"  
-x-  
I let out a shaky breath as I burned my tongue as I defied the wrath of the steaming coffee that I held in my hands. The session bad been gruesome, to say the least, and as I had watched every person in our lives that was of the same nationality and origin as I was - German - had been interrogated in regard with Niki and her family in a similar fashion as I was, although Mutti did state that the question hadn't sounded as unreasonable and outrageous as the ones they had asked me.  
The German government now had an account of everything from our sex life to where all the girls and even us boys had our back accounts, investments and such.  
My fists clenched as I thought about how little I could do to protect her dignity. "Niki..." I murmured for the umpteenth time now, staring at the door behind which she had disappeared somewhere between the time during which I was being interrogated. The receptionist - or whatever the woman at the front desk at this government office block was called - had informed me that she had been in for just over three hours.  
Three hours of nothing but grueling briefings - three hours of pure torture.  
I sat there on the comfortable leather seat, unable to concentrate on much but what they were doing to her in there - what mind games they were playing, how they were breaking her heart and soul and everything she believed in with every word they spoke. But then again I tried not to be negative - tried to believe they were as polite with her as they were indecent in their interrogations.  
But it didn't work, and in the end I found myself contemplating as I sat there - the lone figure awaiting hope as I hummed softly.  
Another passed, and then two... three... I had almost fallen asleep despite all the caffeine I had forced into my system.  
At last the door at the side clicked open, and I stood up to greet her, drowning her in my arms, refusing any part of her to undergo any more patience, any more violence. But something was wrong - she stood limp as I held her close, and as I realized this and looked down into her blank, numb face a crisp voice spoke up from the back.  
"Mr. Kaulitz-Trümper you are asked to step away from the woman. She will remain in our hospitality for a further two nights, and has been restricted from any contact with you or your family. This order is only temporary but maybe exercised over time should the outcome of tomorrow and day after's hearing be undesirable. Deportation will follow, and you will have 15 days to act upon this decision. You will be free to apply for a dual passport or a ten year visa, and will be granted the same. However if the outcome be undesirable and you carry on with this option you shall not be permitted to stay in the Fatherland for more than twenty days a month. Miss Mehta may not be permitted more than five of the same."  
And just like that they escorted her away.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

_"Bill...?"_  
_I turned to look at her, continuing to survey the newspaper that lay in my hands out of the corner of my eye. It was quite late at night, and I could hear the snow thud against the bus top in the cold December air._  
_"I wanted to talk to you," she said in a small voice, but I caught a smile curving up the sides of her lips, and so I turned as I put the newspaper down, falling backwards, letting my head hit the cradle of her lap, and her hair shielded our faces from the rest of the world - a velvety coffee curtain that was the strongest protection I could ask for._  
_She smiled at me softly, still a wee bit shy, "Do you remember when I said I wasn't ready?"_  
_I reached up to cup her face in a hand, lost in her eyes, "Yeah, what about it liebe?"_  
_She reached below to trace the outline of my lips, and then stroked down my jaw._  
_"I never told you why."_  
_And then she adjusted herself to flop down on her belly, and her hair cascaded down and upon me, and I smiled as I pushed it away._  
_"Then say."_  
_She kissed me softly, finding it hard to let go, and then smiled as she stroked my forehead - her hands ghosting over my pale skin._  
_"Years ago, a little girl was born. She had a free mind, and from the minute her family set eyes on her they had great expectations from her - possibly even more than from her twin sister. And thus she grew up under the careful care of her family and the comforting shadow of her sister (that most people failed to notice), and her laugh echoed through the house."_  
_"That's you isn't it?" I whispered softly to her, pulling her closer to me as she turned so that we were lying the same way around even though she still hovered above me, and she smiled wider._  
_"Yeah. So then this girl - she was brought up in a society where everyone was supposed to be dignified, but not many people were. You couldn't walk out on the streets in a pair of shorts, people stare at you. But her mother allowed her a portion of that freedom of opinion but also taught her how to blend with this ridiculous society. But only without being a liar of course._  
_"What she didn't realize was that her heart had already adopted some traditions before her mind could process them."_  
_I looked up at her, and even though her eyes dimmed a little, she seemed determined to go on._  
_"So what did she do?" I prompted softly._  
_"She just didn't realize until she met this idiot when she was seventeen and fell in love with him." she whispered, her face suddenly serious even though she smiled teasingly, "She didn't realize that her traditions barred her from experiences before she was legit, before he made her his own, before he married her."_  
_She was looking at me with scared eyes now, and I didn't know what I was feeling as I looked back at her._  
_"What are you trying to say schöne?" I asked her softly, stroking her chin and then tracing over her collar bone lightly._  
_"What I'm trying to say... Is do you know what that girl just did?"_  
_There was a pause as I blinked up at her curiously._  
_"She just gave all that up for you, because she can finally see what she wants. Well, maybe she also sees that she's already got that ring on her finger, but who's looking?"_  
_I looked up into her eyes and chuckled as she looked down into mine and smiled back, and I pulled her closer to me by the neck as she leaned in slowly to kiss me._  
_"I love you." she whispered, as she fell down next to me, and I curled over to kiss her once again as I smiled._  
_"I love you too."_

I gasped, a sob escaping me. I didn't know where she was, I couldn't talk to her, I couldn't do anything. I couldn't think, and I definitely couldn't breathe. When she wasn't around, when I couldn't know if she was going to be okay, if she could get through the day, I didn't know if I could be okay - if I could get through the day.  
I heard someone enter the room, but I couldn't care, couldn't feel.  
"Bill," I automatically looked up - up into the face of my not-anymore-future-mother-in-law.  
"She will be okay. I promise you that."  
I looked carefully into her face - and it didn't help that they both had the exact same eyes.  
"I just," and a tear slipped down again, "I don't even know where she is, or if she's okay or if -" but I couldn't say anymore. I just couldn't.  
"She WILL be okay."  
I shook my head, standing up and moving over to the closet as I grabbed a pack of Menthols and another of Cuban cigars and sneaked them into my pocket.  
"I need some air." I muttered after myself.  
I strode out of the house, moving over to the garage and out the door in the back to face the woods that stood behind the huge house. I hoped I hadn't offended anyone with the way I had ignored their questions, but then as soon as I thought of that little snag I realized I didn't care about anything else in the world except my girl.  
And they had degraded her and I didn't do anything.  
I grabbed a cigarette out of the pack of Menthols, and when I had gone far enough along the forest trail I made a turn to the right and stopped just where I could see the village streets again, and then I took out a cigar and lit it as I threw the cigarette down.  
I breathed out all the smoke as my phone continued to vibrate against my leg.  
I was finally numb, and so was my world.  
"Niki..." I whispered through my umpteenth bout of coughs as I slumped against one of the moss covered tree trunks. I had been a non-smoker for a little over a year now.  
"Where are you?" I asked the tall trees that stood all around me and darkened all of the sky even more than the dense clouds did. Suddenly a big plop greeted me, and as if in answer to my question, the rain begun to bathe me in all it's European gloom. Everything was gloomy when she wasn't around.

_Ich muss durch den monsun_  
_Hinter die welt_  
_Ans ende der zeit_  
_Bis kein regen mehr fällt_  
_Gegen den sturm_  
_Am abgrund entlang_  
_Und wenn ich nicht mehr kann, denk'ich daran_  
_Irgendwann laufen wir zusammen_  
_Durch den monsun, dann wird alles gut._

I huffed as another tear slipped down my cheek.  
"I just want my girl to be happy."


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight  
It had been two days now, and as soon as I had come to my senses and thought of how my relapse would affect her, I stopped smoking, but even then I didn't have the heart to throw away the death-stick packets.  
I sat now in my car - trying to build up the courage to get up and to that hearing, to support her.  
I couldn't even say her name anymore. It hurt too much.  
My fists clenched around the steering wheel, and then unclenched a fraction of a second later.  
"Just do this Billi." I muttered to myself, slipping out the car in one fluid moment as I slammed the door shut behind myself.  
The Berlin air didn't cut through me as much as the screaming fans and paparazzi did.  
"WE'RE WITH YOU BILL!"  
"HEY KAULITZ!"  
"TURN THIS WAY!"  
I gritted my teeth, making my way through the fenced route that had been put up that morning just for us.  
The government had thought it best to declare the legislative text 74685 operative, as well as declaring the hearing public to set an example.  
We obviously knew why.  
I thought my jaw hurt from holding it so taut, but I cared not.  
I entered the airy room, refusing to look into anyone's eyes as I searched for her. The lights were on and seemed to create a claustrophobic environment this gloomy afternoon.  
"She's right there," and someone's finger entered my field of vision as they pointed to her - she sat in a corner, constricted and rigid with shock and fear and pain, and it all shot through me like venom - penetrating my very soul as I watched her curl in on herself all over again.  
Everything we had worked for was going to waste.  
A finger snapped before my eyes, and a second later I recognized Tom's voice, and his arm went over my shoulder - preventing me from doing the obvious: rushing to her side.  
A minute after this exchange we had settled down onto the benches positioned behind the judge and panel. The judge entered and was followed by his jury, and we all rose like automatons - not caring for the man or his high status in society. Some kind of announcement was being made, but I cared not.  
"This hearing is now in order."  
The words I heard after these six were something I wished to forget forever. Everything we had ever wanted to prove wrong was being claimed right right before my eyes. Everything she had stood up for was crushed by that gravelly voice of a man who only cared about what landed in his pocket.  
But as soon as the judge neared the end of his one way conversation, the German Chancellor was announced and ushered into the room.  
All rose, and then sat again as she bid us to. My fists clenched and unclenched again in anger.  
When I asked Tom later on he said everyone thought she looked unwilling and truly sorry.  
"Before we proceed, I ask the jury to stop and think," my anger had dissipated a little as hope rose suddenly in me, "Doesn't this young lady deserve a chance. Now I know that the government has chosen to act and set this as an example for all those residing in the Fatherland, but this order was passed not two days before I rose to office. Thus I sincerely request one and all to give Miss Mehta a chance to speak."  
All eyes seemed riveted onto her now.  
She stood up, sipping carefully on the water that sat before her on the polished oak table. A deep breath was heard leaving her as she tried desperately to muster up enough courage to speak.  
"Forgive my inability to address all jury members and respected Chancellor. I would not know how to do so appropriately." she said in a shaky but loud voice.  
My heart broke again and again at the sound of her voice having gone so weak.  
"I... I have never meant to cause any harm to this world. I am obviously and evidently much smaller than it's many puzzles and tangles. I do not claim to understand anything the way the leaders of today do, but there is one thing I do see quite clearly with my own two eyes." and she paused, seeming much more confident and calm as the Chancellor smiled encouragingly at her. Little did I know that she would be making us a public apology later on in the course of the year on behalf of her officials.  
"I do know that this world consists of humans, and those which always seem to steal," I thought I saw a few members of the jury stir in anger, but she shook her head as if she had not even begun for them to think that she had finished.  
"Man stole fire from Nature. He stole precious power from his God. He even stole the Forbidden Fruit and ate it whole." I smiled suddenly - cynically - at her soft but clear voice that greeted quiet, curious room.  
"Then man created countries and continents, and the men in these stole from each other. Everything was plunder and loot - from wives to gold to thoughts and philosophies to Holy Testaments and languages. Everything tangible and intangible has been stolen. And today this phenomena - this urge to steal - continues, but only in a more orderly fashion. Today these goods that are taken from other countries are called imports, exports, dumped goods, charity, gifts, and the list could seemingly go on. Today we pay for these, but not for the intelligence behind them. You see, we steal people. We steal them to seemingly benefit our world, and it has worked - blueprints are looked into and modified to create better ideas and prototypes for every little thing we see around us, including human behavior!" She took another breather out of nervousness, and presently she begun to speak again to an audience who seemed completely captivated. Tom's smile from next to my own was victorious.  
"So in this ever-changing world, do we want to extricate ourselves from development? Do we want to stop stealing technology and money and values, do we want to stop evolving? I guess what I am trying to say is that these immigrants in your country aren't the problem. The mentality of our whole world, our globe is! If we look closely these 'intruders' want to live their own life and mind their own business, just like us. And maybe if we could provide them with a channel in which to place their trust to do the same we could save everyone. Instead of handpicking them like yellow needles from a golden haystack why don't we try steal their intelligence and help us all prosper? Why don't we position them in jobs in foreign exchange and handling in context with German businesses with these immigrants' respective countries? Why can't we thus clear those many in-house jobs (so to speak) for the natives? Why can't we use them to our own advantage? I guess what it comes down to is this - the future can easily play into our hands, but we are still trying to fuse it with the past and make an enemy out of it, but is that ideology beneficial or destructive? This is not just the juxtaposition achieved by one country, but by most around the world, so why can't this one country who has begun the movement turn catalyst and help increase the growth rate and take us to a greater height? I don't see why not, but of course this one decision rests in all of your expert hands. I'm willing to accept any conclusion you may reach, but I cannot speak for the uncertain world who may or may not agree with the respected jury that sits before me. That is something all of you shall see better than I ever can."  
I sat back, smirking as I caught the reaction of each and every one of the jury members, the judge, and finally the Chancellor - who gave me a satisfied and assuring nod. Obviously the underlying threat in her words hadn't gone amiss.  
My heart wasn't breaking anymore, even though it hadn't repaired completely.  
Presently the Chancellor rose the same time as the love of my life sat down,  
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury and parliament, a very valid point has been put forth before court. I urge you to discuss and act upon it. Thank you Miss Mehta."  
I thought the judge looked quite hassled, and as I watched my girl turned and gave me a tiny, tentative smile.  
"You were brilliant." I mouthed as I gazed back at her - my eyes feasting on her face, her everything, and her smile turned into a wide smirk, and I chuckled for the first time in three days.  
"Court is temporarily adjourned till three this afternoon. The jury will now debate till lunch."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine  
"You didn't have to shove yourself with smoke to feel better you know! Those things got the nickname 'death-sticks' for a reason!" and I felt suddenly irritated, my grip on her waist tightening a little before I realized that I might hurt her.  
"Bill," she said softly, and I looked into her face once again as I picked up the spoon on our plate and helped myself to another bite of Chinese take out.  
"What?" I asked her, pissed off.  
"I know you don't like being made to do things, but that's the one thing only. I don't want you getting some kind of cancer in today's terminal-disease-filled world." I blinked at her, still irritated, not buying any of it.  
"Besides you taste and smell horrible when you smoke." she added brightly, and I cracked up without a second thought.  
I thought Tom seemed baffled as he watched us from afar.  
"What?" I asked him as Niki reached out to grab a bite from the plate.  
"How do you DO it?"  
I turned to look at Niki, who had just choked on her morsel of food as she laughed. She gulped down a bit of water, and then continued to giggle as I nudged her nose against mine affectionately, refusing to let her go.  
"Well Tom, if you really want to do it you can just ask your wife, I mean, you must have had plenty of -"  
"Oh. My. God!" I screeched the same time my brother did, and she only laughed harder as I pulled away from her a little, disgusted at her train of thought.  
"But, seriously, how?" he tried again as she calmed down, and she spluttered between another, more short-lived bout of giggles.  
"Honestly...?" she said softly as her eyes darted to me before turning back, and I smiled as I gave her a gentle squeeze, "It's more like you just tend to not care for the world when -"  
"When you see each other." I completed for her, and she smiled too as she looked down to hide her blazing cheeks.  
I thought I saw Tom trying to pretend like he was about to hurl and rolled my eyes at his silliness, which only caused him to smirk at me as he played with his wife's hair - tugging at it to bug her. I laughed at them.  
"I missed you," I heard the beautiful woman in my arms murmur to me nonchalantly as she tried to avoid everyone else. I put the plate away as I wound my other arm around her as well.  
"You drove me nuts, you know? More than you usually do when you aren't okay. I really need to exercise some control over my emotions. But I guess it's not going to work any time soon."  
She looked down, smiling a slight, bittersweet smile at the softness in my voice, and I placed a soft kiss on her cheek and then nudged her nose against my own.  
"Oi! Lovebirds! Cut it out!" I chuckled at Tom as we pulled away from each other slowly. She looked at me as if begging for some privacy, and I smirked in response as I whipped my cell out.  
Bis später. Geh zu deine Zimmer jetzt ;)  
A few seconds later Tom smirked slyly at me as he grumbled about some schnitzel and coffee and dragged Payal out of the room.  
I stood in front of the door, pushing it shut with a gentle click. As I turned a pair of arms wound around my torso as a head came to rest gently against my chest.  
"I'm sorry for letting you go through this," she whispered - not as hurt as before but yet stinging a little.  
I pulled her in, leaving little or no space between us as I soaked her in.  
"I hadn't comprehended how dysfunctional I can get when you aren't there." I responded quietly. She looked up to fix me with her frowning gaze, and I raised a questioning eyebrow at her misplaced expression.  
"Completely out of the context, but you aren't using that word right - 'comprehended'. That isn't grammatically correct at all." she said in a contemplative tone.  
And just like that, we snapped out of it as I frowned back and stuck my tongue out at her, and she kissed me out of pure temptation for just a moment before resting her head against my chest once again.  
"I just want to stay like this for sometime - just you and me. I'm still... shaken. Cried myself to sleep the last two nights." she admitted in a small voice, well aware of the fact that this was the part that I had been dreading, the part that would pinch me.  
My face set into a grimace at the thought.  
"I can't promise that that won't happen for forever, but I can promise it won't be happening any time soon." I said as I let my hands rest against the curve of her waist, stroking the spot slightly with a little flex of all my fingers as I looked confidently into her nervous eyes, and she instantly relaxed, seemingly because I hadn't thrown a screechy fit like I usually did when anything that I didn't like would happen.  
She looked to the side, and then back at me - smiling mischievously, letting her arms wind around my neck slowly as she stood on her toes to kiss me. I locked my arms around her as I lifted her into the air.  
"I'm going to take a little nap now, wake me when it's 2:40?" she whispered, and I kissed her again as I half nodded, and she chuckled as one of her hands knotted in my hair. I carried her over to the huge, king-sized bed, and lay her down as I continued to kiss her. She loosened her grip on me as her head hit the pillows, and we looked on at each other for a minute or two as we parted.  
"Goodnight," she mumbled sleepily as her hand ghosted over my face just the way I liked it. I shut my eyes as her fingers moved over them, and then opened them again - smiling softly all the while.  
"Nacht mein leben."  
-x-  
I had been sitting there, stroking through her hair unconsciously as I watched Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother say something adorably cheesy to his new girlfriend when the alarm on my cell beeped softly. Snapping out of my boredom, I switched the alarm off, and then shook her gently where she lay - smothered under the covers.  
She stirred lightly, "Hmmm?" she muttered, seemingly confused as her eyes darted around the dimly lit suite, and I looked down as I smiled softly at her. I had missed this, missed her waking up next to me, her glowing face and befuddled eyes.  
She frowned at my affectionate gaze like she always did and then swung her legs over the edge of the bed as she stood up and stretched. She grabbed a bottle of Listrene and poured some into her mouth as she walked over to the bathroom.  
She stood there, playing with her hair as though she'd given up on it, and I chuckled as I followed her in, wrapping my arms around her waist as I kissed up the side if her neck softly and then back down as she hummed, her eyes snapping shut temptingly. My head finally came to rest on her shoulder, fitting snugly against her slanting jaw and the crook of her neck. She tilted her head to the other side, letting all her hair cascade down against her arm. Humming softly, we surveyed ourselves in the mirror, and she reached back to clear the hair from my forehead.  
"I want you to promise me something," she said suddenly, her voice neutral.  
I froze, I knew that tone.  
"What?" I asked carefully. She extricated herself from my arms and stood with her back facing me, her head bent and shielded by her hair.  
"If this ends badly," and then she looked up at me with conviction in her eyes, "If this ends badly, you're not going to come after me to LA."  
I walked up to her, heart hurting, but I wouldn't listen this time.  
"I can't promise you that." I said, my voice curt as I turned her the other way to face me and pulled her into me. "And don't bother trying to convince me otherwise because I. Love. You." I said as I covered the distance between us in the same rhythm in which I had broken down those three words into a sentence, and even though she looked torn between letting me continue and interrupting me with her own argument a smile curved up her full lips. "And I can't live without you, you've seen it and heard of it; and if you make me then I just can't ever be happy again. I bet you'd hate that."  
She looked straight into my eyes, avoiding even a single blink, and then sighed.  
"I just can't have you separated from some place you're so attached to even though a handful of it's people gave you Hell when you were younger. You love Germany. It's where you were born, where you grew up." she said as she buried a hand in my hair listlessly. "If I have the option to avoid something like that, then why don't you?"  
"Maybe because I had so many other options in my life that you didn't." I said as I shrugged carelessly. What she was saying - it didn't bother me. My world was not and would never be centered around one country, no matter what it had given me.  
She continued to stare at me, and then shrugged nonchalantly as well.  
"I guess I'm not meant to understand life as much as I'm supposed to live it."  
"Well you understand it better than I do, so you can't get extra credit all the time." I said in complete honesty as I smiled at her, and she smirked back.  
"Shut up."  
I threw my head back and laughed at her.  
"Not so modest, are we?" I said as I turned her around once again and grabbed a brush and began to comb through her soft, wavy hair, parting it carefully so that it would sit the same way for a longer period of time.  
"Merci," she said softly as she looked at me in the mirror, and I flashed her a quick smile as I grabbed her hand and rushed us out the door.  
Outside the hotel we were greeted by a great ruckus - fans screaming everywhere as they tried in vain to support as, paparazzi flashing in our faces as they tried to make us look like the most distressed couple in the world. I had already put my shades on, and so had Niki, and I wound my arm around her waist as Saki placed an arm around the both of us and guided us through.  
"I think they need to understand just one word," he muttered irritably, and I smiled wistfully and knowingly at him as he frowned at them all, "Patience."  
"I don't think that's happening soon." Niki said from my other side as she looked around for a way out and nodded to Saki suggestively as she found one. He huffed pulling us through, and as soon as we reached the back of the government office block we felt a little safer. At this point Saki had already pushed us into the right door and called after us to run as he blocked the fans.  
"What did the news channels say about the hearing, do you have any idea?" Niki asked me warily as she grabbed me by the elbow and walked me through the corridors. Her lawyer met us half way through, and together we ran to the courtroom - if we didn't get to it soon we would be late.  
"They were all mostly supportive and interviewed a lot of people who shared the same view. Apparently your little speech leaked out somehow and now the UN feels the need to recruit people like you from the entertainment industry to inspire everyone across the globe." I narrated, condensing all that I had seen on the news today during her little nap.  
She laughed half-heartedly, satirically, "Brilliant. That's good for us. More pressure on the jury."  
Abruptly, we came to a halt, and I tumbled into her just as she let my arm go. An usher held the door open for us, and we more scrambled inside than anything else.  
"All rise for the Judge Brokowich!"  
We breathed a shaky sigh of relief.

****


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty  
The briefing begun again, and then there was a two minute speech from each of the many jury members that were present.  
"We believe the court has reached a decision, but first I ask Mr. Kaulitz-Trümper to stand up and answer this jury's last question."  
I felt all eyes in me as I rose out of my seat and faced the panel.  
"Do you have faith in this woman?" the most elderly of them all questioned me in her reverberating voice; there was some form of kindness in her eyes, a compassion that made me even more confident than I already was.  
"Words cannot express how much I do, respected jury members and Chancellor. The lengths to which I do believe in her would clearly surpass me." I said calmly, and took my place once again only to receive a clap on the back from Georg and Tom each. Andi smirked at me from the other end and I winked back as the warmth rushed through - we had a great family and so many friends to get us through this.  
"Then the jury has come to a firm decision."  
My eyes snapped back up immediately, my feelings crashing with my thoughts in a huge tidal wave that convulsed around my heart and spewed adrenaline all over me.  
"Although this legislative text was placed in action, not all jury and parliament members agree with it, and thus with their consent Miss Mehta is granted permission for a visa or dual passport as is deemed fit by Indian laws."  
A gasp went around through the audience.  
"This case is now declared closed, although another has been petitioned by the jury to revise and/or ban the existence of legislative text 74685. All those of nationality German wishing to sign may please do so at the very end. The court is now adjourned."  
But I wasn't listening anymore, I wasn't thinking as I reached forward and ran through the isles, and caught her in my arms, and then the both of us were being smothered by a lot of others in quite a tangle of a group hug. I thought I saw a tear stream down Mutti's cheek, and I laughed as Gordon wiped it away. As we all broke out into little groups I pulled Tom and Payal with me - my girl wound safely in my arms as always.  
"Where are we going?" she asked presently.  
I smiled as I walked us to the very front of the room.  
"We have a petition to sign."  
As soon as we were done signing a hand tugged on my arm, and I turned around to look into a far more mature pair of brown eyes - my future mother-in-law smiling at me from next to my own mother.  
"Time to go home." she said comfortingly, and I reached out and hugged her, and she patted my back dismissively in reply to my whispered thank you.  
We fell asleep in a big tangled mess on the back seat of the large SUV - Zoë, Adam, Tom, Tanz, Payal, Twisha, Geo, Stella, Gustavo and my girl and me, and I pulled her closer to me as we hogged the great big pile of covers that Andi had dumped in the back when he had arrived this morning.  
Her breath tickled me lightly, but after the rain and the tension the warmth was as welcome as a nice big bowl filled up with cornflakes.  
And as she snuggled closer to me, our heads hitting Tanz's on the side everybody mumbled a sleepy goodnight and slipped under.  
"Psst, Bill!" I heard Tanz say the minute she had assured that Niki was deep under.  
"Yeah?" I asked her, smiling even though my head was resting in the other direction.  
"Maybe this will be really amazing. Like I told you it would be." I chuckled softly, a hand slipping away from around the love of my life as I hunted for the slightly tinted fingers that belonged to my sister, and when I found them I squeezed lightly.  
"If all of you - especially you - wouldn't have made me see sense. I would never be here."  
I could feel her shaking her head as she heard my whispered words.  
"Nah... I think you would have been wrapped right around her finger eventually anyway."


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One  
"Hmmm," she mumbled softly as she wound her arms around me once again, her one leg sandwiched between both of my mine. I smirked and then kissed her again as she lay there - warm and sleepy in my arms.  
"I don't want to get up so early!" she said, irritated once again as the alarm on the side came out of it's snooze mode again. I laughed a little, and then rolled over to switch of the damn thing permanently.  
"It's two in the afternoon. We've been sleeping for over 24 hours." I said, unable to keep the euphoria out of my voice; I still hadn't gotten over how easily we had won this, so quickly.  
"Oh pshh!" she whispered, and then buried her head in my chest once again. And we were quiet for a while - my hand playing with her long brown hair as my eyes stared off into space as the curtained window zoomed out of focus. Her finger reached out to flip the little piercing on my chest this way and that in a continuing rhythm, and I hummed objectively, and so she stopped.  
"Ever feel like you never want to go out and face the world again?" she asked softly, and I smiled sadly as I zoned back in and stared at the light streaming through the window. My old bed at Mutti's place wasn't big, and we weren't actually supposed to have shared it, but this one time the parents had chosen to give us free reign, possibly because of how shaken we still were.  
"More often than not," I replied, my voice having shrunk to a whisper - same as her's.  
She adjusted herself against me, placing a kiss at the exact spot below which my heart beat wildly.  
"Well today's my day to feel like that," and her hand rested against my chest as she looked down at the little white strip of bed-sheet that was the only space left between us. I lifted her face up with a finger.  
"We knew we'd have to deal with this when we took this path." and she looked back into my eyes - just looking at me for a long time, and then nodded: a short bob of her head.  
"Then we just deal? I think it's better when I have you. Then I don't feel like I'm going crazy," she said thoughtfully, and I smiled sleepily.  
"I know exactly what you mean," I whispered as I looked down at her and brushed some of the her hair away from our faces. She smiled back.  
"I still remember the first time I visited your place." I smirked, it was one of her favorite tales to tell, even though she never mentioned to an audience that consisted of anyone else but me.  
"You literally checked if the door was locked and the curtains pulled down, like, twenty times each." and a laugh was evident in her voice. I stuck my tongue out at her, but then leaned in to place a peck on her cheek. She was the one who had saved me from all of that, had pulled me out of my paranoia and made me ME again. She giggled as my nose glided along her neck and into her hair, tickling her.  
"Paranoid little puppy? Scared kitten?" she contemplated, and my smirk only got wider as I made my way deeper in - having reached the back of her neck, "What had she called you?"  
"A confusion of both. Something along the lines of a cross between the two." i mumbled as I placed a soft but rather wet kiss on the skin there and pulled away. She smirked now, looking up at me with mischief glinting in her eyes.  
"You definitely are not LITTLE," she murmured as she leaned in to kiss me, but I didn't let her get far - pulling her up and sitting her down. She huffed agitatedly, and I laughed at the childish expression.  
"C'mon now. I'm hungry."  
Downstairs there seemed to be nobody.  
"What would you like for lunch, sire?" Niki asked me as she turned around to face me in the kitchen and curtsied. I smirked at her, jutting my hip out to one side as I pretended to think, and she giggled lightly as she kept up the façade and waited for my reply.  
"Hmmm...? I'm not sure, dear, maybe you could check the FRIDGE?" I asked her as I feigned irritation, and she stuck her tongue out at me - evidently having taken me seriously. I sighed, moving forward to wrap an arm around her waist, but she swatted it away, and turned around with her eyes closed and an air tight box full of vegetarian gravy in her hands - her lips moving as if she were counting backwards. And then as she opened her eyes she had settled down once again. I looked onward at her, slightly shocked at her quick recovery.  
"You're getting better at this anger management thing?" I asked, still baffled. Niki and I were both known to have quite the temper.  
She shrugged nonchalantly, "Trying. Thought I should finally give it a try."  
"Unbelievable," I muttered as she poured the contents from the box into two soup bowls and placed them in the microwave by the side. She mimed someone blabbing rubbish with her hands as she heard me, and I chuckled as I watched her take out some rice and wash it in a bowl.  
"Do you want bread or rice?" she asked me as she continued to clean the grains with her hands.  
"Euhm..." I thought for a bit, and then made up my mind about the rice. "Rice please!"  
She flashed me a quick smile before adding some more of the white grains to the bowl and washed again. She strained everything off in the sink before washing once again, and then strained for the second time. As she placed the rice on the boil I stumbled my way into the hall. I switched on the television, but soon switched it off: I wasn't a soap opera kind of guy anyway.  
"Bill! Food's ready!" she called, and I hopped up and to the kitchen, following the smell of garlic and soy. She was already seated there, a plate placed before her and another before me, and I frowned at them.  
"Could've just piled everything in one plate!" I exclaimed irritably, and she looked up at me like I could never see sense and like she had given up.  
"THAT would get a little difficult across the table don't you think?"  
I resisted pointing out that she could have easily sat next to me, knowing fully well that she never liked doing that when there was a table involved along with food.  
I shrugged as I sat down and began to eat hungrily. It wasn't long before I was done, and I cleared the plates and put them in the sink before lifting her up in my arms bridal style, carrying her up the stairs and dropping her onto the bed. The house was quiet, and her giggles reverberated everywhere as I whispered sweet nothings into her ear in between little kisses.  
"Time for you to head for a bath," she half-giggled half-whispered at me, and I smirked slyly.  
"Are you suggesting I should just take you with me?" I whispered to her as I tickled her lightly, and she giggled again, her eyes crinkling up like they did every time.  
"No that's not what I suggested," she whispered as I continued to tickle her, sitting there on her hips.  
"Then what?" I asked her teasingly as I poked her once again.  
"Nothing -" she giggled again - "it's just your overly imaginative mind Billi."  
I pouted, playing innocent, and pretended to think as I stood up and grabbed a loose track suit from the corner as my outfit for the day.  
"Yeah, I guess the parents wouldn't appreciate it if we made too much noise and got the whole place wet." she chuckled - her eyes shut now as she curled in over herself, still feeling giggle-ish from all my tickling.  
"And I also have to try out the wedding dress today." another giggle, "Audrey made some alterations and brought it with her; she's on her way here in a bus, with Em." another giggle left her full lips, and I cupped her face in a hand as I smiled at her and kissed her as she continued to giggle.  
"My silly little fiancé."  
Her eyes snapped to fix with me a frown, and she nibbled on my lower lip in disagreement.  
"I am neither silly nor little!" she said childishly, clearly not out of her sleepy daze.  
I raised an eyebrow at her questioningly, "Yeah. You're just drunk on your man!"  
She giggled some more, "THAT sounds WRONG!"  
I scrunched up my face in disgust, "EW,"  
She only continued to point and laugh.  
An hour later we were sitting there on the floor, leaning against the little closet as we continued to talk - playing little games that we usually did whenever we couldn't think of anything to say to each other.  
"What about... Water?"  
"Water? How do I relate anything to water?" I asked her, wondering why she would ask me that. She shrugged.  
"When I think of water all that comes to my mind is the word 'relax' - like 'relaxing'."  
"Well I don't have a word for water." I replied, dumb founded at how well she played the game.  
"Okay, it's your turn," she said, turning to me a little, waiting for her word.  
I looked at her, suddenly knowing what I want to ask.  
"Alright," I said slowly, and she continued to wait, "Me."  
At first she blinked, and then confusion painted her face in a frown.  
"Like, YOU me, or ME me?"  
I resisted a smile.  
"Me," I said, pointing to myself, and as soon as she heard it she looked down, her hair curtaining her face once again. She look back up at me a second later, her eyes expressing too many things in one go for me to describe or understand how she felt.  
"What about you?" she asked in a soft voice.  
"Whatever comes to mind." I said, shrugging as I resisted pulling her into me and kissing her again.  
She shook her head, looking down again, and begun to play with her fingers - unsure of what to say.  
"Bill..." she said out loud in a contemplative tone - lifting her head and resting it against the wood of the closet.  
"Too many things come to mind to just name one!" she exclaimed after a while. Unable to resist, I wound an arm around her, pulling her closer to me, and she rested her forehead against mine as I turned us so that we were facing each other, our sides barely touching the closet anymore. We sat there like that for a while - and her expression hadn't shifted one bit.  
"Give me your hand," she said presently, reaching for my fingers, and I extended my arm - palm up so that she could pick it up easily.  
"Not like this," she said, and then flipped my hand over and rested my elbow on her knee as she lay her hand on top of my own and interlinked her fingers with mine so that on one side was my palm, and on the other side her brown fingers: bony knuckles and all.  
"Close your eyes," she whispered as she performed the action herself, and as if I was under her spell I complied.  
Slowly, she raised our hands fused as one.  
"Experience what you feel," she whispered, and I held my breath as I felt the air against the skin of my palm in the quiet room. I could hear her breathing, and a second later her breath against my own skin.  
It was a while, and we stayed the way we were, our eyes shut, an arm each in the air. Then she brought our limbs down, resting them between us as if they were a lit candle at a dinner table.  
"That's what comes to mind every time anyone takes your name." she whispered, and I opened my eyes to see her's open too as she looked onward at me - the indescribable expression still firmly in place.  
"I feel everything around me. I feel the world. Like I'm alive." she whispered in continuation.  
I let out a shaky breath, unable to completely digest how it felt to be her.  
"I didn't mean to freak you out," and her voice was still barely a whisper as her hand ghosted over my face, and I shook my head.  
"That's not it," I whispered back as I moved closer to her and looked into her beautiful brown eyes, unable to decode her even after all these years. "I just can't process it all in one go so easily,"  
"It runs too deep," she added as if to explain why I felt the way I did. And I closed my eyes again as she crawled closer on her hands and knees.  
She kissed me softly - the softest, shortest, lightest, most gentle kiss I'd ever known, and I continued to keep my eyes closed - not feeling the need to touch her at all, as if she was running through me and I through her; she parted from me slowly and sat back.  
"Hats off to you for fixing me," and I could hear the happy tears in her voice - tears that had not yet spilled down her cheeks but were residing in her sweet voice.  
I smiled softly, wanting to say the same - but it hung like an afterthought in the air and I knew she could feel it.  
And when I opened my eyes after a while she had slipped out silently for a bath.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two  
"Mmm... This doesn't fit very well mum." I said, turning around completely in the mirrored room of her little workshop so as to observe every angle. This time round - and unlike Tom - I had decided I wouldn't be going in for any designer clothes; not only did I want to attach as much of us and our families to this wedding, I also didn't want the media going crazy over our closet and venue and God only knows what else.  
"Okay..." and she added a few pins here and there as I closed my eyes out of my fear of getting pricked. I hated those tiny little wounds; they always hurt the most.  
"How about now?" she asked me as she stood behind me. I smiled at her, happy with the outcome.  
"Much better." she smiled at me, her eyes welling up with tears, and I rolled my eyes.  
"Gott Mutti, was ist es? Halt deine Weinst jetzt!"  
And she giggled and punched my shoulder as kissed her on the cheek and slipped out of the tux she was fixing up along with Audrey.  
Speaking of Audrey - "NIKI!"  
And I laughed as I heard the latter wail in irritation.  
"I CAN'T HELP IT IF YOU KEEP POKING ME WITH THAT GODDAMNED PIN AUDS!"  
I smirked, "Maybe I should go in and help," I muttered, completely forgetting the moms were right in front of me. Mutti stared at me, shocked, and then hit me upside the head.  
"Bill! What kind of thoughts are you entertaining?" but I laughed it off as a joke even though my head screamed otherwise. I turned to see Mom sitting in the corner resisting a good laugh, and I chuckled at her expression.  
"What did you expect from the boy Simone?" she asked jokingly, and I only laughed harder as Mutti glared at me.  
I was soon relieved from the company of everyone else, and I chose to wander around the front of the little shop instead. I couldn't have stepped out - there would always be a fan or two or some paparazzi that would invade the little village.  
I sat down at the front desk, staring at the sheaf of papers before me before it struck me that these were the wedding designs. I smiled; I had seen enough of Niki's sketches to know this was mostly her handiwork with an altering hand that belonged to Auds. I could hear them somewhere in the back - chatting at each other in whispers and giggling occasionally.  
I picked up the first paper. It looked like the bridesmaids' dresses - gold gossamer with hints of satin that criss-crossed around the back to form a set of geometrical patterns, the dress finished off with a gold-tinged white flair sillhoutte and a simple but intricately worked in bust. I shook my head - typical of Niki, and yet adequate and beautiful in all the simplicity. There was some satin ribbon and cloth stapled to the design, along with a tiny bag of white and gold sequences, thin metal strips and even fine white net. I wondered what they were going to do with it.  
I flipped over to the next one - the Maid of Honor. Unlike the balance of gold and white in the previous design, this one contained a sprinkle of a slightly dull silver, and even of gold. There was the slightest hint of a trail, and a carefully creased hood. There was a lot of fine gossamer involved - stapled right on top of some white satin, that carried a light blue sheen, and a little bit of silk. A little string of pearly white and silver beads tumbled from one side, weighing the paper down quite a bit. I thought I noticed a big plastic bag on the side full of silver, gold and some other blue metal wire. Thoroughly confused, I begun to flip through the rest, but a hand reached out and snatched everything away.  
I looked up, and right into that beautiful face, and she smiled back at me mischievously as she rested her face in her hands - her hair tumbling around her face angelically - a brown, wavy halo.  
"Mum got some of my stuff over from back home. We need to go get it. C'mon."  
She pulled me up to my feet, waving at the mums on the other side of the glass. I flashed them a confused look, and they just gave me a dismissive wave.  
"Where the hell are we going?" I asked her as she dragged me out to the car and I unlocked it and sat us in.  
"Where do you THINK we're going? I just told you! We need to get to the your place, mum forgot Simone's address!"  
I started the car, shaking my head at her, and hit the pedal and raced forward.  
"You really shouldn't do that." she muttered, startled, and I smirked.  
"It's a free country, and this is a dumb village. Big deal!"  
Her turn to shake her head.  
Two minutes later I pulled into the garage of my little home-sweet-home, and there on the front lawn sat two huge cartons - waiting to be dragged in by two skinny people.  
We gaped at them, and then looked at each other and laughed a bit before returning to the gaping.  
"Okay, she said she got a few of my old kid things. I -"  
"- don't think that counts as few? Yeah, bang on!" I muttered as we got out the car; I nodded at the man at the gate, and he shut the gate that stood tall and sturdy - a huge protection from paparazzi and inquisitive stalkers.  
We strode forward on the cold grass - it was absurdly chilly and rainy for March - and faced the two huge boxes squarely.  
"Okay..." she said slowly, and then brightened up, "You take that side, and I take this one. On the count of three. One... Two... Three!" we both huffed audibly as we picked up the huge carton and dragged it just a little above the ground.  
"Fuck." I muttered out of pure aggravation. My hands would be killing me inside the warmth of the house.  
We dragged the thing over and into the garage, almost throwing it onto the ground, and we stood there, huffing and puffing - little steam clouds forming before put faces. We stood there for a while, just staring at the dumb carton.  
"What in HELL'S NAME is in that bloody thing?" she exclaimed after a while, and I shook my head, clueless.  
But just as she said it the unthinkable happened.  
At first it was just one big, audible iplop!/i, but then the sky darkened as if the Apocalypse would be down on us any second.  
We both blinked at each other, staring out at the box that lay in the open.  
"Oh shit."  
Running out together, we managed to drag the huge thing across the lawn and into the musty garage, getting soaked in the process, and we shivered as we huddled together near the little door that would lead to the house.  
I pressed the switch on the side, and the garage door groaned a little as it shut slowly, leaving us in complete darkness.  
"Bill!" she mewed, clinging to me suddenly, her hair hitting me this way and that as she looked around in complete paranoia - still as afraid of the dark as ever. I rubbed her shoulder comfortingly, and she calmed down a little as the buried her face in my jacket.  
"C-c-can we g-get in b-b-before I free-eze?"  
I smiled at her, shivering a little myself as I unlocked and led us through the door and into the house, and it was suddenly warm on the inside.  
I switched on a light or two, and her grip on me loosened immediately. I grabbed her hand, knowing she was too cold to be capable of any kind of reaction, and dragged her over to my room by the side as I pulled out the loosest shirt and tracks that I had. I shoved her into the bathroom, throwing the clothes at her as I pulled out the towel from the cabinet, and she mumbled something inaudible as she shut the door.  
I sat there on the bed, drying myself and getting up and changing, and I wondered what was taking her so long. As if to answer my unheard question her voice called out to me from the other side of the door.  
"Bill?"  
"What?" I said as I turned to face the door.  
"I don't fit into your clothes," she muttered, embarrassed, and I raised an eyebrow quizzically - a tad bit of irritation coloring me at the thought, and I had to control myself.  
"I'll... Get you some of Payal's?"  
"She's not my size. I'm smaller than her, but our body shapes are different." she called back.  
I huffed, not liking the only way out.  
"Fine. Wait then."  
Five minutes later saw the love of my life walk out of the bathroom in an extra loose pair of jeans and an even more loose t-shirt.  
"I hate Tom's clothes!" she grumbled as she adjusted the tee and rolled up the huge sleeves. She practically floated in the clothes.  
"It's the closest thing he has to form-fitting." I muttered dully, "Not like I love him a lot right now either," I added as an afterthought, but she heard me and looked up at me questioningly for a second before understanding trickled in.  
"You don't like me wearing his clothes so much, do you?" she whispered to me as she snaked her arms tantalizingly around my neck. I growled as I grabbed her waist.  
"Maybe I really should gain weight," I said as I pulled her closer. I couldn't stand his clothes on her one bit, the image in my head had been something else entirely.  
She chuckled as she looked up at me, and I huffed, irritated, until she leaned in closer to me.  
But before I could pull her closer and into me, she pulled away, laughing as she stumbled out of the room, through the house and into the garage. I huffed as I went after her, unable to take the tease any longer. Today I would have my way, I didn't care how. Today nobody would tell me otherwise.  
I opened the door to the garage and found her seated on the floor, cross-legged, as she pulled out each childhood memory and looked at it carefully before going over to the next one. But in that moment impatience was getting the better of me. I picked her up by the waist as soon as she noticed me there, turning her around to face me. She locked her legs around me to prevent her from falling, and her arms wound back around my neck to balance us. I knew my eyes were dark - dark enough that she shied away from my gaze. I leaned forward and buried a hand in her hair, tugging softly at the locks and freeing them of the clip she had put them in as my hand braided deeper. She dared a glance at me before looking back down and biting her lip as she blushed.  
I extricated my hand, but only to lift her face up, "I don't think you were done talking in there," I murmured into her ear, my voice slightly husky, and she smirked, finally meeting my gaze.  
"No. I wasn't. I had one last suggestion; it's better than you gaining weight."  
I growled again as I walked us into the hall and set her against the kitchen platform, and her smirk only widened as a wet strand of her hair tumbled onto her face. She brushed it aside before locking her fingers at the back of my neck.  
"Maybe you could just rip Tom's clothes off of me,"  
I cussed in impatience, having reached breaking point, my body waiting only for that one order to pull her in completely as she reached forward to kiss me as hungrily as I did her. I stumbled backwards a little, losing my balance from all the force, but smiled anyway as I thought of where this was headed.  
"I think that's a good idea," I murmured as I walked us backwards and into the bedroom, but she unlocked her legs from around me and alighted gracefully onto the floor as she pulled my hands further around her, pulling me down as she continued to kiss me like she'd never, ever kissed me before.  
But just as things started to go down the NC-17 road the bell rung.  
She pulled away from my lips, torn between ignoring whoever stood outside and letting the same in.  
"Don't-" I muttered, and it seemed she only needed that one word to pull me down again.  
But the damn bell rung even more impatiently now than ever.  
She huffed and pushed me away completely as she adjusted herself and her attire. She stood there for a minute, angry and irritated - upset with the interruptions even more than I was.  
"Oi!" and Tom's voice greeted us through the little speaker system in the kitchen. "We're still out here in the bloody rain, open the door!"  
She looked up at me guiltily, and then sighed and walked away as I tried to reach out for her.  
"Coming!" she called - her voice still shaky - as she walked over to the front door, and keeping a hand before her face to avoid the spray of rain she opened it and stood aside to let my brother and Payal in.  
I wonder why the hell I still share the house with them, and thank GOD for loose shorts.  
I grabbed her hand, pulling her into me as Tom wondered - shocked - as to why Niki stood in there in his clothes.  
"She didn't fit into mine." I said quietly, and I felt her smirk as I rested my head in the crook of her neck.  
Tom snorted idiotically, "How come? And not into Payal's clothes either?"  
"She's not flat, and we're not the same body shape!" both the girls shouted irritably, and I chuckled, settling for a kiss on her cheek.  
Tom sighed, clearly ticked off.  
"Not like I want to stay in your clothes for long anyway!" she called at him, and I smirked at the irritation and impatience in her voice as I looked away.  
At least she'd gotten that right. 


	33. Chapter 33

NIKI  
Chapter Thirty-Three  
_There, look! There she is! That bitch -_  
_Oh my god, what as she done with her hair? Is that a braid?_  
_I didn't know she could sing like that! But she's a freak anyway! You know she was sta - _  
I woke up with a start, a sweat breaking out across my brow and behind my neck, and my hand reached out to wipe it all off.  
I looked around myself and at the lit room - Zoë slept soundly next to me: hogging the covers as usual.  
I shook my head, trying desperately to clear it, but nothing worked, and paranoia escalated as I looked at the clock at the side of my bed - 3 o'clock: the witching hour.  
Trying ridiculously hard to let go of all my superstitions that had been born of horror movies I had been forced to watch thanks to my boyfriend (now fiancé) and wikipedia pages that I had looked up, I grabbed my cell phone and switched it on as I walked by myself to the bathroom across the corridor.  
I splashed some water in my face - careful to keep an eye open for any stupidity that might suddenly appear from the other side of the mirror and grab me; even as I thought of this I was beginning to feel stupid.  
I sighed, leaning against the counter, and only one solution came to mind.  
Still dressed in Tom's shirt and an extra pair of Zoë's shorts that she had had on her person, I traipsed my way down the stairs. Since a storm had brewed up over the course of the afternoon, everyone had been forced into the twins' house. The whole house was enveloped in darkness, and my breath came out shaky and unsure as I held up my cell phone like a glowstick in front of me. Once on the landing I made a run for the far east side, zipping down the corridor and halting only as I reached the last door along the right hand side.  
The knob creaked as I turned it, and so did the door, but he continued to sleep peacefully, and I stood there for a second - awestruck by his imperfect beauty. But when a cold draft hit me once again I rushed in, shutting the door behind myself, and I quickly maneuvered my way through the darkness and climbed under the covers, snuggling close to him carefully as if he were my own, personal life sized safety blanket.  
He shifted, and then let out a satisfied breath.  
"You're not supposed to be here," he mumbled, eyes still shut, and one of his long, warm arms and another long, warm leg went right around me - trapping me (and much to my happiness) next to him.  
"I had a bad dream," I mumbled back as it all came rushing to me, and my hands shook as I remembered it, "And plus it's three in the morning. Witching hour." and this time he did open his eyes to look at me while he snorted skeptically.  
"Next time remind me that I shouldn't ever drag you to a horror movie. Ever."  
"You told me that last time. It doesn't work. And at least you admit that you drag me for them."  
He hummed softly, nosing through my hair gently, and my eyes immediately felt heavier as I reveled in the safety of his persona.  
"Can I stay?" I asked sleepily, my eyes almost shutting completely, my grip loosening as I relaxed, my body curling into it's usual fetal sleeping position. I heard him chuckle distantly.  
"Of course you can stay. My love. My life. My everything. I won't let you go anywhere."  
And with those words echoing in my head purely because I was thoroughly exhausted, I fell asleep.

"Oi! Wake up! Wake up!"  
"Huh?" I sat up slowly, blinking as I rubbed my eyes, irritated at whoever had woken me up. Bill stirred from next to me, angry as well.  
"Who the f-"  
"Shut it, paranoid old puppy kitten -"  
"That's what she called you!" I exclaimed brightly, and Bill chuckled, sounding rather drunk. By now we both already knew who the unwelcome visitor was.  
"Stop making stupid little jokes, else you get into deep, deep shit, girly."  
"Sounds gross," I said, playing blonde as I slowly woke up and out of my stupor-like deep sleep.  
She clicked her tongue impatiently, "Ma's gone in for a bath and asked me to wake you up because you need to leave with her to talk to who's-mister at the Indian Embassy. Now you're lucky I told her I'd get you or she would have shouted the house down after funding you here like, well...this."  
I scrambled up, getting a head rush in the process, and my twin sister grabbed my arm to steady me as Bill fell back against the sheets. He didn't even say goodbye as he dropped back to sleep, only placed a quick kiss on the back of my hand.  
I ran out, going up to the room I was sharing with Zo and grabbing yesterday's - now dry - clothes from the corner.  
"We're headed to Simone's to get us changed into something else first, right?" I asked Pie as Zo stirred at the sound of our voices and muttered something unintelligible and covered her head with a pillow.  
"Yeah, that's what she said." she said to me as I rushed out and towards the bathroom to take a shower.  
"There you are!" mom said, having caught me with my hair, nails, and even make-up, done after half an hour.  
"Ready to go?" I stood up, high-fives Tom, the G's and my brother and younger sister goodbye and headed out the door. I had sneaked Bill's keys from the bedside table, and so I headed us straight to the garage.  
And an hour and a half of aimless driving and another hour and two minutes at Embassy (the two minutes being the appointment) informed me that the dual passport was allowed come May.  
So I went through all this trouble because they hadn't granted permission for this teeny tiny motion five days ago.  
Brilliant.  
And so everything seemed dandily perfect, until Bill freaked over the phone.  
"WHY do you have MY CAR roaming around BERLIN?"  
I held the phone a little away from me as I pulled up to the side of the curb and waited for mum to come back with her bag of chips and soda.  
"Jeez Bill, you were sleeping, Tom wouldn't give me his car, so I just sneaked in your keys instead of waking you up! I'll be back in another... One hour, and besides T -" I said as I looked up from my watch.  
He growled in anger, "You better take care of her. She's my baby."  
"I thought _I_ was your baby?" I said, slightly irritated - I'll admit - because he seemed to be more bothered about the car than me. He hadn't even asked about what the Embassy officials had said.  
There had been no reply along the line yet.  
"You know what - if you don't want to know how how the meeting went, save it." I snapped, and he didn't utter a word across the line. "And in case you didn't know - you've got your brother to blame for telling me it was all cool with you if I grabbed your keys. Next time - check with him before you burst off on me."  
So much for controlling my anger.  
I huffed, faking a smile as I caught mum walk out of the little shop at the gas station, but there was no point.  
"You're a really REALLY bad liar Nikko, so stop flashing that smile at me. You fought with him." she said to me, sighing as she shook her head and offered me the bag of chips, which I refused as I stared straight ahead - determined to avoid this conversation.  
"Don't bring it up Ma," I said as I turned around a curb after an hour of silence and halted at the gate of the house that stood a little way away from the freeway.  
"And don't tell dad or anyone else, I don't want a talk or anything."  
I walked out, grabbing my bag and my passport (Mum had insisted I carry it. Ridiculous.) after parking the car in the garage. I walked into the house, flashing everyone a smile and tossing a 'hello' before walking over to kitchen and gulping down a carton of milk. I wasn't in the mood to eat anything.  
"So is this how it's going to go? We're just going to keep snapping at each other?" the voice was a whisper in my hair as a hand wound around my waist. I pushed it away, but he didn't budge, and I turned around and leaned against the table to have some kind of distance between us. He sighed, running a frustrated hand through his hair.  
"I hate this,"  
I turned once again as I pulled out some ChocoMilk from the fridge, and I drunk that down too, surveying him once again, still pissed off.  
"Like I love this." I said sarcastically, "Yeah, I LOVE fighting with you," I continued. "I -"  
But I didn't have the time to finish as he pulled me in and kissed me softly behind the pillar.  
"Instead of talking, why don't I just get to the point," he whispered as his hand reached up to rest against the side of my neck, stroking it - "I'm sorry," he said softly as he nudged my nose with his and kissed me again. I looked up at him, suddenly overwhelmed and embarrassed with the way I'd been acting previously.  
"No," I said, shaking my head, "I'M sorry."  
I buried my head in his chest before he had a chance to object to my statement, taking in the strong cologne he had on as I wrapped my arms around his torso.  
"Just don't hate me if I go bat-shit crazy over the course of the next three months," I whispered as he extricated on of my arms from around him and intertwined his fingers with my own as he kissed the top of my head.  
"I can't hate you," he said softly, "It's impossible for me, don't you see?"  
I looked up at him, unable to believe him completely, "Not always, no," I said contemplating, squinting as I played along, and when I looked back up at him he laughed, and thus I did too.  
"I came up with white trash names. " he said, taking the now empty carton out of my hands and throwing it into the trash can on the side. I raised an eyebrow. Typical of my cheesy, make-your-heart-go-crazy fiancé.  
"And they are?" I asked, still leaning against the wall, and he turned and blocked me again, his hands settling against the wall on both of my sides. He looked past my shoulder and smirked suddenly.  
"Maybe I'll tell you some time later," he said, looking back at me as he kissed my forehead softly and cleared the hair out of my face and walked away, crossing Payal at the edge of the cement outcrop of the kitchen.  
"What in SWEET BABY JESUS'S NAME. Was that?" she threw at me, breaking the sentence into half.  
"A make-up kiss and a sorry." I said as I shrugged, and she glared at me.  
"Your emotions gave me a heart attack."  
I giggled, "Why does it STILL affect you so much?" I asked her as I threw an orange her way as I read her thoughts off of her face. Anyway, telekinesis is something that comes along with being a twin - being part of a whole. Sometimes it would happen with Bill or Tom too - that a clear thought in words would reach me or Payal, but sensing each others emotions as if it were the weather was a constant in our lives. It was like we four were a weird, specially bred quartet or something.  
But this time round she was all too jittery.  
"You're still my younger sister," she countered, still glaring - something which she didn't do very often.  
I sighed, "I swear everything's fine," I said as I caught her hand in my own. Her gaze softened, and she looked at me with a worried expression, and looked around before talking again.  
"Look..."  
"Please don't give me the wedding talk." I said as I cut her off, looking down at her seriously. She huffed.  
"I'm just saying it actually happens. I remember Tom went nuts trying to handle me. He just gave it up."  
I sighed, "I know. I was there. I'm just hoping Bill won't shout his top off," I muttered.  
"Yeah, let's just hope he doesn't."  
-x-  
"Okay, no! Bill c'mon! I'm not having a beach or an LA wedding! You know I hate those!"  
"Shh, SHH!" he hissed at me, and I quieted down again. It was about four at night, and I believe I had officially shouted the house down.  
_Sorry_, I mouthed, and he continue to look at me like I was crazy.  
"What the hell was that?" he said, scolding me, and I bent my head in guilt. Today was just not my day.  
"Sorry," I whispered, unable to keep the guilt out of my voice. And I dared to lift my gaze to find him looking at me in confusion. I sighed, looking sideways as my hair covered my face.  
"I guess I'll just go to bed and we'll get this done tomorrow," I muttered.  
"No - wait!" he said quickly, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me down. I was scared now, unable to come to grips with the fact that if this was a bad day before we delved complete into wedding planning, then what would happen later on.  
He lifted my face up, looking into it curiously, but I shied away from his gaze.  
"Schöne... Do you not want to do this anymore?" I looked up at him, alarmed, "Because if you don't then we can just hold it all off, and we can just -"  
I shook my head, my eyes welling with tears, and suddenly I didn't want to sit before him anymore. I felt like a child - like I was being so stupid about all of this, like I really wasn't meant for him anymore, and as the thought penetrated through to me my heart hurt like it hadn't for over a year now.  
"Niki!" he gasped as a tear slipped down my face. "Liebe? What is it?"  
I shook my head again, as if I were dumb, and when he reached forward to hold my face the dam broke and everything began to cascade down and onto my face, and I thought that through my tears Bill's gaze seemed positively alarmed.  
"I didn't meant to -" a hiccup left me, and I got up and began to back away.  
"Gonna get to bed now," I mumbled, standing up and deciding I didn't want to cry on him again. But he was quicker than me, and he grabbed me and pulled me into one of his skinny bear hugs, petting my hair as I cried ridiculously.  
"I d-don't ev-ven," and I sniffed, "underst-stand w-why I'm c-cry-ah-ing!" but he only cooed softly in my ear as he wrapped both hands around my waist and lifted me up into the air, letting me curl against his chest as he cradled me, walking us into the bathroom and sitting me on the counter-top.  
"I d-don't e-even kn-know w-why I'm shouting at every-one!" I wailed stupidly, but he only pulled me closer - not caring about the tears and eyeliner dripping down my face and onto his stark white shirt. He loosened his grip a little, leaning around me to reach into a cabinet and pull out a tiny square tissue - which he ran under the water and used to wipe my face clean.  
"This is ridiculous," I mumbled - still unable to get a grip on myself or the hiccups.  
He only rested his forehead against mine and held my face.  
"I'm sorry," I mumbled again, breaking away from him, unable to believe my own stupidity.  
"No. That was good for you."  
I shook my head, determined to not alarm him any further. I had given him enough troubles since I'd known him to last us a lifetime.  
"I'm going upstairs now," and my voice managed to come out firm even though it was still thick with all the phlegm building inside my chest. As soon as I uttered the words, he began to protest, caging me in his arms once again, but somehow I extricated myself from his grip.  
"Please. I just want to go upstairs." and shocked and upset, he let me go.  
I left the room, and despite Bill's attempts to follow me up I convinced him not to do so. I knew Zo would cover for me upstairs anyway, and so I headed up to the terrace - taking a torch along with me; I knew I wouldn't be coming down tonight.  
Usually I never pushed Bill out. Even though I had always tried, I never really had succeeded before. I cared too much - I cared so much that I couldn't even stay angry at him for a long time. In these few months the many times we had fought amounted all of last year's numbers, and as I realized this I hiccuped again - and the tears came rushing back. I had hurt him so many times since the very beginning - I had become the reason he had almost been separated from his twin brother, and all he had given me was unconditional love and affection. Today itself he said that he could never hate me, but how could someone love me so much? Especially now - where each and every one of my reactions was ridiculously stupid, where all my presence was doing was adding fuel to the fire?  
I sighed mid-hiccup, and flashed the light of the torch against the sky - but the darkness ate the beam whole - just like I was ruining Bill's mood and happiness over these few months. Even though I didn't doubt the fact that I couldn't live without him and he without me, that I wanted this marriage more than anything else - even after knowing it all I couldn't imagine how Bill would get through this, how he would be able to handle me, and the thought and the guilt attached to it ate me up.  
I woke up next morning covered in dew, and the sun shining brightly above me. Unable to believe that I had fallen asleep on the terrace I stood up and rushed down and changed while I still had the time.  
I made my way down to kitchen after brushing my teeth and making sure that my eyes didn't seem as swollen as they actually were.  
"You okay my love?" the velvet voice greeted me from directly behind me, and I froze with the pan just above the gas. It hit the floor with a loud iclang!/i and I squeezed my eyes shut at the sound, and a tear escaped me.  
Great.  
"Sweetheart..." he said helplessly, sounding hurt, reaching out towards me but I backed away.  
"I didn't mean for that to happen." I whispered - just to keep the pain out of my voice.  
He let his hand drop limp again, and his eyes raved over me before his jaw set taut - just as it did whenever he was set on a decision.  
"That's it." he said brusquely, and I looked up - startled - "We're calling this whole thing off." and he shook his head, reaching out and seizing the opportunity to pull me closer by the waist.  
"No!" I cried out, and a little too loud for my own good. "No..." I whispered softly again, and he reached out to let his hand stroke down the contours of my face. "No..." I whispered again, shaking my head.  
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I just... I don't know how you're going to handle this - handle me. If I'm so bad now, how much worse could I get later? I don't want to cause you anymore trouble and -"  
"_Trouble?_ Schöne, where is all this coming from?" he asked me, astonished, and I blinked at him.  
"Everything!" I cried out, "It's like a relapse or something! I can't even - what if at the end of this all I hurt you like always? What if at the end you're not happy? What if -"  
"We're. If we're not happy. It's you and me, remember?" he looked panicky - looking into my eyes, afraid and confused.  
"Yes, but Bill - what if after everything I've put you through - what if after all that I can't be a good wife? What if I ruin everything as the bride-to-be itself? What if - ?"  
I paused, unable to go on, and he looked at me carefully, lovingly, and pulled me close and kissed me softly, but I pushed him away the first chance I got.  
"Bill, you can't always fix things with a quick kiss and -" but he only grabbed me and kissed me once again, and I couldn't help but give in.  
"Bill -"  
"I don't call you my love, my life for nothing my sweet," he whispered into the quiet of the house. As soon as I protested he began again - "I know you think that... That maybe you're the one always hurting me, and I'm always the one standing 'tall and proud'." I looked up at him as he put the air quotes into place, and I still felt scared, "But believe me if you could ever see how much pain I've caused you, if you could ever TRULY be selfish," he chuckled humorlessly, "then you'd know how angry you deserve to be at me. But even then - I'm not stupid enough to let you go. I CAN'T let you go. After everything we've done to each other that would be the last straw, and I think I'd go mad."  
I looked up at him, and he was smiling through his tears.  
"Don't make me say it out loud love," he whispered as he squeezed his eyes shut and let the tears fall as he came to rest his forehead against mine, "I'm a psycho lunatic -" I gasped in denial - "when I can't be sure you're with me for life."  
"No," I said, gulping, "No." I whispered again as I reached forward to kiss him - to silence this nonsense he was uttering - but he backed away a little.  
"Yeah baby. It's the truth, and it's scary. But it's the truth."  
"Listen to me!" I hissed, "Listen to you!" I pleaded with him, but he only shook his head.  
"Bill..." I whispered, unable to stand this but even more clueless as to what to say.  
"Yes baby?" he said softly, lovingly. I paused for a second, staring at him.  
"You're not mad." I whispered slowly - understanding trickling in by the second, and it made me smile.  
His eyes flashed open suddenly, "Then what?" he asked me in a velvety whisper as I wound my arms securely around his neck, my lips almost touching his with the nonexistent gap I had left between us.  
"You're just in love." I mumbled against his soft lips, his scorching kisses - and I kissed him back with as much hunger and conviction as I melted in his warmth.  
He chuckled throatily - his tears mingling with my own, "Glad to hear of the nonexistent clarification."


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter Thirty-Four

Things had gotten much better since that day, and the only big reason Bill and I now made a fuss and refused to try to understand each other's viewpoint was... Well...  
_"Why can't we just -"_  
_"Bill." I warned him irritably as he tried in vain to pull me closer._  
_"What?" he said, clearly unable to see past the front line of buttons on my shirt, and I blushed before regaining control of myself._  
_"There are parents in the other room, you really think they should -"_  
_"On second thoughts." he said quickly as he lay down and pulled the covers over us and turned on the nightlight for me. I chuckled, but he only growled in irritation._  
_"Soon, though."_  
Another thing that had pleased me more than anything else was the fact that Bill finally saw the emotional attachment that led me to believe that our wedding be at the little church situated not a long way away inside the village itself.  
"It's better than a beach wedding!" he'd said one day, completely forgetting that I had uttered the exact same words not a month ago, and thus stomping away after fighting with me and realizing that I had.  
I shook my head now, seated in a car with him as we drove to Berlin to pick up the dual passport that had reached me by mail. He stared at me for a second before reverting his gaze back to the road.  
"What?" he asked as he continued to drive as he wished - it was (according to Bill) 'a stupid village after all'.  
"Nothing. I just can't believe we ran through that first month so quick." and he reached out to peck me on the cheek.  
"Bill!" I exclaimed, obviously paranoid at how many rules he was breaking.  
He chuckled, "Chill. Or maybe I could just pull over this goddamn car right here." he muttered as an afterthought, and I blushed as I muttered something about his clothes getting spoilt before we registered the passport at the Embassy (Apparently they needed to record that I was no longer on visa or whatever. I still got to see Bill in a formal blazer - which really made him look, well, sexy; so it was a win-win situation.)  
It took an hour but we finally got all the work done - and since we were legally already married (in the shortest of short court marriages, I might add) my name read 'Nikita Bill Kaulitz-Trümper'.  
I stared at the print for a while, unable to believe the warmth I felt as I read the words - a happiness beyond any other, and as I continued to smile like an idiot, Bill wrapped a bony arm around me and pulled me in.  
"Hey Mrs. Kaulitz." he whispered in my ear, and I giggled at the thought.  
"Not yet. The wedding's not for another month and a half,"  
"You're legally mine to keep," he whispered as we stood in a little alleyway between the Embassy building and another dingy old shop that no one seemed to remember existed. He nibbled lightly on my neck, and I felt a shiver run up my spine as I thought of where he wanted to take this.  
"Go on then," I whispered, "Make me yours." he growled, but then regained some composure.  
"Not here," he muttered, "I know the perfect place."  
He grabbed my hand, storing the passport in my purse and drove us into Magdeburg at top speed. We hadn't been quite into the heart of Berlin anyway, just the very outskirts.  
My heart had been thudding loudly all this while, and as we parked a little way off Bill pulled me out and lead me through a few side streets before meandering through another small one until we reached a dead end. A boarded up gate stood before us, and he walked towards it - beckoning for me to do the same. Little vines grew out of the wood, and it swung gently as Bill gave it a tentative push. Nevertheless it didn't budge. He placed a firm hand at the top, and then a leg - after which he turned a little and held out his hand to me.  
"Come on," he said encouragingly.  
And I smiled at him in wonder and crossed over the white-washed planks and into heaven.  
I looked around myself - at the tall grass, the butterflies, the dandelions growing along on one side.  
"The last time I came here I was 13. With Ina - my first girlfriend?" he whispered in my ear as I stood there, breathless and mesmerized by the site before me. I could feel his lips dropping sweet, wet kisses along my neck, and suddenly his arms wound around me, and we were both falling as we laughed randomly.  
We hit the grass - unbelievably soft as it was - and I sat up to face him as we continued to laugh, but abruptly I caught us stopping, and his gaze said it all.  
"You probably didn't want the same things you want now," I whispered as I crawled up to him, and he leaned in to kiss me - laying me down among the tall grass, and I smiled up at him as I curled up just the slightest bit invitingly.  
A moan was building in his throat as he reached down and kissed me again, and I hopelessly tried to pull off his shirt and blazer as quick as I could. His hands had set my hips into place and now went around my waist to pull me closer to him.  
"You keep shifting me around pretty boy, what's the deal?" and he growled at my words, but suddenly the sky darkened - and as the pitter-patter of rain greeted us we stood up and climbed over the fence with all our belongings and ran as quick as we could.  
We began to search frantically for the car through the rain, and at some point Bill's hand slipped away from mine as his speed exceeded my own. Suddenly I felt lost, and I stood there - desperately trying to see beyond the mist. But just a second later a pale hand reached out and grabbed my waist; my head bumped against another, and I had the sense to duck my head as he pulled both of us into the warmth of his car.  
"WHY in the WORLD would you just stop and stare?"  
I stared at him, bemused, and then the both of us chuckled at the same time amidst the silence.  
The door still stood open, and Bill reached around me to pull it shut, seeing as I still sat in his lap from having being pulled in. I tried my hardest to get up and shift, but the way we'd jumped into the vehicle the seat seemed to be jammed.  
A hand reached out suddenly, gliding over my arm and reaching down to lace it's fingers with my own. I looked up into Bill's eyes, and he smiled softly as he nudged his nose against my own and guided my hand down to the lever. He pushed it back gently as he kissed me softly. All of a sudden I even forgot what I had intended to do, and I kissed him back, my hands resting upon his shoulders - my head being a little above his own and so it was my turn to lean into him.  
"Don't move." he whispered, looking up into my face, and smiled just the same moment as I did and kissed me some more.  
"Bill..." I whispered, unable to say anymore as he kissed me once again, and my hands braided deep into his hair in an attempt to pull him closer. His hands moulded perfectly around my sides, soothing me as he massaged them lightly - his long fingers and extraordinarily large palms working a magic of their own. He stopped for less than a second to take off his blazer, and then suddenly I was being flipped over so smoothly that I hadn't even realized what had happened. He straddled me right there, and I heard a buzz as the tints went up on the windows.  
"Prepared, are we?" my voice sounded deeper, softer, even to my own ears. I thought I heard him laugh softly, but I couldn't keep track - my heart was beating so loudly that I was above anything else; it was as if everything I was feeling had been amplified beyond measure, and I couldn't concentrate on much apart from where this was heading. Everything was pure instinct, neither of us was thinking anymore. It was as if I had no control over what I was doing, and this was very unlike what I had felt not two minutes ago in that haven. This was much more, this frenzy ran deeper.  
A hand had reached around me and held my head closer, and I pulled him down towards me - unsure whether I wanted to move in towards him or wanted him to do the same.  
Little steam clouds were forming around us as I opened my eyes, and as I looked around carefully everything was enveloped in a blanket of warm darkness.  
"I had those installed quite a while ago." he said as he watched me observe the tint screens that glazed over every glass that was part of the car. His voice - like mine - was unlike itself; the husk and velvet blending in bass made my heart thud even louder. As soon as he spoke my head snapped back to look into his face. His eyes were liquid with desire - darker than I had ever seen them. He reached down to kiss me softly once again before nibbling gently on the side of my neck. I gasped softly as he trailed down and towards the nape of my neck, stroking over the visible marks he'd managed to leave right after sealing them with a wet kiss each.  
"Oh God, shit..."  
As I continued to struggle to come to terms with the fact that he was driving me crazy and out of my mind he finally placed a peck in the hollow at the nape of my neck, and before I knew it a probing hand had ventured under the fabric of my shirt.  
I heard him gasp the same time as I did as goose bumps rose all over me; he massaged over the surprised skin gently, his lips venturing further down my neck delicately. No one was playing innocent today, no one would be playing the tease. Everything was pure lust-laced love.  
But I knew that this would head nowhere in this little car as his head bumped against the top of the car.  
"JESUS CHRIST OH MY -"  
I giggled and unwound my arms from around his neck unwillingly and reached down, snaking my hands with their palms flat downwards over his chest and gave him a gentle push. He backed away with a growl, looking crossly at me as if I was to blame for just too much as he massaged the side of his head. I blushed, looking down but unable to stop the giggles, but he lifted my face up by the chin and looked carefully into my eyes even though he still looked a little cross. Both of us were still boggled, and I felt my hand reaching up to pull him closer once again.  
"Like I've said before," I said softly as I smirked comically at him, "Leather seats REALLY do not do it. Not enough space."  
He looked at me for a second, unable to make up his mind if he wanted to laugh, throw a hissy fit, or just go back to nibbling down the length of my exposed body.  
"No one's in the house. It's not even two minutes away. Besides I'm not letting you dirty the car." I continued, unconsciously unbuttoning his shirt. I could feel a moan build up inside him, and he bent low to kiss me once again - ignoring the fact that he had a little red bump blooming on his right temple.  
"We can start all over again the way you want if that helps." I whispered, ignoring the bruise to avoid his anger as he nudged my nose again, and the moan did escape him this time.  
"It's a bad idea to tempt me right now." he said, leaning below to button back my shirt with shaking hands, but I pushed them away roughly.  
I chuckled weakly as he kissed one of the little bruises that were his own handiwork.  
"I don't think you could call it 'bad'. I wouldn't call it 'bad' at all."  
He growled as he continued to kiss down the line softly, leaving each mark burning sweetly - making me call out his name as I hummed.  
"Bill," I prompted him as I tried hard to snap out of it myself, reaching below to catch his face by the chin with quite some difficulty. I thought he seemed quite upset.  
"Hey not-so-little Lion Man," and he hummed longingly at the sound of my voice having gone deep - almost a purr with the way he had been working his way over me. I sat us up carefully, trying to avoid the hard top or sides of the car, "I'm not saying no."  
"Thank God you aren't. I hated all those times every single person of both of our families has interrupted it's SO AGGRAVATING and -"  
I laughed weakly once again at his rush-filled, husky ranting, "But this will get deeply uncomfortable if we decide to have sex in a CAR." I countered, sugar coating my voice for extra measure.  
He looked at me, blinking just once before forgetting how to do the same altogether. A pout formulated on his face, and as I made the mistake of looking down the length of the seat I noticed just how much he wanted this.  
A blush crept up my cheeks, my whole body warm and heated as it sat up against his, but our legs weren't anywhere near the other's.  
No wonder I hadn't figured.  
Suddenly I was slightly uncomfortable, shy again. I thought I heard mum in my head giving me the Sex Ed talk again like she had when I was 13.  
"Babe," he muttered, his voice still so husky and deep that it was driving me up the wall that I had to wait till we got into that damn house. He lifted my face up by the chin wanting to kiss me again, and he succeeded, but I managed to push a word or two around his irresistible full lips.  
"We need to drive home Mecki," but I wasn't sure if the mumble that escaped me was clear, or if I had said those words out loud in the first place.  
"C'mon sweetcheeks," he muttered, sounding irritated.  
"You're just wasting time!" I said, having distracted him adequately from my lips, trying to persuade him. He huffed, looking down and then back up, eyeing me and then smirking mischievously as he played with his tongue piercing seductively. I took my turn and huffed as well as I held back a moan myself.  
"One condition," he whispered, leaning into me once again, his fingers unbuttoning the front of my shirt in an attempt to get rid of unfinished business while his other hand massaged upwards along my thigh, and I let out a shaky breath.  
"What's that?" I said, unable to concentrate on anything but his hands that were tending to me in such a tantalizing manner that it was a miracle that I hadn't begun to beg already.  
"You sit in my lap for the ride."  
My head tilted gently to the side involuntarily, and as he ran a finger down my now open shirt my back arched mildly as I moaned softly. His smirk only widened as he watched me look up at him through hooded lids.  
"If that gets you by," I whispered.  
And before I knew it the tints on the windows were gone, and I was placed precariously on top of him, his need for me evident and now quite tangible just below me. The seat belt clicked shut and took down not only him but me as well; his arms caged me in as they grabbed the steering wheel from both sides, but as the wipers were put into place and the car accelerated one of those pale white works of God reached down and place it's fervent fingers upon my thigh. The things he was doing - it was hard to sit still, and I almost forgot the tight discomfort of the taut seat belt. Thank God for the fog, or the cops would have us in no time.  
"Bill -"  
"Shush!" he whispered into my ear, nibbling on the lobe as he hummed, but I found it hard to sit there without saying a word.  
"Such a tease," I said out loud, my voice shaking enough to make him hum louder.  
"You love it, don't you?" and I shivered as his breath blew gently against my shoulder blades.  
"Bill..." I moaned softly, unable to control myself. He hummed some more.  
"I'm afraid you'll have to be compromising on a little something just because of that." he said, a smirk evident in his voice.  
"You don't really think I mind that, do you?"  
His hand slipped up to massage my hips instead, stroking my obviously evident bone that always seemed to jut out.  
"I'm afraid you just might." he said lightly, playing innocent as if we were playing a board game. I bit down on my lip to prevent myself from letting slip anything else, and as if in answer to my x-rated prayer to God, the quiet house came into view.  
He undid the seatbelt carefully, backing into the garage at the same time. There was a click, and the car door swung open. He waited for me to slip out, but fortunately for me I didn't see his 'brilliant' ruse coming up anytime soon - him pinning me up against the wet metal with an audible thud.  
I couldn't help but hum as I continued to unbutton down the length of his chest the same time as he explored my waistline as much as he could without shedding all of my clothes off. As I reached the bottom of his tucked in shirt, I pulled the rest of the same out, and there was just a button left. It was just a second later that the sober piece of clothing fell to the ground, splashing unnoticeably on the damp, mud puddle-covered floor, and the crucifix I had gifted him was now visible and bouncing upon his stomach. I reached forward, tugging on the little ring that hung from his left nipple, and he growled and lifted me up into his arms - forcing me (and only to my own pleasure) to lock my legs around his torso. His lips came down upon mine fiercely, and I could sense that we were stumbling into the silent, dark hall now as I slipped slightly against his frame and he bounced me back up.  
"I never saw the advantage of that one piercing on you," I whispered just before he kissed me again. My shirt lay unbuttoned and thus hung loosely from my shoulders. "But that was until now."  
I tugged a little harder on the little metal ring - but this time with my teeth - and I was suddenly being laid down upon perfectly done up bedsheets as Bill failed to decide if he was moaning or growling out loud.  
"Niki..."  
I moaned softly, my back arching as he reached below and continued to mark me from where he'd stopped. He paused just as he reached my navel, preparing to reach out for the elastic on my leggings, but stopped to look up into my face. I sat halfway, leaning onto my taut arms as I gazed - intoxicated and dazed - into his eyes. He crawled back up, his face inches away from mine.  
"I love you." he mumbled halfway through having successfully acquired dominion over my tongue, and I smiled small and soft under his drug-like kisses.  
"I love you too, you pretty white boy." I thought I heard him chuckle throatily at my words, "I think you were supposed to receive payback, remember? Or have you forgotten because of that little bruise there? Want me to kiss it okay?" I continued satirically as I stroked a finger down the length of his arm, wishing that he would violate me as soon as possible; I couldn't wait any longer.  
He looked into my face carefully, taking in my form for just a second - drinking it all in as if he thought I was magical - but only after sticking his tongue out at my mocking questions.  
"This is it, this is payback." he paused, waiting for my reaction even though he knew I wouldn't give any. "You know why?" he prompted then.  
I looked back into his eyes, sitting up properly now and taking off my shirt and throwing it God knows where.  
"Why?" I asked as I caressed his face.  
"Because I hope to never let you forget this beautiful moment that we're going to create today. If I can make it so magical that I've rendered you speechless, then payback's over."  
He rubbed his nose against mine, slowly pulling off the leggings as he lay me back down once again. Never once did his eyes leave mine, and I think I had lost myself in that golden topography long before he kissed me once again.  
We had made a mess of the sheets as we crawled up towards the head rest of the ginormous bed before us.  
"Have you had the place renovated?" I wondered as I felt the wood carvings on the head board press up against the skin on my back.  
"Mhm," he mumbled hastily before reaching below to run his fingers over the sides of my legs delicately. I hummed gently as he did, but pulled him up sooner than later and flipped him onto his back in order to undo his trousers  
"Those don't suit you," I mumbled as he pulled me up and kissed me just after my hand accidentally brushed against the sensitive skin that lay just below the zipper. I heard him chuckle, but the sound was cut off as I sat back upon his hips and sucked softly on my finger before using it to trace the tattoo on his hip. He hummed loudly at the sight, anticipating my next move through hooded lids.  
"In fact right now any kind of clothing that seems to cover you up makes you look ghastly in my eyes." I whispered as I crawled back up, kissing him once again, and my hands clasped his own. I pushed him up against the head board, leaning into him and letting his hands roam free to wherever they wanted, and he completely used up this privilege till there was nowhere he hadn't been, no part of me he hadn't left to the mercy of his warm, loving hands. I was left begging quite evidently for more.  
"Bill," I whispered for the umpteenth time that stormy afternoon as his hands brushed lightly over my bosom, making me shiver.  
He smiled as if he were in a trance, "Yes my beautiful goddess?"  
I paused, looking into his eyes as he continued to stroke the dark fabric clothing my breasts. His gaze elicited a moan from me.  
"Tease me."  
Almost immediately he flipped me over, laying my head down upon the pillow as he picked up a lock of my damp hair and twirled it in two of his fingers.  
He chuckled softly, "Are you up for it?"  
I looked back at him, knowing that at that moment I couldn't want anything more but for this to evolve into something uncontrollable, something instinctual.  
"I've been up for it for a while now, don't you think?"  
He bit down hard on his lip, but instead of continuing he stood up suddenly. I stared at him, knowing somewhere deep inside that this was all part of the act, and yet feeling alone and absurd there without his warmth close to me, enveloping me, caressing me.  
He sat, kneeling near my legs, staring at his nails as if my answer wasn't at all satisfactory.  
"Prove it." he said, sounding bored.  
I blinked.  
"What?"  
He looked up and into my eyes from the edge of the bed. There was silence for a minute or two as we stared each other down.  
"Prove it." he repeated.  
I sat up properly, raising an eyebrow at him.  
"Tease ME." he demanded. I continued to look at him, unable to figure out my next move through all the agitation of his request.  
But then it clicked.  
I sighed - as if I was agitated with boredom and nothing else.  
"Hmmm I guess we're calling it quits after all, since you aren't up to it." And ignoring his taken aback and completely shocked face I stood up and walked over to the bathroom.  
"But -"  
"I'm headed for a shower. You can join me if you're up to it." I said, mocking a statement he'd never actually made.  
I stepped into the spacious bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror and adjusting my hair. Quick as ever, I stepped into the shower, turning on the hot water. Soon I was enveloped in a thick cloud of steam. I heard a splash somewhere on the other side of the glass and smirked mischievously.  
Leaving the door open had been a very, very good idea.  
A pair of arms wound right around me, pinning me up against one of the hard, wet walls as a pair of inquisitive lips explored and marked every bit of me that they could reach, leaving me calling his name as I begged for him to never stop, as I pushed him to do whatever he felt like, whatever he wanted to. My head longed to rest against his chest, but he wouldn't let it happen - letting me watch everything he did to me the same time as I felt it.  
"No one goes for a shower with their lingerie on them. And you aren't allowed to either way if you wanted to invite me." he whispered seductively as he massaged all the way from my knees up till my fork, and then stroking down again - my legs completely locked around him as he pushed me further up the wet wall and kissed a scorching line down my stomach.  
I moaned loudly, unable to stay still.  
"I just thought a little punishment would be fun." I said, and he paused to look up at my face and into my eyes, pulling me down a little, "I thought you could take these off for me."  
He growled, impatient, and his hands fluttered over me - unsure where to begin with the black bra and underwear that covered me, and he reached behind himself to pull my legs away from around me and set me on my feet again; I pouted, irritated.  
"Let's play a game." he said, his voice having deepened even more, and the sound of it made me moan out loud as he pulled me closer.  
"And what's that?"  
"The one who stays quiet longer wins."  
His breath blew into my face, and he pushed the locks of hair that were flowing onto my chest away lightly and grabbed me roughly as he undid the front-clasp bra with nothing but his teeth; my underwear had already been pushed to the ground with a light splash, and he kissed the indentation that had formed between my breasts because of the clasp before giving it a light nibble. I bit down on my lip violently, trying desperately to not make a single sound, but at the sight of blood against my skin he reached forward and sucked on the tear gently - easing the pain away as he did. He grabbed my hands by the wrists then, pinning them beside me; we were lying in the tub and against the hard floor by now as the water poured over and surrounded us. He made his way below, kissing hungrily up from my knees, all the way up my thighs,my hips, and then my back as he flipped me over and we sat up in each other's arms. I turned to face him, and he placed a bruising kiss upon my lips as we both tried in vain to pull each other closer. His hands reached behind my knees and locked my legs around him once again, and he pulled us out of the shower in one swift movement, laying me back onto the bed as he massaged my breasts gently, his lips blowing teasingly against the many bruises he'd left all over me, and I shivered at the chilly draft that hit me as I continued to push him on.  
"Cold?" he whispered, desire reigning in his eyes, making them darker than ever, and it almost seemed like he was blinded by the feeling. The door hadn't been locked up until now, but now he reached out to seal it before returning to me - never taking his eyes off me.  
He bent low, moving deliberately slow, and bit fervently, bruising the sensitive skin on my chest.  
Never before had I wanted to moan so loudly.  
My back arched involuntarily, and his arm went around my waist, holding me up in the posture I was currently in. He kissed the spot softly and wetly before moving in just a little, and I felt my grip on him tighten. I could feel his finger burning designs unbelievably close to my opening.  
As he bit down suddenly and sucked this time, a hand parted my legs and one of his long digits entered me and I was caught by surprise. I gasped, and then moaned louder than I could have ever imagined, taking his name as I cussed, hoping - despite the searing pain - that he would continue and never stop.  
"Bill..."  
He dropped me onto the bed once again, sitting up and on my hips as he sucked on the little bit of liquid that was on his finger and that glinted in the light. I watched him sigh in longing and satisfaction and I licked my lips, not allowing myself to reach forward and kiss him and taste myself. I thought I noticed a little bit of blood on the base of his hand, and I blushed and turned my head away. It was true, I had never done this before.  
A hand reached out and grabbed my face, those lips I desired so much coming down upon mine, making me moan even louder than the one time before. I could feel the beads of sweat forming across my forehead and on my palms, and the hands that gripped me now were clammy too.  
"You've lost," he said softly, teasing me, plunging into me once again, only to slip back out and spread the pre-come across my own two lips before reaching down and kissing them.  
"I'm glad." I whispered in response just as he let me up for a breather before kissing me again.  
One, two, three - three beautiful fingers were now pumping in and out of me, and I clung on to him for dear life, my nails digging into him. I still hadn't procured the chance to pull off the loose black boxers that were still covering him.  
"Bill..." his name left my lips too many times to count, and as I tightened around his whole hand now he called out my own name, moaning softly as he did.  
With a small 'pop' he pulled out of me for the last time.  
"You're still so goddamned tight." he whispered in admiration, and I couldn't help but laugh weakly as he buried a hand in my hair and rested the other against the curve of hip, and I blushed. I reached out, kneeling up and against him, and he kissed me as we pressed up against each other, rocking each other gently. I reached below and to his waist, pulling the boxers off carefully, but he hissed anyway as the fabric slipped down to his knees and revealed the angry, long and pink erection underneath. I sucked in a breath, reaching below to stroke it gently, rolling the cover skin back as he cussed and I pulled him down as I lay there.  
I pressed up against him completely, and he placed a fervent hand flat against the small of my back as he tried to pull us even closer to each other, cussing at the same time as he rubbed against my thigh and called out my name. I wound my arms around his neck, trying to pull us closer myself, my heart racing at a speed beyond all human comprehension, but I was failing, and yet I tried as his hands now reverted back to massaging down my sides, making me moan, leaving me begging him for more. I abruptly felt the need to reach below to touch him again as I resisted his hold, flipping us over, and he growled again as if I was asking for too much patience.  
Curiosity and wonderment getting the better of me for a moment or two, I reached below to stroke him once again, and he hissed while he called my name again and again. I bent low, facing his angry erection squarely, and gave him a tentative kiss upon it's head, and his hands knotted in my hair, ready to guide me, but after a minute or two of nothing but fluttery touches that elicited quite a few guttural moans I let him go and sat up once again as he watched me through drugged eyes. I had decided I would tease him only when he was seemingly done with me - a surprise.  
"I'm ready when you are." I said as I stroked from his temple down to his chin as I wantonly lay myself down for him. He looked into my eyes - the desire multiplying ten fold just like mine did - and then took in my whole form admiringly. I looked away from his face, unable to believe the way he was watching - his thoughts quite evident through his expressions.  
"A goddess, nothing less." I heard him whisper, and my head snapped back to look at him.  
"I love you." he whispered as he leaned in to rest his forehead against my own, nudging my nose with his. I reached out to hold his white angel face in my two brown hands - his brow wet with a few beads of sweat just the same as mine, and he was unconsciously playing with his tongue piercing out of pure nervousness.  
"I love you too. With everything I have in me, I love you, Bill Kaulitz-Trümper, nationality German." And I chuckled softly as I spoke, and hearing me he did the same - our voices deeper and far more distorted than ever.  
"If you have to say it like that... I love you, Nikita Ajay Mehta, nationality Indian. And German, I don't what you call it!" and then he searched my eyes carefully for his 'sweet spot' once again - "Are we ready?"  
I looked up at him with a wide smile on my face.  
"Yes. We're ready."  
He nodded at me slightly, looking fairly nervous for someone who had done this so many times before.  
"Stop me if it hurts."  
I clamped my eyes shut.  
"Not likely."  
And then he plunged right into me.  
At first it was slow, excruciatingly slow, until I begged that he go at least a little faster. My eyes had opened quite soon after that first thrust, and unbelievably the pain I felt seemed beautiful. I was him, and he was me. We were one person moving in imperfect synchronization - a grinding rhythm that was slightly off, but it seemed that it would never soothe us if it were any different.  
"Bill..." My fingers locked together and into his hair, and he leaned in to kiss me passionately as my back arched and my hips bucked as I faced the pain. Everything was warm and sweet and slow.  
"You're sure you've never done this before?" I smiled against his chest as I resisted calling out his name once again from all the bittersweet pain, from the way it felt to have him inside me, above me, everywhere around me.  
"I think I would've noticed if I made love with someone." I replied shakily.  
Abruptly he gasped softly, and then the pace picked up again as he thrust deeper into me than before.  
"All the way, all the way, oh God," I pleaded, wanting to feel the euphoria of that one moment where everything would align itself - where we would be perfectly imperfect, a balance.  
"Oh shit. Fuck." he muttered, clasping my hips firmly as he plunged in once again. "So close..."  
"Oh, God, Bill, shit..."  
With a cry we both reached breaking point, and I felt him shoot up through me and the pain was so unbelievably magnificent as the come rolled into me, filling me up steadily.  
He landed with a thud upon me. Still inside me, he didn't move as he panted even more than he had been doing not two minutes ago.  
My eyes shut, reliving that one moment, and suddenly a pair of lips brushed against my eyelids.  
"I love you so, so much." His breath mingled with mine, and I opened my eyes and found myself carefully caged in his loving arms as I looked into his molten gold orbs.  
"And I you meine Engel."  
He rubbed his nose lovingly against my own, running a hand through my damp hair as he drunk me in once again.  
He pulled out of me carefully after a while, and my face scrunched up in pain involuntarily.  
"Baby? Are you okay? Schöne -"  
"I'm fine," I said softly - lying quite a bit - and took his face in my hands as I kissed him softly, "I have you, see?"  
His angel face broke out into my favorite lopsided smirk as he checked me out teasingly, playing with his tongue piercing as he did. I smiled back sleepily at him - ambushing him.  
"I see." He paused, tilting his head to the side a little, and I watched him with curious eyes. "I'm glad we took that HIV test two days ago."  
I turned my head away a little as I blushed.  
"Me too."  
There was silence, and he turned my face gently with his finger and bent down to kiss me once again as he stroked down from my neck to my navel. As I opened my eyes he stood up and walked over to the bathroom. I admired his frame - magnificent as he was - and waited for his return with minimal patience. He came back with a small turkish towel in his hand, but before I could sit up and grab it from him as i understood its purpose he'd pushed me back down as he sat between my legs carefully.  
"Let me do it." he whispered softly, and I blushed, unable to believe that this was actually happening.  
"You really aren't giving me an option," I muttered as he began to gently clean all the blood, and my head turned to the side as I felt the cloth brush where he had ventured not too long ago. He chuckled at my expression.  
"You don't know how much you mean to me," he whispered as he was done. He threw the towel into a bin at the side of the bed, and reached below to kiss me.  
"You didn't have to do that," I mumbled against his lips, but he only smiled back lovingly.  
"I wanted to," and I blushed once again and deeper than before as he pulled me closer and kissed me.  
"Who knew my fiancé could be such a sexy tease," he muttered seductively as I pulled us up and sat us down against each other as I continued to kiss him with a renewed passion, smirking at his words.  
"Was it magical enough?" he mumbled as I continued to kiss him hungrily, trailing down his chest tattoos now as I pushed him down and onto the sheets again and sat down on his hips. I tugged on the little nipple piercing again with my teeth while letting my fingers roam elsewhere - eliciting several soft moans from him.  
I smiled wide as I let him go for just a second before pulling him back. I could feel his long and large greedy hands reaching back to massage my breasts again gently as he let me take over him, and the intensity of my own exploration only continued to increase exponentially as I teased him and resisted the moans that were building up inside me - threatening to give him exactly what he wanted without further ado.  
"More than is describable, and I'm not even done with you yet."

BILL  
I gazed down at her sleeping form - her peaceful expression and perfect body - and I couldn't help but want to kiss her every minute of every day, tell her I love her as I'd wind my arms securely and safely around her waist and hear her say the words back to me; I wanted her touch, the feel of her arms around me - caging me as she kissed me back. I smiled; I loved her kisses - so loving and passionate that they made me want to grab her then and there and violate her: but today I had already done that, and so had she –

_"Oh shit, Niki, shit."  
I heard her chuckle softly as she licked her lips to wipe away the pre-come lingering there. MY pre-come, "I'm just experimenting Mecki,"  
I moaned; if this was experimentation what the hell would happen to me if she finally went ahead and swallowed me whole?  
"Niki... Niki..." I swooned as she petted my sides gently. She looked up at me then as she pulled away from the prominent physical evidence for my need to have her (once again), her face an innocent mask - her anticipating eyes the only give away.  
"You want me to proceed?" she asked sweetly.  
"Oh, God yes. Fuck. Just -"  
"Shushhhhhh Billi... Don't overwork yourself!" she whispered softly as she teased me, as she rose at a remarkably slow pace, and I watched her - drugged and intoxicated as I still was.  
"Guess what?"  
"What?" I growled as I grabbed her by her perfectly curved waist and pulled her closer to me.  
She pouted innocently, "I don't feel like doing this anymore!" I moaned as her hands snaked up and flat against my chest and up to my neck, her fingers taking the liberty to trace each tattoo they encountered on the way.  
"Why not?" I asked her, my voice shaking. She looked into my eyes, and they glinted slyly.  
"Because I'm not in the mood!" she giggled slightly, leaning in closer to me, and I couldn't resist with the way she was kissing me.  
"What are you in the mood for, then, my naughty love?" and she chuckled as she pulled me in closer - leaving absolutely no space between our torsos. Her hand reached out and caressed my face - reaching up to play with the piercing on my eyebrow. What I didn't realize was that she had pulled it out gently. She nudged her nose against mine lovingly and kissed me softly as she placed the metal ring on the side-table  
"I'm glad I never met you with that septum." she whispered, her eyes shut as she kissed me once again, and I chuckled softly - unable to see anything past her beautiful goddess's face.  
"Sometimes I just like looking into your face with nothing to distract me." she continued softly, pushing some of my hair back, letting one of her hands wander, and she sank back below to where she had been before.  
"That's what I want." she said, her breath blowing against me, against the angry skin below, making it burn.  
I swallowed, unable to hold onto my sanity any longer.  
She looked up at me, her eyes gazing up in wonder.  
"This is perfect." she whispered._

My smile widened as I relived the ecstasy, and I stroked down her curved side, unable to resist myself. Even in her sleep she gasped lightly, snuggling in closer to me as she did. Her eyes opened abruptly, and sleep greeted me from those cocoa brown depths.  
"Was that you?" she asked sleepily. I slithered and lay down next to her, my head still above hers as I propped it up on my hand. Unconsciously, my fingers reached out to caress her face, and she followed the little patterns I made with her eyes, stopping to look up at me every now and then with love in her Nefertiti orbs.  
"Couldn't sleep?" she whispered weakly, clearly tired and struggling to stay conscious. I stroked her hair gently, pulling her close to me, aligning my body with her own even though we didn't fit in perfectly - but it was as close to perfect as can get.  
"No. I didn't WANT to sleep. I wanted to watch you."  
She snorted, clearly and honestly unimpressed.  
"I don't like the sound of that." she muttered, burying her head in my chest and holding the crucifix I still wore around my neck. Her sweet sandalwood and mild musk-vanilla fragrance enveloped me in it's warmth as her hair splayed over the rest of me. I laughed softly, kissing the tip of her nose lightly as I lifted her face back up.  
"Shut up."  
She giggled slightly, and then turned the other way.  
"No, I won't."  
I snorted.  
"Then don't poke your nose into my business!"  
"Excuse me?" she exclaimed, irritated, and opened her eyes to look at me once again.  
I smirked at her, sticking my tongue out, and she looked away from me.  
My smirk faltered, and I pulled her face up towards me and kissed her softly.  
"Why would you want to stay up and look at me you silly pretty white boy?" she asked me quietly, her arms resting on my shoulders, her hands combing gently through my hair, her form balanced on my lap, and her eyes were curious.  
"Because you're so beautiful." I replied simply as I reached out to kiss her once again, my hands taking the liberty to use a finger each to run down her back from mid length, but she backed away, and the sheets crackled as we shifted under them - our heads the only things left uncovered.  
"Honestly, I look quite ordinary." she said seriously, looking at me with a big question mark on her face.  
"Not to me you don't." I said as I tucked a reddish-brown curl behind her ear. She shook her head, bemused.  
"Sometimes you're just ridiculous Billi."  
"No. Sometimes I'm right."  
She looked back at me, gazing at me - taking my form in as if she was unable to put into words what her eyes were conveying: her disbelieving attitude.  
"Yeah, and I'm left!" she said sarcastically, seemingly still confused but trying her best to hide it.  
"I love you anyway, schöne."  
And she surprised me this time when she looked back at me with a soft gaze instead of a hissy fit.  
"And I you. But you still amaze me baby."  
Suddenly i could see everything had shifting from a light tease to something more deep and passionate, something that made me want to move in for round two more than anything else in the entire world.  
I thumbed her cheek as she got off of me and sat up next to me instead, delicately collecting the thin sheet that we lay under around her frame.  
"You don't need that." I said, pulling it away from the both of us, my tone irritable at the sight of it, and she quickly buried her face in her hair; I held it back up and away from her ringlets anyway, "Wasn't today proof enough of what you truly are?"  
She shook her head at my words.  
"I was never looking for proof." she paused as she surveyed me shyly, "I just find myself absurdly lucky when I'm with you. Like the luck never seems to run out on me. It drives me up a wall as I try to figure out why that is," A long, golden finger reached out to trace the outline of my lips, "But my heart tells me I'm not meant to know anyway. I'm just meant to take advantage of this estranged luck, and I do most times, but then I just have that one moment where I'm lost in -"  
"Curiosity." I completed for her.  
"Yeah." she whispered, resting her forehead against mine.  
"I love you." and her voice was soft as she intertwined her fingers with my own.  
"I love you too beautiful." I replied as I blinked hazily and nudged her nose with my own as I wound my other hand around her waist instinctively.  
She deliberated, her eyes looking away and back at me more than once as she edged closer towards me and placed a soft kiss on my lips, her own petals feeling slightly bruised, seeing the amount of times I had pulled her into me. I leaned into the moment, closing my eyes and entering pure bliss as her tongue probed gently against my own and played with the metal seated there. I could taste the rain water she had been attempting to swallow while we ran from the abandoned meadow, and my heart thudded loudly and even more than usual. The taste hadn't melted away even after three hours.  
"Just don't tell me you're watching and I won't complain." she whispered, her eyes opening slowly as she parted from my resisting lips and watched my reaction attentively. I half smiled-half smirked back at her.  
And then her eyelids fluttered and she lay her head against my chest and drifted back to sleep.  
I took in her form once again - a small oval face framed with beautiful brown curls naturally streaked with red, unnaturally with white and purple and some red again. Her silhouette was curved - a perfect hour glass figure - and her slender limbs were long and graceful even though she had been born with a twisted bone around the area of her elbow. Her golden chest rose and fell slightly, her breathing steady and deep. There was a birthmark in the crease that was present between the joint of her arm and her torso, one a little way along her right thigh, and another down below on the outside of her right thumb. It seemed I had just noticed the irony that a beauty was to be covered with little beauty spots. I observed the three little scars that were barely visible along the width of her lower stomach - evidence to an appendix operation she'd had at age 14-turning-15. I traced the little striations that were present on her hips with my eyes. She was so beautiful with all her imperfections - her jagged ends blending in with my own just the way we both loved it, and there was nothing about her physical, emotional or about her personality and soul that I would ever want to alter.  
I smiled, talking to myself and to the quiet white room and the red drapes hanging above us, the bed and the golden night light glinting from the desk at one end: "I love the way she crinkles her eyes while she laughs - the same varying depending on her mood and context: sometimes she cackles like a hyena, others it is as if someone is placing a break and restarting her laugh every two seconds, other times she sounds like a starting car. But when she's at her most romantic the soft chuckle that escapes her holds all the warmth and sweetness that could be seen in the natural redness in her cheeks. I love the way she frowns - looking like a teenage drama queen, the way she sticks her tongue out when she's doing some kind of intricate artwork, the way she sniffs when she really likes something, and she doesn't even know that she's doing it. I love the way she can throw a hissy fit at everyone, stay mad at them for days on end, but can never get herself to look at me and shout for longer than a few minutes. I love the way she blushes, the extra soft touch of her hand that is beyond heavenly, the way she checks herself in the mirror and then hops from one leg to the other as she pulls up and adjusts her jeans or whatever else she's wearing waist-down. I love the way her arms feel around me, the way she looks at me; I love the way she smirks and bites her lip when she's trying to hold back something she wants to express. I love the way she hums and dances as she does everything she has to do all day long, I love the way she opens her closet and stands there with confusion painted on her face. I love her hair cascading down and around her - a dark halo of home and warmth and safety and love; I love her smile - wide and revealing all her 'pearly whites'."  
And then and there I realized - "I love every bit of her."  
I sighed, peaceful, and continued to watch her in the dim light of my room and in the brightness of my estranged epiphany.  
"Nacht schöne, meine engel. Du wirst für mich immer heilig sein."  
-x-  
"Did you really think it was okay?" she whispered as her hand ghosted down my face. My eyes shut for a second as her fingers passed over them, and then I opened them again. In that moment I had relived our little moment of magic all over again.  
"Beyond okay. It was sexy hexy." I whispered back, caging her there under me with the blanket covering us up completely so that everything apart from us looked like something out of a fairytale. I smirked at her as I spoke the words, and she giggled as she nudged my nose and kissed me once again, and I put in my everything and kissed her back. I felt her fingers ghost into my hair as well - nothing but simple touches that were barely felt.  
"Nikita Bill Kaulitz-Trümper," she said, her eyes gazing into mine as she imagined it, and I smiled as I looked back - pleased at the way those words sounded when they were strung together - wanting them to turn true like they would in front of a God and our entire world - our families.  
"Can't I change my first name to Niki then?"  
I clicked my tongue, shaking my head once as I pretended to hate the idea completely.  
"I like Nikita better. It sounds like you. Besides the passport's done and ready."  
"Eh, they'll just alter the front pages! Besides, you never call me by my full name anyway love."  
I nudged her nose with my own as I chuckled, "No one does," and at that she chuckled too.  
"That's true. But that's exactly why I want to change it."  
"Don't." I whispered as I caught the hand that was reaching out for my face and enveloped it in my own pale white fingers. "Just don't. I love it the way it is. And I know it's your decision, but please don't."  
She smiled at me lopsidedly, "Okay baby."  
I smiled soft again, lost in the silliness of our moment.  
"Don't you think this is getting a bit corny now?" she asked, still smiling.  
"I like corny."  
She chuckled, her frame arching a little as her head turned sideways as she laughed. I couldn't help but reach out and suck softly on the little mark I had left in the hollow below her ear, and she moaned softly, crooning, turning her head back to gaze fondly up at me.  
"Never going to have enough of you." she whispered, shaking her head as if succumbing to the fact. My eyes trailed over the little marks I had managed to leave upon her - claiming her as mine over and over again and she hadn't stopped me even once - but had encouraged me and lilted me to go on. Occasionally my eyes would dart back to gaze into hers as she observed me.  
"Mine..." I whispered, leaning in to place a wet kiss along the line of claims I had made visible upon her long neck once again, and she chuckled - in on the act.  
"Yes. All yours. For as long as you want me around, and even after that. All yours and nobody else's. That's a little bit obvious now." she said, reaching out to bury a long hand into my raven hair once again. The seriousness of her words hit me like a tidal wave and knocked me over.  
"What about Payal? What about the bond of twins?" I asked her curiously.  
She looked back at me as If she knew this was going to come.  
"When we were younger we'd already had a sort of silent agreement that went a little against our wishes. We had already noticed that no matter what we did, if we cared about someone to a great extent romantically, then there would be a shadow cast on everything else if everything grew quite serious. It doesn't mean that we don't care, or that we don't love the same as you and Tom. It doesn't even mean that someone's taken up the position of highest priority and usurped the other, it's...much deeper than that." She was observing me now, trying to register my reaction, but I didn't know how to react because this was all so new to me, "It's much more complicated than that. It's female instinct." she breathed, looking up at me as I stared back in confusion.  
"Will I ever understand?" I asked in wonderment, slightly muddled.  
"You already do, in ways."  
There was a pause as I turned this over, "Elaborate."  
"Well, remember when you said you need both Tom and me to complete you?"  
"Yeah?"  
"That's sort of what the basis is for this... Understanding."  
I ran a finger down the side of her neck and then traced her collar bone lightly.  
"I see," I whispered, and she hummed softly.  
I rose up a little, taking in her whole form again after quite a while. I loved the way my pale snow white skin looked against her rich golden brown - she always made me seem less overbearing, less extremist, a yin to a yang.  
"Time to wake up now, or not?" I whispered before kissing her softly once again. I rolled us over and around on the bed playfully as we continued to be lost in each other, as her arms came to rest on my shoulders again, and I heard her giggle slightly.  
"Not yet."  
I kissed her softly, happy that everything was finally going to be okay, that we had managed to catch each other and hold on over the last month with ease.  
"Let's hope this lasts a little longer than the last peaceful bout of happiness."  
She chuckled, humming our song - her song - unconsciously as she smiled back at me.  
To me you'll be forever sacred...  
"Me too love. Me too."

NIKI  
I woke up under a blanket of warmth and love and over a mess of sheets. Shifting without a care in my groggy state, I was saved from all the frantic paranoia of not knowing where I was as a pale arm wrapped around me and pulled me down again.  
"Where do you think you're going?" he whispered, pinning me down as he kissed down my neck softly, and I smiled as I stared up at the ceiling, his hands catching mine, the crucifix falling onto me and the cold metal increased the intensity of the many goosebumps that had risen over my skin with his touch.  
"Nowhere. But tell me something?"  
"Hmmm?" he hummed questioningly as he continued to place soft wet kisses all the way down till the little crease at my chest.  
"What's the time?"  
He didn't reply for a second or two, but then broke contact with my skin for just a second to mutter "4:30 am," and go back to it. My heart was beating fast and hard - almost like it would shoot right off my ribcage.  
"You don't want to let me go, do you?" I whispered as I continued to stare at the ceiling, my back arching mildly every now and then when he hit a sensitive spot.  
He chuckled, making his way up quickly and to the side of my neck before leaving a scorching kiss on my lips. I let my hands braid into his hair, and his hands wrapped around my waist.  
"No I don't. Not now, not ever."  
I looked up into his eyes as he looked down into mine, his lips barely a breath's distance away from mine.  
"Well just don't do anything too kinky and you'll be fine," I whispered to him, and he chuckled.  
"No promises." and I smirked at his words, biting my lip at the prospect. He leaned in to kiss me again, nibbling on my lower lip lovingly and then allowing me to play with his tongue piercing as I pulled him in completely by the neck.  
"Did anyone call?"  
"Yeah. There was another storm anyway. Told them we would stay here until it settled down."  
I snorted, "Can't believe mum bought that."  
"Yep." he mumbled, placing another scorching kiss on my lips before biting hungrily down my neck now - building a second line of bruises - little claims that burned tantalizingly and gave me such a rush. I hummed as I guided his hands back up, and he smirked against my skin.  
"You like that, huh?" he said softly as he begun to massage my breasts again - looking up at me before reaching below and sucking softly on the bruises he'd left against the skin there once again - sucking carefully and intentionally as if this were just another tester of a tease.  
"More than is healthy, yes." I moaned as he tended to my demands expertly.  
"Maybe I'll just upset you a little bit now," he whispered after a while, and I felt the sheets move, and suddenly my wrists were being tied and connected - each hand lying at either side of my head. I looked up at him as he smirked, and I wasn't as angry as I was ecstatic.  
"Go on," I whispered as I shut my eyes, "Violate me," and he growled, his hands grabbing me - his lips venturing down to my hips and suddenly moving sideways and towards my centre.  
"God, Bill," I mumbled surprised and scared at the idea, and he squeezed my hips once.  
"I want to try," he mumbled against the sensitive skin.  
"I'm not so sure you're going to - oh SHIT Bill, shit..."  
His pierced tongue had reached out to taste me directly suddenly. I writhed where I lay, and he pushed me down as he reached out to repeat his action, making me hiss - wanting him to make me go crazy, wanting him to drive me over the edge and leave me teetering there forever and ever.  
"Just don't stop, don't stop..." I chanted softly as I felt the cold metal of his piercing against my opening - again and again and again.  
"Mmm," he hummed longingly, "You're so good," he whispered, and his breath blew against me - making me groan in irritation that he had stopped, if only for a second. He reached forward with a hand and burned a pattern just outside of me, making my back arch involuntarily as my hands curled into fists on either side.  
"More," I begged as I squeezed my eyes shut, and he complied as he continued to burn that circular pattern, gaining speed slowly. Suddenly that one finger penetrated me - and was joined by another, and then another until he was completely in me again - his face just above mine as he pumped through me - not really moving in and out but moving all the same.  
Suddenly his figures curled inside me as he reached further in.  
"Fuck, Bill..." I cried in pain and ecstasy, and his fingers uncurled and then curled again at my words as I felt myself convulse completely, and he probed me on the inside - almost petting me, and I hummed at the way he was tending to me. I opened my eyes to watch his face - so lost in ecstasy, so lost in the euphoria, and it made me moan even louder.  
"Shit..." he mumbled through bitten and torn lips - as if he couldn't get enough either, as if he couldn't handle any of it himself.  
We remained as we were for a while in the silence - our unsteady breathing the only thing that rose above the thunder as he continued to slowly stroke me on the inside, and his eyes ate up each expression and moan that left me every time I shifted and felt him in me.  
"I love you," I murmured as I closed my eyes at the sudden sexual rush I was receiving, my hair wet and drenched with sweat - I felt drained but happy as I continued to shift just to feel him there, to have myself driven crazy and out of my mind with the amount of endorphins zipping around in me, and he pulled out of me slowly when he felt we were past done. This time it didn't hurt as much, and I controlled my expression.  
"Maybe go again with another trick after a while," I murmured to him with my eyes getting heavier as they stared straight up at the ceiling once again as he sat back on my hips; he licked his fingers before untying my hands and wiping my come off his skin. "And next time buy a pair of handcuffs and a blindfold," I purred on.  
He smiled at my words.  
"Anything to drive you out of your mind," he whispered, and I cussed as I pulled him closer and kissed him again.  
"Let's just tell everyone the car broke down tomorrow morning." I muttered, and he growled in agreement as he buried us under the sheets and let me take over for round two.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter Thirty-Five  
"Hmmm," he hummed as he stroked through my now washed and dried hair.  
"Yes?" I asked him as he rested his head in the crook of my neck and kissed me lightly on the cheek, picking up his car keys from the bed side table at the same time.  
"Nothing, you're just so beautiful. And so goddamned sexy." he added the last sentence in a seductive whisper as his arms wound around me, and I blushed as I chuckled shakily.  
"Really?"  
He kissed my right temple as we stared at us in the mirror.  
"Really my sweet." he murmured as he rubbed at the curve of my waist.  
"I find that hard to believe, my first time and all," I whispered, slightly embarrassed and quite shy as I stared at my foundation-and-powder-covered-face: those little bites had left quite the mark.  
Bill buried his face in my hair at my words. "Listen to me, okay?" he murmured softly as he kissed the long brown strands that fell over my shoulder and down my waist, and I nodded, learning slowly and over the course of time that he knew so much better than I did when it came to balancing us. "You're so much more than some inexperienced silly girl. In fact I wouldn't apply that definition to you at all, and that's not just after yesterday." he cooed softly, rubbing up and down my side soothingly.  
"I don't know what I'd do without you," I said back as I turned to look at him, gazing into his eyes with gratitude pouring out of my own.  
He nudged my nose softly.  
"Let's just get home now, okay?"  
"Okay."  
I grabbed Bill's clothes from yesterday off the floor and carried them over to the washing machine. I just dumped them in without switching the gadget on; I didn't want the clothes to smell all musty when they dried in there since no one would be home.  
I picked up my own top, slipping it on and over me silently.  
"Niki, come on!" he called to me from across the hall, and I skipped over to him and grabbed his hand as we walked out. I left a text for mum saying that we had left. Bill's place wasn't exactly in Magdeburg. In fact it was a good 10 minutes away.  
Everything and nothing spilled into our conversation as Bill drove on, and laughter was a constant companion; it had always been like that with Bill. I drew my legs up on the seat after knocking my sandals off and turning the radio on. Lady Gaga greeted me from the speakers, and Bill frowned like a little child who had been forced to swallow cod-liver oil.  
"I HATE her music!" he wailed, but I swatted his hand away as he tried switching the track. I was just having too much fun.  
"It's BAD ROMANCE? OH-MI-GOSH I HAVEN'T HEARD THIS SONG IN SO LONG!" I screamed like a teenage drama queen as I sung out loud to my heart's content, and Bill shook his head as a smile curved up the edges of his full lips.  
"Kid!" he scoffed playfully, but I only stuck my tongue out at him and laughed.  
"Had fun I see," both Tom and Pie remarked as we walked in, and I avoided them as my cheeks turned crimson.  
"You can say that," I said shyly, and Tom laughed loud and clear.  
"And that was just a guess. I'm glad we all practiced tuning each other out or you guys would be in a tight spot!" and he chuckled at his own innuendo.  
"Jeez," Pie muttered, and then managed to hit him upside the head as I sipped on some coffee.  
I giggled as I high-fives her.  
"He's always a -"  
"Jerk, everyone knows. You married the nice jerk. What a paradox!" I said as I shook my head from side to side.  
She stuck her tongue out at me, but laughed anyway - and the parents found the three of us rolling on the floor as we pulled Tom's leg even though he wasn't around.  
"Oh my..." I trailed off, laughing again, and we lay with our heads together - each of us stretching out in a different direction on the carpeted floor as we look straight up.  
"What's on today's agenda?" mum asked as she sat down on the sofa.  
"I think we need to sort out the ceremonies - I thought it would be nice if we fused some of the Indian ceremonies with our Christian ones."  
"Well I'm telling you that we're not changing the altar wedding... But maybe we could put in some of the pre-wedding events..." I said as I sat up slowly, curling into a little ball on the floor.  
"Maybe we could have Bill put mehndi on his hands," Pie sneered, and I swatted her arm as Bill sat next to me, confused. Mum laughed a little, but shut up at the look in my eye.  
"What?" Bill asked, looking at us questioningly.  
"Nothing. At least for now nothing." I muttered, slightly embarrassed.  
"You KNOW I HATE it when you do that!" he whined.  
"Trust me, it's not something you want to know," I said as I grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the basement.  
"Let's just start with the colour schemes," I called as Simone stood up and followed us down.  
Once below, Simone pulled up the big bag she had been carrying around and pulled out a huge sheaf of papers.  
"Oh boy," Bill sighed as he pulled a stool and sat down next to me, and I shared a smile with Simone as she begun to speak.  
We were making quite some headway in a few hours, and we stopped for a coffee break. "I'll be back in a while," Bill muttered, exhausted, and I hung my head down as I tried to unwind.  
"You two had sex, didn't you?" my future mother-in-law asked me casually. My head snapped back up in surprise, but then I turned to the side and hid under my hair before looking at her again with an unavoidable smile on my face. She chuckled, her blue-green eyes happy and smiling.  
"How did you know?" I asked shyly, my voice tiny.  
"Neither of you gave it away; it's just the way he's with you suddenly."  
I was curious now, "What do you mean?" I asked.  
"Well... He's always got his eyes on you. And more than before, which is REALLY an accomplishment." I chuckled at her words, "Plus he doesn't have that frustration about him every time you guys get caught alone. Although I'm not sure that'll stay away for long. A month and a half is a LONG time."  
I smirked, "Well yeah it is."  
"You plan on giving in?" she asked me as she smirked herself, and I shook my head mischievously at her words - one co-conspirator to another.  
"Nah."  
And when Bill walked back in- catching us in a fit of giggles - she chuckled while trying to pull a straight face the same time as I did.


End file.
